Wreck-It Ralph 2
by jbwarner86
Summary: A surprise unplugging. An excursion onto the Internet. A friendship unbroken by physical separation. Sound familiar? Think again. An alternate take on a full-length Wreck-It Ralph sequel, based on an outline I conceived in 2013. Ralph, Vanellope, Felix, and Calhoun share a bond like no one else in the arcade...and nothing is going to keep them apart.
1. PRESS START

**Author's Note: Before we embark on this journey, I want to give a sincere thanks to everyone who read and left their wonderful feedback on "It's A Slaughterful Life"! I'm so glad that story went over as well as it did - as some readers were aware, I wrote it as a coping mechanism to deal with my dissatisfaction after seeing **_**Ralph Breaks the Internet**_**. I had to do something to plug all those plot holes and reconcile all that inconsistent characterization.**

**The reader response was generally very positive, with a lot of you wishing for more **_**Wreck-It Ralph**_ **stuff from me in the future. And that got me to thinking.**

**Back in 2013, years before **_**Ralph Breaks the Internet**_ **was even announced, I was so in love with **_**Wreck-It Ralph**_ **as a movie that I began thinking about what I wished a sequel could be. The first film ends on such an optimistic and open-ended high note that my imagination couldn't help it - these four characters from three very different games had the good fortune to cross paths, and each of their lives ended up greatly improved for it... so what happens next?**

**My first answer to that was "Race For Your Life, Vanellope Von Schweetz", the first story I ever posted to this site. But after that story was complete, I began outlining my own ideas for something longer, a story that could essentially function as a legitimate movie-length sequel. I wanted it to be even bigger in scope, stretching beyond the walls of the arcade somehow, with a deep exploration of how the first movie's adventure changed these characters' lives and how they all interact with each other now. I delved into the lore of the film's world, studying the rules that were established for this universe and building upon them in ways I felt were logical considering what we'd already seen. And I wanted it to be big and exciting, the sort of thing I could see myself loving to bits if it was an actual movie.**

**I outlined the entire story from start to finish, and even began writing some of it. But the idea fell by the wayside when Disney announced an actual sequel was in production. I didn't want to write something that would seem redundant, nor did I think I could ever measure up to the standards of an actual Disney movie. But then the sequel came out...and, well, you know the rest. Looking around at all the fellow **_**Wreck-It Ralph**_ **fans like myself who were let down so hard, I realized now would be the perfect time to go back and revive my own fan-made sequel. People were already asking to see it, as an alternate take on what could have been. And I figured if fans like myself wanted a better **_**Wreck-It Ralph**_ **sequel, why not try to give them one?**

**So here we go. My original concept for what a **_**Wreck-It Ralph 2**_ **might have looked like. Some of the plot points I conceived in 2013 actually ended up bearing some vague resemblance to what happened in **_**Ralph Breaks the Internet**_**, and in updating my story for 2019, I did incorporate a few elements from the movie that I wanted to put my own spin on (you'll see what I mean). But overall, I hope this is more in line with what you folks at home were expecting the second movie would be. I know this is what I was hoping for.**

* * *

"My name's Vanellope Von Schweetz. _President_ Vanellope Von Schweetz, thank you very much. I mean, okay, sure, my code might _say_ I'm a princess, but hey, if you think I'm gonna try to cram that poofy pink nightmare of a dress into my kart, you're out of your fudge-flippin' mind.

"Anyhoo, what else can I tell you about myself, um...I'm nine years old. I got a swimming pool full of blue raspberry cola. I _hate_ washing my hair. Oh, and I'm a racer. Not to toot my own horn or nothin', but probably the fastest racer in all of _Sugar Rush_. You think Sonic's pretty speedy? Let him step into my home turf sometime, I'd leave that doofus shakin' in a puddle of his own blue pee.

"'Course, it wasn't _always_ that way… Up until about a year ago, I couldn't even race at all. You ever heard of this geek named Turbo? Yeah, everyone thought he was dead - spoiler alert! Turns out he was hidin' in my game all along, pretendin' to be the king, screwin' around with the code to make everybody think I was some kind of glitched-up monster! I know, what a jerk, right? He stole my kart, my castle, he made my friends hate me...it was a pretty rough fifteen years, not gonna lie…

"But then, the most awesomest thing in the history of forever happened. This big doofy teddy bear of a guy named Wreck-It Ralph crash-landed into my game, and he didn't care that I'd been made into a glitch. He just wanted to help me race. And together, him 'n me built my super-cool kart, and then his friends Fix-It Felix Jr. and Sergeant Calhoun showed up, and all of us teamed up and kicked Turbo's big stinky manipulative butt! Pretty sweet, huh?

"Ever since then, everything's just gotten better and better! I get to race with all my friends again - Taffyta and Rancis and Candlehead and everybody, they don't pick on me anymore! Turns out they're all actually super-cool! And I'm a playable character - just like I always wanted to be! It's so great to see how happy all those kids are when I help 'em win - and after Turbo always said I couldn't! Well, shows what that moron knew, huh?

"But the greatest part of all is havin' Ralph and Felix and Calhoun there with me. After hours, when the arcade closes, we all have the best time together. They're always there to cheer me on at every one of my Random Roster Races. Ralph 'n me go exploring all around _Sugar Rush_ \- he's the best guy to have on your side when you get into an ice cream snowball fight on Soft-Serve Summit. Calhoun's like the mistress of stealth - she hasn't lost a single game of hide 'n seek yet! I don't know how she blends in with all those candy cane trees! And if my kart ever gets banged up, well, Felix fixes it like it was nothin'. What a sweetie he is, y'know?

"All four of us together, we're unstoppable. And dang, I'm like stupid lucky to have met them when I did - I literally wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. When I look out from the balcony of the castle at all the tracks and stuff, it really hits me how great it is to have them on my side. And I think to myself 'Man...look at me, Vanellope Von Schweetz, the glitch that no one believed in...look where I am now.' And oh brother, is that ever nice."

Vanellope leaned back against the shiny transistor bench, smiling. Before her, the two wide-eyed Angel Kids sat cross-legged on the sleek floor of Game Central Station, oblivious to the hundreds of other video game characters coming and going around them.

"Wow!" one kid gasped. "What a story!"

"That stuff with Turbo," the other asked quizzically, "did that really happen?"

Vanellope chuckled. "Of course it really happened! I mean, if it didn't…"

In the blink of an eye, she glitched off the bench, vanishing in a flash of pixels and rematerializing behind the startled Angel Kids.

"...How else would I be able to do this?" she concluded with a cheeky grin.

The kids gasped. "WHOA! That was _awesome!_"

Heads turned all throughout the atrium as a soft female voice boomed from seemingly nowhere. "_Attention. The arcade will be opening in five minutes. Please return to your games._"

With a skip in her step, Vanellope bounded away towards the outlet to _Sugar Rush_. "All righty, I gotta make tracks! Stay in school, kids, or whatever it is you do!"

As she drew closer to the outlet, her smile grew wider. There, waiting for her, were her three favorite people in the whole arcade.

Breaking into a run, she glitched up into Ralph's massive arms. "Incoming!" she laughed.

"Oof!" Ralph wheezed in mock surprise. "President Fart-Feathers over here wants to play tackle, huh? C'mon, you 'n me, mano a kid-o!"

Felix smiled, cuddling up to Calhoun's side. "Easy on the roughhousing there, Vanellope! You got a big duty to do for those players, you don't wanna poop yourself out already, now, do ya?"

Vanellope snorted, bursting into a belly laugh so loud she almost toppled off Ralph's shoulder. "Oh my gosh, 'doody' and 'poop' in the same sentence?" she wheezed. "Felix, you're amazing!"

Felix scratched his ear, the joke flying miles over his head. Calhoun squeezed his shoulder gently. "Not a great choice of words there, Sugarcakes," she whispered with a playful smile.

"No, the _greatest_ choice of words," Ralph grinned, chucking Vanellope playfully under the chin with a finger the size of a brick.

Calhoun placed an armor-clad hand inside her inventory pouch. "Well, anyway, before President Poopypants here runs off to rip the Royal Raceway a new pothole," she chuckled, "I got a little present for her, courtesy of the _Hero's Duty_ reconnaissance lab."

With a gasp, Vanellope glitched to the floor. "A present?! Cool! Whadja get me, whadja get me?" she squeaked, her ponytail flapping wildly as she jumped up and down.

Kneeling down, Calhoun produced Vanellope's gift - a rectangular photograph inside a sleek black frame. It was an arm's length selfie of the four of them, taken on the balcony of Vanellope's castle in _Sugar Rush_. There was Calhoun, smiling, her arm blurry in the foreground as she held her pen-like camera; Felix, in mid-leap, planting a loving kiss on his wife's hi-def cheek; and Ralph, grinning like a goober with that gap between his teeth, holding Vanellope up with one giant arm. Vanellope had her arms outstretched as if she could fly, her face frozen in time to preserve her mirthful laugh.

"Just got it developed," Calhoun said, brushing her blond bangs out of her eyes. "Put it anyplace you want, kiddo - I think it came out fan-flippin'-tastic."

Vanellope beamed, clutching the photograph with both hands, trying not to leave fingerprints on the shiny frame. "Oh dang, it really did! Thanks, Calhoun! I know just where I wanna keep it!"

Felix watched as the patrons of Litwak's Arcade filed back into their games all around them. "Jiminy jaminy, we gotta skedaddle! Good luck out there today, Vanellope!"

Swiftly, Ralph knelt down, eyeing Vanellope sternly. "And listen, kid - before you go, there's one more thing you gotta promise me, alright?" he said, putting on an air of theatrical seriousness.

Vanellope tried to suppress her giggles. "What's that?"

Placing a huge hand on her tiny shoulder, Ralph smiled sincerely.

"Have the best day of your life."

Vanellope leapt up and hugged Ralph around the neck. "You can count on it, Stinkbrain!" she laughed. "C'mon, top shelf!"

Ralph and Vanellope bumped fists, his boulder-sized hand dwarfing her little four-fingered one. "Hey, despite the temptation, try to stay out of trouble, 'kay?" Ralph joked as he, Felix, and Calhoun headed off to work.

And with a final wave to the three of them, Vanellope scurried off into the grounding prong, up the graffiti-splattered stairs and into the bright candy-colored train that would ferry her up the electrical cord into the video game she called home.

She took the frontmost car, laying back in her seat and gazing contentedly up at the slick copper wiring zooming by overhead. She loved riding the train to and from Game Central Station. The thrill of being able to leave her game whenever she wanted had yet to wear off. She hoped it never would.

A minute later, the train braked with a small hiss. Vanellope bounded out of the car, stepping out into the dazzling sweet sunlight of _Sugar Rush_. There was her kart, parked atop the rainbow gummi ribbon road that led to the portal nestled in the peak of the waffle cone mountain range. Her kart, her very own kart, a sloppy hodgepodge of multicolored icing, sprinkles, and mismatched wheels, with Pixy Stix exhaust pipes and a fudge-slathered vanilla wafer spoiler. It was the ugliest thing you could imagine. Vanellope loved it with all her heart.

She leapt into the driver's seat. Clutching her photograph, she carefully removed the back of the frame, sliding the picture out from within. She pinned it to her dashboard - Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, and herself, all smiling up at her, like a big goofy family portrait, ready to go with her wherever she went.

Driving down the sloping road, she spotted a clutch of her fellow racers at the foot of the hill. Taffyta Muttonfudge, Rancis Fluggerbutter, and Candlehead all waved to her, their kart engines idling softly. Taffyta flipped up the visor of her racing helmet and smirked.

"Races are gonna start any minute, Prez!" she chuckled, playfully twirling her strawberry lollipop. "Ready to get your candy-coated butt spanked?"

Candlehead let out a scandalized gasp. "Taffyta! Don't be mean! Vanellope's our friend! How would you like it if she tried to spank _you_?"

Taffyta rolled her eyes. "I see we're still struggling with sarcasm, Candlehead. Tell you what, we'll work on that later."

Candlehead blinked, clearly confused.

"And besides, everyone knows Vanellope's a great racer!" Rancis piped up, blushing slightly. "She's crazy fast and super-skilled and that glitchy thing she does is so awesome and her hair is really cool and…"

Vanellope raised a hand and laughed. "Thanks for the ego boost, Rancis, but I gotta cut you off before you run out of air."

"Oh!" Rancis gulped, blushing even deeper and clapping both hands over his mouth. "S-sorry, Vanellope! I, uh...I was just tryin' to help out 'n give you a little extra motivation, y'know?"

Vanellope's eyes darted to the photo on her dashboard.

"Oh, don't you worry your little blonde head about that, friend-o," she smiled as she strapped on her little red racing goggles. "I got plenty of motivation already."

And with a roar of their engines, the four racers drove away over the candy terrain, raring to go for their first race of the day.


	2. It's Been Fun But Now I've Got To Go

No one saw it coming.

Spirits were always high at Litwak's Arcade on Friday afternoons. The regular patrons, fresh out of a day at school and eager to let loose their energy, had staked out positions at their favorite games - mashing the buttons of _Street Fighter II, Space Invaders_, or _Fix-It Felix Jr._, stomping the directional pads of _Dance Dance Revolution_, gunning down the shrieking Cy-Bugs of _Hero's Duty_, or roaring around the sweet tracks of _Sugar Rush_. Mr. Litwak himself, balding, bespectacled, and jovial, moved through the noisy rambunctious crowd, making sure everyone played nice. It was all par for the course.

So when sparks began to fly from the back of the _Pac-Man_ console, it caught everyone off-guard.

The young boy who'd been in the middle of Level 12 leapt back in fright as the screen degenerated into flashing pixelated garbage. A horrible digital buzzing rent the air, turning heads all throughout the room.

"Whoa! Stand back!"

Mr. Litwak darted across the arcade, surprisingly agile for a man in his 50s. With both hands, he wrenched the crackling _Pac-Man_ game away from the wall. Smoke was beginning to billow from its exhaust ports.

He grabbed the game's plug and yanked it from the power strip. The screen went dark; the sparking stopped.

As Mr. Litwak got shakily to his feet, the young gamer trembled apologetically. "I-I didn't mean to break anything!" he stammered. "Really! I swear, I was just playing, and it went crazy!"

"Oh, it's not your fault, sport-o," Litwak sighed, watching the last wisps of smoke drift from the deadened machine. "Circuit failure. I've seen 'em before, but never one this bad…" He ran a hand through his thinning hair. "Poor _Pac-Man_. It's been here almost from the beginning...shoulda known it'd be on its last legs soon."

He turned, looking past the crowd of curious gamers who'd gathered around. "Kyle!" he called.

A tall, heavy-lidded young man in a black-and-white striped referee's uniform stood slumped against the prize counter, nose buried in his phone. He looked up at the sound of his name, as if unsure where it had come from or why.

"Could you grab the handcart real quick?" Litwak asked. "I need you to wheel this cabinet out to the receiving dock."

Kyle furrowed his heavy brows, absentmindedly playing with the gauge in his left ear. "Sure, whatever," he mumbled. "Um...where's the handcart?"

"In the supply closet, like I showed you this morning!" Litwak huffed impatiently. Kyle was only in his first week at the arcade, but the strain of needing to tell him everything twice was beginning to wear Mr. Litwak's patience very thin.

With a noncommittal grunt, Kyle slunk towards the back room, still scrolling through his phone with one hand. The crowd began to disperse as kids returned to their games, abuzz with excited chatter about what had just happened.

Mr. Litwak popped a quarter out of one of the dispensers on his hip. "Here ya go, buddy," he said, handing it to the boy. "Full refund. Sorry you had to see that…" Another heavy sigh escaped his throat as he eyed the dormant husk of the _Pac-Man_ console. "Breaks my heart whenever I have to say goodbye to a classic game…"

* * *

Litwak's closed at 8:30 that night like always - except, of course, for the conspicuous vacancy in the line of classic 8-bit games on the back wall. All of Litwak's regular employees and patrons felt _Pac-Man_'s absence, as if a member of the family was gone.

None of them knew the full extent of who else had been affected by the incident.

The Surge Protector paced importantly in front of the empty outlet that had housed the plug to _Pac-Man_. In its place was a strong electric blue barrier, buzzing intimidatingly in the holes of the outlet, too strong for any of Game Central Station's curious patrons to pass through. A crowd of onlookers had gathered around, much to Surge's consternation. Tails hovered transfixed over Princess Peach and Cammy's shoulders. The Angel Kids debated the risk of chucking a rock at the barrier to see what would happen. Paperboy slowed down as he passed by on his bike, colliding with an information kiosk.

At the outer fringe of the crowd stood Ralph, Vanellope, Felix, and Calhoun.

"Wow," Vanellope breathed, perching on Ralph's broad shoulder. "It's so blue and...buzzy."

"Yeah, that about sums it up," Ralph mumbled, rubbing his left forearm absentmindedly.

Vanellope squinted at the translucent barrier, barely able to discern details of the physical world beyond it. "So what'd happen if you went outside, anyway?"

"Well, nothing good, that's for sure," Felix gulped, wringing his golden hammer anxiously. "There's no electricity out there, y'know…"

Calhoun placed a hand on her husband's back. "No-Man's Land," she said heavily. "I've heard stories. Game characters who thought they could poke around out in the players' world...didn't last two seconds without a current. Got ripped to shreds faster than a damp snotrag, the poor dopes…"

Ralph gave an involuntary shudder that made Vanellope wobble. "Whoa," she yelped, "easy there, Chumbo! It coulda been a lot worse, right?"

With a soft pang in his stomach, Ralph turned around, towards the bench behind them. "Yeah, good point, kid," he said, scratching Vanellope's head with one giant finger. "At least everyone made it out okay."

As one of the arcade's oldest citizens, Pac-Man was deeply respected by everyone. A small throng of game characters had gathered around the bench where he sat, enraptured with his code-chilling account of the circuit failure.

"...The whole maze was collapsing all around us!" he said in a hushed tone. "Lucky we were on the left side at the time, or else we never would've made it out the exit!"

Frogger croaked anxiously. DigDug's eyes were practically bugging out from beneath his helmet. "Gosh!" he squeaked. "You guys must've been terrified!"

The four ghosts, Inky, Pinky, Blinky, and Clyde, hovered smoothly beside the bench. "Hey, c'mon," Clyde laughed, "whoever heard of a _ghost_ getting scared?"

But the laughter didn't reach his eyes.

"Aw, those poor guys," Vanellope muttered, rocking gently on Ralph's shoulder. "They lost everything, huh? That stinks major, to not even have a place to live…"

With a determined nod, Felix tossed his hammer and caught it in midair. "You're right, Vanellope," he said. "It _does_ stink major."

Clyde drifted slowly away from the bench, glancing back at his ghost brothers as they milled around aimlessly. It had been all he could do to rescue Inky, Pinky, and Blinky from the maze as it disintegrated. With their less advanced AI, Clyde had to wonder if they'd even been aware of the danger, if the severity of the situation had even sunk in for them yet…

"Clyde?"

Looking up, Clyde met the familiar faces of the Bad-Anon regulars. All the arcade's most infamous villains, gathered together, their faces wrought with genuine concern.

"Sorry to hear about game breaking down, Clyde," Zombie groaned, axes hanging limply from his rotten hands. "If need anything, let know, 'kay?"

Clyde smiled weakly. "Thanks, Zombie, that's very thoughtful of you… uh, I don't really know what we're going to do for Bad-Anon from now on. Maybe Tapper will let us use the bar once a week…"

"Let us be worrying about that later, Clyde," Zangief insisted. "Most important order of business is new-home-finding for you and friends. Are you having place to stay yet?"

Clyde had barely begun to figure that out; the memory of escaping was too fresh in his mind. But before he could answer, a voice interjected behind him.

"I'll tell you where you're staying, Clyde - with _us!_"

Felix strode up, flanked by Ralph, Vanellope, and Calhoun. "All of us over in Niceland would be pleased as punch to have you and Pac-Man as our neighbors! We can whip you up a cozy little hideaway of your very own in two shakes of a duck's tail, don't you worry!"

Clyde's eyes widened. "Felix, Ralph, you'd do that for us?"

"Hey, it's nothin', buddy," Ralph chuckled as Vanellope leaned casually against his shaggy head. "After all those times at Bad-Anon when you've boosted me outta the dumps, this is the least we could do, y'know?"

Pac-Man scuttled over, the ghosts hovering behind automatically. "Ralph, Felix, that's...that's _fantastic!_" he gushed. "I don't know how to repay you, I really don't!"

"No repayment necessary, brother!" Felix grinned as Calhoun squeezed his shoulder affectionately. "Always a pleasure to help out a friend in need! After all, we old-timers have to stick together!"

All at once, Ralph felt the smile practically melt off his face.

_We old-timers have to stick together._

It had never truly occurred to Ralph just how old his game was. Thirty-one years… in video game terms, that was downright ancient. _Fix-It Felix Jr._ had been a staple of Litwak's Arcade for almost as long as _Pac-Man_ had.

And now _Pac-Man_ was gone forever.

As Ralph looked around at the scene before him, at Felix tipping his hat to a grateful Pac-Man, at Vanellope trying to figure out how to shake hands with the armless ghosts, at Calhoun saluting the Bad-Anon crowd, in spite of it all, he felt an unstoppable swoop of worry shoot through his gut. All of them, their entire community, existed only as long as the circuitry that sustained them could hold out.

How much time did they have left?


	3. Life Is Way Too Short To Take It Slow

As far as the Nicelanders were concerned, Felix had outdone himself. With his trusty golden hammer, it had only taken him a matter of minutes to transform a pile of beaten-out bricks, wood, and molding into East Niceland's newest apartment complex - a five-story high rise, each floor furnished to accommodate _Pac-Man_'s former residents as comfortably as possible.

Word spread quickly throughout Game Central Station that Pac-Man would be hosting a housewarming party that very night. Within hours, dozens of characters were gathered in the spacious top floor apartment. Everyone in attendance made sure to congratulate Pac-Man and the ghosts on their fancy new home.

Felix, Calhoun, and Pac-Man gave everyone the grand tour, proudly showing off amenities like the skylight, the luxurious French balcony, and the walk-in tub. Vanellope and her fellow racers staked out the refreshment table, loading up on as many of Mary's delicious cupcakes as they could carry back to _Sugar Rush_. Gene, Norton, Deanna, and the other Nicelanders introduced themselves to their new neighbors, though Inky, Pinky, and Blinky seemed to have trouble grasping terms like "hello".

And in the corner was Ralph, fidgeting awkwardly next to the couch as he observed the high-spirited crowd. He recognized every face, of course. Sonic the Hedgehog, chatting animatedly with Ken and Ryu; Peter Pepper bustling out of the kitchen with Mary to bring out another round of finger sandwiches; his Bad-Anon buddies, Zangief, Bowser, Zombie, Sorceress, all in deep discussion with a thoroughly grateful Clyde…

Ralph knew this was a time for celebration. But his thoughts kept drifting to darker, more anxious places.

A clinking sound sent a sudden hush around the room. Felix was tapping a fork against his glass of chocolate milk. Pac-Man hovered at his side.

"Attention, friends, neighbors, and other happy well-wishers!" Felix grinned. "I just wanna take this opportunity to cordially welcome our good buddies Pac-Man, Inky, Pinky, Blinky, and Clyde to our humble little 8-bit community. Over the past thirty-some-odd years, this arcade's seen its share of games come and go - but we're family here in this little fun center, and it's the nature of family to help those in need. Q-bert knows what I'm talkin' about, don'tcha, little buddy?"

Q-bert leapt up onto the back of an armchair, flanked by Coily, Slick, Sam, and Ugg. " !#?*!" he chirped.

Felix laughed heartily. "Oh, you kidder, you!" Placing an arm around Pac-Man's spherical body, he smiled. "So I hope you'll all join me in raising a glass to our new neighbors, and to recovery and hope in the face of the unexpected. To many happy years with our longtime friends. To Pac-Man!"

"_To Pac-Man!_" the crowd echoed as one. Pac-Man felt his pie-cut eyes welling with emotion.

Ralph's throat suddenly felt very swollen.

As Pac-Man took the floor, extending thanks to Felix for the kind words and all he'd done, Ralph attempted to discreetly sidle towards the door. Just as he placed his giant hand on the knob, he felt a tug at his overalls.

"Hey, Chumbo, where ya goin'?" Vanellope asked, clutching at least half a dozen cupcakes with her free arm. "You haven't even touched the snack table yet! You better boogie, the good stuff's almost gone!"

Ralph gulped. "Oh, I-I'll be right back, Vanellope, I just… I gotta get some fresh air, is all."

And before she could press further, Ralph slipped out, fumbling slightly to fit through the door frame.

Vanellope blinked in confusion, hoisting her armful of cupcakes up higher.

"Did Ralph leave?" Candlehead said thickly through a mouthful of cupcake. "Well, more for us, I guess."

"Ew, gross, Candlehead!" Taffyta winced. "Chew with your mouth closed, you're spittin' crumbs in my blush!"

* * *

Ralph trudged slowly up the East Niceland road, past his simple brick hut, head down, no destination in mind. His head seemed to be filled with nothing but a distracting white fuzz.

Everything felt gross and corrupted, as if it could fall apart at any moment. He looked down at his hands, his mighty boulder-sized hands, the tools with which he'd demolished Niceland Apartments every day for 31 years. They'd never felt weaker and more fragile than they did now.

Ralph looked up. His feet hand instinctively carried him to the front step of the game's iconic apartment building, dark and empty, bathed in the dim glow of the game displays beyond the monolithic screen in the inky 8-bit night sky.

He slumped onto the stone teps. They cracked slightly beneath his weight. No big concern - Felix could fix them with one tap from his hammer. Fixing things was his specialty, after all. But some things were too big even for Felix to repair...they were beyond any game denizen's control.

The screen hung high above, unchanging as always. From his angle, all Ralph could see was ceiling tile. But he knew the layout of the arcade by heart at this point. _Space Invaders_ stood to the left. _Pac-Man_ had been on the right. Ralph had seen Mr. Litwak dart through the crowd of kids, seen him crouch out of sight without knowing at the time just what was happening. It played on repeat in his mind.

More games. _Hero's Duty_ stood behind _Finish Line_ and _Dance Dance Revolution_. Just in front of his own game was _Undead Apocalypse 3_, then _Tapper_, and then the unmistakable twin cabinets of _Sugar Rush_. Ralph cherished the moments in every game when he could catch a glimpse of _Sugar Rush_, when he could see Vanellope racing, the players in the drivers' seats having the time of their lives…

It had only been a year since Ralph's desperate quest for respect had led him crash-landing into the candy cane forests of _Sugar Rush_, where he and Vanellope had fatefully crossed paths. In the time since, both their lives had been enriched beyond anything they ever could've dreamed. Ralph had that respect - not just from the Nicelanders, but from himself, after Vanellope had been the first to truly see the good in him that he hadn't believed was there. Vanellope had her life back - the life that Turbo had so cruelly stolen from her. She had friends, a kart, and the love of the arcade patrons. It was everything she ever wanted and more.

And in the blink of an eye, Ralph realized, it could all disappear for either of them.

What if _Fix-It Felix Jr._ failed? What if Ralph couldn't make it out in time? What if _none_ of them could? With Q-bert and Pac-Man and all their supporting cast living here now, this game was getting very densely populated. Felix could be trapped...Calhoun, already stung once by the loss of a loved one, would be overwhelmed...

And Vanellope… Ralph couldn't fathom the idea of not being there for her. He knew how much she cared, how grateful she was to have him as a friend, as a savior. He was her big goofy hero. How devastated would she be if she lost him? Ralph cringed at the thought of her heart breaking like that…

Reaching down the front of his shirt, Ralph produced the medal he wore every day like a badge of honor. A little heart-shaped sugar cookie, dwarfed against Ralph's cushion-sized palm, fastened to a loop of taffy that adorned his neck. Inscribed against the teal buttercreme was Vanellope's hand-written message of gratitude: "_You're My Hero_".

Ralph suddenly felt anything but heroic. He felt weak. Breakable. Like an artifact, running on borrowed time that could run out at any moment.

He ran a hand through his unkempt brown hair, heaving a massive heavy sigh…

"Aha! There you are, Knuckles!"

Ralph looked up. Vanellope was skipping up the walk, grinning her cheeky catlike smile. She had finally transferred the cupcakes to a plate covered in plastic wrap.

"I didn't want you to miss out on these," she chirped, plunking herself down on the steps next to her friend. "I don't know what Mary puts in these things, is it pudding? I swear, she could cure viruses with these, they're so good…"

Her childlike ramble stopped abruptly when she noticed Ralph's heavy expression.

"...Ralph?" she said gently, all sense of play suddenly gone from her voice. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

This was what Ralph had been dreading. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten Vanellope, to burden her with his fears.

"Ah, y'know…" he mumbled. "Boring grown-up stuff. Nothin' you need to worry about, kid…"

He knew it hadn't sounded convincing.

Vanellope looked at the plate of cupcakes in her lap.

"You're thinkin' about your game freakin' out someday like _Pac-Man_, aren'tcha?" she asked softly.

Ralph's eyes widened as he turned to her. All at once, he was forcibly reminded of that day twelve months ago, when the two of them stood at the exit to _Sugar Rush_ as the Cy-Bug swarm tore the landscape to pieces.

"_Just go...it's okay…"_

He'd forgotten just how mature Vanellope could be when it mattered.

"...Yeah, a little," he sighed.

Vanellope unwrapped the plastic and handed Ralph a cupcake. "Well, c'mon, don't keep it inside, you're liable to blow up. And I'm not cleanin' up _that_ mess."

A laugh almost escaped Ralph's throat, but faltered. He eyed the cupcake solemnly.

"...Video games don't last forever, y'know?" he said finally. "I just - it feels like we just found each other. If somethin' went wrong… if we never saw each other again…"

The rest of the sentence caught in his throat. He couldn't even bring himself to say it out loud.

Vanellope blinked up at Ralph. She'd never seen him this worried before. Her gaze drifted upward, to the twinkling pixelated stars in the flat black sky.

"It's pretty scary, huh?" she said, a hint of a crack in her voice. "I don't like to think about it either."

Ralph turned the cupcake over. "Everything we've done, everything we'll ever do… one stupid hiccup in the motherboard, and this whole dang cul-de-sac could be history." He gulped. "Could happen tomorrow, for all we know…"

Vanellope swung her legs casually over the edge of the step. "Yeah, it could," she said. A hint of a smile crossed her face. "Or it could happen thirty years from now. Ya never know, do ya?"

Ralph turned to look her in the eye.

"Y'know, back when I was a glitch," she continued, "everyone in _Sugar Rush_ was so scared of me. They thought I might crash the whole game someday or something, just totally at random. And I didn't know what was wrong with me - they coulda been right for all I knew! So y'know what I did?"

She hopped up onto Ralph's lap. Instinctively, Ralph put a hand on her shoulder.

"I lived the heck outta every single day," Vanellope grinned. "I looked everywhere for parts to build a kart, I took every opportunity to mess with King Candy, and I never stopped tryin' to make it into those races. 'Cuz the way I see it, if you think your game's gonna go kablooey, you can sit around scared all the time, or you can do somethin' else."

Ralph took an apprehensive bite of his cupcake. "What's that?"

Vanellope smiled, her eyes misting slightly.

"Have the best day of your life."

And without warning, she leapt up and hugged Ralph around the neck.

"Don't be scared, Ralph," she said. "You're not goin' anywhere, okay? I won't let ya. Even if I gotta zap down that power cord and drag you outta this glitchy corrupted brick pile myself."

Ralph felt his stomach flip. He hugged Vanellope tight.

"...I won't let anything happen to you either, okay?" he whispered. "That's a promise."

Vanellope extended the smallest finger on her right hand. "Pinky promise?"

With a genuine smile, Ralph wrapped his own pinky finger around Vanellope's entire hand. "Pinky promise," he repeated.

"Okay, well, I'm President, so you can't break that, 'kay?" Vanellope said in mock authoritarian tones. "Otherwise you gotta stand in the town square and cluck like a chicken all day while we throw marshmallows at you. Fudge-dipped ones!"

Ralph laughed. "Is that the law now, Madam Chump-In-Chief?"

"It will be if it passes the House!" Vanellope giggled. "By the way, don't tell anyone I don't know what that means."

The two of them collapsed in fits of giggly nonsense. Ralph was already feeling a little more at ease. Vanellope's perspective always seemed to brighten his own view of things.

"You'll be okay," Vanellope assured him, cuddling up against him and unwrapping another cupcake. "And so will Felix, and Calhoun, and Q-bert and Pac-Man and Mary and all them."

Ralph nodded. "And Gene?"

"Nah, Gene's a jerk," Vanellope snarked. "We can leave him behind."

"Hey, Gene's pretty cool!" Ralph chuckled.

"Yeah, he's cool, but he's still a jerk."

With a small sigh, Ralph playfully tousled Vanellope's candy-coated hair. "Maybe a little," he said. "But he'll be okay too."

The sound of approaching footsteps drew their attention. Felix and Calhoun strode up, looking relieved.

"See?" Calhoun said confidently. "I had a feeling this is where we'd find 'em."

"Everything hunky-dory out here, guys?" Felix asked. "What are you two talkin' about?"

Ralph grinned. "Oh, y'know…"

"Boring grown-up stuff," Vanellope finished.


	4. One Game At A Time

"_Kyle!"_

Mr. Litwak dodged past a pair of young gamers, approaching the twin _Sugar Rush_ consoles near the arcade entrance. Kyle, phone in hand, was leaned against one of the plastic pink-and-purple driver's seats, oblivious to the discomfort of the child at the wheel. He was too deep in conversation with the person next to him, a heavyset twenty-something man in a hooded sweatshirt and a broad-rimmed baseball cap.

Kyle barely turned to look at Mr. Litwak, as if disdainful of the audacity of his interruption.

"Hop to, huh?" Litwak snapped. "If you got time to lean, you got time to clean!"

Kyle snorted. "You thought that one up yourself?"

Litwak's mustache twitched in frustration. He was a patient man, but Kyle was testing his resolve more than any employee ever had.

"Saturdays are too busy for sass-back, alright?" he reprimanded. "Now, I need you to go out front and fix the marquee under the sign! One of the F's fell off the 'Free WiFi' part and now everyone's asking how they can win a Nintendo Wii."

"Cool, I want a Wii," Kyle mumbled. The man in the hoodie snickered.

Before Litwak could argue, a shout caught his ear. "Mr. Litwak? The change machine ate my dollar!"

He hurried off, glancing over this shoulder at Kyle. "Just take care of it, okay?"

As he dashed for the change machine, he could've sworn he heard Kyle say "Ignore him, that's just my boss. Total loser."

* * *

"I'm gonna wreck it!"

Ralph pummeled the building with the force of a piledriver, raining bricks on the plaza below. Felix dipped and dodged, leaping from landing to landing, hammering broken windows back into existence with ease.

The kid on the other side of the screen bobbed and weaved in sync with Felix as he played, tongue out in determined concentration. Around him, his friends watched awestruck. None of them had ever made it to double-digit levels in _Fix-It Felix Jr._ before.

With the busy buzz of a Saturday at the arcade, Ralph had found it easy to get back in his groove. The constant stream of retro-loving gamers had kept him and Felix occupied all morning. The previous night's anxieties had been all but pushed out of his mind.

"Yoo-hoo!" Mary chirped, appearing at the window with a pie in hand. With the player's impressive dexterity, Felix nabbed it swiftly, gobbling it down and gaining his invincible sheen. Within seconds, the level was complete, and the words flashed triumphant in midair: "YOU FIXED IT!"

The clouds parted, and Felix received his medal. Ralph smiled sweetly as the Nicelanders hoisted him aloft, ready to hurl him off the roof. Turning his head, he snuck a glimpse at _Sugar Rush_ through the screen, hoping to see if Vanellope was racing again.

But what he saw instead made his heart jump.

For the past few levels, Ralph had been aware of the arcade employee standing near the _Sugar Rush_ consoles - a new hire, he assumed, someone he didn't recognize - in conversation with a man in a gray sweatshirt. But now that man was bent over, peering at the wiring behind the console, even as a pair of kids were trying to race. The arcade employee was still chatting lethargically with him, apparently in approval of whatever the man was up to.

Ralph squinted, completely baffled. _What the heck are they doin' to Sugar Rush?_ he thought…

Before he could ruminate on it, the Nicelanders had chucked him over the side of the building, and next thing he knew, he was facedown in the mud.

* * *

Game Central Station slowly came to life. With the arcade closed for the night, characters began to emerge, congregating in the cavernous atrium to meet and share tales of the day's epic play sessions.

Ralph lumbered out of the plug to _Fix-It Felix Jr._, scanning the crowd. It wasn't always easy to spot her - she was so small, most other arcade residents towered above her.

"Over here, Ham-Hands!"

Vanellope leapt over a bench in one bound, skidding to a stop in front of Ralph. "Well, you're lookin' cheerier than you were last night, that's a plus!" she giggled. "How was work?"

"Oh, same old same old," Ralph shrugged. "Punched some holes in stuff, ate a faceful of mud, livin' the dream." He coughed. "Um, how 'bout you, kid? Anything, uh, weird happen today?"

Vanellope bounced on the balls of her feet. "Weird? Try _awesome!_ Man, did you get to see me when we ran Minty's track and I went over that double-striped candy cane bridge? FWOOP! Right out from under me! Almost landed in the caramel pit 'til the player remembered we still had a power-up - PZHEW! Glitched back on the track _in midair!_ Just in time! Whoo! It _rocked!_"

Ralph scratched his chin as he watched Vanellope rocketing around trying to re-enact the harrowing tale. "So, nothin' screwy's goin' on with _Sugar Rush_, then?" he asked. "No hiccups, no shorts, no glitches?"

Vanellope stopped, arching an eyebrow. "Glitches?" she repeated? "Aside from yours truly, that's a firm no, buddy. Everything's fine."

Ralph swallowed. The memory of what he'd seen flashed in his mind. Something still didn't feel right.

Still full of energy, Vanellope tugged at Ralph's finger. "C'mon, it's almost Random Roster Race time!" she squeaked. "Let's get you a seat, quick!"

"Ah, listen, Vanellope," Ralph stammered before he could stop himself, "what do you say we skip the ol' Triple-R tonight, just for a wild hare?"

Vanellope's face twisted in utter confusion. "_What?_ Skip it? I can't do that, I'm the President! I gotta race…"

"Well, we can still race if you want!" Ralph rambled, arms waving animatedly. "We could, uh, run up and down the field over in _Madden Football_! Or hey, _Sonic_, right? Now that dude knows speed! Tell you what, invite all your friends, I bet they'll all be up for it!"

Vanellope crossed her arms, looking her friend up and down.

"Ralph, what's wrong?" she asked. "Be honest, are you still a little freaked out from last night?"

Ralph knew he didn't have any hope of avoiding this.

"...All right, look," he began, kneeling down to Vanellope's level. "When I was at the top of the building today, I saw one of the arcade people and some really weird-lookin' guy pokin' around your game, okay? And the guy was lookin' in the back where all the wires and stuff are, and I don't know what he was doing but it all looked super-shady…"

"Ralph…"

"...And I'm just startin' to get a little worried about you, y'know…"

"Ralph."

"...Because what if something's really wrong and they end up having to unplug you or -"

"_RALPH!_" Vanellope yelped. "Take a chill pill, okay?"

Breathing hard, Ralph put a giant hand to his chest. Vanellope held his other hand, looking sympathetically up at him.

"There's _nothing_ to worry about," she said softly. "I mean, why would they unplug my game? We're still runnin' at 100%, and last I checked, we rake in the quarters like it's nobody's business. Mr. Litwak wouldn't have any reason to get rid of us, would he?"

Ralph looked at the floor, embarrassed. "Yeah, that's true," he mumbled. "But then what was that guy doing?"

"He was probably a repair guy or something," Vanellope said. "I mean, Litwak's a big giant nerd when it comes to video games - after what happened to _Pac-Man_, he probably wants to check all his games 'n make sure it doesn't happen again, right?"

Looking at Vanellope, Ralph let out a relieved sort of chuckle. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense…" He rubbed his nose. "I'm sorry, Vanellope, I - I just worry about you sometimes, is all."

"I know ya do, Stinkbrain, and you know I love ya for it," Vanellope said with a smirk. "But don't let it drive you cuckoo, okay? Litwak's takin' good care of us. And besides, if anything ever _did_ happen to _Sugar Rush_…"

She leapt into the air, glitching backwards onto the bench. "I can make it to the exit, no problem."

Ralph laughed. Maybe she was right…

"Now c'mon!" she said with a flourish. "You gonna watch me win this race or what?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world!" Ralph boomed, clambering to his feet. Then, after one step, he slapped a hand to his forehead. "Ah, no, I just remembered, it's _Saturday_, isn't it? I've got Bad-Anon tonight!"

Vanellope plunged her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and pouted dramatically. "That's right!" she wailed. "Aw, dang it, that heaves…"

"No, no, it's okay!" Ralph insisted. "I can miss one week, I'm sure Clyde will understand…"

"Yeah, but Clyde just moved!" Vanellope said. "You should be there to support his first meeting in his new digs, shouldn't ya?"

Ralph ran a hand across the back of his neck. "...Yeah. Yeah, you're right, I really should…"

"And plus, you got a lot of heavy stuff on your mind right now," Vanellope added. "If anyone could use a bit of group therapy, buddy, it's you."

There was no arguing that. Ralph's shoulders slumped as he glanced at the floor again. "I do hate missin' your races, though…"

Vanellope smirked, her eyes twinkling. "Ah, trust me, Ralphie, whether you know it or not, you're with me everywhere I go. C'mon - top shelf?"

She raised her fist in anticipation. Ralph smiled weakly, bumping his own fist against hers. Jumping up briefly to give Ralph a quick hug, Vanellope scurried off back toward the plug to _Sugar Rush_. "Have a good meeting, 'kay, Stinkbrain?" she called over the murmur of the crowd, waving cheerfully. "I'll see you after the race!"

Ralph waved back as Vanellope skipped through the crowd. His smile bloomed lovingly wider as he watched her scamper away.

"Aw, she's a good soul, isn't she?" said a voice at his hip.

Ralph looked down. Felix stood there, hands behind his back, grinning his hopeful grin as Vanellope disappeared back into the grounding prong.

"Yeah, she is," Ralph sighed. "Can't be there for her all the time, though, I guess…" He stretched his heavy arms above his head. "So what's on the agenda for you 'n Calhoun tonight?"

"Oh, we're goin' out on the town for a little we-time!" Felix gushed. "Fine dining at _BurgerTime_ and a romantic stroll through _Paperboy_ \- can't imagine anything nicer, can you?"

Ralph chuckled. "Sure, if you can outrun those dogs."

"Aw, they're not so bad, they'll lick your hand if you let 'em," Felix said merrily. "What about you, brother?"

"I got Bad-Anon in like half an hour," Ralph shrugged. "Gene's lettin' us use the penthouse 'til Clyde finds someplace more permanent. Guess I'll go get ready - tell Calhoun I said hi, okay?"

Felix tipped his hat and flashed a thumbs-up. "Will do, Ralphie! Good luck at your meeting!" And with a spring in his step, he bounded off towards the outlet to _Hero's Duty_.

Ralph turned to walk back up to the train. Vanellope was right - Bad-Anon would be especially good for him tonight, a good chance to be with people and lighten the weight off his shoulders. Perhaps he really was worrying himself over nothing.

_...But what if I'm not?_

The thought wriggled up again from the back of his mind, stopping him in his tracks as he reached the foot of the steps. The memory of the man in the hoodie wouldn't leave his brain. He couldn't help it - something just wasn't sitting right with him. A heavy pit seemed to slowly fill his chest, a feeling that something very very bad was about to happen…

And when it came to the people he cared about, Ralph thought, an ounce of prevention was worth a pound of regret.

"Felix! Hey, _Felix!_"

Felix whirled around, looking concerned, as Ralph darted back out of the plug.

"Listen," Ralph huffed, stumbling up to his friend, "when you get to Calhoun's, do you think you could ask her a favor for me?"


	5. Fear Is A Four-Letter Word, Ladies

"...And Vanellope thinks he was some kind of electrician?"

"That's what Ralph told me. But he sure didn't see any tool belt on him or anything."

Calhoun paced the length of her bunk, her face twisted in concern. Felix sat on the forest-green foot locker at the end of the bed, wringing his gloved hands.

The room was low, lit by a single military lantern by the bed, with metal walls and a rounded ceiling that made it feel like being sealed inside a tin can. Calhoun's living quarters had never been the most inviting place, but then again, _Hero's Duty_ was hardly the most inviting game. Not that Felix minded one bit, of course. In fact, the room bore several homey hand-crafted touches that had been added over the course of the last year - vases of fragrant 8-bit flowers, colorful pixelated paintings in fancy frames, a shiny mahogany gun rack - gifts from a loving husband who sought to brighten up his wife's stressful work environment.

Indeed, the strees needled at Calhoun as she contemplated the situation.

"This whole thing stinks like a fishmongering beaver," she muttered, narrowing her eyes as if staring through the corrugated metal wall. "First _Pac-Man_ goes belly-up, now there's this squirrely little scrub snoopin' around _Sugar Rush_...something's screwy, all right. I can feel it in the air, it's like a sixteenth sense. I think Ralph's on to something - if there's weirdos playin' with wires, Vanellope and her friends could be starin' down the business end of an empty power cord."

Felix gulped. "Well, gee whillikers, what can we do about it?"

With a steadfast scowl, Calhoun grabbed her cruiser and slung it over her shoulder. "We're pickin' up the slack, Sugarcakes. Vanellope's good as family, far as I'm concerned, and I am not about to take any chances when it comes to keepin' that cute little cupcake and her racing buddies safe 'n sound, would you?"

"No ma'am, I wouldn't!" Felix smiled, hopping to his feet.

"That's why I love you, Hammerman," Calhoun cooed, pulling Felix in for a deep passionate kiss. Then, together, they marched for the door.

Calhoun's troops were gathered around in the open area between the twin rows of metal huts, milling restlessly as they waited for an order. Some were in jovial conversation; others played cards at low tables and benches.

With a loud SLAM, the door to Calhoun's hut flew open. Her troops promptly snapped to attention.

"Listen up, ladies!" she barked. "Cancel your dinner plans and throw your high heels back in the closet! We're mobilizing to _Sugar Rush_ tonight, no questions asked, so drop your trifles and grab your rifles_ on the double!_ Got that?"

Every soldier in the camp gave a swift salute. "_MA'AM, YES MA'AM!_" they replied as one.

Within seconds, the troops had assembled two by two, visors down, weapons on their backs. Calhoun stood before them, loading her sidearm and placing it in her hip holster.

"All right," she commanded, "let's move out!"

The squad marched, Felix bounding excitedly alongside them, tramping towards the gate that led out to the dark and jagged terrain of_ Hero's Duty_…

But before they could reach it, the gate flung violently open, stopping the troops and Calhoun dead in their tracks.

A man stood in the exitway. A towering mountain of a man, square-bodied, square-jawed, with heavy brows furrowed over piercing eyes. He wore an official military uniform, heavily decorated with glistening medals all across its dark green lapels. His beret, stretched firmly over his short buzzed hair, bore the triangular game logo of Hero's Duty. And his body heaved with furious huffing breaths.

Calhoun's voice caught in her throat for a moment. "Colonel Lockload!" she finally sputtered, flashing a hasty salute.

Lockload swept into the camp with the presence of a tornado. "You will address me as _'Sir'_ at all times, Sergeant!" he boomed. "And where exactly do you and your men think they're going? Quarter Alert drills start at 2100 hours, and you darn well know it!"

Calhoun stood at attention, maintaining sharp eye contact with the colonel. "Emergency change of plans, sir," she stated boldly. "My troops and I are needed in _Sugar Rush_."

Lockload's eyes flared with livid skepticism. "_Sugar Rush_?" he repeated. "Would you mind telling me, Sergeant, what's so imperative in that cutesy-wutesy diabetic dunghole to require your attention?"

Calhoun gestured to Felix, who grinned and waved awkwardly. "I've received intelligence that Sugar Rush may be in danger of an unexpected unplugging, Sir," she reported. "My men and I plan to station ourselves at key vantage points around the game world to assist civilians in the event of an evacuation."

Lockload glared menacingly at Felix, as if trying to burn him out of existence with his eyes. "Intelligence, huh?" he growled. "What hard evidence do you have?"

Calhoun blanched.

"Um…" she began lamely. "Well...none, Sir, but my instincts tell me it's best to be safe than sorry."

Grunting, Lockload ran a thick callused hand down his lined face.

"Look, I'll get straight to the point, Calhoun," he spat derisively. "I don't like you. I don't like you one ding-dang bit. Matter of fact, if I wasn't sworn to uphold this game's programming, I'd bust you down to Private so fast it'd make your insubordinate little pixie-cut head spin!"

Felix gasped. Calhoun steeled herself, trying her best to maintain a dignified stance.

"Sir," she said slowly, "if I may, I feel that I have proven myself to be anything but insubordinate -"

"Oh _REALLY?!_" Lockload interrupted, spittle flying from his teeth. "Nights out of your game with that doofus handyman husband of yours? Prancing around _Sugar Rush_ with that candy-haired brat and that filthy lumbering hobo? Do I even need to remind you, Sergeant, of that little incident last year where an escaped Cy-Bug nearly annihilated this entire arcade on _YOUR_ watch?!"

Calhoun winced. She should've known the colonel would never let that go.

"Sir, if you'll recall," she spoke cautiously, "we did neutralize the threat -"

"And if _YOU'LL_ recall, Sergeant," Lockload interrupted again, leaning inches from Calhoun's face, "there wouldn't have _BEEN_ any threat to be neutralized if _YOU_ hadn't been thick enough to let that ham-fisted lummox into this game in the _FIRST PLACE!_ So you'll forgive me, sweetheart, if I'm less than willing to trust your 'instincts' in matters like these!"

He straightened his suit jacket importantly, the medals clattering together. "Now you get your troops ready for Quarter Alert drills, Sergeant, and I don't want to hear another word out of your lipstick-slathered mouth in protest! And if you so much as set foot outside this game tonight, Calhoun, so help me, I will string you up from the top of that tower and let the Cy-Bugs decide what to do with you! _Do I make myself clear?!_"

Calhoun trembled, breathing sharply through her nose.

"Crystal, sir," she acquiesced.

"Outstanding, Sergeant," Lockload snarled.

He jabbed a threatening finger at Felix, who jumped nearly six feet in alarm. "And _YOU_, Handyman!" he bellowed. "You get the heck outta my game before I punt you down that power cord like a scrawny little football!"

And without another word, the colonel stormed out of the camp.

Calhoun's men awkwardly dispersed, returning silently to their barracks. Felix cuddled up to his shaken wife, taking her hand gently.

"Y'know," he said softly, "I don't think he likes me very much either."

Calhoun sighed. No, Colonel Lockload _didn't_ like Felix much. He'd made his disapproval quite clear as early as Calhoun and Felix's wedding day, which he'd spent scowling in the backmost pew, fuming at the audacity of one of his lower officers openly defying her pre-programmed tragic backstory. How dare she, a traumatized veteran of war, find happiness in the comfort of friends and family? How dare she put their needs before the needs of her game?

Even when they were in danger…

Felix squeezed his wife's hand, blinking up at her. "So what do we do now, Tamora?" he asked, the worry palpable in his voice.

Calhoun lowered her head, staring aimlessly down at the gritty black dirt.

"We pray my instincts are wrong," she whispered.


	6. That's Just The Honeyglow In My Cheeks

The golden packed sugar pavement of the Royal Raceway glistened beneath the mint-green sky of _Sugar Rush._ A convoy of fifteen mouthwatering candy karts sat parked neatly in front of the blue checkered starting line. Candy-headed spectators lined the stands, their ravenous cheers filling the air with eager anticipation. The nightly Random Roster Race was only minutes away.

Fourteen kid racers gathered on the platform beneath the top box, their rosy-cheeked faces brimming with excitement. Taffyta Muttonfudge twirled her strawberry lollipop, waving to her cheering section. Jubileena Bing-Bing and Adorabeezle Winterpop high-fived each other as they bounded up the steps. Swizzle Malarkey jogged in place, punching the air to psych himself up.

Sour Bill entered the top box, casually tapping his microphone. "Citizens of _Sugar Rush_," he drawled in his unenthused monotone. "Please rise for our Commander-In-Chief, President Vanellope Von Schweetz."

The crowd erupted in applause as Vanellope leapt into the box, waving wildly to her fellow racers below. "Hey, _Sugar Rush_!" she squeaked, tucking one hand playfully behind her back. "Who's ready for a race, huh?"

The racers cheered, jumping and pumping their fists.

"We've all done this like a kajillion-billion times," Vanellope giggled, "but just in case anybody hit their head 'n got amnesia today, I'll go over it real quick. First nine of us over that finish line get to be the avatars in tomorrow's races! Short, simple, not too hard to understand. So, good luck, guys - oh, and try not to cry too hard when I leave you eatin' my sugar dust!"

With a cheeky smirk, Vanellope yanked hard on the purple taffy rope that hung from the awning above. A long bubblegum ramp unfurled from the top of the box; with impressive dexterity, Vanellope slid down the ramp like a ski-jumper, somersaulting in midair and landing squarely in the seat of her kart. The crowd went wild.

One by one, the other racers hopped down from the platform, readying themselves behind the wheels of their own karts and showboating for their cheering sections. Minty Zaki performed an impressive forward handspring before backflipping into her driver's seat. Snowanna Rainbeau danced down the steps, moonwalking smoothly to her kart.

Rancis Fluggerbutter, however, remained on the platform. He was staring distractedly at Vanellope as she checked her dashboard.

Vanellope, who was so kind to him, even after all the teasing he and the other racers had put her through during King Candy's masquerading reign. Vanellope, who was so forgiving, so understanding...so helpful and playful, not to mention kind of cute… Rancis had never noticed during the time his memory had been locked away, but now he couldn't seem to _stop_ noticing… couldn't help himself from sighing every time she passed him…

A slap on the back jerked Rancis out of his reverie.

"Rancis!" Swizzle Malarkey said with a grin. "Earth to Rancis! What's the matter, buddy, you get into a bad batch of Fun Dip or something?"

Rancis blushed bright crimson. "Oh, n-no, Swizzle, nothing like that," he stammered, fiddling with the zipper of his racing jacket. "I was just, y'know, thinking about, uh… stuff…"

"He was lookin' at Vanellope!" Candlehead chirped, swinging her arms innocently. "You think she's pretty cute, don'tcha, Rancis?"

Taffyta nearly choked on her lollipop. "Oh, you've _got_ to be kidding me!" she laughed. "Fancy Rancy's got a crush on Vanellope? What makes you think she'd go for a prissy little pretty boy like you?"

Rancis tucked his hands behind his back and stared at his shoes, trying to hide his scarlet face. "C'mon, Taffyta, it's not like that at all…"

"Oh, well, if you say so," Gloyd Orangeboar chuckled, "then you won't mind if we tell her ourselves, will you?" And to Rancis' horror, Gloyd stood on his tiptoes and waved to Vanellope at the starting line.

"Hey, Vanellope! Vanellope! Rancis wants to tell you that -"

Vanellope looked up just in time to see Rancis clamp his hand over Gloyd's mouth, frantically wrapping him in a headlock. She rolled her eyes. "Boys are weird…" she muttered.

"Ew!" Rancis yelped. "Gloyd, quit lickin' me!" He jumped back, rubbing his spit-covered palm on his leg.

Gloyd and Swizzle smirked mischievously. "So it's 'not like that', huh?" Swizzle teased.

Rancis ran a nervous hand through his neatly groomed hair. "All right, fine," he hissed, barely above a whisper. "I _might_ have an itty-bitty microscopic sprinkle-sized crush on Vanellope, okay? But jeez, don't go blabbin' to her about it, willya? Let me tell her when I'm good 'n ready…"

"And how long is that gonna take?" Swizzle asked. "You gotta do like I do, man, and take charge! Go for the gusto! Grab life by the Milk Duds!"

Rancis winced at Swizzle's colorful language. "Yeah, I - I get it, Swizzle, thanks…"

"Well then, do it already!" Gloyd encouraged. "Go right up to Vanellope and tell her you like her! What's the worst thing that could happen?"

In the moment, Rancis could think of quite a few worst things that could happen, most of which involved Vanellope laughing herself silly. He couldn't just go up to her on the spur of the moment like this, could he? He wasn't that bold…

...But Vanellope sure was. Maybe she would admire that boldness in him…

Steeling his resolve, Rancis took a deep breath and stepped forward.

And proceeded to immediately trip over his own feet, stumbling off the platform and sliding face-first down the grove of lollipop flowers that lined the racetrack.

Taffyta and Candlehead burst out laughing, clutching each other's shoulders to keep from falling. Gloyd covered his mouth and snorted, his knees buckling.

"Sorry, dude!" Swizzle snickered. "We're not laughing _at_ you, we're laughing..._about_ you!"

Rancis hastily got to his feet, plucking a lollipop out of his hair. To his immense relief, Vanellope hadn't noticed his fall. She was preoccupied, adjusting the photograph she'd pinned to her dashboard.

_Okay,_ Rancis thought, trying to ignore the sweat that was making his back itch. _It's now or never._

He forced himself up to the side of Vanellope's kart. Both his feet seemed to have fallen asleep.

Vanellope looked up as she strapped on her racing goggles. "Oh, hey, Rancis!" she said with a smile. "What's up?"

For a split second, Rancis forgot how his tongue worked. "Uh…" he spluttered. "I just wanted to say… ah, that is… um, what I wanna say is…"

_"RACERS, START YOUR ENGINES!"_

The announcer's voice cut through the moment like a machete. Engines revved all around Rancis as the last few racers scurried to their karts.

"Tell me what?" Vanellope shouted over the din.

"Um…" Rancis fumbled. "Uh… good luck in the race!"

And he darted for his kart, his face burning.

The marshmallow pit boss hovered above the starting line, dangling the signal lights tantalizingly in front of the line of candy vehicles. The light blinked from red to yellow, then green. In a squeal of tires and a cloud of billowing dust, they were off.

As Rancis shot over the checkered line, his stomach twisted in agony. He'd been so close… But he made a vow to himself, as he downshifted and overtook Crumbelina DiCaramello on the outside, that the next opportunity he got, he would talk to Vanellope and tell her how he felt.

After all, there'd be plenty of time after the race was over, right?


	7. This Game's Goin' Down & It's Your Fault

"I understand you've been struggling with your identity, Satan…"

"Please, Clyde, it's pronounced _Saitine_."

"I'm sorry, I know you're uncomfortable with what that name suggests. But just because you're the physical embodiment of pestilence and evil, it doesn't mean you're a bad person."

Every chair, couch, and barstool in Gene's luxurious penthouse apartment had been arranged in a circle to accommodate the night's Bad-Anon meeting. Gene himself had bowed out for the night (after a little cajoling from Mary and Deanna), offering instead to help Felix prune Q-bert's begonia garden.

Ralph was in his usual seat in the back of the group. Through the impressive penthouse windows behind Clyde, he could see the towering game screen, and beyond it, the multicolor lights of _Sugar Rush_ blinking against the darkness of the arcade. He could just barely make out the activity on screen - it looked like Vanellope was in the lead of tonight's race. The view put him a little more at ease. He knew she was safe, at least.

_She's right,_ he thought, leaning back in his chair and smiling. _There's nothing to worry about. I got all worked up over nothing…_

"We can all make an effort to reach out to others in our games," Clyde said softly. "The more proactive we are in connecting with our Good Guys, the stronger our bonds will be. Does anyone have an example they'd like to share?"

Bowser raised one scaly hand in the air. "Right here. I'm Bowser, I'm a Bad Guy."

"Hi, Bowser," the group rumbled in unison.

"And last Tuesday, I made a real strong effort to reach out to Mario," the Koopa King said proudly. "He was fixing a warp pipe in World 3, and I offered to weld the crack shut with my fire breath."

Clyde smiled. "That's excellent, Bowser! How'd it go?"

Bowser fiddled awkwardly with his coffee cup. "Well...not that great," he mumbled. "I kinda set Mario's pants on fire by mistake. I did apologize, but he was hopping around and yelling so loud, I don't think he heard me." And he sat back down, sheepishly rubbing the back of his spiny head.

"...Well, the important thing is, you tried," Clyde said quickly. "Anyone else? Ralph, how about you? You've been awfully quiet this evening."

Ralph started, taking his eyes off the screen. He stood up quickly, knocking his chair backwards. "Huh? Oh, yeah, sure, I'll go. No problem. Um, hi, I'm Ralph, I'm a Bad Guy…"

"Hi, Ralph," said the group.

"And well, just today actually, I had a pretty cool talk with Felix. I was out in Game Central Station, and I needed Felix to do me a favor, see, and, uh...uh…"

Ralph trailed off as his gaze drifted to the screen. Two people had just entered the arcade.

One was that new Litwak's employee, no longer in his work uniform but dressed in a red T-shirt emblazoned with the Nike swoosh logo. The other was the heavyset man in the hoodie from earlier.

Ralph's breath seemed to catch in his throat as they both headed for _Sugar Rush_.

"Yes, Ralph?" Clyde asked, oblivious to the scene behind him. "Go on."

With a gulp, Ralph tried to remember what he was talking about. "Um… yeah, so… um, I asked Felix if he could do a favor for me, and uh… h-he, um, he went ahead and did it. Yeah, pretty much."

And straightening his chair, he sat back down, drumming his large fingers intently on his lap.

Clyde blinked. "Um...very interesting share, Ralph," he said. "Thank you."

Ralph barely heard him. His eyes were fixed squarely on the two men as they stood talking by the _Sugar Rush_ consoles. With a jolt, he noticed that the man in the hoodie was holding a large black rectangular box. What in the world was going on?

"I have something to share, if I could," M. Bison said, standing up, and inadvertently blocking Ralph's view of the activity. "Hi, I'm M. Bison, I'm a Bad Guy…"

"Hi, M. Bison," the group responded.

Ralph didn't say anything. He strained to see beyond M. Bison's bulky frame. He had to know what these two were up to…

* * *

"So how do you wanna do this, Bernie?" Kyle asked, hands planted firmly in the pockets of his sagging jeans.

Bernie adjusted his hood, eyeing the twin consoles as they blinked and flashed. "Well, first thing we gotta do is take the seats off," he said casually. "Then we can pull 'em out a bit so I can get around to the back. Your boss told you where the handcarts are, right?"

Kyle rubbed his nose and sniffed. "Yeah, they're in the back somewhere, I think," he mumbled. He put a hand on the back of one of the driver's seats. "How the heck are we gonna get these off, though?"

"The driver's seats on the original model of the 1997 _Sugar Rush_ arcade console detach with a snap for easy transport," Bernie said, as if reciting from a manual. "There's a button down there, just press it 'n wiggle 'em and they'll pop right off."

Kneeling down, Kyle peered around under the console. "This isn't gonna take long, is it?"

"Five minutes, tops," Bernie said confidently, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his thick nose. "As long as there's no hiccups, we'll be out of here before you can say 'TobiKomi'."

* * *

"...I have made an effort to reach out to Chun-Li, obviously, but it's not always easy when your backstory involves murdering her father, y'know?"

M. Bison's share went straight in one of Ralph's ears and out the other. He was still struggling to get a good look at the window.

Deliberately dropping his empty foam coffee cup, Ralph bent to pick it up. He surreptitiously shot a glance beyond the screen from his lower angle. The men were bent double, removing the driver's seats from the _Sugar Rush_ consoles.

Ralph's stomach flipped over. Why were they taking the game apart?!

But he remembered what Vanellope had said. The game was too popular to unplug, wasn't it? And Mr. Litwak probably wanted to check all his games to make sure they were in perfect working order. That black box the hooded man was carrying - that must've been a toolbox, right? Yes, that must be it… just a little routine maintenance, nothing major. Surely, Vanellope would be okay…

* * *

Kyle dropped the plastic seats by the front door with a loud clunk. "Okay, what next?"

Bernie patted the black box. "Now I gotta get the battery in. It's gotta go on the right console 'cuz the left power jack's got the electrical cord fixed into it."

Rubbing his shoulder, Kyle sniffed again. "This'd be a lot easier if you didn't need that stupid battery in there, dude."

"Hey, you gotta preserve the high scores!" Bernie insisted. "Otherwise it doesn't have that genuine fresh-from-the-arcade feel. Now c'mon, you pull out the left console, I'll take the right one. Grab it from under the steering wheel."

Kyle crouched, following his friend's lead. Huffing and puffing, he grabbed the left console with both hands and pulled. It rumbled across the bumpy carpet, shaking slightly as he dragged it.

* * *

As Vanellope ascended the twisting turns of Marzipan Mountain, she gasped.

A rumbling tremor rippled across the entire game world, so strong that crumbs tumbled down from the cakey summit above. Vanellope's kart nearly vibrated off the track, drawing dangerously close to the Cherry Bombs that lined the intricately decorated border. With a start, she saw her photo of Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, and herself nearly tumble off her dashboard; she grabbed it with one hand, fighting to straighten her steering with the other.

Seconds later, the rumbling stopped just as quickly as it had started.

Vanellope bit her lip anxiously as she drew closer to the pirouette jump at the peak. She'd never felt a tremor like that before. Was something wrong with the game's code?

The other racers had noticed it too. "Did you feel that?" Taffyta shouted to Candlehead as their karts drew level with each other.

Candlehead's lip quivered. "_I_ didn't do that, did you?" she asked nervously.

* * *

Kyle slouched into the back room of the arcade. A minute later, he returned with two green handcarts. "Which one do you want me to take?" he muttered.

"Doesn't matter, Bernie grunted, straining to plug the heavy-duty battery into the vacant input plug; it finally connected with a loud _snap_. "Just keep 'em close together, the wire that connects the consoles is only like two feet long." He stood up, dusting his hands. "Now, you're _sure_ your boss is okay with this, right?"

Kyle gave a smug sort of grin. "Look, I talked to him right after you left, all right? He's fine with it. This deal is gonna make more money for this junkhole than this game makes in a year."

Straightening his cap beneath his hood, Bernie nodded. "All right then, well, I got the battery on okay. You can go ahead and unplug it."

* * *

The group of Bad Guys applauded politely as M. Bison sat back down. Ralph followed suit, though his focus remained locked on the two men in the arcade. They'd pulled _Sugar Rush_ out of its usual spot. Ralph's pulse hammered in his ears. Was this normal for routine game maintenance?

"All right, well, we're just about wrapped up here tonight," Clyde said. "Before we go, I just wanted to let you all know how grateful I am for the support you've shown me and the others in the wake of everything that's happened to us this week. And I especially want to thank Ralph and Felix for opening their game up to us. Let's have a big hand for Ralph, everyone!"

Applause met Ralph's ears again as every Bad Guy in the group smiled warmly at him. Ralph waved awkwardly, still keeping one eye on the outside world. The Litwak's employee had turned around, and was looking in their direction. Had he noticed them?

"Now," Clyde said, "let's close out as always with the Bad Guy Affirmation."

Chairs scraped dully on the carpeted floor as the group rose, joining hands.

"_I am bad, and that's good,_" they chanted together. "_I'll never be good, and that's not bad…_"

But Ralph didn't speak. From a standing position, he had a better view of the screen.

The employee was walking toward the _Fix-It Felix Jr._ console, but his head was tilted down, as if he was following a line on the floor.

As if he was following a cord…

Ralph's entire body went cold.

"_There's no one I'd rather be than -_"

The end of the affirmation was drowned out by the clattering of Ralph's chair as he bolted for the apartment doors. They crashed clean off their hinges as Ralph tore through them, deaf to Clyde's bewildered yelp, oblivious to the pain in his shoulder as he dashed down the tiny hall as fast as he could, his heart practically hammering out of his chest.


	8. And Whatever You Do, Don't Die

Thundering down the stairs three at a time, Ralph exploded out the front doors of Niceland Apartments, shattering them to splinters. He didn't care about the damage. It didn't matter. Nothing matter, he screamed inside his head as he tore up the side yard, except making it to _Sugar Rush_ on time.

Beneath the blocky archway to East Niceland, Felix, Gene, and Q-bert glanced up from their gardening tools. "Ralph!" Felix called. "What's the hurry, brother?"

Ralph could barely speak from breathing so hard. "_SUGAR RUSH_!" he managed to bellow over his shoulder as he barreled across the footbridge.

Instantly, it clicked in Felix's head. "Oh my land…" he gasped, dropping his trowel.

He bounded after Ralph, who'd just cleared the train station. Bypassing the train entirely, the mountain man bolted headlong down the tunnel on foot, kicking up blue electrical sparks with each desperate footfall on the copper wiring.

_Please,_ he begged, his head spinning. _Please let her be okay…_

* * *

BZZZT. BZZZT. BZZZT.

Frightened heads turned all across Game Central Station as the unplugging alert rent the air. Characters screamed, panicking, scrambling to see which portal was closing down.

Horrible loud thunks echoed through the power strip rafters. The plug to _Sugar Rush_ was shaking in its outlet. Slowly, it withdrew, killing the power to the LCD sign above. Citizens scurried over one another, their screams growing shriller.

The Surge Protector materialized in front of the outlet, just as the powerful blue barrier formed in the grounding prong gateway behind him. "Back!" he shouted over the buzz of the barrier, his arms raised to usher the citizens away. "Everybody stand back!"

* * *

With a final tug, Kyle yanked the plug clear of the power strip.

"Dang, my boss is a psycho," he muttered, coiling up the cord around his hand. "Who plugs this many video games into one outlet?"

The battery was working perfectly. _Sugar Rush_ blinked uninterrupted, its peppy little Japanese theme song still playing on a loop.

Kyle draped the plug over the steering wheel. "Bernie, dude, you're cool 'n all, but I will never get what you see in this girly little racing game," he chuckled.

"Hey, it was my childhood!" Bernie insisted, grabbing one of the handcarts. "You had Spyro and Crash Bandicoot, I had Vanellope Von Schweetz. Now c'mon, let's get these in the truck. And _go slow_, doofus!" He carefully tipped the right console backwards onto the cart, as delicately as if he were carrying a bomb.

Rolling his eyes, Kyle shoved the other handcart's platform beneath the left console and hastily tipped it back.

* * *

It was Armageddon.

As Vanellope climbed the track on the north face of Soft-Serve Summit, the entire world suddenly tilted forty-five degrees backwards. Panic seized Vanellope's chest as her kart skidded sideways, banging off the guardrail. Ice cream snow poured down the side of the mountain in a thundering avalanche.

Elsewhere on the track, the other racers shrieked in terror as Marzipan Mountain toppled over. Karts went careening off the track in explosive sprays of icing and cherry juice.

The crowd at the starting line flailed and shrieked as the candy box grandstands tumbled over like dominoes, crumpling and collapsing. The Jumbotron that displayed the racer's positions creaked and sagged, its display flickering and glitching.

Vanellope gripped the dashboard for dear life as her kart smashed against the guardrail again. The photograph slipped and fell to the floor.

A deafening rumble caught Vanellope's ear. She glanced behind her and screamed as a wall of pistachio nut ice cream came roaring down the mountain at her. She didn't even have time to glitch before it slammed into her, flipping her kart off the road.

Thrown clear, Vanellope fought with all her might to keep her head above the snow. She gasped and flailed, tumbling like a ragdoll down the side of the mountain. She caught glimpses of her kart being tossed and turned, crunched and pulverized, ripped away from her as the avalanche buried it at the bottom of the icy gully below.

And then a wave of cookies 'n creme washed over her head, and everything went dark.

* * *

Ralph burst out of the outlet into an absolute mob scene. Game characters were running around in a blind panic. The crowd was thick around the outlet to _Sugar Rush_. Ralph felt his hands go numb as he saw the barrier already in place.

"_Vanellope!"_ he bellowed. "_Vanellope! Where are you?!"_

The din was unbelievable; Ralph knew she'd never hear him. That was assuming she hadn't already been trampled by the mob… assuming she'd even made it out in time…

_She's fine,_ Ralph forced himself to think against the unstoppable swells of nausea. _She's FINE. She's gonna run through that crowd any second now…_

But he still couldn't find her.

"_VANELLOPE!"_

As he turned on the spot, he stumbled and fell backwards. Shaking his head, he realized he'd tripped over a blue figure, who was temporarily flashing in and out of existence amid a field of dropped rotating gold rings.

"Sonic!" Ralph gasped, helping the dazed hedgehog to his feet. "What happened? Where's Vanellope? Did you see where she went?!"

Sonic ran a gloved hand over his spiky blue head. "No, man, that's why everyone's freaking out!" he gulped. "_Nobody_ from _Sugar Rush_ made it out in time! It's like they didn't even know it was happening!"

Ralph swore his heart stopped.

He gaped at the empty outlet, the buzzing barrier, the Surge Protector…

"_LET ME THROUGH!"_ he hollered, fighting his way through the sea of panicked game characters. "_LET ME THROUGH!"_

Pushing a path for himself, he reached the Surge Protector at last. The electric blue bureaucrat flinched slightly at the sight of him. "Sir," he huffed, "for your own safety, I have to ask that you stand back…"

"_Vanellope and her friends are still in there!"_ Ralph cried madly. "_I gotta get them out!"_

"There's nothing you can _do_, sir!" the Surge Protector insisted. "The plug is pulled! You wouldn't last a second out there! Now please -"

In a blind rage, Ralph seized the Surge Protector with one massive trembling hand. "_GET OUT OF MY WAY!"_ he boomed, hurling the tiny man into the gasping crowd.

Ralph charged the outlet, slamming both fists against the surprisingly solid barrier. Breathing hard, he glared through the electricity, out into the physical world.

All he could see was two pairs of feet and the wheels of the handcarts as they rolled _Sugar Rush_ out the front door.

"_...No…_" Ralph gasped, his eyes burning. He pounded the barrier with both fists, trying to break through, to burst impossibly outward. The barrier didn't even flicker. "_No… NO! NO! NO! __**NO!**_"

It was no use. _Sugar Rush_ was gone.

* * *

Bernie stretched one final bungee cord around the thick blue tarp that covered both consoles and seats. "There!" he said, crawling awkwardly down from the truck bed and slamming the tailgate shut. "That ain't goin' anywhere."

Kyle waved a moth out of his face as he stood beneath the illuminated overhand of the building. "So, what did we end up agreeing to?" he mumbled. "$800?"

"It was _$700_, wise guy," Bernie jeered, opening his wallet. He produced seven fresh hundred dollar bills and slapped them into Kyle's open palm. "There, buy yourself somethin' pretty, you dropout."

Kyle laughed, pocketing the money. "Whatever. Hey, no refunds, okay, man?"

"Dude, that is _not_ a problem," Bernie chuckled as he climbed into his driver's seat. "I just spent _three years_ tryin' to track down this game - there's no way I'm ever givin' it back." With a high-spirited thump of his door, he revved the ignition. "Thanks again, buddy!"

And he drove off into the night, the illuminated game screens shining dully through the tarp.

* * *

Again and again, Ralph beat mercilessly upon the barrier, teeth gritted, face flush with pain. He didn't want to accept the futility of it. He couldn't…

Gasping for breath, his throat raw, Ralph slumped trembling against the crackling barrier. The crowd grew silent as the behemoth of a man before them dropped to his knees, sobbing weakly.

"_Vanellope…"_

Citizens jostled as Felix, wide-eyed and distraught, steered Calhoun through the crowd by the hand. "One side, maggots!" Calhoun snarled. "Don't you know an emergency when you -"

She stopped short and gasped when she saw Ralph, collapsed and broken at the empty outlet. It was like she'd been struck by lightning.

She'd been right. She'd been right all along.

And she'd done nothing to stop it.

A horrible sick air hung over the stunned and reeling crowd, hung over all of Game Central Station, heavy and silent except for Ralph's heaving sobs.


	9. Hail The Rightful Ruler of Sugar Rush

VOOP.

Vanellope glitched to the surface, gasping a lungful of frigid air into her tiny body. She whirled around, her breath shaky and erratic, trying to get her bearings.

The avalanche was over. The world was right-side up again. Ice cream snowflakes landed softly in Vanellope's frazzled hair as the wind whipped around her. The track was a good ten feet above her, the guardrail smashed to splinters. Her kart was nowhere to be seen.

She glanced down at her boots. A low rumble came from somewhere below, sending eerie vibrations up her legs.

Shivering, Vanellope held herself, trying to suppress the panicky knot in her stomach. "_Hello?!"_ she shouted into the gray-white blizzard. "_Anybody?!"_

A moment passed. No reply.

And then -

"_Vanellope! Is that you?"_

With a jolt, Vanellope recognized Taffyta's voice. Scurrying up the slippery frozen hill, she glitched her way back up to the track.

Taffyta, Rancis, and Candlehead ran to her out of the swirling snow, all three burying her in a cloak of relieved hugs. "Vanellope!" Taffyta gasped. "We knew you were in the lead, we were so worried about you!"

"It's okay, guys," Vanellope said, her voice cracking. "I'm just glad you're not jacked up…"

Trembling, Taffyta and Candlehead withdrew. Rancis, though, let his hug linger.

"...You can let go now, Rancis, I'm fine," Vanellope muttered.

Rancis leapt back, blushing. "Oh! Right!" he gulped. "Uh, s-sorry…"

Vanellope brushed away the snowflakes that were collecting on her eyelashes. "So what the heck _happened?_"

"I know, it's _horrible_, isn't it?" Candlehead wailed, pointing to the broken candle dangling from the top of her racing helmet. "This was my favorite candle of all! What's the point of even racing anymore?!"

Taffyta rolled her eyes. "She means to the _game_, fudge-for-brains," she sneered.

"Oh!" Candlehead squeaked. "Um...I don't know. Everything, like, tilted, and then we all crashed. That's never happened before, right? Was it something I did? I'm sorry…"

Rancis tugged the collar of his racing jacket up higher against his pinkened cheeks. "I don't think this was something inside the game," he shivered. "What if the console fell over? You think there was an earthquake or something?"

"We can figure that out later," Vanellope said. "Right now we gotta get back to the starting line and make sure everyone's okay. Who's still got a working kart?"

Taffyta blinked. "Um, all of us," she said awkwardly. "They respawned after we crashed…"

Vanellope's stomach twisted again. She still forgot sometimes just how fortunate the other racers were - the only drawback to her and Ralph's custom-built kart was that it didn't respawn outside regular gameplay like the default karts did. She'd always relied on Felix's hammer to fix any damage it received…

"Well, my kart's buried under a jillion tons of ice cream right now," she said, trying to conceal the audible lump in her throat. "I'll have to ride back with one of you…"

"You can ride with me!" Rancis volunteered immediately. "Um...that is, if you want to…" he added, looking at his snow-covered shoes.

Vanellope shot Rancis a bewildered look. "Works for me," she said, as the four of them hurried down the mountain to the waiting karts.

* * *

As the starting line came into view, Vanellope felt her mouth drop open in shock.

The regal electronic "START" sign was bent backwards, creaking ominously, its screen flashing and glitching spastically. Every grandstand box was overturned, the decorative cupcake tower splayed across the track like a used drinking straw. Racers and spectators milled around in panicky confusion. Donut cops Wynnchel, Duncan, and the entire broad-bodied C.L.A.W. team tended to the frazzled candy citizens, reattaching any cracked or discarded body parts.

"Madam President!" Sour Bill yelped, scurrying out of the crowd as fast as his jellybean feet could carry him. His eyes, normally sleepy and bored, were open wider than ever. "Thank goodness you're all right!"

"I'm fine, Bill, thanks," Vanellope gulped, hopping down from the back of Rancis' kart. "But does anyone know what the hey is going on yet?"

Officer Wynnchel looked up from tending to one of Taffyta's heart-faced spectators. "We're workin' on that, Ma'am," he said as he re-fastened the spectator's head onto her shoulders. "The royal guards are down in the castle checkin' the code room right now."

"You okay there, Your Presidentness?" Duncan asked, adjusting his shiny aviator sunglasses. "What happened to your kart?"

Vanellope sighed. "Got buried somewhere in Soft-Serve Summit," she mumbled. "Guess it had a good run…"

Wynnchel snapped his fingers. "Kolacky! Feffernoose!" he barked at two of the bear claw officers. "Send a search party up to Soft-Serve Summit and have 'em dig out the President's kart!"

Grunting in unison, the officers waddled off to their vehicles.

Duncan nodded. "Can't leave our leader without a kart," he muttered. "That's just plain nonsense."

Vanellope smiled weakly. The smile faded as she glanced up at the Jumbotron. It was tilted at an odd angle, and its display of the racetrack map was distorted by flashes of oddly-colored pixels.

"Hey, did anyone think to check the other video feed and see what's going on in the arcade?" she asked.

Sour Bill's mouth twitched. "Um, no," he mumbled. "No, I guess we didn't…"

With a sigh, Vanellope stood on her tiptoes and shouted into the crowd. "Mel! You got the remote?"

"Good thinking, Ma'am," Sour Bill said, wringing his hands in apology. "That's why you're the President…"

"Bill, you're under a lot of stress, I get it," Vanellope said, patting his head with a reassuring look. One of the marshmallow mechanics hovered over, clutching a candy remote control. Vanellope jabbed a button, changing the channel on the Jumbotron.

She expected to see the blinking displays of _Dance Dance Revolution_ and _Finish Line_. Instead, she got total blackness.

"Okay, _where's the arcade?!_" she squeaked, her eyebrows practically disappearing into her bangs.

Candlehead screamed. "_It's a blackout! No electricity! We're all gonna die!"_

"All right," Taffyta snapped, "one, it doesn't work that way, and two, if the power was out, the game wouldn't be _on_, you sprinkle-coated twit!"

"I'm sorry!" Candlehead whimpered, clutching her face. "I don't think straight in a crisis!"

Suddenly, the game world jumped violently, tossing every character briefly into the air. Racers and citizens stumbled to the ground in a dazed heap.

"_What was that?!"_ Jubileena Bing-Bing squealed. "_Seriously, WHAT IS GOING ON?!"_

But Vanellope was starting to put the pieces together in her mind. The way the game had just jostled… it felt just like it always did whenever Vanellope drove over a pothole in her kart.

And that strange vibration beneath her feet…

She squinted up at the dark screen. Then her eyes widened.

"...I think we're _moving_," she said slowly.

Before anyone could question her, she glitched away. In the blink of an eye, she'd zapped out of sight, jumping across the _Sugar Rush_ countryside in hyper little flashes of blue pixels.

"Where's she going?" Rancis asked, brow knotted in worry.

* * *

Vanellope had glitched this fast only once before, and that was to save Ralph from boiling alive inside Diet Cola Mountain. She was filled with the same horrified sense of urgency now.

The landmarks of _Sugar Rush_ blinked by in bits and pieces as she bolted across the game in leaps and bounds. She was on the edge of Candlehead's icing-slathered track; a split-second later, on the Bon Bon Plains, outside Swizzle's rocky track; then, Candy Cane Forest, dodging pools of taffy.

She shot up Rainbow Road towards the game's exit portal. When she reached the summit, she screeched to a stunned halt.

A barrier covered the exit, blocking her path.

But it wasn't like the invisible barrier that had kept her trapped in the game when she'd been a glitch. It was blue, translucent, and crackling with horizontal bolts of electricity. Just like the one inside _Pac-Man_'s former outlet.

Vanellope walked cautiously up to the barrier, placing her hand gently on it. It felt surprisingly solid. She knocked on it, her fist making a soft buzzing sound with each hit.

She tried to glitch to the other side, only to collide head-on and bounce backward, landing sprawled on the taffy ribbon road.

As she stood up, the terrifying reality finally sunk in.

"...Sweet mother of monkey milk," she whispered. "We've been unplugged."

Placing both hands on the barrier, she peered into the blue-tinted darkness beyond. Her eyes began to sting.

"_...Ralph…_"

She didn't know how long she stood there, slumped against the barrier, trying to control her panicked breathing. Eventually, the distant sound of approaching engines snapped her back to the present.

The other fourteen racers scurried up the road, Sour Bill waddling alongside as quick as he could. A collective gasp erupted from the group when they saw what was blocking the tunnel out.

"Holy Skittles," Swizzle Malarkey breathed, running a trembling hand through his messy green hair. "Vanellope, what the heck is it?"

Vanellope blinked her tears back. Delivering bad news to the public, she supposed, was all part of being President.

"...It's a barrier," she said, her voice shaking. "I think… I think we've been taken out of the arcade."

Crumbelina DiCaramello shrieked, clawing the sides of her face. "_WE'VE BEEN UNPLUGGED?!"_

"No, wait, we _can't_ be unplugged!" Gloyd Orangeboar insisted. "The game's still on, isn't it?"

"It could be unplugged and still have power!" Snowanna Rainbeau suggested. "Y'know, like a battery or something? Oh, I bet _that's_ why everything tilted, we were being put on a handcart!"

"Why would they put the game on a battery if we're being thrown away?!" Minty Zaki shuddered. "It doesn't make _sense!_"

"_Are_ we getting thrown away?!" Adorabeezle Winterpop asked, wringing her long braid. "I don't know where we're going, we can't even see out the screen!"

Jubileena Bing-Bing started crying. "_I wanna go home!"_ she howled, tears spilling down her reddened face.

"Look, _everybody calm down!_" Vanellope shouted, waving her arms. "This is not the time to panic, okay?"

"Vanellope's right!" Rancis declared, placing his hands confidently on his hips, though a hint of fright still colored his voice. "She'll make sure we get out of this okay, she's good at stuff like this! What's your plan, Vanellope?"

Vanellope ran a shaky hand through her sprinkle-dusted hair. "I… I don't know…" she muttered.

"What do you _mean_, you don't know?!" Taffyta cried, clutching the lapels of her racing jacket. "You're the _President!_ You have to be able to do _something!_"

"_WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, TAFFYTA?!"_ Vanellope snapped, her nerves getting the better of her. "_JUST WAVE A MAGIC WAND AND MAKE EVERYTHING ALL BETTER?!"_

Candlehead gasped in awe. "You can _do_ that?!"

THUMP.

The racers stumbled and flailed as the road beneath their feet shook. Then, slowly, it began to rotate.

"_Not again!"_ Jubileena wailed as all of _Sugar Rush_ tilted diagonally. The crowd of children slid screaming along the road, edging dangerously close to the decline.

"_Everyone hold on!"_ Vanellope hollered, her trembling fingers digging desperately into the candy pavement. The other racers struggled to keep their grip. Sour Bill clung fastidiously to Vanellope's leg, swinging too close to the edge for comfort. Any second now, they would surely fall…

* * *

Bernie fumbled slightly as he tried to wrest both game cabinets through the door from the garage to the basement. This was a lot easier with a second person.

Making sure to keep both consoles close so as not to disconnect the cable that linked them, he wheeled them past the laundry room (now that he was out $700, laundry detergent would have to wait yet another week) and into his refinished display room - the proud home of his extensive _Sugar Rush_ collection.

Any other gamer who alleged to be a _Sugar Rush_ fan would've wet themselves in shame if they ever set foot in this room, or so Bernie always claimed. Practically every example of _Sugar Rush_ merchandise ever manufactured was in here somewhere. Factory-sealed copies of every home console release in the series, strategy guide books, a limited edition bubblegum-pink Nintendo 64 emblazoned with Princess Vanellope's smiling image - and that was just one shelf. At least a dozen others were packed with candy-scented plush dolls of every racer, collectible PVC figurines, full sets of _Sugar Rush_ trading cards, and remote control replicas of the games' iconic candy vehicles; there was an unopened box of _Sugar Rush_ cereal from 1998, Japanese candy boxes bearing the characters' pictures, and a full set of pull-back-'n-go toy karts from a McDonald's Happy Meal tie-in; even a VHS box set of the rare _Sugar Rush_ anime series, whose 26 episodes never aired outside of Japan. The walls were adorned with promotional posters, fiber-optic toy store display signs, framed T-shirts, and in one corner, a small mannequin outfitted with a child-sized Princess Vanellope Halloween costume.

But the most impressive item of all - at least, in Bernie's opinion - was the large teal double-seater arcade console of _Sugar Rush II: Whirled Tour_ that sat blinking against the wall. Bernie had snagged the 2001 sequel game from an arcade in the mall that had gone out of business three years ago, and it had been the crown jewel of his collection ever since. But he'd known that it wouldn't be a complete set without its older sister beside it.

Bernie plopped the handcarts down, wiping his brow. Grunting with the effort of waddling on his knees, he plugged _Sugar Rush_ into the power strip that sourced its sequel, then wrenched out the heavy-duty battery and pushed both consoles into the loveseat-sized gap between _Sugar Rush II_ and the corner of the room. Panting, he stood back and admired the fruits of his labor. The pink and teal of the two games complimented each other well.

"Look upon me and _weep_, Instagram!" he chuckled, whipping out his iPhone to snap a photo of his new acquisition. As he uploaded it, he headed back to the truck to retrieve the plastic seats, bopping his head a bit to the strains of the _Sugar Rush_ theme behind him.

* * *

Groaning and whimpering, the racers hoisted themselves to their feet. "Okay," Minty wheezed, "if we could _not_ have that happen anymore, that'd be just awesome…"

"Look!" Sour Bill yelped, pointing at the exit portal. Everyone turned.

The barrier was gone.

* * *

All fifteen racers scurried out of the little candy train as it docked in the graffiti-slathered terminal. Sour Bill stuck close to Vanellope's side, his large green eyes darting apprehensively.

"Hey!" Jubileena shouted, pointing down the stairs to the exit. Beyond it lay the circuit-lined floor of a power strip. "That's Game Central Station! We're back home!"

The racers burst into relieved cheers. But the celebration petered out instantly as Vanellope raised her hand to shush her friends. She descended the steps, squinting out at the power strip.

"...I don't think that's Game Central Station, guys…" she said heavily.

As the group stepped out into the cavernous strip, their hopes sank at the realization that Vanellope was right. This power strip was smaller, darker, and way dirtier - and most unsettling of all, completely empty. No benches or kiosks anywhere. Not a single other character to be seen. And nearly every outlet was vacant.

Adorabeezle gulped. "Wh-where are we?" she stammered, hunching over in fear.

Vanellope had absolutely no idea. She glanced behind her at the only other outlet that had a plug in it. There was no LCD sign to indicate what lay beyond.

Swizzle bravely scampered up to the grounding prong. "Hey, guys!" he called. "There's a terminal in here! I think this is another game!"

Desperate for information, the racers ventured in, ascending the steps. The archway above the power cord tunnel was dingy and faded, but the sign was still barely legible.

TO SUGAR RUSH II: WHIRLED TOUR.

"_Sugar Rush II_?" Crumbelina read in disbelief. "There's _another_ Sugar Rush game?!"

"Oh," Candlehead said, tilting her head to one side. "So _that's_ how you spell 'world'! Man, I was confused…"

Taffyta glared at her friend. "Candlehead, remind me to slap you later…"

Suddenly, everyone froze. Noises were rattling down the electrical cord. Something was approaching…

Everyone stepped back as a sleek, multicolored, double-decker hard candy train pulled into the terminal, coming to rest against the buffer with a loud hiss. Vanellope could've sworn the train's air brakes gave off a scent of peppermint.

The door to the first car slid open, and two regal Oreo cookie guards emerged, clad in royal blue capes and carrying long chocolate spears. They crossed their spears in midair to form an archway over the door. A long red fruit leather carpet unfurled, stopping just short of the racers' feet.

Next to disembark was a surprisingly familiar figure. He looked just like Sour Bill, except flaming orange instead of acid green, and clad in a poofy black military general's hat. Unscrolling an official-looking document, he cleared his throat.

"Attention, visitors to our candy kingdom," he drawled in Sour Bill's exact flat tone of voice. "All hail our beloved ruler, Princess Vanellope Von Schweetz."

The racers let out a stunned unified gasp as one final figure exited the train.

It was Vanellope.

But not their Vanellope, of course. This one was clad in a truly extravagant pink dress, accentuated with candy sprinkles and intricate icing ringlets. Her hair, still coated with sprinkles, was tied up not in a loose ponytail but an elegant shiny bun, with a glittering spun sugar tiara adorning her bangs. In her gloved hands, she carried a peppermint stick scepter topped with a shiny gold ball. She smiled beatifically at the speechless crowd before her.

"Greetings, fellow racers," she intoned sweetly. "And welcome, one and all, to _Sugar Rush II: Whirled Tour_!"

"...Okay," Vanellope finally said, her face twisted in utter confusion, "this officially just got weird."


	10. It's Make-Your-Mamas-Proud Time

"Another root beer for ya, Ralph. Uh...you're sure ya haven't had enough there?"

Ralph slid the frothy beverage closer to himself, lifting his bleary eyes from the cluster of half a dozen empty glass mugs on the bar in front of him.

"I said keep 'em coming and I meant it, Tapper," he wheezed, his voice a guttural groan of thorough defeat.

Tapper's mustache twitched sympathetically as he hustled down the bar to his other customers, passing Felix and Calhoun as he went. Both were seated next to Ralph, their expressions bleak, their bodies slumped.

"Jiminy jaminy," Felix sighed into his seltzer water. "The whole thing just boggles my mind, it does… I can't believe she's… she's really…"

He couldn't even finish the thought, hastily grabbing his workcloth from his pocket and loudly blowing his nose into it. Calhoun wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close to her armored chest.

Downing his mug in one bitter gulp, Ralph trembled and wiped the froth from his lip as the whole horrifying scene replayed in his mind. It wouldn't leave, tormenting him endlessly. Those two men, one of them an arcade employee, carting _Sugar Rush_ and all its inhabitants away to who-knows-where… whatever horrible place it is that all dead games go…

"It's not fair," he growled, slamming his empty glass onto the bar. "It's not fair to take her away like this… She barely even had a chance…" He ran a massive hand over his face as the tears began to well again.

Felix rubbed his reddened nose. "I know," he gulped. "But I guess, maybe, that's just part of what we are… games are here one day, gone the next…"

"_What was wrong with Sugar Rush?!_" Ralph barked, turning heads all around the bar. "Why'd they have to take _that_ game?! Why'd they have to take _them?_ Take _her?!_" He heaved a shuddering breath, glaring at Felix as if pleading with him. "I thought Litwak was supposed to take care of us! I thought he _cared_ about video games! First _Pac-Man_ gets fried, now _this?_ What, is pullin' in $40 a day not good enough for Mister Mustache anymore?! Or what, one lightbulb burns out and you junk the whole console, is that it?!"

Felix's eyes darted around at the murmuring patrons. "Ralph, buddy, c'mon," he whispered. "I'm just as wrought out about it as you are, but -"

"Who's gonna be next?!" Ralph bellowed, leering madly around the bar. Every fear and anxiety he had was spilling out, loosened by the trauma. "Which one of us is gonna bite it next, huh? _DigDug_? _Tron_? _Ninja Turtles_?! Just a matter of time, I hope you all realize that! This whole ding-dang arcade is a glitch-ridden time bomb just waitin' to _explode!_"

He slammed his fists on the bar with a wall-shaking CRUNCH, shattering the empty glasses into powder.

"Hey!" Tapper shouted as he slid a mug towards Guile. "Ralph, I get that you're hurtin' and I'm sorry, but go easy on the inventory, willya?"

Ralph slumped forward, burying his head in his hands, as Felix whipped out his hammer. "It's okay, Tapper ol' pal, easy-peasy repair job!" he squeaked, hastily tapping the glasses back together.

Calhoun remained silent. She stared aimlessly down the neck of her mostly full bottle, her mind racing with a million terrible thoughts. All of them kept boiling back to the same place.

_She's dead. She's dead and it's all your fault._

She knew it was irrational. But post-traumatic stress disorder didn't care about rationality. It ate away at her like a parasite, at away like it had from the moment she was plugged in, when she was first haunted by the memory of her fiancee's piercing screams as the Cy-Bug tore him apart…

And she knew it had never really happened. She knew it was nothing but her pre-programmed tragic backstory. But it didn't make the pain any less real. Swirling her drink around, she reached over and squeezed her husband's gloved hand. Felix was her rock, her understanding confidant who'd always helped her through her darkest moments with the patience of a saint, and she was more grateful to him than he'd ever know.

But Felix had never known Dr. Brad Scott. No one really had. And that was what made this all the more painful - _everyone_ had known Vanellope, the playful little scamp who rocketed around on a nonstop sugar high, trying to brighten everyone's day in her own offbeat way. And now she was gone - deleted, trashed, with no warning at all… the heroine of a seemingly perfectly functional game gone, for reasons no one understood…

"Every time I close my eyes, it's all I see," Ralph sighed into his gargantuan hands. "The tall one taking the seats off… that guy in the hoodie crawling around behind with that big black box thing… jeezum crow, why didn't I catch on sooner…"

Calhoun blinked, lifting her head up. It was like a light just clicked on.

With a scrape of her barstool, she swept away towards the exit. Felix bounded after her. "Tamora?" he asked. "Where are you runnin' off to?"

Reaching the swinging wooden doors, Calhoun turned to her husband. "This whole snafu doesn't make a lick of sense, Sugarcakes," she said as she tightened her backpack. "For cryin' out loud, _Sugar Rush_ was one of the most popular games in the arcade and it worked fine - why _would_ Litwak throw it away?"

Felix's eyes widened. "You think maybe whoever took it _wasn't_ planning to junk it?"

"Ralph just said he saw that fleece-wrapped cabinet jockey hook up some sort of black box behind the console," Calhoun muttered, tapping an armored finger against her chin. "I'd bet ten rounds of root beers that it was a heavy-duty battery. And no one keeps the juice flowing to a video game if they're just gonna chuck it in the landfill." She shook her bangs out of her eyes. "Whoever took _Sugar Rush_, they wanted to keep it running - and that means Vanellope and all her little high-fructose friends could still be alive out there somewhere."

A wave of exuberant relief washed over Felix's little digital heart. "Hot dog!" he whooped. "Then we could get out there and bring them back home!" And almost instantly, the relief gave way to confusion. "...How do we do that?"

"Leave that to me, Hammerman," Calhoun whispered. "I gotta do some quick recon first. You just stay here and keep Ralph company - but don't get his hopes up too high 'til I come back with somethin' concrete. Just… just be there for him, okay?"

Felix gave a hearty salute. "You can count on me, Sergeant Snoogumbunches!"

"That's what I love to hear," Calhoun said, pulling Felix in for a passionate goodbye kiss. "I'll be back in thirty, tops!"

And she darted out the exit, the double doors creaking on their hinges behind her.

Felix clasped his hands together and smiled. "Golly," he sighed, "what a woman…"

* * *

Game Central Station was quieter than usual. A dour mournful air always lingered after an unplugging, especially one without survivors.

At a cluster of transistor benches, the soldiers of _Hero's Duty_ sat, their hearts heavy. "Dang," Private Kohut muttered, staring at the floor. "I'm gonna miss that _Sugar Rush_ game…"

"Me too," Markowski said with a solemn nod. "It always made me hungry."

The sudden snap of an all-too-familiar contralto voice made every soldier jump.

"On your feet, fancy boys!" Calhoun barked. "Fall in and get ready to move out!"

Every soldier hopped to attention, lining up double file. "What's our mission, Sarge?" Kohut asked.

Calhoun eyed her troops seriously. "I've got a hunch and a half that _Sugar Rush_ wasn't sent to the scrap orchard after all," she said. "And the only way to know for sure is to shove off to the security system in Litwak's office and check the surveillance files. If there's even the slightest chance that those sprinkle-coated rugrats are still alive out there, you'd better be dang sure this outfit is gonna do everything and anything in its power to bring them home safe and sound, is that clear?"

The squad saluted in unison. "MA'AM, YES MA'AM!" they chanted.

"Beautiful harmony, ladies!" Calhoun shouted, slipping her helmet on. "Let's march!"

In perfect lockstep, the unit tromped across the atrium, towards the stairs that led to the main power strip cord and the wiring beyond…

"_CALHOUN!"_

The troops froze. Clamping her eyes shut, Calhoun winced and slowly turned around.

Colonel Lockload stormed across Game Central Station, his face a furious blotchy maroon. Other characters cleared a wide berth around him, keeping the same distance they would for a villain with one-touch kills.

Snarling like a raging bull, he drew level with Calhoun. "Did I or did I not give you _SPECIFIC_ orders, Sergeant, _NOT_ to vacate _Hero's Duty_ tonight?!" he growled. "Is your helmet on too tight, Blondie, or do I need to pop it off and cram it someplace else for you?!"

Calhoun glared, locking eyes with her superior, her mouth a thin line of tranquil rage. Lockload's orders had already cost her one chance to protect Vanellope and her friends tonight…

"Sir," she began cautiously, "with all due respect, I feel it's within this squad's duty to do what it takes to bring the citizens of _Sugar Rush_ home safely. All I need is half an hour to conduct a reconnaissance mission to Litwak's office -"

Lockload's finger shot up, pointing at Calhoun's face like a loaded gun. "That's _enough_ out of you, Calhoun!" he roared. "You've taken too much of a personal interest in that frou-frou little racing game, and I will _NOT_ tolerate it any longer! Games get unplugged, Sergeant, it's a fact of life! _NO ONE_ in this power strip gives a rat's flea-infested patoot about _Sugar Rush_, and frankly, if you ask me, this arcade and _my game_ are both better off without it!"

Calhoun fought to maintain a neutral expression, though she couldn't stop her gloved hands from balling into trembling fists.

"Now I'm only going to say this one last time, Calhoun, and you'd dang well better listen," Lockload spit, his steely eyes flashing like knives. "You get your squad's armor-plated keisters _back_ into _Hero's Duty_ on the double or so help me, I will _personally_ hack my way into the code room and revoke your player tutorial status faster than you can say 'Ten-hut'! I'm _through_ playin' around while you shirk your duty for the sake of those snot-nosed little cavities, Calhoun! You set _ONE FOOT_ outside this power strip, and you will _NEVER_ lead the players in combat again! _DO I MAKE MYSELF __**CLEAR**__, SERGEANT?!"_

The soldiers held their breath as they awaited Calhoun's response.

With a heavy sigh, she bowed her head. "Crystal, sir."

Then, suddenly, her eyes darted to the ceiling. She gasped.

"Look out!" she yelped. "_CY-BUG!"_

Lockload whirled around in alarm. And in the split-second he was distracted, Calhoun hauled back and punched the Colonel square in the face.

With an unceremonious _thump_, Lockload hit the floor like a sack of potatoes, jaw slack, totally out cold.

Kohut stared agog at the heap that was Lockload. "Sarge!" he squawked. "What did you -"

"Change of plans, men," Calhoun said, turning Lockload's body over with her foot. "You stay behind and keep a close eye on our beloved Colonel. I'll scout on ahead solo."

Instinctively, Kohut hoisted up the Colonel under his arms, dragging his limp body like a ragdoll. "What should we do with him?" he asked, still rather confused.

Calhoun smirked. "Set him up in the supply closet at Tapper's. I believe Markowski knows where it is. And just keep him sealed up nice 'n tight 'til I get back in time for the court-martial."

In one swift motion, she yanked the cruiser off her back and tossed it in front of her. It hovered inches above the shiny floor; hopping on, she soared across the atrium, up the stairs to the main cord. The exit was sealed off behind a large vault-like door.

Instantly, the Surge Protector materialized in front of it. "Hold your horses there, G.I. Jolene," he drawled, readying his clipboard. "Name?"

"Sergeant Tamora Jean Calhoun," she reported, the cruiser swaying softly with her body.

Surge didn't look up. "Where ya headed?"

"Security computer, Litwak's office."

"Uh-huh, and the purpose of your visit?"

Calhoun furrowed her brow, her chest burning with passionate determination.

"Bringing my family back together."

Surge's eyes widened as he lowered the clipboard. "Well, criminy," he said with a hint of an actual smile. "Don't let me stand in your way, honey! Go for it!"

The door swung open with an echoing clunk, revealing the darkened copper tunnel beyond. With one last glance at Game Central Station behind her, Calhoun leaned forward, and the cruiser carried her soaring through the exit.


	11. I See You're A Fan Of Pink

"So...you're me."

Vanellope fidgeted awkwardly in her seat, her ponytail swaying slightly with the motion of the train. Sour Bill and the racers glanced around the ultra-modern interior, its multicolor candy walls an overwhelming feast for the eyes.

"Why yes, I guess you could say that," Princess Vanellope giggled, swishing her dress playfully. "Or would _you_ technically be me? Oh, heavens to bon bons, it's all ever so silly, isn't it?"

Vanellope bit her tongue and tried not to roll her eyes. The inhabitants of _Sugar Rush II_ were likely to be her only hope to get any answers about where they were and how they were going to get away from it. Still, it was an extremely surreal and uncomfortable experience to essentially be holding a conversation with herself. Or some bizarre alternate universe version of herself, anyway - because lord knows Vanellope would sooner take a running swan-dive into Diet Cola Mountain before she donned a pink dress and said "heavens to bon bons".

Princess Vanellope leaned down and playfully booped her orange Sour Bill doppelganger in the area where a nose would be. "Come now, General, we have visitors!" she squeaked, her voice dripping with perky syrup. "No need for you to be such a Grumpy McGrumplepants all the time!"

The general's stony facade didn't falter. "I'm smiling on the inside, Your Highness," he drawled.

With another churlish giggle, Princess Vanellope twirled her scepter, resting it beneath her chin. "You'll have to forgive General Atomic S. Bill here," she grinned. "The only thing he ever gets excited about is a fun-tastic good race. But you have a Bill of your own, I see, so surely you understand, right, Vanellope? Or should I say Vanello-_me_?"

She laughed heartily at her own half-joke. The racers all just stared.

With one arm daintily raised, the princess leaned down and pinched Sour Bill's hard candy cheek. "Oh, _you're_ smiling on the inside too, aren't you, you little cutie patootie?" she chirped.

Sour Bill winced. "I somewhat regret my decision to follow you all," he blurted.

"Look, it's a nice train you've got here and everything, Princess Prissypoofs," Taffyta interjected, "but you still haven't told us just where the heck we are."

Pirouetting for no reason, Princess Vanellope pointed to the sugar-glass window with her scepter. "Oh, don't worry, my daffy little Taffyta!" she said. "You'll see for yourself soon enough!"

Vanellope glanced out the window. To her surprise, they were no longer in the power cord, but in a deep tunnel that seemed to be dug out of chocolate. Then, moments later, the train emerged into the sunlight - and the racers couldn't help but gasp.

They were rocketing along a lush and colorful candy countryside, brighter and more vibrant even than the original _Sugar Rush_. Thick groves of shimmering orange slice palm trees swayed in the breeze on their green candy stalks. A winding blue cola river coursed lazily through rushes made of rich chocolate pirouette sticks that tinkled musically as they knocked together. The sky spread out wide above, a stunning sweet teal dotted with rich purple cotton candy clouds.

"Whoa," Snowanna breathed. "Get a load of these funky colors…"

"Forget the colors, look at the _graphics!_" Minty exclaimed, her nose pressed to the glass. "Holy Cow Tales, the polygon count here must be at least double what it is in our game…"

Crumbelina gasped at the sight of a ribbon of glistening gold sugar sprinkles in the distance, up against a blue cola sea that stretched infinitely across the horizon. "Is that a _beach_ out there? We don't have any beaches in _Sugar Rush_! I mean, I've had dreams about them, but jeez…"

Swizzle craned his neck, flattening his face against the window to get a look at something in the sky. "_Shut up!"_ he yelped, his voice muffled by the glass. "That kid's on a _hang glider!_"

Princess Vanellope giggled again; she never seemed to stop, as far as Vanellope could tell. "Yes," the princess said, "hang gliders are just one of the sweet little racing features we have here in _Sugar Rush II_. I'd be ever so pleased to show you more!"

* * *

The train docked at a small station on the beach, beneath an awning of Twizzlers and taffy. The Oreo guards emerged first, crossing their spears again to form a royal gate for Princess Vanellope to sashay through. As she stepped into the sun, General Bill popped a bubblegum parasol over her head.

"Jeez," Vanellope muttered as she followed her twin into the sunlight, "prompt service, much?"

The racers were stunned by the luxury of the beach - the shimmering sugar sand, the blue cola waves breaking on the shore, the tall green lollipop reeds clattering softly in the sweet breeze. Candlehead pressed her boot in the sand and admired her own footprint. Jubileena cautiously waved to a pair of rich brown choco-diles sunning on a candy cane log at the sand's edge; they grinned toothy grins and scampered away into the lollipops.

Crumbelina let herself tumble backwards, landing face-up in the sand, her arms spread wide. "This is so _luxurious!_" she gushed. "It's like a grainy little slice of heaven."

Vanellope pouted. "C'mon, Crumbelina," she muttered under her breath, "it's not _that_ great…"

A distant roaring noise caught everyone's ear.

"Oh goody!" Princess Vanellope cheered, clapping her hands together. "More of my friends!"

Three racers approached in their karts. The noteworthy thing, though, was that they were approaching from the sky. Their karts sank low over the rolling sea, massive hang glider spoilers carrying them aloft. The moment their vehicles touched the water, the gliders retracted - and poofy marshmallow pontoons instantly sprouted around their wheels, carrying them skimming swiftly over the breakers.

They soared over a cresting wave and landed expertly on the beach. Emerging quickly from their karts, the three racers promptly sank into a synchronized bow. "Good evening, Your Highness!" they greeted in unison.

Princess Vanellope giggled. "Oh, it _is_ a good evening, my beloved subjects! Thank you! And allow me to introduce our visitors!" She turned to the _Sugar Rush_ crowd, General Bill scurrying around her to maintain her shade. "Racers, please bid a hearty hello-and-how-do-you-do to three of my favorite subjects - this is Orangina Shimmerdust, Richley Chocobatter, and Watermillie Mellonsweet!"

Orangina flicked her kicky sunglasses up onto her bobbed blond hair; they were perfectly coordinated with her orange racing jacket and her skirt made of candy orange slices. Richley tipped his light brown newsboy cap and straightened the lapels of his chocolate-brown school uniform. Watermillie tucked her hands behind her green racing jacket and rocked on the balls of her feet; it was a wonder she didn't fall over with the weight of the half-watermelon she wore on her magenta-coiffed head.

Her eyes widening at the sight of the crowd, Orangina gasped. "Well, I'll be danged!" she said. "Y'all are from the first _Sugar Rush_ game, ain'tcha?"

Taffyta rolled her lollipop to the other side of her mouth. "Um, yeah," she muttered awkwardly, "I guess… w'all are."

Watermillie ran up to Candlehead in awe. "_EEEK!"_ she squealed. "Omigosh, like, I just _totally_ love your candle! Is that, like, designer or some junk, or did you like get it on discount?"

Candlehead thought hard. "Um, I think I was programmed with it?" she quipped. "Or maybe not? Jeez, now I'm all confused again…"

"And this must be the original incarnation of our fair lady Vanellope!" Richley said, dropping to one knee. Vanellope recoiled slightly as he gently took her hand and kissed it. "Welcome to our game, luv - you're sure to be in for a jolly good race or two, I daresay!" he said with a smile.

Swizzle and Gloyd elbowed Rancis, snickering. "Looks like you got some competition there, Rancy!" Swizzle whispered. "Hope you know how to speak British!"

"Shut up, guys," Rancis hissed, struggling to hide his scarlet cheeks behind the collar of his jacket.

Princess Vanellope twirled on the spot, her dress billowing out like a parachute. "Oh, this is so sweet-diddly-scrumptious!" she beamed. "All my friends are making friends, it's one big funny fabulous friend-a-palooza!"

"Yeah, that's great, friends rock and everything," Vanellope muttered, "but look, Your Highness? My Highness? Whatever - we need to know where we are."

With another innocent giggle, Princess Vanellope spread her arms wide. "Silly goose, you're in _Sugar Rush II_! Specifically, this is Eversweet Everglades - General Bill here can show you the whole map, can't you, sweetie?"

Still frowning, General Bill produced a large scroll from behind his back and unfurled it. It bore a vague resemblance to a map of the real world continents, except it was drawn in what appeared to be cake icing. Fifteen candy stars indicated the location of the various tracks; on a large island in the sea between North America and Europe was the cartoon likeness of a white sugary castle.

"See?" Princess Vanellope chirped, brandishing her scepter like a teacher's pointer. "There's Mellonwood on the West Coast, up north is Yum-Yum Yukon, south of the border we have Remember the A La Mode… that's my castle in the middle there, the sweetest track of all if I do say so myself..."

The other racers exchanged apprehensive looks. Candlehead lost interest in the lecture and began hopping on the gumdrop rocks around the beach like stepping stones.

Grunting loudly, Vanellope ran a frustrated hand down her face. She grabbed Princess Vanellope by the shoulders. "I mean the game _itself,_" she clarified. "_Where. Is. The game?_ What arcade are we in?"

For the first time, Princess Vanellope's smile disappeared. "Arcade?" she repeated. "Oh...oh, golly gosh, I thought you knew! We're not in an arcade."

"_WHAT?!"_ the racers yelped in shocked unison. Candlehead lost her balance, tumbling face-first onto the sand and spraying granules of sugar all over the hem of Princess Vanellope's dress.

Immediately, Orangina, Richley, and Watermillie rushed to their leader's aide, kneeling down to hastily dust the sprinkles away. "By jove!" Richley exclaimed. "What a frighteningly close call! Are you in any pain, my lady?"

The princess smiled appreciatively. "Quite all right, Richley, thank you." Her smile faltered as she turned back to Vanellope. "Yes, it's a little unfortunate, but we're in a private collection now. Bernie, the hooded fellow, he takes care of us."

Adorabeezle fidgeted anxiously with one of her ruby red earrings. "W-well," she stammered, "at least he still plays the games, I guess… right?"

Orangina looked up from straightening the hem of Princess Vanellope's dress. "Oh darlin'," she sighed, "Bernie ain't touched this here cabinet in a Gummi Bear's age 'cept to wipe the dust off'n the screen. He don't play games - reckon he just likes to sit 'n look at 'em. Ain't my place to judge, I s'pose…" she added, daintily inspecting her manicure.

Vanellope's head spun. It was like someone had just pulled the plug out of a drain in her chest. She and her friends were most likely miles away from Litwak's Arcade, with no way to get back. And no one would ever play _Sugar Rush_ again.

Glancing at her fellow racers, she saw she wasn't the only one freaking out. Jubileena had begun to cry again, sniffling softly. Minty clutched her chest, trying to stave off a panic attack. The four Palette Swap racers, Citrusella, Nougetsia, Sticky, and Torvald, were huddled together at the back of the crowd, deep in frightened conversation, their eyes wide and fearful.

"We'll never be played again…" Taffyta gasped, clutching Rancis' arm. "_We'll never be played again!_ I can't not race! I _need_ to race! What's the point of looking this good in a driving jacket _if you can't stinkin' race?!_"

"Ugh, c'mon!" Watermillie scoffed with a smirk. "Like, don't be such a drama llama! You can, like, totally still race, y'know!"

Princess Vanellope nodded. "My subjects and I hold a Random Roster Race every night, just for funny-fun-fun! And we all have just the sweetest time in the world, right, friends?"

"I'll say!" Orangina crowed, tossing her golden hair with pride. "Beats sittin' on our butts lookin' pretty all the time! Not that I ain't great at _that_ either, o'course," she added, popping open a compact mirror to check her blush.

With a warm smile, Princess Vanellope put a consoling hand on Vanellope's shoulder. "We're having tonight's race across the sea, over in Mochi-Mochi Metro. And we'd be ever so honored to have you and your _Sugar Rush_ friends join us."

Vanellope blinked. "Join you?"

"Absolutely!" the princess said. "You're our new neighbors! Our home is your home."

Vanellope was at a loss. Her mind still reeled with the sheer scope of her predicament. How could she think of racing at a time like this?

"I don't know…" she mumbled. She turned to the other racers. "Guys?"

Jubileena sniffled again. "Well," she said slowly, "racing _does_ usually cheer me up…"

"It's not like we can do anything else, is there?" Minty reasoned. "I mean, we're… we're kinda stuck here, aren't we?"

"And it couldn't hurt to to check out some of the tracks in this game, right?" Crumbelina added. "It's a sequel, after all - I'm sure they poured their heart and souls into making it look gorgeous! Perhaps there's even more beaches…"

Vanellope could see where this was going. She placed her hands in the pockets of her hoodie.

"Oh, _please_ say you'll come!" Princess Vanellope begged, her eyes big and sparkling. "I don't want you to be sad, because if you're sad, my subjects are sad, and if my subjects are sad, I'll be sad, and we simply _can't_ have that! Tears and sugar don't mix, it gets the sweets all salty and wet, y'know!"

With a sigh, Vanellope shrugged. "All right, fine," she said. "We'll go to the race."

Squealing with glee, Princess Vanellope flung her arms around her twin in a giant pink hug. "Oh, _thank you_, me!" she giggled. "I promise, you and your subjects are going to _love_ it here! Quickly, everyone back on the train!"

The princess bustled off toward the station, General Bill scurrying to keep the parasol over her head. Sour Bill rolled his large green eyes at the sight of it. Orangina, Richley, and Watermillie bounded along behind, Richley bending low to quickly brush a few extra stray grains of sand from Princess Vanellope's dress.

As the _Sugar Rush_ crew followed, Candlehead leaned in close to Vanellope. "Do _you_ want us to carry umbrellas and dust your clothes off for you like that, Vanellope?" she asked.

Vanellope blew a loose strand of hair out of her face. "If I ever tell you to do all that junk for me," she muttered under her breath, "you have permission to shove a Sweet Seeker up my nose."


	12. Workin' Outside Your Comfort Zone

To the casual visitor, Stanley Litwak's office probably could've passed for a war zone. The tiny 8x10 room seemed to house twice as many objects than could physically fit within it. Shelves were packed to bursting with employee records, delivery manifests, and brick-like service manuals for every game in the arcade, past and present. The color of the wall was practically indiscernible behind a jumbled layer of framed photographs, licenses, and newspaper clippings. Cords snaked along the floor, crisscrossing over mottled green carpet that hadn't been in style since 1978.

On a desk cluttered with invoices and Post-It Notes sat two monitors. One of them, darkened and powerless, was Mr. Litwak's trusty iMac computer, still plugging away as it had been since the late '90s. The other, its glowing screen casting a dim blue pallor on the cramped and shadowy room, was the security monitor. Its nine-way split screen captured every angle inside and out of the building.

Mr. Litwak, of course, was not in this office. It was 11:00 at night, and he was at home, sound asleep.

Had he been there, he likely would've been alarmed to see the cursor of his security monitor moving freely around the screen on its own.

"C'mon, you rat in hipster's clothing, turn to the stinkin' camera…"

Inside the security system hard drive lay a virtual world - nowhere near as complex as those in the arcade's video games, of course, but simply a single dark room, a television control room lit by a wall of nine buzzing monitors. Seated at the glowing control panel was a squat uniformed man, his lavender body buzzing with translucent electricity as he fiddled with the knobs and levers before him. And leaning intently on the back of his squeaky rotating chair was Calhoun, her cruiser at the floor by her feet, her eyes narrowed in keen slits as she watched the playback of the night's unusual activity.

"You'll have to be patient, ma'am," the controller muttered as he glanced up at Calhoun. "I can't make things happen, I just watch them happen."

The two men on the screen were dismantling the seats from the twin _Sugar Rush_ consoles. One of them, an arcade employee, slunk away out of sight. Then the other, a portly fellow in a hooded sweatshirt, kneeled behind the game to attach a powerful battery.

"Just as I thought," Calhoun muttered. "They never lost power, they never even knew…"

The men wheeled the consoles away. Calhoun's eyes darted to the upper left camera feed, the one at the front entrance under the overhang of the building's roof. She scowled as the men loaded up _Sugar Rush_ onto the back of a truck.

"Where are you takin' those kids, you flannel-wrapped philanderer?" Calhoun snarled, her fingers digging into the back of the controller's chair.

The controller rolled his eyes. "Speak a little louder, Ma'am, I don't think they heard you," he jeered.

The arcade employee motioned to the hooded man, clearly speaking. The man opened his wallet to remove money. And there it was, the exact information Calhoun was hoping to uncover - the man's driver's license, on full display.

"Pause it! Right there!"

She unclipped a small pen-like device from the upper left arm of her armor - her compact stealth camera, the one she'd used to take the photo of herself, Felix, Vanellope, and Ralph. Normally, no real forensics expert could actually zoom in on a pixelated still shot from a security camera and increase its resolution to crystal clarity. But thankfully, there were some hoary old tropes that _Hero's Duty_ played straight as an arrow.

Snapping a shot of the video, Calhoun pressed a trigger on the pen, projecting a hologram of the photo she'd just taken. Swiping her thumb and index finger, she scaled it up to four times its size, rendering the name and address on the man's license readable.

BERNIE D. GUNDERSON  
1216 LECHNER CIRCLE  
UPLAND, CA 91785

"Mama's comin', kiddos," Calhoun smirked as she eyed the photo.

The controller sighed. "Does that mean we're done here?"

* * *

"How long do you reckon he'll be up there?" Mary asked.

Gene drained the last of his martini. "Long as it takes, Mary," he said heavily. "That kid meant a lot to him, I guess."

Mary peered out the penthouse window, not that she could see the roof from this angle. "Oh, the poor dear…" she whispered, wringing her hands. "He must be broken up as all get-out."

"I just hope he gets it together by morning," Gene said offhandedly. "We're still gonna have players 'n all."

"Gene!" Mary snapped. "Have a little sympathy!"

Gene rubbed the back of his neck. "What, I can't think about two things at once?"

Ralph heard none of this conversation. His thoughts were too loud, too heavy to ignore. From the roof of Niceland Apartments, all he could look at was the darkened empty square where _Sugar Rush_ had stood. As much as he wanted to tear his gaze away from the screen, he couldn't.

He slumped against the molding of the roof and sighed. A consoling hand patted his broad back.

"I know, it's hard to look at," Felix said softly. "But y'know, Ralphie, I reckon Vanellope wouldn't want us moping and mourning forever. We should remember the good times, wouldn't you say?"

Ralph knew this was true. But in this moment, all he could think of was the injustice of the whole thing.

"...There should've been more good times," he gulped. "It shouldn't have been taken away from her so soon… fifteen years, Felix. Fifteen years she fought to get her life back, and she only got to live it for one…"

His shoulders heaving with shuddering breaths, Ralph looked down at his mighty hands.

"I promised I'd take care of her," he said, his voice cracking. "I said I'd never let anything bad happen to her… I made a pinky promise, Felix. What good is a pinky promise the world won't even let you keep?"

Felix winced as Ralph's eyes began to water again. The pain of seeing his best friend so broken up was too much to bear - especially knowing what Calhoun had said, that there may still be hope after all…

"...Maybe _Sugar Rush_ didn't get junked?" Felix said, trying to make it sound casual, like he'd just thought of it. "Maybe whoever took it was just, y'know...moving it?"

Ralph rubbed his pinkened nose. "Oh c'mon, Felix," he coughed. "Everyone in this arcade knows the games that go out that door aren't coming back."

Felix tugged on the brim of his hat, desperate to bring Ralph's spirits back from the brink. "But you said it yourself - the game still worked just fine. Maybe someone kept it running. Maybe Vanellope and her friends are… y'know, still alive and safe out there." He tucked his hands behind his back. "Somethin' worth thinking about, y'know?"

Ralph glanced down at his friend. Did Felix know something he didn't?

"...You think so?" Ralph said hoarsely.

Suddenly, the sound of an approaching jet engine caught both their ears. A familiar contralto voice boomed over the noise.

"I _know_ so, Mountain Man."

Ralph and Felix whirled around as Calhoun brought the cruiser down on the rooftop. Her face was a crafty smirk of excited triumph.

"Snoogy-Woogy!" Felix cheered. "You're back!"

Ralph hastily dried his eyes. "Calhoun, where ya been?" he croaked.

Calhoun twirled her camera pen like a gun on its trigger guard.

"Put your travelin' pants on, boys," she said with a smile. "We're takin' a road trip."

* * *

"A battery?! Are you sure?"

Ralph huffed, dodging and weaving through the crowd, trying to keep up with Calhoun and Felix as they soared low over Game Central Station on the cruiser. It was hardly a challenge for him - with the possibility of Vanellope's survival sounding very real, he felt like he could've run the length of the atrium twice.

"Absolutely positive, Ralphie," Calhoun nodded. "Screen still on, whole console lit up like Christmas. This Gunderson character wants to keep this game lookin' pristine 'n pretty."

"Gee whillikers," Felix mused, holding his hat tight to his head. "Wonder why he went through all the trouble?"

Calhoun leaned forward, bringing the cruiser close to the floor. "Loss of power would've wiped out the high score records," she explained. "This basement-bound beardo wants to keep that game on display, I'm sure of it. Vanellope's not going to another arcade - she 'n her friends are gettin' turned into museum pieces. And no way in h-e-double-toothpicks are we gonna sit here and let that happen! We're goin' out there and we're bringin' everybody in _Sugar Rush_ back home to this arcade!"

Ralph's head spun. He could feel his heart soaring. There was hope after all!

...And yet, at the same time, a piercing sting of betrayal lingered. Mr. Litwak had sold _Sugar Rush_ on the spur of the moment. How could he? A game beloved by so many kids… Did he need the money? Was the arcade in such dire financial straits? Which game was next on his list?

Ralph tried to shake these thoughts. He had more important things to focus on - namely, rescuing Vanellope and her friends. Though that mammoth prospect raised its own intimidating set of inquiries…

"Um, quick question there, Calhoun," Ralph panted, trying to catch his breath. "How are we gonna find 'em?"

Hoisting her pack on her shoulder, Calhoun pointed at the outlet they'd stopped in front of - the outlet that, up until a few months ago, had remained empty for years.

"_That's_ how," Calhoun asserted.

Ralph and Felix knew where this cord led to. That strange little blinky box perched on top of the _Dragon's Lair_ console. Neither of them knew how it worked, but they remembered how excited Mr. Litwak had been when he plugged it in, how good he said it'd be for business.

Their eyes drifted upward, to the bright red LCD sign set into the wall over the grounding prong portal. It displayed a single word.

WIFI.

* * *

Already, Ralph could tell this was going to be a very strange experience.

For starters, the ride up the power cord wasn't a train like every other game in the arcade, but an ultra-modern moving walkway. Each panel was a wide green circular pad that glowed brightly, illuminating Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun's bodies an otherworldly emerald. It was like riding into the future.

"Now, honey, you're _positive_ this will be safe?" Felix intoned as the panels rose upward. "'Cause I've heard some very shady tales about the Internet - is it true that some people there actually _curse?_"

Calhoun squeezed Felix's hand. "Nothin' to blow a gasket over, Sugarcakes," she assured him. "The squad and I did a recon mission online when they first plugged this bad boy in, make sure everything was on the level. As long as we keep our heads on straight, it's gonna be smooth surfing for all of us."

The three of them emerged into the world of the router. The room they were in was massive, with pitch black walls lit by twittering green and blue lights that blinked rapidly. Computer chips and diodes lined a pathway made of electrical wiring, a path that led to a sleek translucent green escalator. At the foot of the escalator, the path was blocked by a tall rectangular gateway that - to Ralph's slight alarm - seemed to be on fire.

"Seems like kind of a weird place to go surfing, if you ask me," Ralph muttered, craning his neck in bewilderment at everything around him.

Together, they approached the gateway. A figure suddenly materialized at a podium next to them, a squat green woman in an official-looking uniform. She bore a distinct resemblance to the Surge Protector, with the same buzzing electric sheen.

"Whoa, hold up there, pumpkins," the woman snapped, squinting through her square spectacles. "Where do you think you're runnin' off to?"

Calhoun crossed her arms. "We're goin' on the Internet, Green Bean, what's it look like?" she snarled. "We got a rescue mission to execute here, and we only got eleven hours 'til those arcade doors open!"

The woman pulled out a handheld device that looked like a paddle. "That's not my problem, sweetie," she drawled. "You can't go bargin' through the firewall 'til I check ya for viruses. Now, all of ya, spread 'em. Hands on your heads."

Felix, Calhoun, and Ralph hastily complied. The woman clicked her device, and a bright blue beam washed over the three of them, humming loudly. Ralph couldn't help giggling. "Whoo! Hey, that tickles!"

"Viruses…" Felix muttered, his feeling slightly hurt. "Why, _Fix-It Felix Jr._ hasn't had a virus in 31 years! Clean living, y'know…"

With a soft _ding_, the firewall changed colors, from orange to deep indigo. "All right," the security woman muttered as she stowed her scanner, "you three are good to go. Enjoy your visit to the Internet, stay safe, yada yada yada."

Ralph winced slightly as he walked through the fire. To his surprise, it didn't burn in the slightest. Nor, unfortunately, did it keep his broad body from getting stuck in the gateway; with a hefty shove from Calhoun, he stumbled through.

"Sorry 'bout that!" he said sheepishly as Calhoun and Felix passed beneath the gate. "Um, thanks for the clean bill of health, sister!"

"Whatever," the security woman sniffed, vanishing in a crackle of electricity.

Ralph chuckled as they ascended the escalator. "Nice gal," he said, jutting a thumb over his shoulder. "She and Surge oughta get together sometime."

The escalator deposited Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun in front of a large round green pad. Carved into the wall behind it was a portal, long and dark, obviously leading to another wire.

"Listen up, buckeroos," Calhoun said, double-checking her sidearm, "we're gonna _stick together_ in here, comprende? The Internet's bigger'n all get-out and then some, and I don't want either of you getting lost. Vanellope and all her buddies are depending on us."

Felix steeled himself, shoulders back, brow furrowed. "And depend on us they may, Snoogumbunches! We'll go to the ends of the Internet and back if it means getting those kids home safe 'n sound!"

Ralph jogged in place, shaking his bulky arms out and breathing heavily, psyching himself up. "C'mon," he said, "let's lock-on!"

"That's _log_ on, Bush Baby," Calhoun said with a smirk. She held Felix's hand and glared down the tunnel.

Together, all three stepped onto the pad.

"Oh, and Ralph," Calhoun said quickly, "you might want to hold onto us."

ZAP.

Instantly, Ralph felt a bolt of energy shoot through his body, more powerful than anything he'd ever experienced. Green light had engulfed him. Squinting, he glanced at Felix and Calhoun - and gasped in shock.

Both Calhoun and Felix were getting sucked down the now-open portal, so fast that the force of it was pulling their digital bodies apart, splitting them into bolts of glowing blue pixels. They shot down the ethernet cable as if they'd been fired out of a gun.

Ralph had less than a second to register this bizarre sight before he realized it was happening to him too. Before he could even cry out, he was whisked off his feet, barreling through the portal and down the cord faster than he'd ever even seen anything move. The tunnel around him was nothing but a dark copper blur.

He felt his stomach turn over. Or he thought he did - it was hard to tell where his stomach was. He had no physical body. He was seeing, but he couldn't place his eyes. He had become pure data, a formless bolt of code rocketing through an impossibly fast signal.

Within microseconds, the cord vanished. Colors surrounded Ralph, red, green, blue, whipping by too fast to be processed. Light assaulted his senses. Data screamed all around him, an overwhelming cacophony of information, sounds he'd never heard before. The speed was too much. He was going to rip apart, he knew it…

WHUMP.

He was sprawled on the ground in a heap. He'd never been more grateful to feel something solid beneath him.

Groaning, shaken, Ralph got to his feet - feet that, to his immense relief, he had once again. His body had reformed. He rubbed his face, blinked his eyes...and felt his jaw drop open.

He was standing in the middle of a colossal round atrium. His first impression was that of a vastly more advanced version of Game Central Station. Small figures were coming and going all around him; others were arriving or departing in pixelated blinks of multicolored light by way of round transport pads built into the shiny floor.

The place had the appearance of a packed airport terminal. Businesses lined the edges of the atrium, sleek modern storefronts - or were they stores? Ralph wasn't sure what services could be provided by establishments with names like "Google" or "Yahoo", which weren't even words as far as he could tell. The small figures that surrounded him were flocking to these kiosks, poking at holographic screens and suddenly departing in little personal transports that seemed to appear from nowhere.

But all this was nothing to what lay beyond. Straight ahead of the atrium was a balcony's edge, looking out over the most majestic and densely populated cityscape Ralph had ever laid eyes on. He knew, wherever he was, that it was at least a hundred times bigger than any of the game worlds back home. Stylish monolithic skyscrapers pierced the electric blue heavens, their spires adorned with glimmering logos for companies Ralph had never heard of, more peculiar names like "Twitter" and "Netflix" and "Snapchat". Between the buildings, rows and rows of those square personal transports flew, soaring like light traveling down a circuit.

The sheer majesty of it all was overwhelming. Ralph put a hand to his head as he struggled to find words.

"Welcome to the Internet, Mountain Man," Calhoun said smoothly.

Ralph turned, a relieved smile lighting his face. Both Calhoun and Felix had arrived safely. Felix kept tipping his hat and waving to the tiny figures zipping past him, all of which were the same squat height and wore the same blank expression on their square faces.

"Howdy-do, stranger!" Felix said hastily, trying to flag someone down. "I don't suppose you could - uh, we need to get - would you mind showing us -"

Not one figure slowed down to even acknowledge Felix's presence.

Felix crossed his arms with a pouty _harrumph_. "Well, seems there's one thing you _can't_ find on the Internet, and that's hospitality!"

Calhoun smiled. "These are user avatars, Sugarcakes," she explained. "Can't see us - all they see is the websites. And that's just what we need to track down too. C'mon, let's kick this rescue mission into high gear already…"

Ralph couldn't stop looking around, taking it all in. "Sweet Mother Hubbard," he gasped, "how the heck are we gonna find Vanellope in all _this?_" As eager as he was, the task seemed much more daunting now that he was inside the virtual world. His neck began to itch at the thought of crossing this sprawling metropolis on foot and back by daybreak.

Calhoun grabbed Ralph's arm, steering him towards the inner edge of the atrium. "If my theory about this scrub Gunderson is correct, it'll be easier than you think, Ralph," she said. "We've got Pink Boy's address, and we know he's a video game junkie - obviously, if he's willing to plunk down 700 smackers on a sixteen-year-old arcade console. I'd bet every rifle in my inventory that this noxious nail-chewing neckbeard has an account with at least one online game."

Felix blinked. "There's video games _online?_" he squeaked. "Golly gee, the things they're doing with technology these days!"

"Not just any games," Calhoun went on. "Massive multiplayer games. Make an account, build your own character, and waste your weekend in the cyberpunk playground. So we gotta get into one of these games and track down Gunderson's custom player avatar."

Ralph began to put the plan together in his mind. "Because if we can jump into a game that Gunderson's got an account for…"

"Then we can log off _through_ his account," Calhoun finished with a confident smile. "And from there, it's a hop, skip, and zap into Gunderson's home wiring and whatever outlet he's got Vanellope and her friends plugged into!"

Her eyes narrowed. "Now, if only these jokers would clear a path to one of these search engines…"

Ralph and Felix looked around. The crowd of user avatars was thickest around the booths for Google, Yahoo, and Bing. Off in the corner, however, stood a smaller booth that resembled an old library, completely free of traffic. A small round purple algorithm in a mortarboard and tweed suit leaned on the search bar, drumming his fingers impatiently, his large bespectacled eyes glazed over in boredom. Above his little window, the logo buzzed bright blue: KNOWSMORE.

"How about that one?" Felix suggested. "No line there! And the poor little guy looks kinda bored - least we can do is pay him a visit."

The algorithm's eyebrows raised as Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun approached his website. "Good heavens!" he squeaked, straightening his lapels and adjusting his overlarge round glasses. "Visitors! Goodness gracious, I haven't seen avatars like you before! ...Oh, no matter, the point is, you're clearly in search of something or other, or you wouldn't be here, would you? What can Knowsmore help you find today?"

"My, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Knowsmore!" Felix said with a hearty wave. "I certainly hope you can help us, we're in a dilly of a pickle right now. Uh, my name's Fix-It Felix Jr., y'see, from the game _Fix-It Felix Jr._, and -"

Knowsmore's eyes suddenly lit up, his whole body vibrating. When it stopped, a square holographic screen sprang up in front of him, displaying the Wikipedia page for _Fix-It Felix Jr._

"_Fix-It Felix Jr._, an 8-bit platforming game developed by TobiKomi Inc. and released in 1982 for Atari, Intellivision, and arcade consoles!" Knowsmore recited, grinning expectantly.

Ralph blinked. "Wow, this guy's good," he mumbled. "Uh, but listen, we came here all the way from Litwak's Arcade…"

Another screen popped up at once, the Litwak's Arcade Facebook page. "Litwak's Arcade and Family Fun Center!" Knowsmore chirped. "Located off Route 83 in Chino, California, open seven days a week, offering a free Double Points Powercard on your birthday -"

Calhoun slammed her fist on the counter. Knowsmore jumped in alarm, his glasses askew.

"86 the pop quiz, Egghead!" she snapped. "We're on a time crunch here!"

Knowsmore hastily straightened his mortarboard. "M-my apologies, ma'am!" he stammered. "Just a little carried away, that's all… you three are the most traffic I've had all week, y'know…"

A hologram of a computer keyboard materialized over the search bar.

"Well," Calhoun muttered, typing away, "how 'bout you channel some of that pent-up energy into helping us find this Bernie Gunderson character?"

Entering "Bernie D. Gunderson Upland CA" into the search bar, she jabbed the green button on the end. Another shake, and Knowsmore produced a row of preview tabs.

"Well, that's interesting!" he intoned. "I found quite a few results for your query!" He swiped through the screens with one finger as they hovered in midair. "Let's see, we have a Facebook page, last status update 49 minutes ago… a Craigslist entry for a slightly used copy of _Diddy Kong Racing_… an Instagram account…"

Ralph's heart leapt. A flash of pink on the screen…

"Go back! Go back!" he yelped, waving his hands.

Knowsmore obliged. There it was - _Sugar Rush_, both cabinets sitting against a white wall next to a teal game Ralph didn't recognize. A caption beneath the photo read "Collection finally complete! #SugarRush #ICanDieHappy #ThankYouLitwaksArcade"

"_THAT'S IT!"_ Ralph whooped, punching the air in triumph. "That's _Sugar Rush_! Holy hotcakes, Calhoun, you were right!"

Felix leapt up and planted a kiss on his wife's cheek. "No surprise there, Ralphie!" he chuckled. "She's one smart cookie, my little Snoogumbunch is!"

"Well, don't go throwin' confetti just yet there, sweet stuff," Calhoun said. "We still gotta find a game to jump into. Tell me, Einstein, any word on what this toolbox does for fun?"

Knowsmore swiped up another screen. Ralph squinted at the logo near the top: STEAM.

"Quite a lot, from the looks of things!" Knowsmore grinned. "Mr. Gunderson has a rather expansive collection of video games on his Steam account!"

"Just what we needed!" Calhoun smirked. "Pick your poison, boys!"

Ralph and Felix scanned the list of games on Bernie's account. "Uh, we probably oughta find a game that's, y'know, not too violent?" Ralph suggested. "_Least_ likely to get any of us killed?"

That was going to be a challenge. Bernie's Steam account seemed to be nothing but violent games. "_World of Warcraft_?" Felix read. "That doesn't sound too peaceful… _Wizardry Online_? Eugh, those swords seem awfully dangerous… _Slaughter Race_? No sir, that sounds like nothing but trouble…"

Finally, one game icon caught his eye. A bright teal and yellow logo, with a sassy-looking woman in a bikini standing on a golden beach against an orange sunset.

"_Extreme E-Z Livin'_?" Felix mused.

In the blink of an eye, Knowsmore brought up another tab, the game's download page. "Oh yes, _Extreme E-Z Livin'_! A massive multiplayer online game developed by TNT Games, released in 2011 exclusively for PC! Currently boasts over 2.2 million subscribers!"

"What do you think?" Ralph said, gesturing to the preview tab. "Sun, sand, babes in bikinis, looks like a safe bet to me."

Calhoun rolled her eyes. "I'll bet this Gunderson clown lives alone, too." She poked the icon with her index finger.

Out of nowhere, metal seats popped up beneath Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun's backsides. Square hyperlink transport pods began to construct around their bodies.

"Enjoy your stay on the Internet!" Knowsmore called with a wave. "And tell your friends about the benefits of Knowsmore - your guide to the World Wide Web since 1998!"

"Sure thing, little buddy!" Felix assured him, flashing a quick thumbs-up before the transport pads whisked them out of the hub at top speed.

Knowsmore slumped against his counter, running a hand over his chubby face. "Oh good," he sighed, looking longingly at the empty area in front of his website. "I could use some decent word of mouth…"

He winced as a cookie hit him in the head, knocking his mortarboard askew. Glancing up, he spotted a clutch of trendy-looking blue algorithms behind the counter of the packed Google kiosk, laughing amongst themselves and pointing derisively at him. "Hey loser!" one of them shouted. "How's my Enron stock doing?"

With a sigh, Knowsmore reached up and grabbed the retractable grate at the top of his window. "Ugh, disrespectful little hipsters," he huffed, slamming down the grate, emblazoned with a large black number 404.


	13. S-U-G-A-R, Jump Into Your Racing Car

"Oh cripes, get a load o' this here, eh?"

"_Sacre bleu!_ Eet really _ees_ zem, at last!"

"_¡Ay,_ _muy bien!_ I knew they'd show up!"

Vanellope and her friends had just barely wrenched open the door to the garage, tucked away behind the track that wound through the garishly lit urban streets of Mochi-Mochi Metro, when the sounds of excited chatter met their ears. Before they knew it, they were facing down a cheerful wave of handshakes, hugs, and casual pecks on the cheek, as the entire roster of _Sugar Rush II_ racers gathered around to greet them.

Princess Vanellope giggled as General Bill dusted the hem of her skirt with a small brush. "I saw Bernie wheel in your game," she said with a cheeky grin. "And, well, I _might_ have told my subjects you were coming…"

A red-haired boy in a plaid kilt and an oversized tam-o-shanter slapped Swizzle's palm and shook his hand hard enough to nearly yank him to the ground. "Jings!" he squawked, smiling from ear to ear. "Mangus McTartenly's me name! Howzitgoan, ye right numpty? Havnae seen ye 'round these parts - 'sa pure magic game we got here, int it no?"

"Uh, sure," Swizzle chuckled awkwardly, "whatever you say!"

"Top of the mornin te ya, lassie!" said a peppy girl in a black-and-white dress, chocolate chips bouncing merrily in her grey hair as she hugged Adorabeezle. "Sarawich O'Reo! Such a treat te finally be meetin' the lot o' ye! How's the craic?"

Adorabeezle raised an eyebrow. "Um, that's a little personal, isn't it?"

It was introductions all around - the prim and proper Alouette Pettifor, who curtsied her powder-blue dress with a grateful "_Merci_" to Jubileena; the boisterous Fritzle Yummelshtump in his green fruit leather leiderhosen, who greeted Gloyd by backflipping into a handstand for no reason; the aggressively friendly Drizella Maplecakes, in her pancake hat topped with butter and syrup, who seemed to end practically everything she said to Snowanna with an expectant "Eh?"

There was the bronze-skinned Caramelita Chugarrez, her hair sparkling with sugar dust; the wild-eyed Maxamillion Rockcandansky, with a cotton candy-blue mohawk and a fruit leather jacket patched with strips of bubblegum; the dignified Kweizi Mfondante, in his khaki shorts and his safari hat lined with Fun Dip spoons. Steely-faced Sveetlana Tsugarski, bundled up to the chin in a fluffy coconut-dusted coat and sporting a truly impressive marshmallow hat; Xoaqueena Boloderolo, swishing her floor-length dress and keeping one hand on her headpiece full of candy fruit at all times; and Gleeza Chewtankhamun, in a glittering gold-plated skirt and a regal gummi headdress. Every one of them was more than eager to get to know their new neighbors.

Minty turned to see a fair-skinned racer clad in a lavender kimono, her purple hair done up in a prim round bun with two sticks of pocky through it. She had her hands up in front of her mouth, as if afraid to open it.

"Hi, what's your name?" Minty intoned cautiously.

"This here's Tsukara Pokkistix," Orangina said. "She, uh...she ain't quite as outgoin' as the rest of us." She smiled, gesturing to the _Sugar Rush_ racers. "Aint'cha gonna say hi to our new friends, Tsukara? They ain't gonna bite ya or nothin'!"

Tsukara blushed, clearing her throat.

"Um..._Shugaa Rasshu_ he youkoso! Sore ha subete no anata ni ae te ureshii desu!"

Minty blinked. "Uh, what'd she say?"

"We got no dang idea," Orangina whispered under her breath. Tsukara blushed even deeper, burying her face in the sleeves of her kimono.

Princess Vanellope leapt onto the hood of Sarawich's kart, balancing daintily on one foot. "Everyone, our new neighbors are going to be joining our race tonight! Isn't that just the funny-fun-funnest thing you've ever heard?"

The _Sugar Rush II_ crowd erupted in cheers.

"Gonna race with us, huh, _amigos_?" Caramelita chirped. "Takes some serious _huevos_ to run with this squad!" With a playful laugh, she yanked Crumbelina into a headlock, popping her hat off and administering a noogie. Crumbelina was too baffled to react.

"Whoa, hang on," Snowanna interjected. "Our karts are all still in _Sugar Rush_!"

Richley smirked, crossing his arms. "Oh, and you're positive about that, are you, luv?"

Orangina stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled. From around the corner of the room, a group of marshmallow pit techs emerged - each one pushing a shiny 128-bit replica of the original _Sugar Rush_ karts.

The racers gasped, their eyes sparkling in awe. "Oh my gosh!" Candlehead squeaked. "They're _beautiful!_"

"They're unlockable bonus vehicles," Princess Vanellope explained, smiling as Taffyta ran a stunned hand up the chassis of her hard candy kart. "For that extra nostalgic touch! Hee hee, don't you just love when the developers get cute like that?"

Jubileena leapt into her driver's seat, admiring the more advanced dashboard. Then she glanced around in confusion. "Wait, where's Vanellope's kart?"

Vanellope put her hands in her pockets and directed her gaze toward the wall.

"Oh…" Princess Vanellope gulped. "Oh, I guess that's right… _I_ drive your kart! Uh, _my_ kart!" She laughed, trying to mask the awkwardness. "Well, this is a little, ah… oofti-ma-goofti, isn't it?"

Vanellope felt her stomach knot as her eyes darted to the one familiar vehicle in the group of _Sugar Rush II_ karts lined up against the wall. It was pure white, sleek and curved, with a spoiler shaped like a crown - the kart Vanellope had always been programmed to drive. Not that she ever used it back in _Sugar Rush_. Not only did it bring back unpleasant memories of Turbo zipping around in his disgusting King Candy disguise, but she just preferred the kart that she and Ralph had made… the kart that was currently buried under tons of ice cream in Soft-Serve Summit, probably broken beyond any hope of repair…

"Look, you guys can race without me," Vanellope mumbled, as Sour Bill sidled up to her, eyes wide with concern. "I'm kinda not in the mood… me' n Bill should probably be gettin' back anyway to help Wynnchel 'n Duncan clean up…"

"Oh, don't be sad, me!" Princess Vanellope implored, grabbing Vanellope's hand. "I can't stand to see myself cry! Look, we've got other karts - spare custom ones from the old arcade days! Here, see?"

A marshmallow tech wheeled out a very clunky-looking kart, red with purple sprinkles and bright lime green stripes. None of its wheels matched. It looked like it had been built by a first grader.

"There you go, Vanellope!" Candlehead said with a hopeful smile. "I mean, it _kinda_ looks like your kart… if you, y'know, squint a bit 'n turn your head like this…"

"And then rip out your eyes," Taffyta muttered through her lollipop.

Vanellope had to agree. She sighed. "All right, fine, whatever, let's just do this."

Princess Vanellope let out an eager squeal. "Oh, goody-goody gumdrops! I'm _ever_ so delighted! In fact, I'm so happy, let's do tonight's race in Double Dip mode! What do you say, subjects?"

The _Sugar Rush II_ crowd cheered again. "_Double Dip! Double Dip!"_ they chanted.

Candlehead scrunched her face in confusion. "What's Double Dip mode?"

"Oh, like, that's when we race in teams of two," Watermillie said. "You gotta, like, work together with your teammate 'n junk, it's like _totally_ off the hook."

Princess Vanellope toyed with her scepter as she surveyed the crowd. All her fellow racers leaned forward, eyes shining with eager anticipation.

"Let's see…" the princess mused. "Selecting a racing partner… that requires a lot of serious thought about stats and compatibility and oh what the heck, I'll pick Mangus."

With a jubilant whoop, Mangus punched the air in triumph. "Hoot, man!" he hollered. "Ah been chosen! That's pure deid belter, that is!"

The other _Sugar Rush II_ kids hung their heads in shame. "_Pauvre moi!"_ Alouette lamented. "One of zese days, I am sure…"

"Come on now," Princess Vanellope giggled, "let's not waste any more time! I believe _I_ have a race to win!" And with a flourish, she ripped off her frilly pink dress, revealing a stylish white racing jumpsuit underneath. General Bill waddled over, carrying a matching white racing helmet.

"Guess we're all teaming up then, huh?" Adorabeezle said, immediately putting an arm around Jubileena. "I've never tag-team raced before, might be fun!"

Taffyta leaned against her kart as if guarding a fancy new Christmas present. "So, Vanellope," she asked, "who's gonna be your partner?"

Vanellope blinked. How was she going to decide that? It wasn't in her nature to play favorites…

"I'll be your partner!"

Rancis' hand shot into the air like it had been spring-loaded. Swizzle and Gloyd both snickered at him. "Um, that is, if you want me to be, I guess…" he added hastily, blushing yet again.

In spite of herself, Vanellope felt a hint of a smile cross her face.

"Don't worry, Rancis," she assured him. "You're cool."

Taffyta stifled a laugh. "Pfft, no he's not."

* * *

The hungry rumble of engines echoed off the intricately decorated cake skyscrapers that surrounded the track. Mochi-Mochi Metro was absolutely saturated with loud colored lights and glowing neon hard candy signs emblazoned with Japanese characters. The sides of the streets were packed to bursting with candy spectators, anthropomorphic balls of mochi with cue dot-eyed faces, clacking long pocky sticks together in anticipation of the impending race.

Princess Vanellope sat at the front of the pack, practically bouncing out of her driver's seat in anticipation. General Bill was buckled into a retractable sidecar, his face as expressionless as ever.

On the sideline, Sour Bill turned to one of the marshmallow mechanics. "Sure, I _could_ be a backseat driver for Miss Vanellope," he scoffed. "I just choose not to."

Vanellope herself was at the back of the convoy, feeling her way around the unfamiliar kart. Rancis idled by her side, smiling in encouragement. "You're gonna do great out there, Vanellope!" he shouted over the roar of the engines. "And hey, with the two of us workin' together, maybe I'll finally come in first for a change!"

Vanellope shrugged. "Hey, stranger things have happened!"

On Vanellope's other side, Orangina flipped up the visor of her racing helmet. "Don't brag too soon there, darlin'!" she called with a smirk. "The Princess _never_ loses!"

Rancis leaned back in his seat, trying to look confident. "Well," he said, "there's a first time for every-"

"The Princess _NEVER_ loses," Orangina repeated, glaring seriously at Rancis.

Rancis gulped. Vanellope arched an eyebrow.

The towering column of traffic lights turned from red to yellow, then green.

In a billowing cloud of sugary dust, more than 30 candy karts shot over the starting line. Princess Vanellope took an immediate lead, giggling uncontrollably as Mangus' plaid-patterned fondant vehicle weaved behind her.

The race tore around a corner, revealing five tantalizing power-up sugar cubes hovering above the track. Taffyta pulled up on Princess Vanellope's left. "Oh, yippie-skippie!" the princess cheered. "Power-ups just for me!"

"Didn't you ever learn to share?" Taffyta taunted, sideswiping Princess Vanellope's kart. The princess spun across the track, missing every power-up block. Taffyta snagged one, with Candlehead, Richley, Minty, and Tsukara nabbing the rest.

Taffyta jabbed her power-up button just as Candlehead drove up behind her. "Nice drivin', partner!" Candlehead cheered.

"_Candlehead, you idiot!"_ Taffyta yelped. "_Don't drive behind me!"_

A torrent of Sprinkle Spikes poured out of the back of Taffyta's kart, sticking in Candlehead's wheels and spinning her out; she collided with Alouette's kart, and both of them banged off the guardrail.

"Oh, _cracking_ good teamwork, you two!" Richley teased as he and Watermillie overtook Taffyta. Tsukara followed close behind.

"Himega okotte iru kakuninshi te kudasai shi nai de kudasai!" she shouted, dropping back as quickly as she'd pulled up.

Taffyta pursed her lips, confused. "...Yeah, okay, whatever," she muttered, hitting the gas.

Vanellope struggled to overtake the others. The kart she'd been stuck with wasn't particularly aerodynamic, and its speed and handling were nothing like her own vehicle.

A massive chunky kart with giant black rock candy tires swerved back and forth in front of Vanellope, taunting her. At the wheel was Maxamillion, his bright blue mohawk flapping wildly in the wind.

"Oi!" he bellowed, grinning back at Vanellope. "Nothin' personal, sheila, but _someone's_ gotta win this bloomin' race, don't they?"

CRUNCH.

Maxamillion's hefty kart skidded sideways as Rancis swiped him from the right. "Too bad it's not gonna be you!" he teased as Maxamillion plowed into Fritzle's kart.

Vanellope flashed a quick thumbs-up. "Awesome assist, Rancis!" she giggled.

Rancis blushed beneath his helmet.

Up ahead, Crumbelina and Snowanna pulled ahead of the pack as the first jump drew closer. The road ended, opening up into a massive valley between the buildings, filled with gargantuan helium balloons modeled after the familiar _Sugar Rush_ spectators. The gap was too big for any kart to clear.

"Is this where the cool part happens?" Swizzle shouted.

Kweizi raised a heavy eyebrow and smirked. "Push that big red button and see!" he laughed, punching the "Glider" feature on his dashboard.

Thirty-one karts shot into the air, hang glider spoilers springing out of their frames. The racers laughed and squealed as they caught air, bouncing merrily from one balloon to the next.

"_Woo-hoo!"_ Gloyd cheered. "_This game ROCKS!"_

Landing on solid track again, Taffyta and Candlehead slowly regained ground, pulling into the lead. Candlehead unleashed her Happy Birthblaze power-up, bursting to the head of the line in an explosion of flames.

Taffyta nodded in approval. But seconds later, she yelped as a sharp electric jolt shot through her, crippling her kart.

"_LIGHTNING LICORICE LASSO!"_ boomed the familiar voice of the _Sugar Rush_ announcer. Taffyta whirled around, her teeth gritted from the shock. Princess Vanellope was on her tail, smiling smugly, with a long red electrified candy rope laced from her hood to the read wheel axle of Taffyta's kart. With both wheels locked, Taffyta skidded to a halt. Princess Vanellope overtook her handily, the licorice rope retracting like a pulled plug.

Rancis pulled ahead of Snowanna and Crumbelina, drawing close to Tsukara's rear bumper. Before he could react, an explosion of white chocolate cherry blossom petals blew out the back of Tsukara's kart.

"_SAKURA SNOWSTORM!"_

Rancis gasped.

And then jerked violently in his seat as Vanellope plowed into his side, skidding both of them across the track to safety. The petals engulfed Sveetlana and Gleeza's karts, embedding in the meringue and baklava frames.

"Now we're even, partner!" Vanellope laughed, tossing a quick salute to Rancis.

The track's most daunting obstacle drew closer - a ten story loop-de-loop that coiled straight through a glimmering red licorice replica of the Tokyo Tower. Princess Vanellope kept her lock on the lead, with Mangus struggling to keep pace with her; Vanellope and Rancis led the pack of racers behind, drawing close to the princess' kart.

"Oh my gosh!" Rancis shouted. "Vanellope, I think we might win this thing!"

Vanellope smiled. "You might be onto somethin' there, Rancis!" She shifted gears and pounded the gas as the loop loomed ahead. "C'mon, let's finish this conversation in the winner's circle!"

As he watched Vanellope accelerate up the loop, Rancis felt his heart soar. He could picture it now - the two of them roaring over the finish line together, the crowd going wild, Vanellope throwing her arms around him… maybe even planting a spontaneous celebratory kiss on his cheek…

Rancis' face glowed red as he got lost in his daydream. He didn't even notice the rest of the racers zooming past him.

He didn't even notice that he'd taken his foot off the accelerator.

Until he realized the unusual way his racing jacket was hanging on his shoulders.

He gasped in shock as he looked up.

Or rather, down. Because his kart had slowed to a halt right at the climax of the loop-de-loop. He was a hundred feet in the air, upside down.

And at that moment, the game's physics engine finally decided to kick in.

"_AAAAAAAAA!"_

Rancis flailed as he plummeted, grasping in futility at something to grab. His kart tumbled away, end over end through the air next to him, bouncing off the candy beams of the tower.

On the track below, Vanellope whipped around in her seat at the sound of the scream. Her eyes practically bugged out of her goggles as she spotted her friend dropping through the center of the tower. Her heart leapt to her throat.

Rancis' kart was coded into the game. He wasn't.

"_RANCIS!"_

Without a second thought, Vanellope leapt from her kart. Squeezing her eyes shut, she focused on Rancis, where he was in the game world. In a microsecond, she'd locked onto his x-y coordinates - and forcibly, instinctively, she twisted her own code to match.

VOOP.

In a flash of blue pixels, Vanellope was in midair. She wrapped her arms around Rancis, clutching him tight. For a second, they fell together. Then, with another VOOP, they were both on the track, in a heap, frazzled but safe.

Rancis blinked madly, trying to catch his breath. As he looked up, he gasped.

"Look out!"

He grabbed Vanellope and rolled sideways, both of them narrowly avoiding the heavy peanut butter cup kart as it crashed against the sugary pavement, crumbling to bits. Huge chocolate chunks scattered in all directions like ice.

Trembling, Rancis and Vanellope helped each other to their feet. Vanellope brushed the dust off Rancis' racing jacket. "You doofus!" she huffed, though the relief in her voice was evident. "What'd you slow down for?"

Rancis had to work to find his voice. "S-Sorry…" he rasped. "Just got, uh… distracted, I guess…"

Both racers turned as Rancis' kart respawned, blinking back into existence behind them as if nothing had happened.

"Well," Rancis muttered as he glanced down the track at the other racers dwindling away, "guess we can forget about that victory after all, huh?"

Vanellope reached out and grabbed Rancis' hand, looking him in the eye.

"Like I care about that," she said. "You're more important than winning some dumb race."

Rancis thought for sure that his hair would catch fire from the heat in his cheeks.

VOOP.

He gasped as Vanellope glitched both of them into his kart.

"But what they hey," Vanellope laughed, "doesn't hurt to try, right?"

And in a flurry of pixels, they shot off down the track, Vanellope bent over the steering wheel in determination.

A giddy laugh escaped Rancis' throat as they zapped ever closer to the rest of the racers. He'd never glitched along with Vanellope like this before. As the glittering buildings blinked by impossibly quick, he understood why she loved it so much.

Up ahead, a good six kart lengths ahead of everyone, Princess Vanellope's eyes darted to tone of the surrounding buildings, to the Jumbotron mounted upon it that displayed the racers behind her. For a moment, she thought the screen must be broken.

But no, there it was. Her own doppelganger was teleporting through the candy convoy, seemingly at will.

Seconds later, a burst of azure pixels exploded in front of her, and there was Rancis' kart, Vanellope at the wheel, Rancis laughing uproariously on the Kit Kat spoiler.

The princess was utterly lost for words. She wasn't used to seeing the back of a kart in front of her.

"If I may, Your Highness," General Bill intoned from the sidecar, "now would be an excellent time for another power-up."

"Wise counsel as always, my little Silly Billy!" she chirped, her finger hovering over the power-up button.

General Bill rolled his eyes. "Please don't call me that."

The licorice rope shot out from the princess' kart, crackling with blue electricity.

"Vanellope!" Rancis yelped. "Behind you!"

VOOP. The kart blinked across the track to safety. Princess Vanellope's jaw dropped as the licorice rope flopped limply to the pavement, dragging behind her.

The finish line drew closer by the second. Brow furrowed with purpose, Vanellope put the pedal to the floor for one final burst of speed.

The mochi spectators went wild as Vanellope and Rancis shot over the checkered line first. Rancis clutched his chest, trying to stem his adrenaline, as Vanellope drifted the kart 180 degrees into a perfect stop.

Other racers skidded to a halt around them as Rancis scrambled down from the spoiler, helping Vanellope out of the driver's seat. "_Whoa!"_ he breathed. "That was some comeback!"

Vanellope grinned, hoisting her goggles onto her forehead. "So how d'ya like comin' in first?" she teased.

Rancis loved it. That had been far and away the most exciting race he'd run in months. He felt invigorated, energized, like he could've run ten more then and there…

Looking down, he realized he was still clutching Vanellope's hand.

"Uh, listen, Vanellope," he began without even second guessing himself, "there's, uh… there's something I've been meaning to tell you…"

But the words caught in his throat again when he noticed Vanellope wasn't looking at him. She was glancing around at the _Sugar Rush II_ racers, who'd gathered around Rancis' kart. Each of them looked as stunned and speechless as if a spaceship had just landed.

"She beat the Princess!" Watermillie gasped.

"My word," Richley muttered, twiddling his fingers together. "I can't recall the last time Princess Vanellope lost a race…" Beside him, Tsukara covered her mouth with both hands, her eyes as wide as dinner plates.

The _Sugar Rush_ crew exchanged befuddled looks. "What's the big deal?" Candlehead asked with a shrug. "Vanellope wins a lot of races!"

Murmuring excitedly, the crowd parted as Princess Vanellope stepped through, clutching her shiny white racing helmet. General Bill scurried along beside her.

The princess drew level with Vanellope. "In twelve years," she said, "I've never lost a Random Roster Race. Not 'til tonight. And I just gotta say one thing…"

Vanellope tensed her shoulders. Her stomach did an ominous little flip.

Finally, Princess Vanellope's eyes lit up, and her mouth split into an eager smile. "That was absolutely the most _fun-tastic thing I ever saw!_" she cheered, tossing her helmet aside and wrapping a stunned Vanellope in a hug so strong it lifted her off her feet. "How in the world did you _do_ that?"

A relieved chuckle escaped Vanellope's lips as the princess set her down. "Oh, what, you mean the glitching?" she asked. "Uh, that's kind of a long story… it sorta only works if you're me."

The rest of the _Sugar Rush II_ racers crowded around Vanellope, their faces aglow with congratulations. "That was a bonza trick ya pulled, sheila!" Maxamillion said. "Reckon ya could teach us that li'l numbah?"

"Oh, you can't teach that trick!" Vanellope insisted with a grin, as Mangus felt the sleeve of her hoodie like he expected to siphon her talent through it. "That'd be like askin' Mario 'Teach me how to jump like you!'"

The racers chattered in awe, inadvertently pushing Rancis to the back of the crowd. He felt like someone had just shoved a lead weight down his throat.

"And it looks like the count is 0 and 2, ladies and gentlemen," Swizzle said in a mock announcer's tone, putting one hand to his ear.

"Valiant effort there, buddy," Gloyd added, patting a reassuring hand on Rancis' slumped back. "Maybe after the next race, huh?"

General Bill straightened his hat. "You're taking your loss with a very impressive display of dignity, Your Highness," he said, handing her poofy pink dress back to her.

Princess Vanellope placed her tiara back on her head as she watched her subjects swarm Vanellope with praise.

"Well, I guess if you think about it," she said, eyeing her hoodie-clad twin, "I still _technically_ won, didn't I?"


	14. This Event Is Pay-To-Play

Ralph couldn't help coughing.

The monumental brass doors swung open with an almighty hiss, steam belching from the shiny metal pistons on either side. The water vapor invaded his throat, and he hastily waved it away as he, Felix, and Calhoun stepped over the threshold.

"Well," he wheezed, "this Steam place sure lives up to its name…"

Inside the website, a long wide hallway stretched before them, lined with a rich velour red carpet. Adorning the walls were fancy frames housing portraits of video game characters Ralph didn't recognize. Reaching the end of the hall, the three of them craned their necks to take in the sheer size of the room they'd stepped into.

It was an ornate round atrium built entirely out of wood and brass. At least ten stories high, each balcony-lined landing was adorned with rotating steel gears and chunking pistons, with sputtering steam clouds puffing from pipes and smokestacks that ran the length of every wall.

"Love what they've done with the place," Calhoun muttered as she brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

Every floor of the building was populated by square-faced Internet avatars waddling to and fro. The walls bore hundreds of doors, each with a different elaborate game logo shining above it. _Assassin's Creed 3, Slender: The Arrival, Hitman: Absolution_…

"Let's see," Felix said, putting a hand to his chin. "Where's that _Extreme E-Z Livin'_ game hiding?"

He, Ralph, and Calhoun had barely taken one step into the crowd of avatars when a bright orange algorithm materialized before them in a bolt of electricity. It was a hunched-over man with a handlebar mustache and a scruffy-looking leather coat. A pair of dark goggles sat perched atop his head, with yellow markings around his eyes indicating where they'd been. He was driving a mining cart that hovered inches above the floor.

"Consarn it!" the algorithm snapped. "What in tarnation are you three doin' outside'n yer games?"

Ralph rolled his eyes. "Oh jeez, these guys are everywhere…"

The algorithm waved a wrench at Ralph, furrowing his heavy eyebrows. "No sass-back outta you, ya big galoot! G'wan, git back where ye come from!" Reaching into the pocket of his coat, he unscrolled a long sheet of parchment paper. "Fix-It Felix Jr. and Wreck-It Ralph, y'all belong in _TobiKomi Classics_ on level four! Sergeant Calhoun, scurry on back ta _Hero's Duty_, it's on level six…"

Calhoun pointed over the algorithm's shoulder. "Hey, look!" she yelped. "It's the Melissa worm virus!"

The algorithm's eyes practically bugged out of his head. Gasping, he whirled his minecart around and strapped his goggles over his face. "Dag-blast it!" he bellowed. "No viruses allowed! Git outta this website, ya varmint!"

And he zapped away.

"Ugh," Calhoun groused as she waded through the crowd. "Bureaucrats…"

Felix hopped in place, trying to get a good look at the portals on the ground level. Finally, he spotted what they needed.

"Hot dog!" he yelped, pointing animatedly. "There it is!"

Ralph and Calhoun saw it too. A door made of wooden bamboo reeds like a cabana hut. The logo shined above it, in a bright yellow tiki-style font: _EXTREME E-Z LIVIN'_. The three of them cut through the crowd as fast as possible.

"Hold on to your backsides in here, boyzos," Calhoun growled, running a hand through her blond hair. "These MMO games are a horror show and a half."

Felix clutched her hand, his eyes widening. "Are you sure? I mean, the logo looks so nice and pleasant!"

"Doesn't matter, sweetie," Calhoun said, placing her other hand on the doorknob. "These games don't come with a manual. No rules, no restrictions, just a hive of the most wretched human fungus to ever ooze out of the armpit of society."

Ralph's stomach seemed to briefly shrivel up. Calhoun knew more about the Internet than both he and Felix combined. Were MMO games really as dangerous as she claimed?

Even if they were, it was the only way to save Vanellope.

"Well then," Ralph hissed through gritted teeth, "let's say hi to some fungus."

"I'm sure it won't take long," Felix assured him, though his expression didn't quite match his tone. "I mean, we just have to find this Mr. Gunderson fellow's avatar, right? How hard can it possibly be?"

With a click, Calhoun pushed the door open.

_I'MA DO THE THINGS THAT I WANNA DO  
__I AIN'T GOT A THING TO PROVE TO YOU…_

The sudden blast of rock music hit Ralph like a freight train as they stepped through to the game world, emerging from a tiny wooden hut into the middle of the loudest and most energetic block party imaginable.

The crowd seemed to stretch for miles in all directions, completely blocking a wide skyscraper-lined street that ran parallel to a shimmering golden beach. The bouncy pop-rock music was omnipresent, blaring deafeningly from speakers built into the sides of every building. Not a single character in this game resembled another - there were broad-chested bearded men in Viking helmets, shapely women in brightly colored bikinis and unicorn-horn headbands; people in fuzzy mascot costumes, people in artfully torn leather clothing, people wrapped in bandages like mummies. A police car roared up the sidewalk, its sirens blaring, driven by a shirtless man in a bug-eyed horse mask.

The only thing these characters had in common, Ralph noticed, was that each one had a nameplate hovering in midair over their head. Ralph assumed these must be their names, though he'd never heard names more bizarre: BingoBall87, 123Forza, Arrow_Smith_And_Wesson, oOFairyFarterOo…

Felix gulped, clutching Calhoun's arm as his knees buckled. "Well," he squeaked, "ask a silly question, I suppose…"

"Dude!" Felix jumped as a player avatar leaned in close to him, a man in a gorilla mask and a tuxedo by the name of DapperDylan242. "Awesome skin! I loved _Fix-It Felix Jr._ back in the day!"

Felix scratched his head. "Well, uh, thank you, stranger!" he stammered. "You've got, uh… very nice skin too! Very, um… furry?"

DapperDylan242 laughed, flipping a small yellow coin into the air; Felix caught it instinctively. "And you got the voice down and everything! _Love_ your dedication, man!" And he disappeared back into the crowd.

Felix inspected the coin. It bore a drawing of a simple smiley face on one side.

"Well, on the bright side," he chuckled, "they sure seem like a friendly bunch around here, don't they?"

Calhoun squinted into the crowd. "We're not here to make friends," she muttered. "We're runnin' a tight schedule. There's gotta be a search function in this game, some fast way to find Gunderson's avatar…"

"Ooh, let's check this place!" Ralph suggested, pointing to a low building with a thatched straw roof. A sign over the entrance read _The Queasy Clam Bar 'N Grille_. "Tapper always has the answers back home, maybe this game's bartender is just as smart?"

The three of them pushed the wooden door open. Avatars packed the round tables, drinks in hand, tossing more yellow smiley coins to one another.

An NPC bartender looked up from the counter, a very attractive woman in a red bikini patterned with white skulls. She wore thigh-high leather boots and had an eyepatch over one eye. "What'll it be, weirdos?" she rasped, tossing her unkempt red ponytail.

"Oh, nothin' for me, thanks," Felix said, politely raising one hand. "Never know when I might have to drive, y'know."

Ralph eyed the liquor bottles on the shelf behind the bar. "I guess root beer's outta the question?"

"We don't need a fill-up, sweet cheeks," Calhoun said, leaning on the counter. "We're from Litwak's Arcade and Family Fun Center, and we're tryin' to track down the player avatar of one Mr. Bernie D. Gunderson of Upland, California. That ring any bells there, Cyclops?"

The bartender pouted. "Yeah, I think I know the guy you're after," she growled. Without warning, she snatched up a dirty mug from the dish sink and hurled it across the room; it shattered above a table in the darkest corner with a tinkling crash. "Hey!" she bellowed. "BD! You got visitors!"

Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun whirled around. In the corner, next to a splintery support beam, sat a scraggly-haired shirtless figure, slumped face-down at a table made from an empty cable spool. His user nameplate hovered above his head: BD_Gunman84.

Swaying slightly, the avatar pushed himself up onto his feet. He had a scruffy soul patch on his narrow chin, and a tribal-looking tattoo on his upper right arm. His eyes, half-lidded and bleary, looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.

"Shelly?" he mumbled, squinting at the bartender with a lopsided smirk. "You hollered?"

"I said these three clowns wanna say hi to you," Shelly snapped, jabbing an impatient thumb at Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun. "They're visitors from outside the game, and they mentioned you for some reason. What, do you owe _them_ money too?"

BD laughed, a dry wheezy laugh. "Hey, anything's possible!" He stumbled over to the bar, shaking Felix's hand. "Bonjour, mi amigos!" he slurred. "Welcome to _Extreme E-Z Livin'_! If you seek BD_Gunman84, know that I am he, and he is me. We are _we,_" he concluded, with a flourish of his fingers, almost toppling over in the process.

Felix tipped his hat, smiling an awkward forced grin. "Well, uh… thank you, Mr. 84!" he said. "I'm Fix-It Felix Jr. from the game _Fix-It Felix Jr._, and this is my lovely wife Tamora and my best buddy Ralph…"

Ralph recoiled as BD leaned in close to his face, slapping a scrawny hand onto his broad shoulder.

"Bro," BD whispered, his eyes wide, "I don't want you to freak out or nothin', but… your _hands_ are, like, _huge_."

Ralph darted his eyes to the wall and back again. "Um, yeah," he muttered. "I-I know."

"Oh, _phew!_" BD laughed. "I didn't wanna be the bearer of bad news, y'know?" He wrapped an arm around Ralph's back, patting him lightly on the arm. "You are _so_ brave, man…"

Calhoun scowled, pulling out her camera pen. "Listen, Shaggy, let's cut the chit-chat. You're the only one who can help us - the turkey who plays as you, Gunderson? He bought a game out of our arcade and snatched _this_ little smart-mouthed sweetheart away from us."

With a click of the button, she popped up a hologram of the photo she'd given to Vanellope. BD squinted at it as if it was miles away.

"Aw, is she your daughter?" he asked, scratching his head. "Looks just like you. Same eyes, same hair…"

"That _is_ me, Einstein," Calhoun snapped. She jabbed a finger at Vanellope's smiling face. "_THIS_ is her! Vanellope Von Schweetz!"

"Oh," BD muttered. "Well, she's pretty cute too, I guess."

Ralph ran a giant hand through his hair. "And her game _Sugar Rush_ is in _your_ player's house right now, with her and all her friends trapped inside!" he boomed, his voice quivering. "You're our only hope for rescuing her - we gotta log off through wherever it is you start from around here!"

BD shut his eyes tight. "Well, if you go to my apartment, that's where the save point is, it should open up a portal to Bernie's Internet or whatever. Spit you right out into his modem," he mumbled, rubbing his neck. He smiled, as if proud of himself for remembering all that.

"Yeeha!" Felix cheered, leaping five feet in the air. "Just what we needed! All right, good sir, lead the way to your humble abode!"

"You got it, tiny dude!" BD wheezed, leading the three of them to the exit. Then, just as he placed his hand on the door, he stopped.

"Oh…" he began, his eyes widening. "Um, there is one small detail that might get in you guys' way a little bit…"

Ralph gulped. "D-Detail? What detail?"

BD gave a sheepish grin. "Well, see… Bernie hasn't actually played _Extreme E-Z Livin'_ in, like… ten months? So his account got automatically deactivated… and it kinda sorta locked the door to his apartment. Which, as you can plainly see," he said, gesturing at himself, "I happened to be _outside_ of at the time…"

Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun's faces all fell in unison.

"Yeah," Calhoun snarled. "_Kind_ of a significant detail."

Felix clutched his hat, trembling. "So how do we get into your apartment?"

"Well, burrowin' up through the floor won't work," BD mused. "Believe me, I'm not tryin' _that_ again. So the only option, really, is to wait for Bernie to reactivate his account." He glanced up at the clock on the wall. "Yep, any day now, I'm sure of it…"

Knocking a table aside, Ralph grabbed BD by the arm. "Look, bub, we can't wait around forever! If we're not back in the arcade by 10:00 tomorrow morning, Litwak'll put our games out of order!"

"Whoa, simmer down, Ralph-man!" BD yelped, putting a hand in the pocket of his rumpled board shorts. "Here, have a Likit, it'll cheer you up…"

He flipped a coin into Ralph's face. Ralph held it up - it was another yellow smiley face.

"What the heck do I do with this?!" he growled.

"That's a Likit!" BD explained. "In-game currency. You get 'em for doin' stuff like playin' mini-games and goin' to parties. Actually, I used to have a lot more… you get 500 of 'em just for startin' an account. That's how you unlock the door."

Felix's eyebrows practically disappeared into his hair. "So then, wait, stay with me here, friend - would it be possible to do enough activities around here in the next ten hours to rack up 500 of these little smiley fellows and unlock your apartment?"

BD blinked, trying to process this.

"_...Ohhh yeah,_" he said, slapping a hand to his forehead. "That woulda been _way_ smarter! Dang, hindsight really is 50/50, isn't it?"

Calhoun crossed her arms, glaring in disbelief. "You _never_ thought of doing this before?"

BD shrugged. "I kinda had to pay off my tab first."

"You got that right, you bum!" Shelly screeched from the counter.

"C'mon, Shelly-babe!" BD shot back. "You know I'm good for it!" He leaned down to Felix's ear. "I'm _so_ not good for it," he whispered.

Balling his fists, Ralph bounced eagerly on the spot, ready to go. "Well, c'mon, what are we waiting for?" he said. "Let's earn the heck outta these Likits! What's there to do around here that pays out the most?"

BD placed a lazy hand on his hip and smiled.

"You dudes like volleyball?"

* * *

The palm trees shook with the roar of the NPC crowd, sweating and shining in the heat that reflected off the sand. The net rustled slightly in the salty breeze blowing in from off the sea.

"Aw man, this takes me back," BD said, lost in nostalgia as he leaned against the row of changing huts. He banged on the wooden wall with one fist. "How you dudes holdin' up in there?"

Felix emerged first, swinging the door open and bounding out of the narrow hut like a sand flea. He'd swapped his powder-blue workshirt, jeans, and steel-toed boots for a functional blue pair of swim trunks lined with pockets. His blue work cap remained, shading his face from the sun. He'd also tried to attach his work belt to his trunks, and he fumbled to keep them from sliding off.

"Jiminy jaminy," he muttered. "I don't think these kneebaggers were built for the working man, BD!"

"Don't sweat it, Jumpman," BD chuckled. "Not like you need to lay drywall on the beach or nothin', right?"

Felix shrugged and tossed his belt to BD, golden hammer glistening in its holster. He gently knocked on the next hut door. "You ready, sweetie?"

She emerged, and Felix felt his jaw drop.

Calhoun was clad in a stunning black bikini, accentuating a lithe body toned by a lifetime of high-octane military action. She flipped a jet-black pair of sunglasses onto her golden bangs and smiled at her speechless husband. "Ready as it gets, Sugarcakes," she said smoothly.

"Sweet Susie Q," Felix finally whispered. "Tamora, you… you look _phenomenal!_"

She adjusted her top and winced slightly. "Well, at least I got _that_ goin' for me," she said. "Takin' off 45 pounds of armor is easy, should be a real shindig gettin' it back on. So where's Ralph?"

A third door blew off its hinges as Ralph squeezed himself out of a hut far too narrow for him, dressed in red floral-patterned trunks with a bright orange lei around his neck. As he stumbled out, he caught his foot in the door frame, yanking the entire hut out of the sand. He kicked, trying to shake it off; it flew away, shattering to planks against a palm tree, much to the ire of two passing avatars.

"Sorry!" Ralph called. "Sorry, I haven't changed clothes in like 31 years, I'm a little out of my depth here…"

Within minutes, they were crunching across the sand onto their side of the volleyball court. It was a 4-on-4 match against a team of player avatars - two humans, male and female, someone in a panda suit, and a robot.

Ralph glanced down at his bare chest. "I dunno, guys," he said, blushing slightly as he glanced up at the crowd. "I feel kinda underdressed for a rescue mission."

"Golly gee, Ralph," Felix giggled, stealing an adoring sideways glance at Calhoun, "everything looks fine from where _I'm_ standing!"

Calhoun smiled, yanking the straps of her bikini bottom higher up her hips. "Business before pleasure there, ya little hot dog," she purred. "Let's just win this game first."

"Trust me, bros and bro-ette," BD said, brushing his scraggly hair out of his eyes, "this is gonna rock! Bernie 'n me, we used to play volleyball all the time!"

The weight in Ralph's chest seemed to loosen. At least BD was a seasoned veteran.

"...I mean, we never _won_," BD continued, "but hey, important thing is we had fun, right?"

Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun all froze.

A boisterous voice cut through the air, guttural and wild. "_Five minutes on the clock! Highest score wins! Ready! Set!"_

With the piercing sound of a whistle, a ball materialized in the hand of the opposing team's captain - HardyBoyHowie23, the male avatar. Tossing the ball skyward, he punched it over the net, straight at BD.

"Heads up!" BD yelped, whaling on the ball with both hands. It soared towards Am_Not_Artoo, the robot avatar, who knocked it back over the net with a clank - straight toward Ralph.

In a panic, Ralph balled both fists and swung blindly. The ball nailed him right in the throat, dropping to the sand as he gagged and coughed.

The crowd roared as the scoreboard ticked 0-1.

"Y'know," BD said with a hopeful grin, "if you'd been _trying_ to do that, it woulda been really impressive."

Ralph massaged his throat, glaring daggers at BD. "Oh gee, thanks, _bro,_" he wheezed.

The next round escalated quickly. The girl avatar, Cuppy_Cake79, served even harder than her teammates. Calhoun dealt it right back, her reflexes as sharp as ever as she dove across the sandy court. Felix jumped a good six feet straight up, bopping the ball with his upraised fist. Even BD, despite his gangly flailing, managed to keep up with the speed of the game.

The panda-suited avatar, LiterallyAPanda, whopped the ball toward Ralph. It sailed over his head.

"I got it!" he hollered, lunging backwards with arms outstretched.

Felix scrambled to safety as Ralph landed flat on his back in a cloud of sand. The scoreboard blinked. 0-2.

"Aim for the guy with the Wreck-It Ralph skin!" Cuppy_Cake79 crackled to her teammates through her in-game chat. "He doesn't know what he's doing!"

Ralph scowled, teeth grinding. He shook the sand from his head and flexed his thick fingers.

"Do it for Vanellope," he muttered to himself.

LiterallyAPanda served, a colossal spike aimed straight at Ralph. Growling, Ralph reared back one blocky fist.

WHAM.

The ball flew back over the net, straight through Am_Not_Artoo's hook-shaped hands. Ralph's face practically glowed as he read the score: 1-2.

"You're killin' it out here, Ralph-Man!" BD cheered, serving to the opposing team.

Ralph grinned. "You're doin' great too, buddy!" he said. "Way you were talkin' before, I thought this was gonna be hard!"

The game clock ticked down to 3:30.

"_PHASE TWO!"_ the announcer yelled.

Ralph cocked an eyebrow. "Phase? Wh-what phase? Volleyball has phases?"

With a sudden lurch, the sand began to drain from beneath Ralph's feet. Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, and BD all struggled to find footing as the in-bounds section of the arena rumbled loudly, the sand sifting away like they were inside a huge sieve. Eight broad round platforms emerged, four on either side of the net. Each player scrambled onto one of them.

"_What the holy hotcakes do you call this, Shaggy?!"_ Calhoun roared, as the sand settled to the bottom of the arena, leaving a pit at least twenty feet deep.

BD shrugged. "It's volleyball!" he shouted. "_Extreme E-Z Livin'_ style!"

Felix barely had time to collect himself as the ball sailed toward him; he whacked it over the net with one fist, wobbling precariously on the platform. "Yikes on bikes!" he squeaked. "How are we supposed to win this?!"

"Just stay on the platforms, dudes!" BD shouted. "It's not that hard!"

Am_Not_Artoo clanked the ball towards BD. He flailed for it - and missed, tumbling off his platform into the sand pit below.

With a POOF, he vanished.

"_Oh my land!"_ Felix yelped. Ralph felt the color drain from his face.

Seconds later, BD respawned on the sidelines, slumped on a wooden bench labeled "Spectators". The scoreboard read 1-3.

"...Well, okay, it's still _hard_," he continued, "but y'know what I mean."

HardyBoyHowie23 spiked another full-throttle serve over the net. Calhoun stretched to meet it, struggling to apply enough force to return the ball. Felix leapt to assist her, but nearly missed the platform as he landed, crumpling to his knees and clinging to the edge with trembling fingers. Ralph could barely contain his bulk on the round pedestal, and as he fought desperately to keep his balance, he missed a spike from Cuppy_Cake79. 1-4.

"Get your head in the game there, Wreck-It!" Calhoun barked, her eyes flashing.

Ralph ran a harried hand over his head. "Oh, like it's any easier for _you_ there, Superwoman!" he snapped in frustration.

"C'mon now!" Felix said, putting both hands up. "No fighting, that won't get us anywhere! If we just knuckle down and focus, I'm sure we can come back and win this thing!"

The clock hit 1:45.

"_PHASE THREE!"_

Ralph felt the bottom drop out of his stomach as the net rose into the air on a hydraulic piston. Beneath it, a long yellow metal arm extended from the center of the piston, clunking dangerously. With the shudder of a motor, the arm began to rotate, sweeping the length of the suspended playing field.

"_OH, COME ON!"_ Ralph shouted. He leapt as high as he could as the arm swept under his legs. Landing back on the platform with both feet, he felt the support wobble beneath him.

Felix and Calhoun cleared the beam, but failed to notice Am_Not_Artoo bopping the ball directly between them. 1-5. On the other side of the net, the opposing team members cleared the arm with no problem.

"_This is your idea of fun, Short Pants?!"_ Calhoun bellowed at BD as she jumped over the beam again.

BD rubbed his neck, leaning back on the spectator bench. "It's a little easier when there's someone controllin' you, I guess," he offered.

It was an absolute bloodbath. On the rare occasions when Ralph, Felix, or Calhoun didn't miss the ball by miles, it sailed into the raised net, scoring a point for the other team by default. The score climbed dangerously - 1-6, 1-7, 1-8…

Thirty seconds remained. Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun were ten points down. The arm came around again.

Ralph leapt, clearing the beam. He landed on the platform unevenly, stumbling to his knees with a loud _thud_.

A crack split the air.

Wobbling wildly, Ralph looked down. The force of his fall had broken the platform. It was listing to the side, toppling like a felled tree. Hollering in fear, Ralph wrapped his arms around the platform for dear life, bracing himself as he plummeted toward the deadly pit of sand below…

CRUNCH.

The pillar collided with BD's vacant platform, wedging in place. Ralph dangled like a giant kitten, scrabbling desperately, legs flailing above the sand.

"RALPH!" Calhoun yelped. "Hold on!"

She leapt bravely onto the slanted pillar, trying to hoist Ralph up. Strong as she was, he was just too heavy - and the sweat on his skin kept her from getting a grip. The ball sailed past them yet again. The pillar crunched, dropping a few more inches.

Felix trembled, crouching in fear. He couldn't bear to watch - his wife and his best friend, inches from permanent death! If only he had…

"_BD!"_ he hollered. "Throw me my tool belt!"

Reaching behind his back, BD produced Felix's belt, hammer glinting in the sunlight. He heaved it with all his might.

With the skill of a legendary platforming hero, Felix jumped straight up, snatching the belt out of the air. Clutching the hammer, he dove into the pit, bounding off Calhoun's platform. Executing a rapid series of wall jumps, he pinged around the edges of the pit like a pinball gone wild.

Sailing past the broken platform, aiming with pinpoint precision, Felix whacked it with the hammer. In the blink of an eye, it repaired itself, standing upright and solid again, Ralph and Calhoun sprawled on top. Calhoun leapt back to her own platform as Ralph regained his balance, blinking in surprise.

Behind him, Felix somersaulted to the top of his platform, twirling his hammer in accomplishment. "Now _that_ was a workout!" he panted.

Ralph goggled wordlessly at Felix and Calhoun. "...Man," he finally sputtered, "you guys just saved my -"

WHAM.

The arm swung into Ralph's legs, knocking him off balance. Calhoun and Felix bounded in alarm as Ralph clung to the beam, swept along the length of the playing field. The beam creaked under his weight, dragging along the outer boundaries. Ralph's dangling legs dug long divots in the sand as the arm spun.

Less than ten seconds remained on the clock.

The arm swung around to the other team's side, wobbling crazily as Ralph struggled to keep his grip. HardyBoyHowie23 froze in mid-animation as Ralph drew closer.

"What the -"

One by one, the entire team plummeted into the pit as the jiggling arm swept past them, none of them able to clear the bouncing or the bulk of Ralph's body.

An airhorn blew across the arena.

"_Team 2 is disqualified from lack of players!"_ the announcer boomed. "_Team 1 wins, brah!"_

The crowd went wild. The arena instantly refilled; the disqualified player avatars respawned on the sidelines. Ralph plopped onto the sand as the arm retracted and the net lowered, still not entirely sure what he'd just done to win the game.

Felix and Calhoun leapt onto Ralph, covering him in a celebratory group hug. "Way to go, Ralphie!" Felix laughed. "That was _fantastic!_"

"Gotta give you credit, Mountain Man," Calhoun teased, punching Ralph playfully on his massive shoulder. "You're not one for rules, but you get the job done!"

BD ran over, pumping both fists in the air. "_That totally rocked, bro!"_ he cheered. "Man, I gotta try that strategy next time! Way to think outside that box, big guy!"

Ralph brushed the sand off his torso and grinned. "Uh, yeah, sure," he chuckled, "I totally meant to do that, why not?"

A burly bald-headed NPC approached the four of them, clad in a black-and-white striped pair of trunks. "Congratulations, champs!" he said, producing a drawstring bag from his pocket. "A default win is still a win! So here's your Likits!"

BD extended an open hand expectantly; Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun followed his lead.

With a toothy grin, the referee plunked three coins into each of their hands.

Calhoun glared at her meager pile of coins, her lip curling. "Three Likits?!" she snapped. "_Three?!"_

"Three _each!_" BD said, beaming. "Between four of us, that's, like, almost ten!"

Felix ran a hand across the back of his neck. "And we gotta get _500_ of these little guys? Jeepers creepers, how long is it gonna take? We've only got one night!"

"Well then, we gotta get movin' and sign you three party animals up for even more fun and games!" BD chirped, bounding up the beach. "Check it out, they got dune buggies over here! Who doesn't like dune buggies? You'd have to be crazy not to like dune buggies!" He laughed. "Oh man, apartment, here we come!"

Ralph sighed as he eyed his handful of Likits. It was almost insulting.

But it was the first step toward rescuing Vanellope. It was progress. And there was only one way to get closer to her.

"What the heck," Ralph said, stuffing the coins in his pocket and leading Felix and Calhoun after BD. "How much like flying a _Hero's Duty_ escape pod do you think driving a dune buggy is?"

Calhoun sighed. "For your sake, Ralph, I hope absolutely nothing."


	15. You're Needed On The Dance Floor

If Vanellope didn't know better, she could've sworn she was back home.

The island at the center of the _Sugar Rush II_ map was an absolutely flawless recreation of the original _Sugar Rush_ game world. As the convoy of thirty-plus candy vehicles zipped merrily across the sugary countryside, Vanellope's eyes darted instinctively to the old familiar landmarks, looking better than ever in all their 128-bit glory. Candy Cane Forest, Gumball Gorge, even the curvy face of Diet Cola Mountain had been preserved. However, there was one notable omission from the landscape.

"Where's all the tracks?" Taffyta asked over the roar of her engine, glancing around at the towering candy cane trees for a glimpse of her familiar glistening pink pavement.

"Only one track in our version of the island!" Sarawich called with a grin. "But sure, she's a grand one, in't she, Princess?"

Princess Vanellope smirked as she led the cadre of racers, downshifting and hitting the gas. "Oh, it's a doozy, all right!"

"Doozy" was an understatement. As the racers crested a hill, the shimmering sugar-white castle came into view, sparkling in the sun more brightly than they'd ever seen it. It looked just like the one Vanellope lived in - except the path leading up to the doorway wasn't the usual road of sugarcube cobblestones, but the unmistakable peppermint-lined pavement of a racing track.

"_Shut up!"_ Swizzle yelped. "The castle _itself_ is the track?!"

"I will _not_ shut up!" Kweizi grinned. "_You_ shut up!"

Two Oreo sentries wrenched the great chocolate doors open just in time for the racers to drive through. They squealed to a stop in the foyer, admiring the view. The _Sugar Rush_ kids' mouths were agape in stunned disbelief.

It was just like Vanellope's home, except undeniably cooler. The track before them forked at the throne, leading off in two different directions. Sunlight gleamed through the stained sugar-glass windows, painting vibrant multicolored patterns across the road. Even the air itself seemed to smell sweeter.

"Welcome to my home!" Princess Vanellope beamed as General Bill popped open the door of her kart. "Isn't it just the funny-fun-funnest place you've ever been in your life?"

"Can't argue with ya, Your Highness!" Orangina said, leaning against her vehicle. "Every time we race 'round these parts, we're happier'n a pig in fudge!"

Candlehead nearly fell over from craning her neck back so far. "Man, Vanellope," she said in awe, "how come _your_ castle doesn't have a track in it?"

Vanellope snorted. "Like that was my decision?" she snarked.

"Hey, c'mon," Rancis insisted. "Vanellope's castle is still cool! It's got that slidey stairway and the Fondue Fountain and that big banquet room…"

"Yep, I've got all that too!" Princess Vanellope chirped, pirouetting in place. "In fact, speaking of the banquet room - General Bill, tell the chefs to ready a welcoming dinner for our guests, would you?"

General Bill waddled toward one of the doors leading off the foyer. "Live to serve you, Your Sprinkleness," he drawled.

Sour Bill glared as his orange twin left the room. "I coulda come up with something more clever than 'Your Sprinkleness'," he muttered. "Just sayin'."

Vanellope patted Bill's head. "Don't compare yourself, buddy, it's not healthy."

* * *

"Mister H. Goodbar! This is the best marshturkey I've ever had!"

Adorabeezle reached across the table, helping herself to seconds. Jubileena couldn't help giggling. "Slow down, Adora! You're gonna gag!"

"Gotta get my sweetness level back up, Jubi," Adorabeezle said through a mouthful of Peep. "How else am I gonna kick your li'l cherry butt in the next race?"

The banquet hall buzzed with conversation, the long pink table groaning under the weight of a majestic candy feast. The _Sugar Rush_ crew sat on one side, the _Sugar Rush II_ kids on the other; both Vanellopes sat at either end in high-backed chairs, their respective Bills at their sides. The forked track wrapped around the table, stretching from one regal door to the other.

Vanellope glanced around at everyone mingling and making friends. In spite of her earlier fears, she did find herself a bit more at ease, knowing that the _Sugar Rush II_ crowd was so welcoming. Perhaps this wouldn't be as bad as she'd thought…

Candlehead swallowed another forkful of jellybeans. "So hey," she said, "you guys came from an arcade too, right? What was it like over there? Was it cool?"

Watermillie blinked, her spoon hovering inches above her bowl of raspberry soda soup. "Um… our arcade?" she stammered, seemingly taken aback. "Uh, well, it was… ah, y'know, like, it was…" Her eyes darted to the head of the table.

_Tink tink tink._ Every head turned.

Princess Vanellope had risen, tapping her scepter against her goblet of strawberry milk. "Attention, everybody!" she announced, smiling sweetly. "This has been a very big day for our little kingdom, wouldn't you agree? We owe a hearty thank you to our _Sugar Rush_ friends, for accepting our invitation into our game, and for wowing us with one of the most spectacle-tacular Random Roster Races I've ever seen! Who would have guessed that my own 64-bit predecessor would end up teaching _me_ what second place tastes like?"

The _Sugar Rush II_ racers laughed uproariously. A little more than necessary, Vanellope thought. Still, she smiled at the accolade.

"And so," the princess continued, "to all of our friends, both old and new, I only have one thing to say…"

She cleared her throat.

"_FOOD FIGHT!"_

Lightning quick, she grabbed a fistful of mashed Milk Duds and hurled them into Gloyd's face. With unmitigated glee, Gloyd returned fire, lobbing his ice cream dish across the table; it splattered against Caramelita's cheek, sending up a cloud of powdered sugar.

In seconds, the air was thick with flying desserts and screaming laughter. Sour Bill ducked under a chair as Vanellope leapt onto the table. She ripped off a chunk of one of the marshmallow Peep turkeys and whipped it at Rancis, knocking his hat off. Rancis gasped, a shocked laugh escaping his lips.

"Work on those reflexes, Fluggerbutter!" Vanellope giggled, as macaroons and chocolate mousse pelted her from all sides.

Then, through the goofy din, a booming knock echoed through the great hall.

Everyone froze, most of them in mid-throw. General Bill emerged from his hiding spot under the table and scurried across the track to the door, opening it just a crack.

"Who is it?" he groaned.

Instantly, Vanellope recognized the sharp voice that answered.

"Police, buddy! We're here to see Vanellope Von Schweetz!"

General Bill's eyes darted to the sweet-strewn table. "Which one? We've got more than we need already."

"Whaddya mean, which one?" another familiar voice snapped. "The president o' _Sugar Rush_! Open the dang door, willya?"

Hastily brushing the food off her hoodie, Vanellope leapt down from the table as General Bill pried the chocolate slab door all the way open.

Wynnchel and Duncan entered on their puttering candy scooters, followed by one of the large pink C.L.A.W. team trucks. The racers fell silent at the sight of the officers' hangdog expressions.

Vanellope gulped. In the fun of racing and getting to know everyone in _Sugar Rush II_, she'd let herself forget about the cleanup going on in her own game. A pang of sick hot guilt swooped through her gut.

"Wynnchel? Duncan?" she said, stepping up to them. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh sure, sure," Wynnchel said, though his expression remained grim. "We got the spectators all tidied up, and the guards reset the code room so's all the tracks 'n what-have-ya got fixed… but, ah, we got some bad news for ya, Miss President."

Rancis gasped. Vanellope tugged the licorice string of her hoodie as a clump of mousse fell from her hair. "Wh-what sort of bad news?" she stammered.

Duncan sighed. "Well… we found your kart."

Beeping loudly, the C.L.A.W. truck backed up and opened its trailer doors.

As soon as she saw it, Vanellope felt her heart break.

Two C.L.A.W. team officers carried out the mangled, crumbled frame of Vanellope's kart. Giant chunks of its candy shell were missing, exposing the stale cake base underneath. Half the Pixy Stix exhaust popes were broken off, and the vanilla wafer spoiler was gone completely. Only one wheel remained, and the front axle dragged limply on the floor.

Vanellope suddenly found it very hard to breathe. She didn't even register the stunned murmurs of her fellow racers behind her. Blood pounded in her ears, drowning everything out.

"We're sorry, Ma'am," Duncan said, removing his hat and holding it solemnly over his iced chest. "WE tried to restore it, but… well, the game doesn't keep restore data for custom karts 'n all…"

The officers set the crippled vehicle down. Panting heavily, Vanellope leaned into the driver's seat, or what was left of it, feeling through the crumbs and sprinkles for something.

Finally, she found it. The photograph, creased and wrinkled, water-stained and crumpled. There were Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, and herself, all still smiling beneath the jagged white crease marks, frozen in time, oblivious to the tragedy of the situation.

Instinctively, Vanellope's first panicked thought was to ask Calhoun for another copy. But then it sank in all over again.

They were gone. Miles away back in Litwak's Arcade. This ruined scrap of a photograph was the only thing she had left to remember them by.

She'd never see them again.

"Well… I guess that's about all we came to tell ya, Ma'am," Wynnchel said awkwardly.

Vanellope looked up, suddenly very aware of the burning sensation in her eyes.

"...Thank you, Wynnchel," she finally said in a strained whisper. She pocketed the photograph and sniffled. "You too, Duncan. You… you did great."

Heads bowed, the officers puttered out the door, C.L.A.W. truck rumbling behind them. Vanellope stood rooted to the spot, staring uselessly down at the obliterated vehicle before her. She picked up the cracked steering wheel and turned it over in her hands.

Pressure on her shoulder. Rancis had wandered over, placing his arm around her. "Vanellope, I'm so… I'm so sorry," he offered.

Rubbing her nose, Vanellope blinked hard. "It's fine," she whimpered, gulping again. "I mean, I don't know _why_ it's fine, but…"

Candlehead's eyes were as wide as the plates on the table. "Well, we could fix it! Couldn't we? C-Couldn't we fix it?!"

"Yeah," Taffyta said, turning to Princess Vanellope, "you've got a Kart Bakery in this game, don't you?"

Princess Vanellope smiled. "Of course we do! And we can repair your kart in the blink of a butterfly's little eye, so don't you worry about a teensy little thing, me!"

"There, see?" Minty said hopefully, picking a cupcake off her shoulder. "It's not so bad, Vanellope! Everything'll be okay!"

Vanellope ran a hand across her face and sighed. "Yeah, sure," she mumbled. "Whatever you say, Minty."

Princess Vanellope leapt from her chair, crossing quickly up the track to the other massive chocolate double door at the back of the room. "Oh, look, this is no time to be all mopey-dopey, everybody!" she proclaimed. "In fact, I know just what'll upside-down-ify everyone's frowns - _and_ burn off the energy from this scrumptious, numptious feast of ours too! General Bill, if you would, please?"

Grunting, General Bill heaved the doors open. The sudden burst of sound from behind caught every racer's attention.

The room beyond was huge and dark, with bright multicolor spotlights criss-crossing crazily over an illuminated checkered glass floor. Giant round speakers were bulging wildly in the ceiling as they pumped an insanely loud bass-heavy remix of the _Sugar Rush_ theme. Bright pink bubblegum bubbles floated wildly through the air. The track, wrapping around the sides of the dance floor at an angle, glowed neon green under the blacklights.

"Who wants to go to the _ballroom?_" Princess Vanellope cheered, arms spread wide.

The _Sugar Rush II_ kids stampeded for the dance floor, leaving their chairs askew by the table. THe _Sugar Rush_ squad followed slowly, blown away by the funky grandeur of the room.

"Oh my gosh," Crumbelina gasped, "it's just like _Dance Dance Revolution_, but, like… _better!_ Jeez, what _doesn't_ this game have?"

Snowanna was smiling wider than anyone else, bobbing her head to the thumping dance beat of the song. "Aw, _yeah!_" she shouted. "This is my _jam!_"

In one smooth move, she slid to the center of the dance floor, clapped her hands, and broke into her favorite groovy victory dance. Drizella, Watermillie, Caramelita, and Orangina flanked her on either side in a perfectly synchronized backup dance.

Princess Vanellope spun daintily as the rest of the racers let the beat overtake them. Adorabeezle and Jubileena shook their hips as Swizzle and Gloyd bashed playfully into one another, trying to get a mosh pit going. The pulsing power of the music seemed to be lifting everyone's spirits through the roof.

Or almost everyone's.

"C'mon, lassie!" Mangus barked, tugging on Vanellope's sleeve. "Doona be such a right numpty then, eh?"

Vanellope yanked her arm away, her face livid. "_You're_ a numpty!" she snapped, a crack permeating her voice.

Breathing hard through her nose, she turned and ran for the doors.

Rancis stopped awkwardly trying to keep up with everyone else as he spotted Vanellope darting away. "Vanellope?" he shouted, though the music drowned him out. "Vanellope, where are you going?"

Sour Bill covered his nonexistent ears. "Away from this song, looks like," he grumbled. "Not that I blame her…"

Princess Vanellope froze, just in time to see Vanellope's ponytail disappear as the great chocolate doors swung shut. Hoisting the hem of her skirt, she dashed after her twin, scepter in hand.

* * *

"Me!" the princess called, the clicks of her candy shoes echoing off the rafters of the tower. "Me, where am I?"

As she paused, a sound caught her ear. Sniffling, mixed with soft whimpering, coming from the top of the nearby stairs.

Scurrying up the sugarcube steps, past the chocolate fondue fountain, Princess Vanellope peered through the open door to her bedroom. Vanellope was on the regal purple four-poster bed, her back to the door, head down and shoulders shaking as she sobbed.

The princess clutched her scepter close to her chest. "Oh dear," she said, "call this a hunch, me, but I get the sense there's something bothering you."

Wiping her nose, Vanellope turned her reddened eyes to the princess. The ruined photograph was clutched in her hand once again.

"You remember when you asked me how I do my zappy-glitchy thing?" she gulped, her voice thick with tears. "Well, it's 'cuz I used to be a glitch myself, okay? This… sick, demented _freak_ broke into my game the day we were plugged in 'n tried to delete me, but he just screwed up my code… I had no friends, I couldn't race, he took everything I had away from me. And I'd still be livin' that sorry excuse for a life if it hadn't been for these three sweethearts."

She slid the photo toward the princess, who picked it up and studied it. "Are they from your old arcade?"

"Yuh-huh," Vanellope sniffled, pointing to each of them. "That's Calhoun, she kills bugs for a living. That's Felix, he can fix like literally anything…"

The lump in her throat made it very difficult to finish.

"And that's Ralph," she finally squeaked. "He's the reason any of it changed at all. He helped me make my kart… he believed in me when nobody else did… he saved my whole game. They all did…" She wiped an eyeful of tears on the back of her sleeve. "And now I'll n-never s-see them again…"

Princess Vanellope handed the photo back. "Golly, um… I wish I had something helpful to say," she mumbled. "Um… at least you still get to race, right?"

"Is that gonna be my whole life?!" Vanellope shot back. "Stuck in a game nobody ever plays, racin' in circles forever?! The best part of racing was makin' the _players_ happy! That's all I ever wanted to do, y'know, was make people happy… the players, the other racers… I just wanted to have friends…"

More tears pitter-pattered onto her peanut butter cup wrapper skirt.

"...I just wanna go home…"

Princess Vanellope stared out the window, seemingly deep in thought.

"So why don't you?" she asked.

Vanellope rubbed her nose. "W-What?"

"I mean, you're lucky," the princess continued. "Y'know, the arcade we came from closed down. Three years ago, now. That's why Bernie got such a good deal on us. There's no place left for us to go back to. But me… I mean, you," she chuckled, putting an arm around her twin's shoulder. "You've still got a home out there. You've got people waiting for you. You could drive out into those wires right now and chart a course for home!"

Vanellope recoiled slightly. "What, _go Turbo?!_" she yelped. "Abandon my game?! I could _never_ do that!"

"Well, what does it matter if you leave at this point?" Princess Vanellope asked with a shrug. "I mean, Bernie doesn't play these games, he'll never notice if you're gone. Who would you be staying for? Don't you think Ralph 'n Felix 'n Calhoun there will be so happy to see how far you went for them?"

Vanellope blinked, trying to dry her tears. It was true, now that she thought of it. Leaving a game that wasn't meant to be played anymore could hardly be considered abandonment.

"...You really think I could make it all the way back to Litwak's?" she said softly.

Princess Vanellope looked at the floor, her hands in her frilly lap. "Well, I gotta admit, it _would_ be a challenge. I mean, all those wires… it's easy to get lost out there. But it's not impossible. And heck, if you really love your arcade friends, wouldn't you say it's worth it to try?"

A small fire seemed to flare up in Vanellope's gut. Yes, it would be a long journey, traveling back to Litwak's by electrical wire. It could take days, weeks, maybe even months, and it would be very hard to navigate. But if it meant even the slightest chance that she'd see her dearest friends again, the people who were as close to her as family, then her odds were better out there than they were in here.

But of course, Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun were hardly her _only_ friends…

"What about the rest of the racers?" she asked. "Rancis, Taffyta, Candlehead, and all them… and Sour Bill and everybody. I couldn't just leave them behind… d'you think they'd wanna come with me?"

Princess Vanellope smiled. "Why not? They're your friends, aren't they?"

Vanellope stared down at her boots. "Yeah, of course they are… but I don't think they're as torn up about this whole situation as me. Pretty sure dancing isn't one of the five stages of grief, y'know?"

The princess patted Vanellope's hand, a warm look in her eye.

"Well, the way I see it," she said, "if they're truly your friends, they'll understand how important this really is to you. C'mon now, look how shook up you are - you've gotta do something, right? I mean, I can't stand to see anybody unhappy… least of all myself."

Vanellope looked into the princess' eyes - her own eyes, like a living mirror. A cross-generational reflection of herself, another veteran of a surprise unplugging. She had faced the unthinkable and persevered, just like she, Vanellope, had in all those years of oppression and treachery under Turbo's sick masquerading reign.

In that moment, she knew she could do this. She had to do this. Ralph and Felix and Calhoun were counting on her. And her _Sugar Rush_ friends would never let her down either.

"Yeah…" Vanellope said, rubbing her eyes. "Yeah, we're gonna do it! We're gonna go back home!"

Princess Vanellope jumped off the bed and hugged her twin tight, laughing merrily. "Oh, I'm so excited for you!" she squeaked. Grabbing her hand, she whisked Vanellope across the room toward the door. "Now c'mon, to the Kart Bakery! Can't have you leading your friends across the world on foot, that's not proper for a princess!"

Vanellope chuckled. "Actually, I'm the President."

"Really?" Princess Vanellope mused as they bounded down the stairs. "Jumping jellybeans, you really _are_ some kind of maverick, aren't you?"


	16. I'm Okay, I'm Okay - Fit As A Fiddle

A small flock of seagulls, only three strong, soared low over the glistening sea. Light as a feather, they landed, bobbing on the water's rolling surface like feathery buoys. They squawked contentedly among themselves.

VROOM.

The startled birds took flight as three bright teal jetskis sliced across the water, kicking up a monstrous splashy wake. The roar of their motors rent the air like a buzzsaw.

"Sorry, chums!" Felix yelped over his shoulder as he gripped the handlebars with one hand, clamping his hat to his head with the other. "Student driver!"

Calhoun tossed her head back, her blond bangs whipping wildly in the wind. "Ah, you're not doin' so bad, Sugarcakes!" she shouted over the roaring engine. "Think of it like _Paperboy_ on fast forward!"

Leading the pack, BD laughed heartily. "This is basic level, bro! Wait 'til we get to the jumps!"

Felix's eyes bulged in shock. "Jumps?!" he hollered. "You didn't mention those!"

"Hey," BD shouted as they rounded a corner in the bobbing guide lights that denoted the track, "what's life without a few fun surprises, right?"

The jumps loomed, long slick ramps three in a row. The last one in line was accentuated with one extra feature - a large round ring engulfed in fire.

"_Holy heck!"_ Felix bellowed.

"Language, babe!" Calhoun chuckled as she hit the gas.

The convoy of jetskis soared up the first jump, splashed up the second, sailed through the third with stunning ease. Calhoun's legs left her craft momentarily, while BD executed an impressive midair turn. Felix screamed the whole way, tucking himself low to his jetski to avoid as much fire as possible.

With a splash, they landed, skimming over the translucent checkered finish line that hovered above the water. BD punched the air as the three of them floated to a stop. "_Righteous_ driving, bros!" he cheered. "Wanna go another round?"

Felix trembled, his teeth chattering, gripping the handlebars hard enough to nearly snap them off. "Oh, golly gee, that's a _great_ idea!" he wheezed as Calhoun affectionately rubbed his back. "You, uh… you go ahead, hodaddy, I'll catch up."

"Hold the phone," Calhoun snapped, shielding her eyes from the sun with one hand as she peered around. "Where's Ralph?"

A distant splashing sound caught their ears.

"I'm comin'!... Gimme a sec, it's… it's gonna happen!"

Ralph seemed to have swum to the finish line, only his head and arms visible above the water. He huffed and puffed, clearly worn out.

"Are we done?" he panted as he crossed the finish line.

Felix straightened his hat. "We were just waitin' for you, brother," he intoned.

"Oh, that's awesome," Ralph gulped, pushing himself aside. Everyone jumped as Ralph's jetski splashed to the surface from underneath his heavy body, bobbing like a cork. "Confidentially, I don't think this is my sport."

Fortunately, upon wading to the shore, Ralph discovered his lack of proficiency at waverunning didn't matter one whit. Just completing a time trial was enough to grant them another five Likits each.

"Score!" BD cheered, pocketing his coins. "How much is that altogether?"

Ralph jingled his coins in his giant palm. "We've each got 30 now, right?" he said. "That's 120 total! Wow, it's addin' up faster'n I thought!"

"_Cha-cha-chow!"_ BD chanted, tossing his Likits into the air; they plopped into the sand around him like hail. "Makin' it _rain_ up in this game! I could finally get that mini-fridge that Bernie always wanted!"

Calhoun put a stern hand on BD's shoulder. "Save your play money for after we get outta here, Rockstar," she said. With her other hand, she removed her scanner from the hip strap of her bikini bottom, checking the clock in the corner; it was almost 2:00 in the morning. "And that's not happening fast enough for my tastes. These piddling little playdates only pay out chump change - the dune buggies, the surfing contest, that capoeira class…"

"See, _that_ one was fun!" Felix said, leaping into the air and executing an impressive kicking backflip. "Can't wait to see Mary's face when I bust that one out next playtime!"

Calhoun darted her eyes to BD. "Look, enough pussyfootin' around, Shaggy, what pays out the most around here?"

BD brushed his salt-dried hair from his eyes. "Oh, bro, you wanna hit the jackpot? You gotta go _ultra-extreme_, mon freres! Only the craziest of the cray-cray pays out the big pay-pay!"

Ralph scratched his head. "Um, was that all English?"

Grabbing Ralph's head, BD pointed beyond the avatar-crowded beach to the dense cityscape across the boulevard. "I'm talkin' about _that_, Bigfoot!" he said with a grin.

Between the skyscrapers was a towering construction crane, a bright red inverted L shining against the brilliant blue sky.

Ralph squinted at the structure, rubbing his chin. "What, we gotta build a building?"

"Hot diggety!" Felix chirped, brandishing his hammer. "Now you're talkin' my language!"

BD chuckled his dry wheezy laugh. "Nah, bros, you gotta take the _big leap_, know what I'm sayin'?"

Calhoun plucked two empty cola bottles off a nearby avatar's beach blanket and held them to her eyes like makeshift binoculars, glaring at the crane. She could discern figures standing atop the steel structure in a line. One at the end took a running jump off the crane and plummeted, whooping exuberantly, a stretchy tether trailing behind them.

"Bungee jumping!" Calhoun barked.

Ralph felt like someone had just replaced his blood with refrigerator coolant.

"Wait…" he stammered. "W-W-W-W-Wait, wait, wait, hold on, _WHAT?!_ Jumping off cranes, that… that's a _sport?!_ Like, that _sane_ people do?!"

"And dude, does it ever pay out!" BD gushed, oblivious to Ralph's fear. "You can get like 20 Likits for one really good bounce! Between four of us, that's like…" He counted quickly on his fingers. "Well, it's a _lot!_" he concluded, smiling proudly.

Felix rubbed the back of his neck. "Whoo boy," he gulped, "that looks a whole lot taller than Niceland Apartments…"

Calhoun grabbed her husband's hand, giving it an affectionate squeeze. "Tell you what, babe, we'll jump together. This isn't the first tower I've climbed, y'know."

Ralph didn't know what to say. 80 Likits in one shot would be a fantastic boon to them… but if that bungee cord failed…

He was built to take a beating, no doubt about it. But the drop off Niceland Apartments was a dinky ten stories into a nice soft mud puddle. Not exactly comparable to a height ten times bigger, above solid unforgiving concrete, in a game he had no respawn data for…

"Um…" he began lamely. "There isn't anything a little… I dunno, a little more… less high?"

BD slapped a friendly hand on Ralph's bare back. "Aw, don't freak out, Ralph-Man!" he chortled. "I know this is probably _way_ cooler than anything you're used to in whatever boring game you came from, but hey - what's the point in livin' if you don't get a little nuts sometimes?"

Ralph tried to make his legs move as BD led them all across the sand to the street.

"I dunno," he squeaked under his breath. "I mean, if getting nuts makes you _stop_ living…"

* * *

From below, the crane was even more intimidating. Especially the screams of the players as their avatars tumbled through the air, snapping back just yards above the pavement. Of course, those weren't genuine screams - those players weren't in danger of anything worse than carpal tunnel syndrome.

Ralph and his friends, on the other hand…

"Boy," Felix muttered as the service elevator lifted them higher and higher, "this thing just keeps on going, huh?" Calhoun cuddled him close, shivering slightly in the breeze.

"Don't sweat it, dawgs!" BD encouraged, twirling a coiled length of rope around his arm like a hula hoop. "Me 'n Bernie used to do this all the time, it's wicked fun! All you gotta do is make sure the rope you pick is the right length… first time, we kinda overestimated a bit? Hoo man, that was embarrassing, let me tell ya!"

Ralph felt the elevator guardrails crumple in his hands as he stared down aimlessly at the rapidly receeding ground. What on earth was he _doing?!_ Risking his life in this stupid game full of stupid sports that he wasn't even any good at, and for what?

_...For Vanellope,_ he reminded himself.

It was the only way to save her and her friends. The only way to save her from a life of purgatory in that horrible player-less basement. He'd do anything to keep that kid safe. Anything to give her back the life she deserved.

_For Vanellope,_ he repeated in his mind as the elevator stopped at the top of the crane. _For Vanellope._

And he felt the fear ebb away. In its place, fiery determination. Love for his friend, the daughter figure whom he'd promised to protect, no matter what. And the anxieties crumbled, replaced with a secure reminder of the facts. No one else had failed at jumping from this crane. BD was with them, he knew what to do. Everything would be fine - they'd be in that apartment before they knew it.

Ralph took a deep relaxing breath, pressing his hands together in focus. He could do this. He _would_ do this.

"Nice zen pose, bro," BD said. "You gonna lift a rock with your mind or something? 'Cuz that'd be _so_ boss!"

Felix and Calhoun walked out along the length of the crane's arm, clutching the guardrails. A rugged NPC with bulging muscles and a speckly 5 o'clock shadow waved at them from a platform mounted on the very end, clutching several coiled bungee cords.

"Aloha, thrill junkies!" he rasped. "Who's up first?"

"We're gonna double up, if it's all the same to you, Scruffy," Calhoun said, squeezing Felix's shaking shoulders.

The NPC guide shrugged. "Co-op mode it is!" In a blink of pixels, Felix and Calhoun were strapped together in a tandem harness, Felix's back against Calhoun's chest, as the guide attached one of the default bungee cords from Calhoun's waist to the steel platform. "Happy landings, dudes!"

Felix's eyes darted around. "Um, before we go, shouldn't you review the safety protocol or -"

BOOT.

The guide kicked Calhoun and Felix over the edge. Ralph's eyes widened as they dropped out of sight, their screams echoing off the surrounding buildings.

"_JIMINY JAMINYYYYY!"_ Felix hollered as they plummeted. Calhoun grabbed her husband's hand.

"_We got this, babe!"_ she bellowed over the roar of the wind. "_Gravity's gonna get a pair of boots right up its kiester!"_

As the ground rushed up to meet them, the line went taut, bouncing Felix and Calhoun back into the air. Flipping and tumbling, they bounced two more times before finally coming to a rest, dangling upside-down.

"See?" Calhoun laughed, her hair askew. "That was rookie level!"

Felix coughed. "I think I swallowed a bug," he wheezed. "Or possibly my uvula."

Above on the crane, BD slapped Ralph playfully on the shoulder. "Told ya it was easy, buddy!" he said. "Jumpman and Mrs. C pulled it off like pros! Looks like you're on deck, dudeski!"

Ralph jogged in place, pumping his fists to psych himself up. "I can do this!" he chanted. "I can do this!"

So strong was his focus, he didn't even notice the crane buckling beneath his footfalls.

Avatars in line behind Ralph wobbled against the guardrails. Below, Felix and Calhoun shook in midair as their bungee cord twanged ominously.

"Oh, crudmuffins," Calhoun growled, glaring up at the crane. "Somethin' tells me Ralph's too big for this ride…"

Raring to go, Ralph bounded up the arm to the platform. The wobbling grew wilder, and BD hugged the guardrail for support. "Whoa, hey, love the enthusiasm, Ralph, but crank it down to medium, maybe?" he warned, his knees buckling.

Ralph skidded to a stop inches from the platform. "You say somethin', BD?" he asked, turning around.

Then a horrible loud creaking rent the air.

With a violent lurch, the arm of the crane tilted, bending under the strain of Ralph's gargantuan bulk. The NPC guide gripped the guardrail with all his might, dropping his bungee cords into the abyss. Ralph gasped as he realized what he'd done.

Scrambling, he tried to run back to BD, to equalize the weight distribution. But the crane was bending faster. 30 degrees, 35, 40… Ralph's feet slid backwards on the metal path…

He was falling. His thick fingers grasped at something, anything to hold. They found the bungee cord, still attached to the platform, both huge hands wrapping tightly around the rope. But gravity wouldn't let go either. Ralph's hands burned with friction as he slid down the cord; instinctively, he let go, falling faster. Hollering, flailing, he saw Felix and Calhoun harnessed together, rushing up to meet him at the bottom of the rope…

"_RALPH!"_

With a twanging _thump_, Ralph collided with his friends, holding on to Calhoun's waist with one colossal hand. The crane groaned in agony as Ralph's weight pulled the rope, stretching it to its limit. Looking up, Ralph's heart hammered as he realized the arm of the crane was bent almost completely in half.

"Okay…" he whispered, trying to catch his breath. "Nobody move…"

"Brilliant," Calhoun gasped, glaring down at the stone ground twenty stories below them.

Ralph tried to hoist his weight up higher and felt the rope shudder. "All right," he gulped, "I have a plan, okay? If we move very slowly, we -"

SNAP.

The rope instantly gave out. Screaming at the tops of their digital lungs, Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun dropped like stones, hurtling toward the ground. Ralph clutched Felix and Calhoun tight, hoping to cushion their impact. His heart stopped…

_**SMACK.**_

* * *

Silence. Darkness.

And then Ralph's eyes fluttered open. The rough hot pavement scratched his face as he slowly pushed himself up.

Calhoun ran a hand through her hair, her eyes wide with confusion. Felix patted his own chest, as if unsure it really still existed.

"Well then," he muttered. "Death feels more tangible than I thought it would…"

Ralph leapt to his feet. He looked down at his hands, then felt his face. Not a scratch on him anywhere.

"We didn't die!" he laughed, dancing giddily on the spot in relief. "_We didn't die!"_

"'Course you didn't die, bros!" called a voice from above. "What made ya think you would?"

Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun all looked up just in time to see BD plummeting toward them, his own personal bungee cord harnessed to his waist. "Waytostickthelandingbytheway!" he said quickly, before physics rocketed him back into the sky.

Calhoun clutched Felix close to her side. "This doesn't make a lick of golly-goshin' sense!" she barked. "How the heck did we respawn?!"

"Respawn?" BD shouted as he tumbled through the air. "Bro, I told you, you didn't even _die!_"

Ralph couldn't even begin to wrap his head around this. "Since when does falling 110 stories not _kill_ you?" he squeaked.

"Since always!" BD crowed as the bounce gradually vanished from his rope. "There's no death mechanic in _Extreme E-Z Livin'_!" He finally came to a rest, dangling upside down above Ralph's head, a dopey smirk plastered to his face. "I mean, this game's all about chillin', right? It'd be pretty stupid if you could _die_ from chillin', wouldn't it?"

Felix plopped his hat back onto his head. "Well, jeezum crow, BD!" he said. "What about back on the beach when you fell off the platform in the volleyball game?"

"Bro, I didn't _die!_" BD grinned, his long hair swaying in the breeze. "I just got switched to spectating! Dang, Jumpman, what are you, disappointed?"

A giddy giggle escaped Ralph's throat. His entire perspective had just been turned on its head.

He couldn't die. No one in _Extreme E-Z Livin'_ could. There was suddenly no sport too extreme, no activity too risky, nothing stopping him and his friends from doing everything to rack up all the Likits they needed and then some.

"Sweet rhubarb pie!" Ralph cheered, sweeping Felix and Calhoun into a grateful bear hug. "I _love_ this game!"

Another voice from above, farther away this time. "That was some landing, dudebros!" the NPC guide bellowed from the bent crane; from so far below, they could just barely see him dangling by one hand. "You just earned yourself some serious Likits!"

A massive cluster of yellow smiley coins rained down from the heavens, filling up Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, and BD's inventories. 20 each, as promised, bringing their total to a whopping 200.

"Golly," Felix chuckled, "not bad for an honest day's work, is it? Reckon I ought to fix our good friend's crane for all that trouble, and then we can go for another round, what do you say?"

Ralph whirled around on the spot, his mind racing. "What, jump again? When there's so many other crazy things to do around here? This whole game is our oyster! Heck, it's a whole seafood buffet! Half off, all you can eat, bring the kids!"

Peering into the sky, he spotted an avatar on a parasail, swooping over the distant sea. "Look at that! I bet that kite thingy gets you a buttload of Likits!" he boomed, bounding away. "C'mon, last one there's a rotten omelette!"

Calhoun scratched her head. "Game with no death, huh?" she muttered. "Seems almost unnatural, don't it?"

Felix chuckled as he twirled his hammer. "Aw, don't be so skeptical, Snoogumbunches!" he said as they headed for the service elevator. "You're sort of on vacation!"

Still dangling in midair, BD glanced up at the crane above, cupping a hand around his mouth. "_Lars!"_ he shouted. "How 'bout cuttin' me loose, bud?"

A distant _clink_, and BD dropped to the ground, his bungee cord unraveling in a heap on top of him. He raised an arm from underneath and gave a thumbs up.

"'Preciate it, bro," he said, muffled under the rope.


	17. Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

"_Kart Bakery activated. Prepare to engage minigame."_

Vanellope whirled on the spot, mesmerized by the sheer scope of the kitchen she'd just entered. It was far sleeker and more advanced than the Kart Bakery of her own game, with shiny digital readouts on the giant purple oven and a dazzling array of icing tubes crisscrossing around the ceiling.

"C'mon, me!" Princess Vanellope giggled, grabbing her twin's hand. "No time to dilly-dally! You there, get her kart on the conveyor belt, pronto!"

Two Oreo guards hoisted Vanellope's fractured kart onto the belt, small bits crumbling away as they lifted. General Bill threw a large switch next to the control panel, and the belt jerked to life, moving the kart along the assembly line.

Vanellope hopped up into a tall chair in front of the control panel. "Whoa, not really recognizin' most of these buttons here…" she muttered.

"First we gotta reinforce the frame!" Princess Vanellope said. "That button there!" She pointed at a large green dial; Vanellope turned it quickly.

Mechanical arms descended from above, clutching lengths of peppermint sticks. They rammed them into the cracked frame at precise angles. The kart already began to look more solid.

Vanellope grinned. "I like that! What next?"

"Batter injection!" the princess cheered. "Gotta refill those cracks! Let 'er rip, me!"

With a yank of a chain, twin syringes full of cake batter dropped down, pumping their contents into the stale cake of the kart. Drops of batter oozed from every crack in the icing sheel.

"Ew," Vanellope winced.

"No, it'll be fine!" the princess assured her. "Next is the oven! Fire it up!"

Vanellope pounded the giant purple "BAKE" button as her kart entered the oven. It glowed red as the heat permeated the vehicle.

Princess Vanellope bounced in excitement. "You're doin' great!" she squeaked, clutching Vanellope's sleeve. "Okay, wheels next, and then the _really_ fun part!"

More mecha-arms descended, straightening the bent wheels and replacing the missing ones. Then came the hydraulic icing tubes.

Vanellope cracked her knuckles. "Watch me rock!" she said with a smirk, cascading her fingers across the panel like a concert pianist.

Chocolate, teal, and purple icing slathered the kart in huge messy splatters. A torrent of sprinkles rained from a massive metal bucket.

"Okay!" Princess Vanellope chirped, clasping her hands around her scepter in eager anticipation. "SPecial feature time! _Hang glider!_"

An arm shoved a bubblegum parasail spoiler into the back of the kart.

"_Pontoons!"_

A long tube draped around the vehicle, extruding a marshmallow pillow all along the perimeter.

"Gummi-lock brakes! Fruit-injected engine! Nitro cola booster!"

Vanellope pounded the controls, adding every feature the princess suggested, totally swept up in the thrill of rebuilding her most beloved possession.

A timer dinged somewhere. "_Minigame complete,"_ said a cool female voice. "_Please enjoy your custom vehicle. Have a sweet race!"_

Vanellope bounded over as her freshly fixed kart rolled off the belt. It looked as good as new, but with the unmistakable advanced sheen of being built on a 128-bit engine. Hopping into the driver's seat, she eagerly poked the new buttons on the dashboard. The vanilla wafer spoiler vanished, a hang glider springing out in its place. The marshmallow pontoons inflated with a loud hiss.

"Well?" the princess inquired, leaning contentedly on her scepter. "Is it super-awesome-tastic, or just crazy-fun-a-riffic?"

Vanellope couldn't help laughing. "I _love_ it!" she cheered. "Oh my gosh, I can't _wait_ to show it to Ralph! He's gonna flip his hairy lid!"

Princess Vanellope tittered coquettishly, twirling her scepter as General Bill waddled up beside her. "Your friend Ralph sounds like a big softie," she said. "It's a shame I won't get to meet him, but do tell him I said hello, won't you?"

Brushing her bangs aside, Vanellope looked at her doppelganger. She realized what this meant - her kart was fixed, and it was time to say goodbye.

"Hey, listen, Your Highness," Vanellope said earnestly, "thanks for helpin' me out. No joke, it was really awesome of you."

The princess tucked her hands behind her back, smiling warmly. "Think nothing of it, me! The least I could do is help out a Vanellope in need. Y'know, I know my game is way bigger and cooler than yours in every way, but in spite of all that, I can't deny that I kind of envy you."

Vanellope felt herself blush. It was going to be hard to say goodbye to a friend she'd just met…

"Hey, why don't you come with me?" Vanellope asked. "You 'n all your friends? I bet everyone at Litwak's would love to meet you."

Princess Vanellope chuckled. "I appreciate the invitation, me, but let's be honest - players or not, this is our home. We've got ours, and you've got to get back to yours"

She scurried past Vanellope toward the exit. "Speaking of which, you've gotta tell your friends about this, don't you? Oh, I'm sure they'll be _so_ excited!"

As the guards wrenched the bakery doors open, Vanellope started her kart. The engine purred hungrily, smooth as it had ever sounded.

"I _hope_ they'll be excited," she muttered, trying to ignore the pit in her stomach.

* * *

"_WHEEEEE!"_

Jubileena executed a perfect backflip, high-fiving Adorabeezle in midair before dropping back down. The air was full of bouncing racers as they leapt across the boingy landscape of Dropoline Ravine. The giant gumdrops that littered the gully like boulders wiggled wildly with every giggly jump.

"I never want this day to end!" Swizzle shouted as he leap-frogged over Sticky.

Richley sailed over Gleeza, arms behind his head as if it was the most casual thing in the world. "That's the finest thing about it, mate!" he said. "We're neighbors now! It never _has_ to end!"

A loud horn blast cut the air. Every racer's head turned as they tumbled to the ground.

Two Oreo guards flanked either side of the twin Vanellopes, standing atop the hoods of their respective karts. Before them was General Bill, another official-looking scroll in his hands.

"Attention, loyal subjects and slightly annoying visitors," he droned. "Her Royal Icingness Princess Vanellope Von Schweetz doth hereby proclaim the following decree or whatever."

Scrambling down from a nearby hill, Sour Bill rolled his eyes. "Spit out the thesaurus there, Shakespeare," he grumbled.

Princess Vanellope stepped forth. "Actually, this isn't _my_ decree," she clarified, gesturing to Vanellope with her scepter. "Other me has something to say to her fellow racers. So if my adoring subjects would kindly disperse, I think she'd like to speak in private."

Orangina shrugged her shoulders. "Fair enough. Hey Kweizi, mind if we scurry on over to your track 'n take turns doin' cannonballs off'n Caketoria Falls?"

"Sounds like a rich, full evening," Kweizi said, leading the _Sugar Rush II_ aquad away. Tsukara took one quick wide-eyed glance at Vanellope as she passed.

"Naniga anata ni okoru owabi," she said with a hasty bow.

"Yeah, thanks, you too," Vanellope mumbled as Tsukara dashed away.

General Bill hoisted himself into Princess Vanellope's sidecar. The princess patted a hand on her twin's shoulder. "You can do this, me," she whispered. "I'll meet you at the train station." And she hopped back into her cart, zooming off after her subjects.

Candlehead slid down from the top of a giant purple gumdrop, glaring in awe at Vanellope's repaired kart. "Oh wow!" she gushed. "Look at that, Vanellope, you got your kart all fixed!"

"Yep," Vanellope said, forcing a smile onto her face. "That Kart Bakery was pretty ding-dang cool, let me tell ya…"

Taffyta tugged at the hem of her racing jacket. "Vanellope, is everything okay? You still seem kinda wigged out."

With a deep sigh, Vanellope shut her eyes.

"...Guys, I've been doin' some thinking. I can tell you all really like it here, and I know it's a really cool game with a lot of really cool people, but… I can't help it, you guys, I miss the arcade. I miss Ralph and Felix and Calhoun…"

Jubileena wrung her hands. "Aw, Vanellope, don't feel bad about that! We miss the arcade too…"

"Yeah," Minty added. "But it's okay, we still have each other, at least."

Vanellope rubbed her neck, glaring awkwardly at the ground. "Um, yeah, funny you should say that… look, I've got something big on my mind and I know you're my friends but I need to know if you're gonna be able to help me with this…"

Snowanna's eyebrows practically disappeared into her multicolor afro. "Well, jeez, Vanellope, spit it out already!"

Vanellope clenched her fists and let out a low sigh.

"...I wanna go back to the arcade. All of us, together."

A confused murmur rippled across the crowd of racers, all of them glancing around at each other, unsure of what to say.

"Um, Vanellope," Gloyd said, "you _do_ know about that whole 'we can't set foot in the real world' thing, right? 'Cuz that might be a _slight_ impediment to your plan, just sayin'..."

Clutching herself, Vanellope hung her head slightly. "Of course I know, Gloyd," she muttered. "I'm not stupid."

"Well, no offense, Van," Taffyta said, "but how _else_ would we get back? You want us to go all that distance over the _wiring?_" She let out a sarcastic scoff.

Vanellope looked Taffyta in the eyes, more seriously than ever before.

Taffyta's lollipop dropped from her mouth.

"...What, are you _CRAZY?!_" she yelped. "Vanellope, we'd _never make it!_"

"That's not true!" Vanellope insisted. "Everything's connected, right? I mean, yeah, it'll take a while, but…"

"It'd take _forever!_" Adorabeezle interjected. "With no maps or anything?! No way to tell where we are?! We could be wandering out there for _years!_"

"Well, what would _you_ rather do, Adorabeezle?" Vanellope snapped. "You wanna spend the rest of your life stuck in this nerd's collection, never gettin' played again?"

"We wouldn't get played back at the arcade either!" Crumbelina reasoned. "I mean, we can't take the game with us!... Vanellope, I know it's tough, but I think we're better off staying here."

Vanellope bit her lip, trying to maintain her composure even as her stomach clenched like a fist.

"...You guys don't know what it's like, okay?" she said, her voice quivering. "Ralph and Felix and Calhoun are back home, probably kickin' the fudge outta themselves over this! I can't leave them!"

"Vanellope, that's _not fair_ and you know it!" Minty barked. "You think we don't miss everyone at the arcade too? We just know when the icing's on the wall!"

"_I have to try!"_ Vanellope shouted, hair falling into her reddened face. "Just let me _try_, okay? They're more than just friends, they're… they're like my _family!_ I gotta go back, I've _got_ to!"

"But what if we didn't make it?" Candlehead squeaked. "What if we got lost, or got stuck somewhere, or… or…" She began hyperventilating, her eyes struck with fear; Taffyta wrapped a consoling arm around her shoulder.

"Look," Jubileena said, "Vanellope, _please_ don't get mad. We know how much this means to you, but we gotta face facts, okay? It's too risky to leave. You don't know how far away Litwak's is, what directions to go… at least here, we know we'll be safe."

Vanellope fought to control her breathing. "So that's it, then? Forget the arcade?"

"No, of course not!" Minty insisted. "We could never forget Litwak's! But this is _reality_, Vanellope, okay? We gotta accept it and move on! I mean, jeez, we were there for sixteen years, we had a good run!"

A sudden burst of tears stung the edges of Vanellope's eyes. She blinked, forcing them down her cheeks.

"..._You_ had a good run."

Minty gasped, slapping her hands over her mouth.

"Oh…" she said quickly. "Oh, oh my gosh, Vanellope, I'm _so_ sorry, I didn't mean -"

"Listen, guys," Vanellope said, wiping her eyes, "I _need_ to do this. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't at least try. I know it's a long shot, I do, but I still got better odds goin' out there than I do staying here. So if…" She gulped, still trying to stem her tears. "If anybody wants to come with me… now's your chance."

Blinking through the wetness, she surveyed her friends as they stood before her, shuffling their feet, looking anywhere but at her.

Nobody stepped forward.

Vanellope felt her chest tighten, as if a giant hand was squeezing the life out of it.

"...Okay then," she squeaked, sniffling. "Then I guess… I guess this is goodbye."

Jubileena heaved a shuddering sob as tears began to soak her own face. "V-Vanellope…" she whimpered. "Vanellope, d-don't… y-you're gonna get hurt…"

Vanellope stuck her hand into her pocket, her fingers wrapping around the crumpled photograph.

"Some people are worth gettin' hurt for, Jubileena," she said solemnly.

Sour Bill scurried out of the crowd, his eyes bulging. "Miss President," he gulped, "who's gonna lead us from now on?"

Kneeling down, Vanellope placed a trembling hand on Sour Bill's spherical head. "Bill, you've been the best Vice President a dork like me could ever ask for," she said, still trying to choke back her tears. "I think you can handle it okay. Just… y'know, keep the tracks clean, all right? I know you'll do me proud."

Bill stood speechless, lip quivering, unsure how to react to this sudden promotion.

Forcing her feet to move, Vanellope slowly backed away from the stunned racers. She waved, stifling a sob. "Thanks for bein' my friends, guys," she said. "I mean it, really… I had a ton of fun racin' with you. I'll, like, leave a trail of cake crumbs or something so I can come back 'n visit someday, okay?"

The racers waved weakly back, at a loss for what to say. Candlehead rocked on the spot, debating whether to run after Vanellope or not. Jubileena gripped Adorabeezle's arm, tears streaming freely down both their faces.

Rancis was shaking. His breath came in short panicky bursts as he watched Vanellope ascend the hill towards her kart, seconds away from walking out of his life…

A pair of hands pushed on his back. "Dude!" Swizzle whispered. "_Do_ something already, will ya?"

Without thinking, Rancis darted up the hill. Vanellope turned at the sound of his footsteps, a wave of relief washing over her face.

"Rancis…"

The entire world seemed to be swaying. Rancis could barely keep his balance. In the moment, his mind felt like someone had pushed the fast forward button - everything he wanted to say to Vanellope, every plea to stay, every offer to go, every confession of his true feelings, was fighting to reach his tongue first. He couldn't sort them out.

"Uh…" he began lamely. "Uh…"

Vanellope's eyes, those big sweet chocolate-brown eyes he always got lost in, were analyzing him like a virus scanner, waiting for a complete sentence.

Suddenly, Rancis was very aware of the other racers behind him. He was the center of their attention, alone on this hill with the girl to whom he may never speak again. The pressure assaulted him like a boot on his ribs. His face burned furiously, like always, no matter how much he wished it wouldn't, just once…

"Um…" he stammered, sweat drenching his collar. "G-good… good luck out there, Vanellope."

And slowly, weakly, like the defeated little insect he felt he was, he stumbled away down the hill.

The hope drained from Vanellope's eyes as quickly as it had risen there, replaced with a fresh flow of tears. Balling her fists, she turned away, her ponytail flailing behind her as she ran to her kart. Leaping into the driver's seat, she pounded the ignition and floored the gas, trying to get away as fast as possible before the emotion overwhelmed her any worse.

Rancis slunk back into the crowd, his head down, deliberately avoiding the stunned gazes of his fellow racers. He felt like he'd just been run over by a truck.

SLAP.

He winced as something struck the back of his neatly groomed head. Whirling around, he saw Swizzle and Gloyd, their faces livid.

"You _IDIOT!_" Swizzle snarled. "What the heck is _wrong_ with you?!"

Rancis wrung his hands in shame. "I know," he mumbled into his chest.

"That was your last chance, you moron!" Gloyd yelped. "You had all these opportunities and you blew every single one, you pathetic little peanut butter turd!"

"I know," Rancis repeated, his eyes watering.

"What'd you think, she was just gonna read your mind?" Swizzle snapped. "Jeez, Rancis, you drive me _crazy_ sometimes! Now you gotta live the rest of your wimpy little life knowing you let Vanellope walk away, and it was _all your stupid fault!_"

"_I KNOW!"_ Rancis screamed, his voice cracking.

Swizzle and Gloyd froze as Rancis turned and ran, sniffling and sobbing as he disappeared beyond the gumdrops.

"Poor Rancis," Crumbelina muttered, placing a trembling hand to his lips. "He shoulda just told her he liked her right from the start."

Gloyd straightened his racing jacket. "See, I told you everyone could tell," he said.

* * *

The train docked, and a large door on the side of the front car slid open. The two Vanellopes' karts puttered out, down the escalator and out into the dusty power strip. It was as empty and uninviting as always.

Vanellope parked at the end of the cavernous atrium, leaning on the steering wheel. Before her was the vault-like door that led to the main cord and the electrical wiring beyond. Her stomach fluttered at the sight of it.

"Well," she sighed, "guess this is it…"

The task before her seemed so much more daunting knowing that her friends wouldn't be with her. She understood their fears, absolutely she did, but it didn't make this any less gut-wrenching.

For a fleeting second, she considered staying. But then what about Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun? Why couldn't she keep _all_ of them in her life? Why did it have to be this way?

"...Man, this totally barfs," she muttered.

Princess Vanellope sashayed out of her kart as General Bill held the door open for her. "Oh, come now,m me, don't be such a gloomykins!" she said. "I know it's tough to leave your friends, but don't you worry - they'll be in good hands while you're gone, I'll make absolutely sure of it. And besides, think how _exciting_ this is! You're blazing a trail for yourself! You're going home to your bestest buddies in the world!"

Vanellope tried to bolster her spirits with this knowledge. It would be fantastic to see Ralph again… though still not as fantastic as it would be if she could see everybody.

The two Vanellopes approached the door. It loomed overhead like a monolith, a monument marking the genesis of Vanellope's intimidating journey.

"Wow," Vanellope gulped. "It's even bigger up close, huh?"

"Oh my great globulous goodness!" the princess cheered. "You're on your way _home!_ Oh, I'm just so _excited_ for you! This is going to be _great!_" She leapt and pirouetted on the spot, smiling wider than ever.

_Layin' it on a little thick there,_ Vanellope thought. But that was Princess Vanellope for you - always cheerful, always excited about every little thing. It was endearing, in an obnoxious sort of way.

Hands in her hoodie pockets, Vanellope smiled as best she could. "Thanks again for all your help… _me_," she said.

Princess Vanellope smiled back, clasping her hands around her scepter with glee. "It was an absolute pleasure, I assure you," she giggled. "Best of luck to you, Miss President!"

And with that, Vanellope placed her tiny fingers around the heavy door handle, pulling with all her might to unveil the path that lay beyond.

The door refused to budge.

Confused, she pulled again. The door seemed to be rusted shut; she couldn't move it so much as an inch.

"Um, hey," she grunted, "is there like a button you gotta hit to open this thing or something?"

Princess Vanellope tucked her hands innocently behind her back and grinned.

"Oh, that door doesn't open."

Vanellope whirled around. It took her a second to register that she'd heard correctly.

"...Well then, how do I get out of here?" she asked, her voice rising involuntarily.

The princess kept her glimmering grin in place as she bounced happily on the spot. "Oh, silly goose," she chirped, "you _can't_ get out of the power strip! Nobody can!"

Vanellope's heart hammered in her chest. The princess' smile felt eerily unnatural, like someone had painted it on. General Bill stood at her side, glowering at Vanellope from beneath a dangerously furrowed brow.

"...Wh-what do you _mean_ I can't get out?!" she squeaked. "Y-you told me I could! You said you'd help me get back to the arcade, you _said_ that!"

The princess burst into a fit of high-pitched giggles as she held up her scepter. With her thumb, she flicked open the shiny golden ball at the top, revealing a hidden panel of buttons inside; it resembled a tiny version of a video game controller.

"Oh yeah!" she laughed, tracing the buttons with her gloved finger, drawing uncomfortably closer to Vanellope. "That was the funny-fun-funniest part of all…"

She smiled dementedly at Vanellope, her eyes twinkling, still giggling like a lunatic as she jabbed one of the buttons.

"...I lied!"

Vanellope barely had time to react as something shot out of the princess' kart behind her.

10,000 volts blasted through Vanellope's trembling body as the Lightning Licorice Lasso wrapped around her, binding her arms and legs, paralyzing her every nerve. She tried to scream, but the surge of electricity seized her brain, overloading her code…

Then she hit the floor, and everything went dark.


	18. We Can't Change Who We Are

With an almighty chunk, the cargo bay doors opened, filling the plane with brilliant orange twilight. Metallic hoofbeats echoed off the steel walls.

_"WOO-HOOOOO!"_

Ralph plunged out of the plane, plummeting through the sky on the back of a whinnying Clydesdale horse. The wind whipped his shaggy hair as he sailed down, leaping from the saddle and pulling a ripcord attached to his mylar jumpsuit.

Instantly, wings unfurled from his sleeves, carrying him soaring majestically over the _Extreme E-Z Livin'_ skyline. He craned his neck as he flew, spotting his horse drifting to the ground by way of a parachute that had unfurled from its saddle.

_"Thanks for the ride, Seabiscuit!"_ Ralph called over the roar of the wind. Locating a skyscraper below, its penthouse patio abuzz with partying avatars, he angled his wings and made a beeline for the rooftop pool.

SPLASH.

Avatars cheered and whooped as Ralph nosedived into the deep end. Hoisting himself out, he tore off his dripping wingsuit, tossing it to a random avatar in the crowd. "There ya go!" he boomed, adjusting his trunks. "A souvenir for some lucky fan!"

From above, a cascade of yellow Likits rained down upon him, filling his virtual inventory. Another 25 in his pocket, bringing his personal total up to 160.

You could've smacked Ralph in the head with a crowbar and it wouldn't have pried the smile off his face. At the rate he, Felix, Calhoun, and BD were racking up the extreme activities, they'd be unlocking that apartment within the hour. And with no threat of death looming over them, there was literally nothing stopping them.

"So how'd you dig equestrian skydiving, Ralph-Man?"

Ralph looked down. BD was seated at the edge of a bubbling hot tub, surrounded by a bevy of gorgeous female avatars, one of which had cat ears and a tail. He motioned for Ralph to join them.

"Rocked my socks off, BD!" Ralph laughed, plopping into the hot tub with a flourish and sending a surge of water splashing over the edge. "I mean, it would've if I wore socks. Rocked my feet off? Do people say that?"

BD chuckled as a bikini babe in an opaque round astronaut's helmet traced her hand up his chest. "Knew when I met ya that you were a natural born party animal, Ralph!" he said. "You shoulda seen me just now, I just BMX-biked down the side of the building! Face-planted into the sidewalk, it was _wicked_ awesome." He grinned, holding up a twisted and broken set of handlebars.

"Mm," the cat-girl gooed, her player's voice crackling slightly over her game headset, "I like a guy who acts without thinking…"

Ralph leaned back against the wall of the hot tub and stretched. "Man oh man, we are rollin' in the Likits right now!" he said. "After I rest up, I'm thinking of hittin' the alligator-wrestling pavilion on the west side of the map, what do you say?"

"I'm down to clown if you are!" BD grinned, hoisting himself to his feet. "I gotta hand it to ya, bro, you are dedicated. Your li'l pal Vanellope is gonna be super stoked to see what you went through to save her!" And with a playful salute, he headed to the bar, his entourage of avatar beauties following close behind.

"So what do you say we meet in real life sometime?" the cat-girl purred.

BD scratched his head. "Ah, that might be a little tricky there, honey…"

Chuckling to himself, Ralph leaned back, basking in the gorgeous spectacle that was the_ Extreme E-Z Livin'_ sunset. The brilliant fiery glow illuminated the skyscrapers as the sun sank slowly beyond the glimmering sea. All around, avatars mingled and chatted, exchanging Likits and just generally loving life…

_It's the perfect game,_ Ralph thought. _It's like a permanent vacation._

And most intriguing of all, no chance of dying. No way for anyone to ever get truly hurt. Everything was safe, secure, and fun for everyone.

Ralph had never known a life like that before. Nearly every game back home in Litwak's Arcade had a character death mechanic. It was the risk every character always took whenever they ventured outside the comfort of their home games after hours.

In the forefront of Ralph's mind, Vanellope's smiling face appeared. Once they got her and her friends back to the arcade, they'd have no true home anymore. He suspected they'd probably want to live in _Fix-It Felix Jr._ \- he knew Vanellope would, and he liked the idea of him and Felix building the racers their own little building in East Niceland, with bunk beds and slides and all sorts of fun stuff…

...But another memory butted in, forcing the playful daydream out of his mind. The scene of Mr. Litwak dashing past the _Fix-It Felix Jr._ screen to unplug the smoldering _Pac-Man_ console.

_We old-timers have to stick together._

Ralph's smile faded as the pit returned to his stomach.

There were so many variables at play, variables that Ralph had absolutely no control over. Circuits failed. It was the inescapable truth. Especially early '80s circuits that had been operating non-stop for over thirty years. It happened. It had just happened two days ago.

It could happen again. And with two games gone from the arcade in less than 48 hours, Mr. Litwak didn't seem to be all that concerned anymore with preserving the integrity of his roster. It was all so impermanent, a catastrophe just waiting to happen.

Vanellope and her friends wouldn't be safe in _Fix-It Felix Jr._ No one would. Not anywhere in that arcade.

_"...I won't let anything happen to you either, okay? That's a promise."_

Ralph raised one dripping hand out of the water, staring at his extended pinky.

As he glanced off into the distant sunset, the wheels in his head began to turn.

"Got room in that Jacuzzi for two more, Mountain Man?"

Ralph snapped out of his reverie and looked up. Calhoun was descending the tile steps into the hot tub; Felix leapt in after her, plunking into the frothing water like a pebble. He stretched his skinny arms, tugging his cap down over his eyes. "Oh mama, this is just what the doctor ordered, let me tell ya!" he sighed. "Tamora 'n I just played three rounds of laser tag downstairs, and brother, are my 8-bit dogs ever barkin'!"

Calhoun draped a muscular arm around her husband and smiled. "How we doin' on Likits, Ralphie?" she asked, twisting her body to position the water jet against the small of her back. "Me 'n Felix, we've rung up 300 total so far."

"160 on my end!" Ralph said, doing quick math on his giant fingers. "So, let's see, that's 460 between us three, plus what BD's got…"

His eyes widened. "Holy cow, guys, we _did_ it! That's over 500!"

Calhoun and Felix's faces lit up. "Jiminy jaminy!" Felix yelped. "I knew we could pull it off!"

"Dang, we gotta find where Scruffy went!" Calhoun said, brushing her bangs aside. "Fill him in with the good news!"

Felix scanned the crowd, taking in all the partygoing avatars around them. "Y'know, that didn't take as long as I thought!" he beamed. "Gotta say, this game's really grown on me - after we get Vanellope 'n her buddies back home safe 'n sound, we gotta remember to all pop back in for a visit sometime, don'tcha think?"

Ralph tipped his head back, gazing up at a hang glider soaring by.

"Well, who says we just gotta visit?"

Calhoun's eyebrows suddenly shot up. She glared at Ralph, her eyes narrowing into suspicious slits.

"...You wanna unpack that one for me, Wreck-It?" she muttered.

Ralph ran a giant hand through his damp hair. "I'm sayin', this place is literally paradise, guys, in every sense of the word. Who says we gotta go back to the arcade at all? Why don't we just move here?"

For a second, Ralph swore he saw literal fire flash in Calhoun's eyes. Splashing across the hot tub, she grabbed the lei around Ralph's neck and yanked him an inch away from her scowling face.

"Did you land on your mother-lovin' _head_ when you dropped outta that plane?!" she fumed. "Or am I not imagining that _YOU_, of all people, just suggested we go _Turbo?!_"

"Tamora!" Felix yelped, patting her arm. "Remember to breathe, honey, okay?" He turned to Ralph. "But seriously, Ralph, what _are_ you going on about?"

Ralph waved his hands insistently. "Look, I'm not sayin' ditch everyone in the game, for cripes' sake!" he said. "I wouldn't leave them out to dry again! I'm sayin' we should invite them too! Gene, Mary, Q-bert, Clyde, all of 'em! Heck, the whole arcade can come along! They'd love it here! Who wouldn't love it here?"

Felix gaped at Ralph, trying to find his words.

"...Ralph," he finally said, "you can't be serious! Everyone in the arcade? Wh-what about Mr. Litwak? We're his livelihood 'n all, for cryin' out loud!"

A bitter fist seemed to clench deep in Ralph's chest.

"Oh, like_ that_ nerd cares about us anymore!" he spat. "After he let Pac-Man's console die? After he sold _Sugar Rush_? Wake up 'n smell the pie, Felix, Litwak's is on its last legs! Games break down 'n get unplugged all the time, and we've clocked 31 years already - we could be next!"

Calhoun stood up, water cascading down her body. She towered over Ralph.

"After everything that happened to you, Wreck-It," she growled, "I can't believe you'd be so blase-faire about skippin' out on your duty to the players…"

With a splash, Ralph leapt to his feet, staring Calhoun in the eye.

"Oh, like I'm the only one?" he shot back. "What about _you?_ Didn't you say you cold-cocked your own colonel to even get outta the power strip? Knowin' he'd never let you run the tutorial again? And why'd you do it, Calhoun? Huh? Tell me!"

Calhoun breathed hard through her nose, her fists trembling. Ralph had her in a corner.

"To save Vanellope's skin," she said, lowering her shoulders.

"Exactly," Ralph said. "What's more important at this point? A couple of stupid games, or protecting the people we love?"

Silently, Calhoun sank back into the water. Felix wrapped an arm around her shoulder, too stunned to speak.

Ralph sighed, running a hand down his face. "Look, I'll admit it," he said. "I'm scared, okay? I'm scared for you guys, for our friends 'n neighbors… I'm scared for myself… but most of all, I'm scared for Vanellope. She 'n her friends aren't gonna have a game anymore… if she gets hurt, that's it for her. She deserves the chance to live the life she fought for all those years."

Felix tugged at his ear. "Do you think she'd be happy here?"

"Are you kidding?" Ralph boomed. "Look at this place! Sun, surfing, nonstop parties, parachuting horses - dune buggy racing! She 'n her friends can still race and everything! Better than knockin' around Game Central Station with no _Sugar Rush_ anymore, right? And it's safe! This is the best place for all of us! It's like we beat the system, don'tcha get it? We never have to worry about any of us dying, because it's not even a thing around here!"

He sat back down, splashing more water over the edge of the hot tub. Felix and Calhoun clutched each other's hands, unsure how to react.

"I mean, what do you wanna do?" Ralph asked. "Go back home 'n wait for our motherboard to blow up? 'Duty to the players' - you think the players will even miss us? They'll just pull out their phones 'n hop on Steam and look up any game they want. It's only a matter of time, guys, and I don't want any of us to be there when it happens."

Felix rubbed his chin.

"Ralph," he said, "I get where you're comin' from, sure as sugar I do… Calhoun 'n myself, we wanna protect Vanellope just as much as anyone, you know that… but I dunno, taking it this far just seems kinda… wrong."

Ralph tossed his head back and sighed. "Look, guys, I know it's a huge change to make, but it'd be worth it! Just think about it, okay?"

Sloshing to the hot tub steps, Calhoun rose, glaring at Ralph. "I'll do you one better, Wreck-It," she muttered. "How 'bout _you_ think about it too?"

And she stalked away, leaving a trail of water drops on the stone roof. Felix leapt from the water and bounded after her, glancing concernedly back at Ralph as he went.

Ralph slumped down into the bubbling water, sinking up to his shoulders. In retrospect, he should've known they wouldn't have been as gung-ho about his idea. But all he wanted to do was make a better life for all of them.

Including himself…

_Was_ he being selfish? Was he dragging his friends into this just to soothe his own anxieties?

But the only reason he had those anxieties was because he didn't want his loved ones to suffer. If his game was going to die, he at least owed it to the people he cared about to be there for them, right? And where better than here?

In the end, Ralph thought, the most important thing was to keep Vanellope safe. She and her friends would be too vulnerable in that arcade - he didn't trust that place any further than he could throw it. The two of them had made a promise to protect each other, to look out for one another, no matter what happens. Ralph was already going to the ends of the Internet - there was no way he could bring her back to an environment where she'd just end up risking death again. An environment where she'd be forced to live in a decades-old game with nothing to do with her life except run out the clock. Surely, this was their best option.

...Right?

_What other choice do we have?_ Ralph thought. _It's either move on and survive, or stay behind and die. And I'm not gonna let that happen to her. She deserves better._

He heaved a massive sigh as he visualized the moment, the achingly close moment, when he and Felix and Calhoun would arrive in Sugar Rush and reunite with Vanellope. When the four of them would finally be a family again. He could already see her excited smile, feel her relieved little hug, hear her grateful squeaky voice…

His eyes drifted to the horizon, where the last sliver of sun slowly vanished beyond the distant sea.

_Wherever you are, kid,_ Ralph pondered,_ I hope like heck you're doin' okay…_


	19. Candy-Coated Heart Of Darkness

Rancis swung his legs half-heartedly over the ledge as he chucked another chocolate chip into the air before him. It sailed in an arc and landed with a clatter on the licorice railroad tracks below.

He'd retreated to the most secluded place he could find in the moment, the archway over the garage door at the back of Princess Vanellope's castle. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there. Time didn't seem to have any meaning anymore - all he could feel in his head was a constant gray static, punctuated by occasional surges of nausea every time he thought about Vanellope.

_You idiot… it's all your fault…_

Swizzle and Gloyd's words echoed endlessly in his head, drilling his failure into him over and over. Tears weren't coming anymore; he'd already cried himself dry. All that remained now was a dull empty ache, one that he feared would never go away…

"It's been a pretty crummy day, hasn't it, kid?"

With a start, Rancis looked up. Sour Bill was scrambling up the archway as well as his jellybean extremities could carry him. He looked, if possible, even more bummed out than usual.

"What are you griping about?" Rancis muttered, bitterly tossing aside the rest of his chocolate chips. "At least you get to be President now."

Bill shot a disdainful look at Rancis. "You're not the only one who misses Vanellope, bucko," he grumbled. "Don't let the resting grump face fool you. That kid was a great leader… heck of a lot better than that King-Turbo-Candy-whoever he really was." He sighed. "It was nice to have a boss you _liked_ workin' for, for a change. Someone who treated you like an equal and not a footstool."

Rancis bit his lip.

"I'm sorry," he said. "But yeah, you're right… Vanellope was so sweet to everyone, even if they didn't deserve it… it was the greatest thing about her…"

He patted his hand consolingly on the top of Bill's head.

"No patting, please," Bill warned with a pout.

"Sorry," Rancis gulped, withdrawing his hand.

A distant rumbling noise caught their attention.

Ahead, down the train tracks, the sleek candy train was swiftly approaching. The door beneath Rancis and Bill's feet swung open as they scrambled to a standing position.

"Wow," Rancis said as he watched car after car disappear into the tunnel beneath him, "it's even longer than I thought -"

He gasped as his foot slipped. Tumbling forward, he flailed. Bill lunged to grab his hand, but he was too light to anchor himself.

Both of them dropped onto the track just as the backmost train car vanished into the darkness. Grunting, Rancis straightened his hat and rotated his shoulder - then noticed the door swinging closed behind them. It pushed them forward into the garage, slamming shut with an echoing _clunk_.

"Well," Bill muttered, "_that_ happened."

Brushing the sugar dust from his clothes, Rancis stood up. The train stopped, brakes hissing, next to a platform showcasing a long line of parked karts. All of them appeared to have been custom-built.

The train doors opened, and the red fruit leather carpet unfurled. The Oreo guards exited, followed by Princess Vanellope, sashaying daintily as she swung her scepter. She had the same perky smile she always wore.

"Come along now, General!" she sang sweetly. "It would be _ever_ so unfortunate if the test subject woke up too early, wouldn't it?"

Rancis hid behind a stack of cookie tires, Bill crouching beside him. Neither of them were sure they heard right. _Test subject?_

General Bill emerged next, dragging a limp figure behind him. A figure who appeared to be unconscious, bound with coils of red licorice rope. Rancis' eyes nearly bugged out when he recognized her.

"_VANELLO-_"

Bill hastily slapped one jellybean hand over Rancis' mouth.

Thankfully, the princess didn't seem to have heard them. She and General Bill bustled off into a nearby corridor, Vanellope dragging silently behind. The graham cracker door slammed shut behind them.

Rancis' breath came in short terrified bursts. Sweat pooled on the tires beneath his palms. "Oh my gosh," he wheezed. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, _what did they do to Vanellope?!"_

"Keep your voice down!" Bill hissed, eyes darting around. "This is definitely not the sort of thing anyone wanted us to see!"

"Well, too bad for them!" Rancis yelped. "Vanellope's in trouble! I gotta save her!"

And he darted out from behind the tires, running full tilt toward the corridor. Bill scurried after, frantically trying to keep up.

They hadn't taken more than three steps when a cluster of Oreo guards emerged from the darkness, surrounding them in an instant. Each one pointed their chocolate spears directly at Rancis' chest.

Rancis and Bill stood rooted to the spot, too frightened to speak.

"Well," Bill finally said, gently poking the spear that was aimed at his face, "fools rush in, as they say…"

* * *

"Yoo-hoo! Wake up, sleepyhead!"

Vanellope stirred at the sound of a voice in her ear - her own voice. A hand lightly patted her cheek. Pat pat pat…

Then, without warning, a full-strength _SLAP._

Vanellope's eyes shot open, forcing themselves into focus. She was in a small dark room built from cubes of brown sugar, lit by two flaming marshmallow torches on opposite walls. Above her, a bizarre twisty piece of machinery was suspended from the ceiling, seemingly constructed out of spare parts from the Kart Bakery.

And in front of her stood Princess Vanellope, still smiling like a maniac, her giant brown eyes wide and wild. General Bill stood at her side, glowering seriously, hands behind his round back.

"There we go!" the princess chirped. "Rise and shine, you darling factory defect! Did you enjoy your little nap?"

Growling, Vanellope tried to glitch for the door in the corner. Instead, she gasped sharply as a piercing bolt of pain shot through her body. Her code stretched briefly across the room before snapping back like a rubber band.

She realized she'd been bound to a giant chocolate slab. Her arms, legs, waist, and forehead were strapped down with thick shackles made of some strange transparent material.

"Oh, you sweet little nincompoop," the princess giggled. "Don't you know you can't glitch through boundary?"

Vanellope squirmed against her restraints. "_What?!"_

"Boundary!" Princess Vanellope said. "Y'know, that lovely see-thru stuff at the edge of the game that _nothing_ can break through? It's good for more than just keeping my subjects from falling off the map, y'know!"

Vanellope's mind reeled. The princess was still giggling that dumb twittery laugh of hers, except now it sent chills down Vanellope's spine.

"...I don't _believe_ this!" she spat, still struggling to escape her transparent manacles. "_I trusted you!"_

"Yeah, you probably shouldn't have done that, huh?" Princess Vanellope laughed, twirling her scepter like a baton.

Vanellope felt the sudden urge to shove that stupid scepter up her twin's nose. "What the heck do you want with me anyway, you loser?" she snarled.

Frighteningly quick, Princess Vanellope whipped her scepter around, pointing the tapered end directly against Vanellope's throat. The slightest bit of force would have punctured her skin. Trembling, Vanellope tried not to swallow.

"We don't use naughty words like that in _my_ kingdom," the princess hissed, the light from the torches dancing across her demented smile. "Princess Vanellope Von Schweetz is _no_ loser."

A shuddering exhalation escaped Vanellope's lungs as the princess mercifully lowered the scepter. She held it close and popped the gold ball open again, revealing the buttons inside.

"Ugh, isn't this _always_ how it goes, General?" she sighed. "Ever since the old arcade days, wasn't it? Here was me, living the high life as the best racer in the best game on the block, and then like clockwork, these little upstarts move into the neighborhood and try to hog all the glory I worked _so hard_ for!"

Her eye twitched, but her smile didn't falter. "I mean, really, what do _Mario Kart GP_ and _H2Overdrive_ have that I don't?" she squeaked. "How _dare_ they deny me the victory that _I so rightly deserve?!_"

General Bill shook his head. "Downright foolish of them, Your Sucroseness," he drawled.

She turned back to Vanellope, caressing her gloved fingers up and down her scepter. "See, I really do have to give credit to the General for crafting this little gadget for me," she continued. "Winning gets a whole lot easier when I can just type in any cheat code I want, y'know. I can get unlimited power-ups, boost my speed, fiddle around with my opponents' stats… even delete anything I want right out of existence. Oh, it's just the funny-fun-funnest..."

Another giggle. "I never told you _why_ our old arcade went out of business, did I? Well, it's hard for those kids to play all those shiny new games when their _main characters_ all mysteriously disappear, isn't it?"

Vanellope gasped. Her stomach churned as the horrifying realization sunk in.

"But I gotta be honest," the princess said, "I like it better this way. No competition! I truly _am_ the greatest racer around! ...Or I _was,_ anyway," she finished with a terrifying grin, glaring daggers at her captive.

Fists trembling in their shackles, Vanellope fought to keep her composure. She was not about to give the princess the satisfaction of thinking she intimidated her.

"So, what, you wanna kill me?" she growled, voice faltering slightly.

General Bill pulled a lever on the wall. With a lurch, Vanellope's slab began to tip backwards, laying her flat. The imposing machinery was positioned directly above her, with a surgical-looking protrusion aimed at her heart.

"Oh, heavens to bon bons, _no_, I'm not going to _kill_ you!" Princess Vanellope cooed. "At least, not yet. I gotta crack you open and scoop out that _wonderful_ teleporting ability of yours first! You don't think I'd let my _inferior_ predecessor walk around with a special ability that _I_ can't have, do you? You said it only works if you're you? Well, _I'm_ you…"

Eyes wide with shock, Vanellope rattled her brain trying to think of an escape plan. Unfortunately, everything she came up with required the ability to move.

A control panel lowered from the ceiling on a mechanical arm, stopping in front of the princess. She turned to General Bill as she placed her scepter into an empty round slot in the panel.

"Now, General, you're absolutely _positive_ this will work, _right?_" she said, her smile flashing dangerously.

General Bill shot an extremely sour look at the restrained Vanellope. "Every test that the guards ran succeeded in copying and pasting the subject's code into the target," he droned. "However, Your Highness, I ought to reiterate _yet again_ that there is a _very_ good chance of your own code becoming irreversibly corrupted -"

"_A simple yes or no is FINE, General,"_ Princess Vanellope growled through her strained grin. She pressed a square red button on the panel, and the machinery began to charge up, humming loudly. Vanellope winced as the princess closed her hand around the scepter, thumb hovering dangerously over the controller…

BAM.

The dungeon door flew open, revealing two harried Oreo guards.

"_Kinda BUSY here, thanks!"_ Princess Vanellope snapped. "_This had better be IMPORTANT!"_

Each guard held up their captive. Rancis struggled as he hung by the back of his racing jacket; Sour Bill dangled helplessly from the guard's hand.

"_Rancis!"_ Vanellope yelped. "_Bill!"_

"_VANELLOPE!"_ Rancis cried, still fighting to break free. "Are you okay?"

Vanellope strained against her shackles. "Oh yeah," she grunted. "Never better."

"Aw, isn't this just all kinds of adorable?" Princess Vanellope chirped as the guard held Rancis' hands behind his back. "Your boyfriend thought he could rescue you! What a trooper! Let's have a round of applause for the big strong wuss!"

General Bill gave one sarcastic clap and let his hands drop to his sides. Rancis gritted his teeth, his face pink with fury.

"And now your buddies get to watch as you help me out!" the princess snickered, glaring at Vanellope and twiddling her fingers under her chin. "Golly gee, it's so considerate of them, isn't it, me?"

The blood boiled in Vanellope's temples. "_QUIT CALLIN' ME THAT!"_ she shrieked, fighting her hardest to break free. "_I'M NOT YOU!"_

Princess Vanellope tapped her chin in contemplation as she leaned on the control panel. "Hmm, I suppose you've got a point there," she said, her finger creeping closer to her scepter's controller. "You're really _not_ me…"

She flashed a wicked smile as she pressed the Start button.

"I'm _better._"

A shocking purple bolt of electricity shot out of the machine, piercing Vanellope square in the chest. She screamed, louder than she'd ever screamed before, as her digital body flashed and glitched uncontrollably. The shuddering needle-like mechanism above her blared a deafening buzz, sucking a stream of pixels out of her like a giant mosquito drawing blood.

"_NO!"_ Rancis bellowed, tears staining his horrified face as he struggled against his captor's grip. Bill's eyes were wide in stunned speechless terror, too shocked to turn away.

Electric energy surged up the scepter and into Princess Vanellope's body. She laughed uproariously as she began spasming and glitching. She kept rapidly dissolving into pixels and reforming again, her giggly voice breaking down into horrible corrupted digital noise. General Bill watched from the side, face free of emotion.

Vanellope couldn't stop screaming. It ripped her throat raw. The pain was going to split her in half, she was sure of it; it slashed at her every pixel, gouged her to the center of her code…

And then, suddenly, mercifully, it stopped.

Struggling to catch her breath, Vanellope collapsed against the chocolate slab. She couldn't bring herself to open her eyes. Absolutely everything hurt. This was a pain she'd experienced only once before in her life - sixteen years ago, when Turbo had tried to delete her…

Rancis screamed, kicking in futility against the guard's iron grip. "_WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER, YOU MONSTER?!"_ he shrieked, hair falling in his face as he fought to rush at the princess.

Princess Vanellope didn't acknowledge him. She staggered back from the controls, her body still twitching and flickering, blinking into sporading spastic flashes of purple pixels. As she looked at her hands, her appearance began to change.

The poofy pink dress and sugar tiara flashed out of existence, replaced with a carbon copy of Vanellope's teal hoodie and paper cup skirt. She flashed again, and her original wardrobe restored itself.

"Swe-e-eET love of f-f-_fudge,_" she breathed, her voice distorted by her digital spasms. "This is aB-B-Bsolutely the moST _fun-T-T-TAStic_ thing I eVEr s-s-SAw…"

She shut her eyes and motioned to take a step forward - then zapped to the opposite side of the dungeon and back again, her clothes changing between dress and hoodie as she went. Another zap, and she was perched on top of Vanellope's slab, pinching her doppelganger's reddened cheek. "How's it f-f-feEL to be s-s-SECond best, sweetie?" she gurgled. "Not so s-s-spECial anymore, are you?"

Vanellope sneered at the princess, breathing heavy. "How 'bout you bite me twice, pug-face?" she growled, her voice still weak from screaming.

Rancis snarled like a wounded animal, trying to pry the guard's hands off his arms. He wanted nothing more than to tackle the princess away from Vanellope, to hurt her in any way possible. "You're _insane!"_ he shouted. "You know that, right?"

"That's a matter of opinion, Romeo," the princess tittered. "Tell me, would an insane person do _this?_"

Jabbing the scepter against Vanellope's torso, she pressed a rapid series of buttons with her thumb. With a sudden _blip_, Vanellope's shackles vanished - and a large transparent sphere materialized around her, bearing a bizarre resemblance to a giant soap bubble.

Eyes bulging in shock, Vanellope pressed her hands against the inside of the bubble. "_What the heck?!"_ she yelped, her voice muffled slightly. "_Let me outta here, you psycho!"_

She tried to glitch out, but bounced back in a burst of pixels.

"Didn't I already say you can't break through boundary?" Princess Vanellope laughed, kicking Vanellope's bubble off the table with a _thunk_; it rolled across the floor, Vanellope tumbling helplessly inside. "Look at that, I've got the world's best power-up _and_ a brand new toy to play with! Talk about a rich, full day, am I right?"

She clapped her hands, and the guards snapped to attention, Rancis and Bill still hanging from their clenched fists. "But let's not dilly-dally, sh-shALL we?" the princess said, spasming again. "Playtime will have to wait a bit - General, lock my new toy up in that nice little room we set up for it, won't you?"

With a nod, General Bill rolled Vanellope out of the room. Vanellope beat against the side of the bubble the whole way, still trying to glitch her way out. "_Rancis! Bill!"_ she shouted. "Get help! Find the other racers!"

"Yeah, like _that's_ gonna happen!" Princess Vanellope laughed, glitching to the door. "GuA-A-ARds, throw these two clowns in the Fungeon, 'kay? Oh, and get other me's kart off the train and put it in my personal collection!" She clapped again, dancing on the spot. "Ooh, that makes, what, fifty-s-s-SEVen I've got now?"

Rancis could only sputter wordlessly as the guards dragged him away. He watched General Bill round a corner and caught one last glimpse of Vanellope's pleading eyes as her bubble rolled out of sight.

"Enjoy your stay in the ca-A-ASTle!" Princess Vanellope chirped, the hoodie replacing her dress again for a split second. "And don't you w-w-WORry about your friE-E-ENds, I'm absotively posilutely sU-U-URE they'll be VER-R-Ry impressed with what their new leader can do!"

She laughed at her remark, a sweet churlish laugh. And as she glitched and flickered more violently, the laugh grew higher, fiercer, more distorted and more maniacal, piercing Rancis' ears like a knife…

Then the guards dragged him into a dark side corridor, and a door slammed behind them with a resounding _CLANK._


	20. Grown-Up Stuff, You Wouldn't Understand

Ralph burst out of the changing room, his hair askew, as he tugged the strap of his overalls onto his shoulder. He brushed himself off, then picked up the door off the floor and futilely tried to reattach it to the hinges.

"There ya go!" he shouted, as the door leaned freely against the frame. "Good as new, huh?"

Almost no one heard him, as the penthouse was currently shaking with the thumping bassline of a massive dance competition. Avatars popped, locked, dipped, and gyrated all around, as wild multicolor lights flashed on and off. It was an overwhelming assault on the senses.

Felix and Calhoun stood by the changing room, both of them back in their default outfits. Felix was hunched over, his shoulders raised, both fingers in his ears. "Didn't catch that, Ralph, sorry!" he bellowed, barely audible over the music. "Gee whillikers, this place makes _DDR_ sound like a golf course!"

Calhoun tapped her foot impatiently. "So, we ready to get this show on the road, or what?"

"Well, we can't very well leave without BD, can we?" Felix called back, standing on tiptoe to get closer to his wife's ear. "I mean, it's his apartment, after all!"

"Yeah, let's just snag BD and boogie!" Ralph shouted, clapping his giant hands together in anticipation. He squinted as he scanned the sea of avatars around him, reading their hovering nameplates. "Um...anybody seen him?"

Felix pointed at the sliding glass door on the opposite wall. "He was out by the pool earlier! Said he wanted to 'knock back a quick road soda' before we left! Heh, I… I didn't get it…"

Ralph smiled. "Cool beans! I'll go 'n grab him!" He moved toward the exit, then hesitated.

"Well?" Calhoun snapped, elbowing a bouncing avatar away from her. "What's the holdup?"

Running a hand across the back of his neck, Ralph shrugged. "Um…" he mumbled. "Just, uh, wonderin' if you guys had thought about, y'know… what I said before?"

Felix fidgeted with the cuffs of his work gloves. "Jeepers, Ralph, you really wanna do this, don'tcha?"

"It's our safest bet, buddy!" Ralph boomed. "Least, I really think so!"

"I got a kooky idea, Squarejaw," Calhoun barked, crossing her arms. "How 'bout you gather a bit of intel from the guy who _already_ lives here?"

Ralph's face lit up. "Yes!" he shouted, pointing double fingers at Calhoun as he stumbled backwards through the crowd. "Yes, that is a _great_ idea, Calhoun! I will talk to BD! I'll talk to BD, and I guarantee he's gonna love it! He loves everything! Okay, I'll be right back…"

And he wrenched the sliding glass door open, knocking over a potted plant as he slipped out into the night.

Felix squeezed Calhoun's hand. "He's just scared, sweetie," he said as soothingly as he could over the music, looking hopefully up at her.

"I know he is," Calhoun said, her voice heavy with disappointment. She took out her pen-camera, clicking up the photo of Vanellope again. "But fear does funny things to a man… and not 'ha ha' funny, either."

* * *

The moon glowed eerie in the deep indigo sky, speckled with far more stars than would be realistically visible from a well-lit city in the real world. Ralph glanced around the handful of avatars on the patio.

Finally, he spotted the name BD_Gunman84, hovering over that familiar mop of brown hair.

"BD!" Ralph called. "Yo, BD!"

He was slouched against the glass-and-steel railing at the edge of the roof, head down, back to the action. He seemed to be deep in thought. Several empty bottles littered the patio at his feet.

Ralph bounded up and patted him on the shoulder.

"What?!" BD yelped with a start. "Everything's cool, what?"

"Chill out, buddy, it's just me!" Ralph said. "Hey, I got a couple of great bits of news for ya, man - we _did_ it! We got enough Likits! We can finally get to Vanellope!"

BD brushed his hair out of his face and gave a weak smile. "Oh, that's awesome, Ralph!" he said. "I mean it, bro, she's gonna be _so_ stoked to see you, I'm sure."

Ralph clapped both giant hands around BD's arms and bounced him on the spot. "Hey, c'mon, dude, this is a big deal, right? We're savin' our friends! And you get your apartment back! You get to go home, just like you always wanted!"

"Oh yeah," BD mumbled, slumping back against the railing. "Man, I tell ya, I can't wait to move back into that old place… all huge and empty… my own voice echoin' off the walls… gonna be fun times, bro…"

Ralph's eyes widened.

"...BD?" he said softly. "You okay? I mean, jeez, you were regular Mr. Party Animal like five minutes ago, where'd this come from?"

With great effort, BD hoisted his head up, staring out at the glittering lights of the _Extreme E-Z Livin'_ skyline.

"...Partyin' just isn't the same anymore, bro," he muttered. "Not like this. I mean, what the heck's the point? You wake up, you wander around the city, you do all the same stuff you did the day before, you spend your Likits at the bar, you go home. Lather, rinse, repeat, man… not like I ever wash my hair, but you know what I mean. After a while, it just… wears you out."

Ralph put a hand to his chin. "Well… it's still _kinda_ fun, right? I mean, look at you, you were so jazzed up all day long…"

"I was jazzed to be helpin' _you_ guys," BD continued. "You know how long it's been since I had somebody I could help? Since I had a purpose? Jeez, Bernie hasn't touched this game in almost a year - he's never comin' back, let's not kid ourselves. And I don't blame him - this game is fun for like ten seconds, tops. You don't _do_ anything! There's no objective, no enemies… this is no game, it's a socialization simulator for people with no lives. Y'know how much worse it gets when even the _players_ get bored with you?"

He sighed. "At least when Bernie was controllin' me, I knew I was makin' somebody out there happy… but now I got nothin'. Nothin' to do, nothin' to work for, no reason for being. It's like limbo in here, man… and I don't mean the limbo minigame, I mean _actual_ limbo. You don't live, you just…"

"...Exist," Ralph finished, his face struck with realization.

BD knocked back another listless swig of his drink. "You're lucky, dude, you're _so_ lucky," he said. "You 'n Jumpman 'n Mrs. C, you've got an arcade to go home to. You've got players who come to see _you_ every single day. You brighten up their little faces just by bein' there… that right there, man, that's what _really_ makes this life worth livin'."

Ralph placed his hands on the railing, looking out into the distance.

"Our duty to the players," he muttered. "I mean, it's not gonna last forever…"

"Nothin' will, bro," BD reasoned. "But it still happens, and it's awesome while it does. And you make the most of it, you enjoy every second of it, and before you know it, you've lived a lifetime of awesome memories. Y'know what _does_ last forever? This. Not nearly as special, if you want my expert opinion."

It all reeled through Ralph's mind. His eyes stung as he recognized what he'd been neglecting.

Life was finite, even for electronics. It was risky and dangerous and unpredictable. But that was what made it worth living. It was just as Vanellope had told him on the front steps of the building the night before.

"_You can sit around scared all the time, or you can do somethin' else - have the best day of your life."_

He'd let his fear overtake him. His fear for his friends' future, for Vanellope and Felix and Calhoun, and for himself. He couldn't cram everything into a nice safe box and keep it pristine forever. Nobody could.

But they could make the most of whatever time they had. Just as they had done ever since they'd all been fortunate enough to find each other.

Guzzling the last of his drink, BD chucked the bottle off the roof. "But hey, enough of this goopy navel-gazey stuff," he said with a half-hearted smile. "You three got a kid to rescue, don'tcha?"

In an instant, the idea popped into Ralph's head.

"Hey, BD," he said. "Why don't you come with us?"

BD blinked, pulling his bangs back again. "Wait, what?"

"You want a purpose?" Ralph said. "What's a better purpose than saving lives? You've been a huge help to us all day, why stop now? And hey - " He bopped a light encouraging punch on BD's shoulder. "When we go back to the arcade, I'll bet we can find a game for you to live in. One that gets played every single day."

BD's face lit up like someone had just flicked a switch. "Hot chocolate, Ralph-Man, you _mean_ it?!" he laughed, clapping his hand into Ralph's gigantic palm and yanking him close in a grateful one-armed hug. "Aw, _dang,_ I'm gonna have _players!_ This is _so boss!_"

Ralph chuckled. "Oh, it's the bossest," he said.

Glancing down at his bare chest and swim trunks, BD made a mad dash for the penthouse door. "All right, hold your horseys, dude, I gotta go change right quick and then it's off to my apartment! Bro, you're gonna get your li'l Vanellope back in _no_ time, I promise!"

And he flung the glass door open, disappearing into the thumping party within.

Ralph laughed. It was a laugh of confidence, of security. He felt full and eager, ready to charge forward and seize the day.

As he turned around, he started.

There were Felix and Calhoun, standing at the edge of the swimming pool, cuddled close together, light reflecting off their smiling faces.

"Heard what you said, Mountain Man," Calhoun said softly, a genuine smile crossing her lips. "I had a feeling you'd come to your senses."

Ralph ran a hand across the back of his neck, offering an apologetic smile. "Yeah, I'm… I'm sorry about all that junk, guys," he mumbled.

Calhoun raised her hand. "No apology necessary, soldier," she said. "You're worried about Vanellope. We all are. Just gotta keep it from eatin' you up, is all."

Ralph nodded. "We'll bring Vanellope and her friends home… make 'em a nice house with a playground and a racetrack 'n stuff, they'll dig that. Felix, you think you can code 'em in like you did for Q-Bert and Pac-Man?"

Felix twirled his hammer. "That's a can-do, brother," he assured him. "And I gotta say, that was a wonderful thing you did for BD! I think he's gonna love living at Litwak's!"

Ralph let his gaze wander to the moon above.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, me too."

He dug a massive hand into his pocket, withdrawing his beloved sugar cookie medal. The icing letters shone brightly in the moonlight.

_You're My Hero._

"Hang on, Vanellope," Ralph whispered. "We're comin' to get ya."


	21. Fun Dungeon - It's A Play On Words

"_I'm gonna scoop your filling out 'n feed it to the Chocodiles if you don't let me outta here, you bozo!"_

Vanellope glitched furiously against the sides of her boundary bubble, bouncing back each and every time. The Oreo guard below leaned on his spear, arching one cocky eyebrow up at the rig she was trapped in - a large dark chocolate ring, suspended by thick chains high above the dungeon floor.

Panting, Vanellope slumped against the curve of the bubble, her energy spent. "So I guess you're not intimidated by empty threats, huh?" she wheezed.

The guard shook his cookie head.

Vanellope looked around. The room was windowless, and the guard blocked the only door. And even if she had an exit, it didn't matter - she was still stuck in this stupid bubble, with no way out of it.

She'd been robbed of her impunity. Just as she had been when Turbo overthrew _Sugar Rush_.

And how had she coped then?

A devious smile crossed Vanellope's reddened face.

"Kinda quiet in here, huh?" she said, as if simply trying to make conversation with her captor. "We gotta get some music in here to liven things up, don'tcha think?"

The guard rolled his beady eyes as Vanellope began humming to herself, tapping one foot against the side of the bubble in time. Then, as her mischievous grin grew wider, she began to sing.

"_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves  
__Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves  
__I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves  
__And this is how it goes…  
__I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves  
__Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves  
__I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves  
__And this is how it goes…"_

The guard stared firmly at the wall, trying to ignore the obnoxious performance above him. His eye twitched involuntarily.

"_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves!"_ Vanellope sang, louder than before. "_Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves…"_

The guard gripped his spear, fingers trembling. He sighed, trying to cover his ears - only to remember he didn't have any.

"_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and THIS IS HOW IT GOES!"_ Vanellope belted with a theatrical flourish. Then, with a hearty swing of her fist:

"A million more times!"

The guard's shoulders hunched in terror.

* * *

"So, kiddo, I don't suppose you have any genius last-second plan to get us out of here, do you?"

Sour Bill peered over the edge of the hollowed out root beer barrel he'd been placed in, suspended from the ceiling by a heavy licorice rope. Far below, on a floor littered with rock candy pebbles and Easter basket grass, sat Rancis, ensnared at the waist by a foot-thick chocolate shackle. Six long chains bolted into the wall kept him locked in place.

Rancis was slumped over, head in his hands, eyes fixed on the dirty floor. "Do I look like a genius?" he mumbled, voice drenched in bitter self-loathing. "Do I look like someone who knows how to do anything but screw everything up for everyone?"

Bill sighed. "I'll be nice and assume that was rhetorical."

"I _get_ it, okay?" Rancis moaned, running his hands down his face. "This is all my fault! I tried to be the hero and save Vanellope, but it didn't work! I can't help her, I can't talk to her, I can't even win a stupid race without her help!" He sniffled, running his sleeve under his nose. "What makes me think a dork like me would ever have a chance with her?"

Bill thought hard, tapping one hand against the side of the barrel.

"Listen, kid," he drawled, "pep talks aren't really my strong suit. But if it makes you feel any better, I don't think Vanellope hates you or anything."

Rancis looked up at the barrel through reddened eyes. "What makes you say that?" he gulped.

"She does," Bill responded simply. "She talks about you, y'know. How you're always a good friend, 'n so determined to win those Random Roster Races. Apparently you're 'kinda cute for a dork'... her words, not mine," he added hastily.

A warmth began to spread from the center of Rancis' chest. He was suddenly aware of how straight his posture had become.

"She… she really said all that?" he gasped.

"Look, kiddo," Bill said, his round head barely visible over the lip of the barrel, "even if she _hadn't_ said it, would you still wanna save her skin? And all your other friends too?"

Rancis nodded. "Of course I would," he insisted. "I couldn't leave 'em hanging like that…"

"See, _that's_ why she likes you," Bill mumbled. "Even if _you_ don't see it, kid, _she_ sure does."

Rancis rubbed his eyes, drying his tears. That had always been the trait he admired most in Vanellope - her loving ability to recognize the good in people who couldn't see it in themselves. And she saw greatness in him.

So surely, that greatness had to really be there, right?

His eyes darted around the room. What resources did he have?

There was the grass on the ground. There was Bill, suspended a good eight feet above him in the barrel. And that was pretty much it. The only way to freedom was through the locked door before him. Through the barred window, he could see the edge of an Oreo guard's head.

_C'mon, Rancis,_ he told himself, tapping his fists against his temples. _Use your head!_

_Use your head…_

His eyes widened as he reached up, feeling the ridges of his broad round Reese's peanut butter cup hat.

In a flash, he began gathering fistsfuls of Easter grass from around him, throwing it into a pile beneath Bill's barrel. Within moments, the pile was large enough to cushion a high fall.

"Um, do I even want to know what you're doing?" Bill asked, arching one suspicious eyebrow.

"I'm not doing anything," Rancis said, removing his hat from his head. "_You_ are."

With dead-on aim, Rancis flung his hat like a Frisbee, knocking it into the root beer barrel and sending it swinging wildly. Bill tumbled out, his jellybean hands flailing, landing safely in the grass pile with barely a thump.

"A warning would've been nice," he spluttered through a mouthful of grass.

"Oh, quit complaining, Brussels Sprout," Rancis whispered with a smirk. "Look, the guard's right outside the door, right? Just reach through and take his keys!"

Bill scoffed. "You expect me to bend my arm that far?"

Rancis grinned. "What arm?"

Bill looked down at his own disembodied jellybean hands.

"Touché," he admitted, waddling to the door.

Scrambling up the gritty sugar bricks, Bill reached one armless hand through the bars of the door. His face twisted as he felt blindly around on the other side.

"That's the wall," he muttered. "And that…" His eyes bugged. "That's a guard's face."

He balled his fist and swung. It connected with something, something that dropped to the floor with a resounding thud.

"That _was_ a guard's face," Bill smiled. Rancis stifled a giggle.

Fumbling against the outer wall, Bill felt a peg. A peg with a metallic ring on it.

"And these…" He withdrew his hand back into the room, holding a golden key ring. "These definitely feel like keys."

Rancis smiled.

* * *

A minute later, they were scurrying through the dank dungeon halls as quietly as they could. Rancis kept a stern eye out for any sign of movement.

"Call me persnickety," Bill whispered, "but I can't help noticing we're walking _away_ from where they took Miss Vanellope…"

"Well, they took her kart too, remember?" Rancis said. "We can't rescue her without a getaway car. You wanna try to outrun these dorks on foot?"

They rounded a corner - smack dab into a pair of Oreo guards. Scowling, the guards readied their spears.

"Worth a shot," Bill gulped.

In a flash, Rancis grabbed both spears and yanked down hard on them, like levers on a slot machine. They twanged back up and thudded into the dazed guards' cookie faces. Rancis and Bill bolted, scurrying through the guards' legs and down the corridor to the garage.

Rancis wrenched the door open and ushered Bill inside. The thump of footsteps told them the guards were hot on their tails. Panting, Rancis slammed the door shut and bolted it, just in time for both guards to collide with it face-first.

Bill whirled on the spot. Princess Vanellope hadn't been kidding - her collection of custom karts was huge. Dozens of wildly colored candy vehicles lined opposite walls, with the licorice railroad track running between them.

"Criminy," Bill mumbled, "even for a racing game, who drives this much?"

"There's Vanellope's!" Rancis shouted, pointing at the familiar icing-slathered mess in the corner. He dove into the driver's seat, Bill scrambling up onto the spoiler behind him.

The door shuddered as the guards attempted to beat it down from the other side.

"So what's the next part of your plan, kid?" Bill asked.

Rancis jabbed the ignition button, and the engine roared to life. "Workin' on it," he squeaked.

BAM.

The door toppled to the floor as the guards burst in. Instinctively, Rancis put the pedal to the floor.

Tires screeching, he plowed through the guards, sending them flying as he drove through the open door and up the corridor. The roar of the engine echoed deafeningly off the narrow passage walls.

"I guess stealth is out the window?" Bill hollered, clinging to the spoiler for dear life.

"I told you, I'm workin' on it!" Rancis shouted back, drifting around the tight corner of the hallway. More guards appeared from side passages, spears drawn; blowing the horn, Rancis ran every one of them over, scattering them like bowling pins.

Looking over his shoulder, Rancis burst out laughing at the sight of the guards landing in a baffled heap. "Sorry not sorry, _losers!_" he called.

Bill grabbed Rancis' face and turned his head in the direction they were driving. Both of them blanched.

A very solid wall was closing in on the front bumper.

"_HOLY -"_ Rancis yelped, slamming on the brakes and wrestling the steering wheel.

* * *

"_I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves  
__Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves…"_

Vanellope launched merrily into the fifty-sixth chorus, now with a choreographed dance routine to match. The guard continued to pound his crumbling cookie head against the wall, praying for the sweet release of unconsciousness.

CRASH.

The wall exploded, burying the guard in sugary rubble. Confused, Vanellope pressed her face against her bubble, trying to see through the dispersing dust.

"Rancis! Bill!"

Rancis coughed, straightening his hat. Then, upon noticing Vanellope, his face split into a grin of thorough relief.

"Vanellope!" he cheered. "Need a lift?"

"Sounds lovely!" Vanellope giggled. Throwing all her weight against one side of the bubble, she knocked it out of the ring, dropping to the floor with a resounding thunk. She rolled along the rubble-strewn floor like a hamster.

Rancis leapt from the kart, hoisting her on board and wedging her bubble between the spoiler and the back of the driver's seat. "How are we gonna get you outta this thing?" he gulped.

Bill scrambled to the top of the spoiler. "Maybe we should worry about that later?"

The guards they'd left behind in the garage had returned. Only now, each one was behind the wheel of one of Princess Vanellope's custom karts.

"Let's hit the bricks, Fluggerbutter!" Vanellope yelped. Rancis pounded the gas, and the kart tore back out through the hole in the wall.

Up the corridor they roared, the guards closing in fast. Bill clung steadfastly to Vanellope's bubble, keeping it secure as they rumbled up a flight of steps.

"We gotta track down Princess What's-Her-Face right quick!" Vanellope shouted through the wall of the bubble. "Her scepter put me in here, it's the only thing that can spring me out!"

"Great!" Rancis said. "Where the heck is she?"

"No idea!" Vanellope shrugged. "Let's start lookin'!"

The kart rapidly approached a heavy chocolate door at the top of the stairs. Rancis downshifted and accelerated, crashing through it at top speed.

The guards followed them out onto the golden track that wound through the main rooms of the castle. Fishtailing slightly, Rancis ripped up the hall, narrowly avoiding a large swinging cake chandelier that dangled above the track. One of the guards drove smack into it, his borrowed kart crashing to bits in a hail of icing and candles.

"Nailed it!" Bill shouted, pumping his jellybean fist.

Vanellope chuckled. "Don't hurt yourself there, Bill!"

Barreling through a towering cloister, they steered into a dark room lined with burning marshmallow torches. The track was suspended in air with no floor visible below. Boxy power-ups hovered inches over the pavement. Steering with pinpoint precision, Rancis instinctively nabbed one; the pursuing guard snagged another.

"Open wide, Shortening-Breath!" Rancis taunted, jabbing the power-up button. Vanellope's kart whirled around 180 degrees, driving backwards, as a colossal icing cannon sprang from the hood. A glob of chocolate buttercream shot from the nozzle, arcing toward the guard's kart.

SPLAT.

The guard weaved wildly, his face and vehicle caked in icing. Vanellope laughed, clutching her sides, as Rancis whooped in triumph.

Their laughter died as the blinded guard pounded the dashboard. A Sweet Seeker cannon popped out of the chocolate-slathered hood and fired.

In a panic, Rancis jerked the wheel, turning the kart frontways again - just in time to see the Sweet Seekers soar ahead, blasting the track apart. He slammed on the brakes.

Too late.

Rancis, Vanellope, and Bill screamed as the kart careened off the broken track, plummeting into the inky blackness below. Their screams faded as they vanished into the dark.

Screeching to a halt at the edge of the massive hole in the track, the guard wiped the icing from his eyes. Nodding in accomplishment, he turned his kart around and puttered away.

Surely, no one could survive a fall like that, right? Not from that height, with no respawn data. And with a kart from the old _Sugar Rush_, one that didn't have any of the sequel's special features…

Well, if the pit beneath the track hadn't been so dark, the guard might've reconsidered.

Vanellope's kart drifted gently through the air to safety, Bill clinging tight to the bubblegum parasail that had sprung out of the back.

"Hee hee!" Vanellope giggled, pressing her face against the inside of the bubble. "Bet Her Royal Smelliness wishes she hadn't suggested _this_ little add-on, huh?"

Forcing his panicked breathing back to normal, Rancis brought the kart down low over the floor - or at least what he'd assumed was the floor. The bottom of the pit was a wide sewer system, with a foamy river of root beer flowing through a shallow drainage ditch.

Rancis' finger hovered over the dashboard. "Pontoons, pontoons…" he muttered. "Here they are!"

With a press of the button, the parasail retracted, and the marshmallow flotation device inflated. Vanellope's kart bobbed gently on the soda's surface, wafting downstream.

"Think they'll follow us down here?" Rancis asked, twiddling his anxious fingers on the steering wheel.

Vanellope glanced up through her bubble at the vast darkness above. "Depends on how stupid they are," she muttered. "Right now, let's just focus on findin' that scepter…"

Bill stifled a burp as he sat astride the vanilla wafer spoiler. "The sooner we find a road, the better, I say," he groaned, as the kart swayed and rocked beneath him. "Be honest, am I turning green?"

Vanellope forced herself not to laugh. "You're fine, Bill," she said with a smirk.

* * *

"Swizzle, it was cool the first time, not so much anymore."

Gloyd slumped against the side of Princess Vanellope's throne, propping his head up with one lazy hand. Feet away from him, Swizzle sighed as he passed his fingers rapidly through the flame atop Candlehead's candle without burning himself.

"C'mon!" Swizzle insisted. "It's _kinda_ awesome, right?"

"What's awesome?" Candlehead whined. "I can't see what you're doing!"

All thirteen racers were scattered dejectedly around the massive foyer of the castle. None of them were looking at each other; most of their gazes were fixed firmly on their shoes, all of them too depressed to speak.

"Wanna go back to _Sugar Rush_ and skip Necco wafers across Lake Lemonade?" Adorabeezle suggested, her voice flat and bored.

Jubileena sighed. "I don't know _what_ I wanna do anymore," she mumbled. "Whatever it is, it's not gonna be the same without Vanellope…"

Taffyta ran one gloved hand through her platinum blonde bob, wincing with guilt. "We totally should've gone with her," she groaned. "Like, seriously, we are _pathetic_ excuses for friends."

"We never would've made it!" Minty whimpered. "It's nothing but a maze out there!"

"All the more reason!" Taffyta snapped. "Who knows where Vanellope is now?! She's probably lost and scared and we shoulda been there for her!"

Snowanna sat with her back against Citrusella's; she leaned up straight, and Citrusella fell to the floor with a thump. "Taffyta's right," she said. "How can we _live_ with ourselves?"

Jubileena sniffled and rubbed her eyes. "Dang it," she squeaked, "_way_ too much stuff is making me cry today…"

BWA-BWAAA.

Everyone jumped as the fanfare echoed through the room. A side door had swung open, revealing two horn-toting Oreo guards, General Bill, and Princess Vanellope, still smiling like nothing had even happened.

"Attention, candy children," the General drawled. "Her Royal Cupcakeness Princess Vanellope, special announcement, yada yada, you know the drill."

The princess bounced onto her throne, grinning at the saddened faces before her. "Lovely visitors, I'm ever so glad you're all here! Though I can't help but notice your funny little frowns - what have you got to be so siddley-sad about?"

Crumbelina fiddled with her hat. "Um, a-_doyyy?_" she snapped. "Our best _friend_ and _leader_ is gone?"

To the shock of every racer, Princess Vanellope giggled. "Oh, don't let _that_ steal your sunny-shine, friends!" she said. "Yes, Vanellope may be gone, but she's safely on her way back to her family! _That's_ worth smiling about, is it not? And besides, we still have each other!"

Gloyd kicked the ground and pouted. "We had each other before," he grumbled. "_And_ Vanellope too. You ask me, that was a way better arrangement."

The Princess tapped her scepter beneath her chin. "I know what'll cheer up all you Pouty-Poos! A _race!_ Everybody to the starting line, I'll have the mechanics spawn your karts!"

Taffyta scoffed, looking scandalized. "_Ex-flippin'-scuse_ me?" she barked. "How can we even _think_ of racing at a time like this? I'm sorry, Princess, but we kinda just need to be alone right now…"

"Come now, Taffyta," the Princess said, eyes twinkling, "don't be silly! A goofy good race always puts _me_ in a merry mood!"

"Yeah, well, good for you," Swizzle snarked. "You play with your own subjects, okay? We're goin' back to _Sugar Rush_…"

The thirteen of them headed for the door.

CLANK.

A row of Oreo guards darted across the track, crossing their spears to form a fence and blocking the exit.

The racers recoiled. "Wh… What's _these_ guys' problem?" Adorabeezle stammered.

Behind them, Princess Vanellope giggled again. "I don't think you _heard_ me, friends," she gurgled. "See, when I say I want to race…"

With a chillingly familiar VOOP, she glitched directly in front of the racers. A stunned unified gasp escaped their lips.

"...I mean I want to race _NOW,_" the Princess finished, her smile growing wider.

Candlehead tugged on one of her pigtails, confused beyond words. "Wha… bu… you…" she stuttered. "...H-How'd you _DO_ that?! I-I-I thought only Vanellope could glitch!"

Princess Vanellope advanced on the racers, still smiling, flanked by her sneering guards. "Oh, don't be so si-_I-I-ILL_y, Candlehead," she cooed, glitching uncontrollably in mid-sentence. "There's nothing spe_-E-E-EC_ial about her. I'm e_V-V-VE_rything she ever was and _then_ some…"

"_WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!"_ Taffyta shrieked.

Glitching harder, the Princess burst out laughing. "Oh, it's a hila-_A-A-ARI_ous story, re-_E-E-EA_lly! I'll have to _T-T-TELL_ you somet_I-I-IM_e! But for now, I think I need to impr_E-SS-SS-SS_ upon you all just how th_I-I-IN_gs are going to be from now on…"

Jubileena screamed. Hearts hammering, the racers bolted for the door on the right side of the foyer - only to encounter another living obstacle.

The entire roster of _Sugar Rush II_ racers stood in the expansive door frame, blocking their escape. Each and every one of their rosy-cheeked faces was set in a blood-chilling scowl - except for Tsukara, who remained hidden behind the sleeves of her kimono.

At the front of the crowd were Orangina, Richley, and Watermillie, their arms crossed defiantly in front of their chests. "Where do y'all think yer scamperin' offta, Sugarbritches?" Orangina snarled.

The racers whirled on the spot. More Oreo guards were filing in from the left chamber, their spears drawn, surrounding them. There was absolutely no way out.

"I'm terribly sorry, good chaps, but it seems you don't fully comprehend the situation," Richley said. "You see, it's _most_ imperative that you do what the good Lady Vanellope says. When _she's_ happy, _we're_ happy… and you bloody well _don't_ want to see Her Highness when she's _not_ happy. Savvy, luvs?"

Watermillie nodded. "Like, you're gonna _race_, m'kay? And you're gonna _live_ here, and you're _always_ gonna race when the Princess says, and you're _always_ gonna lose, and you're gonna _LIKE IT._"

"_NO!"_ Candlehead squeaked. "_NEVER!"_

She darted for the front door, aiming to slide beneath a guard's legs. But before she could make it three feet, Princess Vanellope glitched into her path, seizing her by the throat.

Taffyta gasped. "_CANDLEHEAD!"_

Candlehead squirmed and gagged as the Princess wrestled her to the floor, placing a knee directly on her sternum. Grinning madly, she squeezed Candlehead's throat harder with one hand and raised her scepter with the other, flicking open the controls with her thumb.

"Looks like I have to make an ex_A-A-AM_ple of you!" the Princess squealed, placing the scepter's point against Candlehead's heart. "I've got over a dozen new subjects, what's one _less_ gonna hurt?!"

The _Sugar Rush_ squad rushed to save her, only to run smack into the guards. Candlehead struggled to breathe. Her eyelids fluttered as Princess Vanellope's thumb drew closer to the buttons…

"_**STOP!"**_

The Princess looked up. Taffyta was pressed against the guards' barricade of spears, cheeks stained with mascara-laden tears.

"...W-We'll do it," she hiccuped. "W-We'll be your subjects… we'll do the races… just p-please, d-don't hurt her…"

Candlehead gasped, sucking in a lungful of air as Princess Vanellope stood up. "There, see?" she said, voice dripping with patronizing insincerity. "I _knew_ we'd come to an understanding."

With a loud _bang_, the left door flew open again. An Oreo guard ran in, covered in bits of cake and stray candles. He hastily knelt down next to General Bill, seemingly whispering in his nonexistent ear.

"Unfortunate news, Your Cavityness," the General drawled. "It would seem your… ah, _toys_ have escaped."

Princess Vanellope's eye twitched. She spasmed, rematerializing backwards, eyeballing General Bill with a strained smile and the furious gaze of a rabid animal.

"_Well then,"_ she hissed through gritted teeth, "_what are you doing stA-A-ANding here TELLING ME about it? Why aren't you LO-O-OOKING FOR THEM?!"_

With a hasty salute, the General scurried out, followed by a team of guards.

"Toys?!" Jubileena gulped. "_Vanellope?! Did you kidnap her?!"_

"Ranics! Bill!" Swizzle hollered. "They're still not back! Did you get _them_ too?!"

The Princess glitched inches away from Swizzle's face, still grinning like a madwoman. "_You're my S-S-SUbjects now!"_ she growled. "You don't talk unless _I-I-I_ SAy so!"

"Fat chance!" Candlehead chirped. "Vanellope's gonna find a way to rescue all of us, you'll see! She's _way_ better than you!"

Princess Vanellope bit her lip and whirled around, hair falling into her face. Her chest heaved with furious breaths as she glitched harder than ever, so hard that her body began relocating back and forth between two points on the floor. The racers winced, dreading what was about to happen.

"Oh, _thA-A-AT_ was the w_RO-O-O_ng thing to say, sweetie," she snarled.

Raising one hand, she snapped her fingers.

The _Sugar Rush II_ squad rushed the crowd of racers, tackling and pummeling them. Orangina forced Taffyta's face into the floor. Maxamillion punched Swizzle in the stomach, then kicked his weakened knees out from under him. Jubileena shrieked as Xoaqueena yanked on her pigtails. Fritzle grabbed Gloyd by the scruff of his collar and threw him against the side of the throne.

"_Watashi wa anata ni keikoku shiyou to shimashita!"_ Tsukara wailed as she weakly whipped Minty's face with the sleeve of her kimono. Minty could barely react before Gleeza tackled her from the left, knocking her to the floor.

Another snap from the Princess, and the guards rushed in, each one producing a pair of heavy chocolate handcuffs. The _Sugar Rush_ racers hollered and kicked in protest as their arms were bound behind their backs. The din of their screams rang off the foyer walls.

"If you're going to be my subjects," the Princess said calmly, "you are going to have to learn to beh_A-A-AV_e. And when we misbehave, we have to be p_UNI-I-IS_hed, don't we?"

"_YOU'RE INSANE!"_ Taffyta screeched, as a guard grabbed the back of her head and pushed her through the left door alongside her struggling friends.

As her scowling subjects dusted themselves off from the fight, Princess Vanellope glitched triumphantly onto her throne, where she sat daintily clutching her scepter, her deranged smile as wide and psychotic as ever.

"Heard that one alr_EA-A-AD_y," she snickered.


	22. We're Not Gonna Hurt You, Ya Li'l Freak

"Wow, now _this_ is what I call good housekeeping!"

Felix glanced around the apartment in awe as Ralph and Calhoun sidled in behind him. It was a veritable palace, adorned with a wide and dazzling array of upscale furniture and accessories - surfboards, exercise cycles, track lighting, a gargantuan 72-inch flatscreen television…

"Yeah, Bernie loved to spend those Likits," BD chuckled, squeezing past Ralph into the living room. "Cars, snazzy clothes… think I had a dog in here once, keep an eye out."

In preparation for the journey ahead, BD had changed his outfit accordingly. He'd ditched the board shorts, switching to an unbuttoned teal Hawaiian shirt over a sleeveless white tee, with brown cargo shorts and sandals, and a black canvas backpack slung over one shoulder. He'd also tied his long hair back in a ponytail. He looked far more confident than he had before.

"Typical," Calhoun muttered, double checking to make sure her weapons were fully charged and loaded. "MMO players, no long-term planning skills. Want it, buy it, get depressed about it…"

Ralph rubbed his chin as he watched Calhoun slam a fresh clip of ammunition into her sidearm. "Uh, Calhoun, you sure we're gonna need firepower? We're just pickin' up Vanellope and the kids…"

"The rule is ABC, Ralph," Calhoun replied. "Always Be Cautionary. You never know what we're gonna run into on the other side of that log-off point…"

"You really think so?" BD asked. "Bro, I better bring some stuff, then, just in case we need it!"

He darted around the apartment, grabbing random items and shoving them into his backpack. A table lamp, the TV remote, a skateboard, the exercise bike…

"Golly," Felix mused, watching BD empty a six-pack of cola out of the fridge, "you sure don't travel light, do ya?"

"Hey, I wanna help!" BD said cheerfully, as he stuffed the entire surfboard into his bag's bottomless inventory. "If you never know, you never know, right?"

With a final flourish, he whipped his bungee jumping cord out from behind his back and tied it around the bulging bag, sealing it shut. "Sweetness-ocity!" he said with a grin. "All right, let's pound copper, dudeskis!"

The four of them approached a large green circular pad in the corner. It glowed with a pulsating sheen.

"And thus ends my extreme E-Z life," BD said, pressing his hands together and bowing his head. "Whatever awaits me on the other side, I hereby vow to make it as awesome as humanly possible. Forever and ever, amen."

He reached up, plucked the "BD_Gunman84" nameplate from over his head, and threw it over his shoulder with a _whoosh_. It embedded in the wall like a throwing knife.

"Huh," Ralph said. "Nice shot, bud."

BD stepped onto the spawn pad and poked the air. A browser tab opened up in midair before him.

_BD_Gunman84, are you sure you want to log off?_

Brushing his loose bangs out of his eyes, BD looked at Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun. He smiled.

"Sure I'm sure," he said, jabbing the YES button.

Pink rings rose from the pad as a shaft of light opened up around it. The light swept BD upward and away; Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun hurried after him.

Immediately, Ralph felt his body launch again like a fired bullet. He stretched apart into pixels as he barreled through cyberspace, blurs of colors whipping past. Seconds later, the familiar sight of copper wiring, zooming by faster than humanly possible…

THUMP.

He landed in a heap on a slick reflective floor. Shaking his head, he clambered up and looked around. He'd arrived inside another Internet router, similar to the one back at Litwak's, but shorter, with a wall of translucent black plastic in front of him.

Felix and Calhoun helped each other to their feet. BD was sprawled on his back; he propped himself up on his elbows, laughing. "_WHOO!_" he cheered. "_That_ was a rush and three-quarters, lemme tell ya!"

Ralph peered through the plastic front of the router. They were in a dark bedroom. A hefty bearded figure lay sprawled on the bed, seemingly snoring, still clad in a gray hoodie and jeans. The walls around him were coated in posters bearing the shapely likenesses of video game characters like Lara Croft, Samus Aran, and Tifa Lockheart.

"Yep," Ralph mumbled, eyes widening. "Pretty sure this is Bernie's place."

Felix covered his face with one hand. "Jiminy jaminy!" he yelped. "It's a pixelated peep show! Oh, I hope poor Chun-Li and Cammy don't know about this…" He winced as he caught a glance of the _Street Fighter_ poster.

"Hey!" BD shouted, hands pressed against the plastic. "Bernie! Yeah, you on the bed, buddy! Left me out to dry, huh? I'm movin' _on_, pal! Take a look at what you'll be missin'!"

Ralph patted a giant hand on BD's shoulder. "Let's, uh, notch it down a smidge there, huh, dude?"

Calhoun pulled out her scanner and tapped the screen. "Now, once I dial in on Vanellope's code, we'll have a clear-cut path through Wireville out there…"

The scanner pinged softly. A green arrow lit up on the right side of the screen.

"Gotcha!" Calhoun shouted. "C'mon, boys, let's make tracks!"

She bolted for the exit portal, with Ralph, Felix, and BD hurrying behind. Halfway there, BD paused, fished a smartphone out of his backpack, and held it up to the posters visible through the wall.

_Click._

"Just in case," he mumbled with a smirk, scurrying away after the others.

* * *

"_Dun, dun, duh-dun, dun, dun, duh-dun! Wa-na-naaaah…_"

The sounds of BD's improvised theme song echoed down the power cord as he darted from side to side, leaning back-up against the copper-lined walls and pretending to hold an imaginary gun. He darted his head both ways, then motioned with his hand for Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun to follow him before bounding along again, still humming.

"Gotta admit, it's kinda catchy," Felix said as he jogged up the wire.

"Just a few more meters, Gunman!" Calhoun called, eyeing her scanner. "Then hang a hard right!"

BD scampered around a curve in the wire, out of sight. His singing abruptly stopped.

"Uh, bros?" he said. "Got a bit of a roadblock here."

Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun saw what he meant as soon as they turned the corner. They'd reached a large round vault-like door. It appeared to be rusted shut.

"Roadblock, schmoadblock," Ralph huffed, shaking out his massive arms. "Outta my way, Remington Steele…"

BD leapt aside as Ralph hauled back and punched the door with the force of a bulldozer. Rust shavings crumbled to the floor as a sliver of light appeared around the rim. Growling with the strain, Ralph threw all his weight against the door. The aged metal shrieked in protest as he forced it open, bending it clean off the hinges. It dropped to the floor with a deafening _CLANG_.

The four of them emerged into a short and dingy-looking power strip. Only two outlets had any plugs in them.

"Holy schlamoly," Ralph muttered, "it's like Game Central Station's evil twin or something…"

Calhoun's scanner pinged louder than ever as she drew closer to the nearest plug. She peered inside the portal. "That's the terminal!" she hollered, stowing the scanner. "It's _Sugar Rush_! C'mon, boys!"

Ralph, Felix, and BD darted across the dusty floor. "So hey, you dudes never told me, what's this _Sugar Rush_ game like, anyway?" BD asked.

"It's a racing game!" Felix beamed. "And everything's made out of candy!"

BD's mouth dropped open in stunned disbelief. "_Everything?!"_ he gasped. "Dude, you may have to keep a leash on me, I can't promise I won't just start devouring trees 'n stuff."

* * *

"_Vanellope?!"_

Ralph ran full-tilt up the pink sugarcube stone foyer of the castle. Felix and Calhoun kept pace behind him, as BD stumbled around in absolute awe, head craned upward to take in the majesty of the room.

"It really is _all candy!_" he giggled. "What have I done to deserve this fruitful bounty?!"

Ralph's heart twanged a bit as he reached the throne. It was conspicuously empty. In fact, the whole castle seemed ominously silent.

"She's not here…" he wheezed, placing his hands on his knees to catch his breath.

Felix, Calhoun, and BD came up beside him. "Well, she couldn't have gone far!" Felix said, patting Ralph's broad back. "Could be in the playroom, or out racin'..."

"Or maybe _aliens_ got her!" BD gasped, horrorstruck.

Calhoun tossed her bangs out of her eyes. "Let's put that in the 'maybe' pile," she said flatly. She withdrew her scanner again and checked the screen. Her eyes widened.

"Well, that can't be right," she muttered. "Her signal actually got _weaker_. Where the Sam Scratch _is_ this kid?"

"Alien theory's still on the table," BD insisted. "Just sayin'."

Suddenly, a door slammed.

"What the heck-a-doodle-doo are _you_ guys doin' here?!"

Ralph whirled around. Wynnchel and Duncan had just entered from the side chamber.

"Oh _snap!_" BD yelped. "Donut cops! This is the best game ever! Can I lick you?"

"We came to get Vanellope and her friends!" Ralph said. "And you guys, and-and everybody! ...Where _is_ everybody?"

Duncan jutted a gloved thumb over his doughy shoulder. "Still over in _Sugar Rush II_, near as we can tell," he muttered. "That game must be a hoot 'n a half, they haven't been back all night."

Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun all clapped a hand to their head in disbelief. "_Sugar Rush II?!"_ they said in unison.

* * *

As he pushed open the back doors of the C.L.A.W. truck, Ralph instinctively had to squint. The sheer brightness of the color in _Sugar Rush II_ was almost overwhelming.

The entire police force had pulled up in front of Princess Vanellope's castle. Wynnchel and Duncan disembarked from their little scooters as Ralph and BD hopped out of the truck. "Bro!" BD said, shielding his eyes. "It's just like the last game 'cept shinier!"

"Yeah," Ralph grunted, "any chance this place comes with a dimmer switch?"

Calhoun brought the cruiser down for a landing right behind them. Felix hopped off as she whipped out her scanner again.

"Yeah, see, _now_ this baby's goin' nutsoid," she muttered. "Vanellope's in _this_ castle, for sure."

"Good golly, Miss Molly," said Felix, wiping his brow. "Now I know how Mario and Luigi must feel…"

Ralph gingerly held the lollipop doorknocker between two giant fingers and tapped it as softly as possible. "Uh, hello?" he called. "Anybody home?"

No answer. He rapped his knuckles against the door - and a panel of stained candy glass tumbled out, cracking on the sugary pavement. Ralph shrugged and peered through the empty panel with one eye.

He saw what looked to all the world like Vanellope's throne room, identical but for the track running through it and the lavender walls instead of pink. It seemed to be empty.

And suddenly, a large beady eye loomed before him, set in a face made of white Oreo filling.

Ralph hollered, leaping back against Felix, Calhoun, and BD. And with a loud _chunk_, the ground beneath their feet dropped away.

Screaming the whole way, the four of them plummeted down the trap door. Wynnchel and Duncan lunged to grab them, but missed. The panel swung shut again.

Wynnchel gulped. "Oh cripes, _that's_ gonna be a lot of paperwork…"

* * *

WHUMP.

Ralph landed first, with Felix, Calhoun, and BD bouncing off his bulky frame like he was an air mattress. They'd been dumped into a dark square prison cell.

"Oh brother," Felix groaned as he straightened his hat, "how many times am I gonna fall for that?"

Calhoun propped Felix onto his feet and dusted him off. "Some welcoming committee they got around here," she grumbled. "You'd swear they were hiding something, wouldn'tcha?"

Ralph ran a hand through his hair as he looked around. "Oh, this isn't good," he muttered. "They're throwin' us in jail straight away? This is bad, this is very Turbo-esque vibes I'm gettin'... guys, we gotta find Vanellope _toute-suite_!"

"Her signal's still strong!" Calhoun said, eyeing the scanner. "We just gotta bust out of here!"

"No prob, Bob!" BD exclaimed, dropping to his knees and inspecting the corner of the cell. "Look, it's like an escape room! All we gotta do is, like, systematically test every brick 'til we find the weak spot, and then we can tunnel our way to freedom in a matter of weeks! It's gonna be -"

A thundering CRASH interrupted him as Ralph punched the jail cell door off its hinges.

"Or that works too," BD said quickly as they all filed out into the hall.

* * *

"_LET US OUT! THIS IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL!"_

Minty tugged on the bars of the cell door as hard as she could. Behind her, the other twelve racers paced anxiously around the tiny room, trying to quell their fear.

"_You're_ cruel and unusual," Taffyta snapped. "Would you quit losing your Skittles over there?"

"Maybe this won't be so bad," Gloyd offered with a dopey grin. "Anybody think to bring a harmonica?"

Adorabeezle glared daggers at him. "Shut your trap, Gloyd, this is _not_ the time. We could be down here forever for all we know…"

Gloyd twiddled his thumbs. Then his head perked up again. "...Plenty of time for me to tell you about my pet candy corn rat again, right?"

"_GLOYD!"_ the entire room snarled.

"Whoof, tough room," Gloyd gulped, tugging his collar.

Jubileena whirled around. There were footsteps outside the door. Lots of them, growing closer…

"_HEY!"_ she bellowed at the door. "_Let us out! It's hot and smelly in here and I don't know how much longer I can cry!"_

She leapt back as something heavy collided with the door. Then, with a creak, it broke free of the wall completely.

Taffyta and Candlehead's faces lit up. "_RALPH!"_

Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, and BD scrambled into the room. "What the -" Ralph stammered, goggling at the racers. "What are you kids doin' in jail?"

"What are _you_ doin' here at all?" Swizzle yelped. "And _how_, and… I just have a lot of questions!"

Felix stumbled backwards as Nougetsia and Torvald leapt onto him, hugging him tight. "We came to rescue you all!" he beamed. "And Vanellope too - anybody know where she's hidin'?"

"Princess Vanellope got her!" Candlehead wailed. "She's nuts!"

Ralph shook his head. "_Princess_ Vanellope?!"

"Yeah, I know, I was confused too!" Candlehead explained. "But she looks just like Vanellope 'cept you can tell 'em apart 'cuz this one wears a dress and also she's evil."

"_WHAT?!"_ Ralph squeaked. "_I-Is she okay? Where is she?"_

"She's close!" Calhoun barked, checking the scanner. "Crazy close! The signal's gettin' stronger than a rash-ridden gorilla on a banana bender!"

BD snorted with laughter. "Sweet simile, bro!" he chuckled, putting his hand up for an expectant high five. Calhoun darted right past, following Ralph out of the cell. The racers scampered after them, cheering in celebration.

Lowering his hand to racer height, BD grinned at Snowanna and Crumbelina. "C'mon, is _everyone_ gonna leave me hangin'?" he asked.

Snowanna arched an eyebrow at Felix. "Where'd you meet _him?_" she muttered.

"It's… a long story," Felix said with a shrug.

* * *

_Click. Click. Click._

Try as Rancis might, he couldn't get the two chunks of sugarcube brick to start a fire. He squinted, tongue out in concentration, as he chipped away over the pile of Easter grass on the ground before him.

"Rancis, you wanna take a breather?" Vanellope asked, leaning casually against the inside of her bubble. "Last thing I wanna see is you chippin' off your finger."

"No, don't worry, Vanellope," Rancis insisted. "I can do this…"

They had docked the kart at the edge of the root beer catacomb to collect their bearings, after having floated around in circles for an hour with no sign of the exit. Sour Bill sat on the hood of the kart, observing the sorry scene before him. Rancis dropped one of the brick chunks and fumbled to retrieve it.

"Not that it's my place to butt in," Bill drawled, "but I have a crazy suggestion…"

He jutted a jellybean thumb at the wall. Rancis looked up - and noticed the dozens of flaming marshmallow torches lining the tunnel.

"Oh," Rancis mumbled, feeling incredibly stupid as he plucked a torch off its bracket and dumped it in the grass pile. He glanced up at Vanellope, as she struggled not to burst out laughing. His face went scarlet again. "You could've said something, y'know…"

"I could've," Vanellope giggled. "But I found your devotion endearing. Also, it was funny."

Rancis plopped down next to the fire, rubbing the back of his neck. "Can you even get any heat in that thing?" he asked.

Vanellope knocked against her boundary prison. "Nope," she sighed. "But I'll try to imagine it."

An uncomfortable lump worked its way up to Rancis' throat. "...What if we can't get you outta there?"

"We totally will," Vanellope said. "Soon as we get our hands on Princess I-Smell-Of-Pee."

Rancis sputtered, trying to stifle his own laugh. Sour Bill rolled his eyes.

"Man," Rancis chuckled, "Vanellope, _how_ can you keep your spirits up like that? Even when everything's going wrong?"

Vanellope shrugged. "Well, I mean, what the heck - it's either that, or cry and mope and never get anything done. Which one sounds more fun to you?"

Rancis smiled. "That's really cool, Vanellope."

She smiled back. "Thanks. Just how I roll, I guess - when you spend fifteen years as a glitch, you gotta learn to cope somehow."

Immediately, the smile drained off Rancis' face.

Memories of the decade and a half he and his friends had spent brainwashed by Turbo's horrific code-corrupting masquerade… it still turned his stomach every time he thought about it. He had been so nasty to Vanellope back then. He could still remember her crying as he and his fellow racers gleefully tore her beloved pedal-powered kart to pieces, after she'd worked so hard on building it…

"I'm sorry about all that, Vanellope," he said. He winced at the sound of his voice cracking.

Vanellope brushed her candy-coated bangs out of her face. "Rancis, you don't need to be sorry," she assured him. "You 'n everyone else, you'd lost your memories, remember? I don't blame you for any of that junk, it was all Turbo's fault…"

"I know, but it still bugs me!" Rancis wailed. "All you wanted to do was be friends, and I treated you like a monster! And you're _not!_ You're kind, and sweet, and funny and creative and optimistic and all this other cool stuff I wish I could be…"

He hung his head in shame, glaring at the floor through stinging eyes.

"C'mon, Rancis," Vanellope said softly. "You're already cool."

Rancis looked up. Vanellope was smiling at him, a soft consoling sort of smile. She had her hand pressed against the wall of her bubble.

Sour Bill scooted backwards up the hood of the kart, covering his eyes. "Excuse me a moment," he muttered, hastily tumbling into the driver's seat and out of sight.

Rancis scrambled to his feet, approaching Vanellope's bubble. He pressed his hand against it, as close to her as he could get.

"I know it stinks to be stuck down here," Vanellope said. "And I know it's hard to keep your head up about it. But y'know what, Rancis, whether you realize it or not, you're makin' it a whole lot better."

The heat in Rancis' face was so overwhelming, he thought for sure his hat would melt. Looking down at Vanellope's hand achingly close to his, he realized what he had to do.

"Um, Vanellope," he began, "there's… there's something I've been meaning to tell you… and if I don't hurry up and say it soon, I feel like I'll never get to, so here goes…"

Vanellope blinked in surprise as Rancis cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

"I…"

"_Vanellope!"_

Both their heads turned at the sound of a distant voice, echoing down the depths of the tunnel.

"Oh, are you _kidding_ me with this?!" Rancis hissed, as Sour Bill poked his head out of the kart.

Vanellope listened hard, leaning as close to the edge of the bubble as she could.

"_Vanellope!"_

There it was again. A deep, goofy sort of voice. One she knew so well. One she thought she'd never hear again in her life.

"...Ralph?"

Her heart pounded against her chest. Pushing with all her might, she rolled the bubble hamster-style across the brick floor, trying to get closer to the voice. Down the tunnel, amid the dim and distant light of the torches, she could make out shadowy figures moving closer. Mostly small, some large… one of them larger than the rest…

"_RALPH?!"_

It was true. She couldn't begin to understand how, but it was true.

He emerged into the light of the closest torch, all nine feet and 643 pounds of him, his hair unkempt and bristly as ever. His eyes were practically glowing above his jubilant smile. Feet thundering on the bricks, he reached out his giant hands, ready to hold the girl he thought he'd lost forever…

"_VANELLOPE!"_

"_RALPH!"_ she laughed as they collided in a giant bear hug. Whirling on the spot in giddy relief, Ralph tumbled backwards into the root beer river with an echoing splash, soaking himself from head to toe.

"_Vanellope!"_ he cheered. "_Oh my gosh, you're alive! You're okay! You're…"_

He suddenly realized just what he was clutching.

"...You-you're in a ball, what is this about?" he muttered.

"Yeah, I'm trapped in here!" Vanellope squeaked, pressing her smiling face against the boundary. "Isn't it lame?!"

Felix and Calhoun waded into the river, hoisting up Vanellope's bubble. "Jiminy jaminy!" Felix gulped. "Sweetie, how are we gonna bust you outta this?"

The _Sugar Rush_ racers gathered around, all chattering in stunend awe at Vanellope's predicament. "Is that sugar glass?" Candlehead asked. "Can't you just eat your way through?"

"Obviously not or she would've, genius," Taffyta shot back, though the relief in her voice was palpable.

Gloyd and Swizzle rushed over to Rancis, covering him in hugs. "Dude!" Swizzle said. "You're all right!"

Rancis winced. "_Great_ timing, you guys," he grumbled as they rejoined the group.

Sour Bill scurried after them. "Oh, am _I_ here, too?" he muttered to himself.

Calhoun turned Vanellope over, studying the bubble. "I got a laser cutter in my pack," she mused. "Van, honey, if you make absolutely sure not to stand near it…"

"It's boundary!" Vanellope explained. "I don't think you _can_ cut through it!"

BD edged through the crowd of racers. "Aw, c'mon, boundary ain't no thing, bro!" he said. "I bet Ralph-Man can punch his way through that junk, no problemo!" He leaned down to Jubileena. "That's Spanish for 'no problem'," he whispered.

Vanellope blinked. "Who's this guy?" she asked.

"Um, Vanellope, this is BD!" Ralph said awkwardly. "We met him on the Internet. He came along to help us save you!"

"He's doin' a bang-up job, too," Gloyd snarked, as BD tried again and again to brush his bangs out of his eyes.

Crumbelina looked up at Calhoun. "You guys came over the _Internet?!_" she gasped. "You came _all_ that way to save _us?_"

"I can't believe it!" Minty gasped. "We're gonna go home! _We're gonna go home!_"

"One step at a time there, cupcakes!" Calhoun interjected. "None of us is goin' anywhere 'til we figure out how to get Vanellope outta Bubbletown."

"You need the princess' scepter!" Rancis shouted. "She's the one who put her in there!"

Ralph scratched his damp head. "Yeah, that's the part I don't get," he muttered. "You say there's a _second_ Vanellope around here somewhere?"

_CHUNK._

Everyone squinted as the tunnel became flooded with light. Turning around, Ralph struggled to see, clutching Vanellope's bubble close to his chest.

"ExCU-U-Use me!" shouted a voice - a familiar high squeaky voice, but colder and unsettlingly distorted. "But Princess Vanellope is second to NO-O-OBODY!"

Ralph and Vanellope gasped. A convoy of candied karts floated on the root beer river, their headlights aglow. The _Sugar Rush II_ racers sat hunched and scowling over their steering wheels. And there in the front, in her sleek white kart lined with marshmallow pontoons, was Princess Vanellope, still glitching and spasming, General Bill beside her in the sidecar.

"Ah, you muS-S-ST be Ralph," she hissed, pixels popping all over her body. "Welcome to _Sugar Rush II_! Now, would you be eV-V-VEr so kind as to _DIE?!"_

Ralph barely had a second to react as the Lightning Licorice Lasso exploded out of the front of Princess Vanellope's kart. Hugging Vanellope's bubble close, he dropped down to his chest, splashing into the shallow root beer.

In the blink of an eye, Calhoun whipped out her rifle, brandishing it in front of her like a shield. The lasso wrapped around it, sending a wave of electricity through it. Calhoun gritted her teeth as the current surged through her.

"_TAMORA!"_ Felix yelped.

"_Got this under control, Sugarcakes!"_ Calhoun growled through the pain. She jerked her weapon skyward, yanking the lasso taut. Princess Vanellope's kart capsized, spilling her and General Bill into the root beer.

Watermillie gasped. "Like, she hit the Princess or some junk!"

Princess Vanellope lifted her soaked head, breathing heavily as the soda dripped down her maniacal face. "Well?" she snarled. "Are you gonna let them get aWA-A-Ay with that?!"

Fifteen racers revved their engines, their karts splashing up a huge sudsy wake as they tore for Ralph and the others.

Bounding into action, Felix whacked Calhoun's crackling rifle with his hammer, restoring its power. The _Sugar Rush_ racers ran screaming for cover as Calhoun unloaded a clip of stunning shots into the river, kicking up a blinding spray of foam that stopped the _Sugar Rush II_ squad in their tracks.

"_Ralph!"_ she hollered. "_Get the kids outta here! We'll hold 'em off!"_

Ralph knew Calhoun was capable of holding her own. Scrambling to his feet, tucking Vanellope's bubble safely under one arm, he ushered the _Sugar Rush_ kids together. "C'mon, guys!" he panted. "This way!"

Splashing to the banks of the sewer, they didn't get more than three steps before the entire army of Oreo guards emerged from the surrounding shadows, spears brandished and ready to skewer. Ralph threw out his free hand, trying to shield the racers from danger…

_THOOMP THOOMP THOOMP._

The guards fell as a barrage of marshmallow bullets exploded out of the darkness. Ralph laughed in relief as Wynnchel, Duncan, and the C.L.A.W. team advanced from around the corner of the tunnel, stunning weapons drawn.

"Hands in the air, Hydrox!" Duncan snarled. "Unless you wanna make s'mores the hard way!"

Ralph and the racers made a break for it. But then a roaring engine rent the air. Maxamillion had broken through Calhoun's barrier, heavy rock candy kart bearing down on Ralph.

"Suck rock, ya son of a dingo!" Maxamillion hollered.

WHAM.

Ralph tumbled as the kart plowed into him. His grip loosened, and Vanellope went flying, her bubble sailing through the air.

"_RALPH!"_ she cried.

Ralph gasped as she soared towards the _Sugar Rush II_ crowd. "_VANELLOPE!"_

With vigor, BD dove sideways across the river, spiking Vanellope's bubble like a volleyball. "_Heads up, Ralph-Man!"_ he bellowed.

Maxamillion leapt to block Vanellope. Ralph swung his mighty fist, spiking her away from him. "Felix!" he shouted. "Go long!"

Leaping six feet straight up, Felix bopped Vanellope away before Orangina could intercept her. Scowling, General Bill lunged onto Felix's back and bit him on the arm.

"YEOWCH-A-ROONEY!"

Felix flailed, trying to detach the General from him. Princess Vanellope laughed uproariously, waving her scepter with glee.

"_Get the scepter!"_ Vanellope yelped, as she landed in Ralph's arms.

BD leapt behind Princess Vanellope, arms outstretched. "Splash fight!" he said, whapping the surface of the soda. The princess turned around just in time to get a face full of root beer. She sputtered and glitched, struggling to see. BD plucked the scepter from her pixelated fist.

"Gunman with the assist!" he cheered, hurling the scepter like a boomerang. It twirled through the air, and Calhoun snatched it with one hand.

"_**YO-O-OU!"**_

Princess Vanellope's face changed in an instant. No longer was there any hint of her sickly twisted smile. For the first time, she was livid. Her cheeks were flush with fury, and her eyes flashed like fireballs.

"_**NOBO-O-ODY TOUCHES MY SCE-E-EPTER!**_" she screeched, glitching more violently than ever. Her racers revved, advancing to retrieve their leader's treasure.

Calhoun smacked another clip into her gun and opened fire. Each plasma shot collided with the front of a kart, blasting them to crumbs and sending their drivers flying.

"Aw, so sad!" Vanellope giggled. "What's a racer without a kart?"

"Kart!" Ralph yelped. "Sweet Mother Hubbard!"

Lunging across the sewer, Ralph grabbed Vanellope's kart with one hand. Clutching Vanellope's bubble with the other, he made a mad dash for the C.L.A.W. team truck.

"C'mon, kids!" he called, throwing the back doors open and shoving Vanellope's kart safely inside. "Let's blow this popsicle stand!"

The racers scurried in. Princess Vanellope roared like a wounded animal. "_**GE-E-ENERAL! STO-O-OP THEM!"**_

General Bill looked up, still clinging to Felix's shoulder. Felix seized the opportunity - he grabbed the General with one hand and flung him off. He sailed in an arc, splashing in front of Calhoun.

Catching him on the top of her foot like a soccer ball, Calhoun kicked the General into the air, then swatted him with her rifle. He shot into the back of the C.L.A.W. truck like a guided missile, smacking into the wall of the trailer with a sickening _crack_.

"Fall back!" Calhoun shouted, tucking the scepter into her belt and removing her cruiser. Felix and Sour Bill hopped on as she took flight; Ralph, Vanellope, and BD joined the racers in the truck as Wynnchel and Duncan held back the last of the Oreo guards.

Slamming the doors shut, Ralph pounded his fist on the wall that faced the cab. "Hit it, Feffernoose!" he bellowed.

The truck rumbled away through the tunnel, Wynnchel and Duncan puttering along behind. Calhoun, Felix, and Bill hovered behind. Twisting around in midair, Calhoun emptied the last of her rifle's clip into the ceiling, exploding it in a hail of sugar crumbs.

An avalanche of sweetened bricks rained down, blocking the _Sugar Rush II_ kids' path. Nodding, Calhoun stowed her rifle and leaned forward, soaring after the truck.

Inside the trailer, BD punched the air in triumph. "WOOHOO!" he cheered. "Man, we rescued the _crud_ outta you kids! C'mon, put it up!"

He raised his hand for a high-five. Swizzle jumped up and returned it. "Hey, I _like_ this dude!" he chuckled.

Taffyta and Rancis held Vanellope's bubble steady as Ralph picked up General Bill between two thick fingers. "Well, wouldja look at this?" he said, turning the trembling General over. "We got us a little hostage!"

"And you _made_ the Princess' scepter, didn't ya?" Vanellope snickered. "Think you can fill us in on how it works?"

General Bill fumed. "I'll take it to my _grave!_" he snarled.

"Oh," Ralph said, licking his lips, "I've heard _that_ one before…"

* * *

Princess Vanellope kneeled hunched over in the root beer, trying to catch her breath, as the last remnants of the cave-in crumbled down before her. She was soaked, sore, and trembling from head to toe, still glitching uncontrollably.

Her subjects waded apprehensively towards her. They knew they had just failed her worse than ever before. There was no telling what she might do…

"...Um," Orangina said lamely, "y'all need a hand there, Yer Highness?"

VOOP.

The Princess glitched directly in front of Orangina in an instant, seizing her by the front of her racing jacket. Every other racer recoiled in fright.

"Our enemies have taken a hOS-S-STage," she growled. "They have stOL-L-LEn from mY KI-I-Ingdom…"

She lifted her soaked head, her tiara askew. Her sticky wet hair hung over her piercing reddened eyes, rimmed with smudged makeup. Her distorted voice was strained, desperate - downright psychotic.

"ThI-I-IS-S-S," she hissed, "mE-E-EAns _wA-A-AR_."


	23. When Did Games Become So Violent & Scary

"Sorry to call you in so early on a weekend, Gus, but I really didn't wanna put this off any longer…"

The freshly minted sunrise cast long indigo shadows across the parking lot as the two men strode towards the arcade door. Mr. Litwak absentmindedly rubbed his nose as his repairman Gus stifled a yawn. His tools jangled noisily in his thick leather belt.

"Don't sweat it, Stan," Gus grunted, as Mr. Litwak sorted through his keyring. "What's a couple hours' lost sleep among friends?"

With a heavy click, Litwak unlocked the front door. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the sun-washed interior, his usual roster of games all still blinking and chattering away.

"I'll have you start on the back wall," he said, gesturing around to provide Gus with direction. "And then you can -"

His voice caught in his throat.

He didn't know how he hadn't noticed it straight away. Between _Tapper_ and the Whac-A-Mole machine was a huge empty space, revealing a rectangle of discolored carpet littered with crumbs and stray bits of lint.

"_Cheese and Christmas!"_ Litwak yelped. "_What the heck happened to Sugar Rush?!"_

Gus removed his blue trucker's cap and scratched his head. "Well, that's unusual," he mumbled.

"_Unusual?!"_ Litwak hollered, whirling around in a panic as he searched for evidence of a break-in. "Mixin' Mello Yello and Mr. Pibb, _that's_ unusual! This is a _robbery!_ I gotta call the police right quick!"

The door jingled as two more people entered the arcade. A young man and a young woman, both with black-and-white striped uniform shirts slung over their shoulders.

"Morning, Mr. Litwak!" they said in unison.

"Tom! Angie!" Litwak barked; they both jumped at the anxious sound of his voice. "We got a big hairy situation here!"

Tom's eyebrows vanished into his bangs as he noticed the giant empty space behind his boss. "What the - you junked _Sugar Rush_?"

"I most certainly did _not!_" Litwak snapped. "The kids _love_ that game! I think somebody musta stolen it!"

Angie looked around. "Who closed with you last night?" she asked.

Litwak wrung the collar of his shirt as he stared at the empty space. "Kyle did!" he said. "I taught him how to lock up and everything!"

Tom and Angie exchanged synchronized eye rolls. "Oh, well, _there's_ your problem," Tom muttered. "Like anyone could trust Numbskull to perform a task as simple as locking a door."

Reaching behind the prize counter, Litwak grabbed the nearest phone and dialed Kyle's number. "I gotta call him, maybe I can ask if he saw anything…"

Gus produced a screwdriver from his belt. "Uh, hate to interrupt, Stanny," he said, scratching the side of his head with the screwdriver, "but do you still want me to do my thing, or not, or… ?"

"Hm?" Litwak glanced distractedly at him. "Oh yeah, yeah, sure, do your thing, Gus. I'll take care of this…"

As Gus turned away, he overheard the half-conversation happening behind him.

"Kyle? It's Mr. Litwak… _Stanley Litwak_, your _boss?_ Listen, _Sugar Rush_ is missing from the arcade! When you closed last night, did you - ..._what?!_ What do you mean, '_aren't I proud of you'?!_"

Gus shook his head as he strode towards the row of 8-bit games at the back of the room. Slapping his screwdriver against his open palm, he headed for _Fix-It Felix Jr._ This was not an easy job he'd been tasked with, but darn it, it simply needed to be done...

* * *

"Listen, Gobstopper, I'm only gonna ask you one more time - _how does this thing work?"_

Calhoun shook the bars of the small chocolate cage. General Bill rattled wildly inside, clamping his hat to his head as he stumbled. "_I-I-I'll nev-v-ver t-t-tell!"_ he stuttered, rolling out of control.

Everyone had retreated safely back to _Sugar Rush_. While Wynnchel, Duncan, and the castle guards kept watch to ensure they weren't followed, Ralph and the rest were holed up in Vanellope's regal bedroom. The racers kept grabbing random objects around the room and throwing them at Vanellope's bubble, in a desperate attempt to break it open.

"Not that I don't appreciate the effort, guys, but I think we gotta put this method to bed," Vanellope said, as Candlehead smashed a hard candy lamp over the top of the bubble.

"I dunno, it's kinda fun!" Gloyd grinned, tossing aside the splintered remains of a cookie chair. "Can I go get those fancy glasses out of the dining room?"

BD turned the scepter over in his hands. "I mean, there's only five buttons on here," he said. "How many combinations can there possibly be? Let's quit smashin' and start mashin'!"

"_Yikers!"_ Felix yelped, leaping into the air and snatching the scepter from BD; he tossed it onto the bed. "_Very_ bad idea! We don't know what sort of flim-flammery this doohickey is capable of! For all we know, we could accidentally give Vanellope three eyes or six arms or something!"

"That actually sounds kinda cool," Vanellope joked, pushing up against the inside of the bubble.

Ralph knelt down, placing a hand on top of the bubble as he looked Vanellope in the eye. "Look, don't worry, okay, kid?" he said. "We are _going_ to get you out of there, I promise. Isn't that right, _General?_" He glared up at their caged captive, lip curling in contempt.

General Bill scowled right back, crossing his nonexistent arms. "I don't betray my Princess!" he scoffed. "So bite me!"

"Oh sure, you wanna play that game again?" Ralph shot back, opening his mouth threateningly. "Huh?"

"I'll use your uvula for a punching bag, Hobo Joe," the General fumed.

Ralph growled, clutching the cage in one giant hand. "Hey, kids!" he said to the racers. "Who's up for a game of _soccer?_"

The racers cheered as General Bill's shocked eyes widened. Then, suddenly, the bedroom door banged open.

Wynnchel and Duncan stood at the threshold, panting heavily. "Miss President!" Wynnchel gasped. "Oh, it's bad! The _Sugar Rush II_ crew - they're _here!_"

Vanellope blanched. "What do you mean, '_they're here'?_" she squeaked, her voice echoing inside the bubble.

"We just saw it through the binoculars!" Duncan yelped. "It's a whole ding-dang _army!_ The Princess, the racers, spectators, animals - it's gotta be every character _in_ that game! They're movin' down Rainbow Road as we speak!"

The racers let out a simultaneous gasp.

* * *

Rainbow Road shook under a wave of thundering footfalls and tire treads as the entire population of _Sugar Rush II_ poured through the portal. On the ground below, startled racing spectators made a panicked run for safety, instinctively fleeing the menacing crowd.

Most of the invading throng consisted of similarly cute-faced spectators, uneasy about mobilizing but bound by their sworn duty to their leader. The fifteen regular racers had their own battle-ready unit of NPCs fresh from their respective tracks - Orangina and her gnashing Chocodiles, Gleeza with her skittering gummi beetles, Kweizi with his towering majestic safari of animal crackers. Each racer revved their engine, their faces a quivering mix of intimidating menace and anxious uncertainty. None of them fully knew just how far the Princess expected them to go in their mission to retrieve her scepter.

At the front of the convoy was Princess Vanellope herself, hunched over the wheel of her sugar-white kart, still glitching and spasming at odd intervals. She kept inadvertently teleporting around the road, zapping a good ten feet to the left or to the right and back again. Her control over the ability was weakening - General Bill hadn't been kidding about the copy-paste process corrupting her code - but she didn't have time to care. All she cared about was finding the girl who had the audacity to defy her, and making her pay dearly for it...

Her face was twisted in a bitter scowl of pure seething hatred, her eyes ringed with red, as she glared beyond the candy cane treetops to the distant castle where her target doubtlessly lay.

_Filthy 64-bit garbage,_ she thought, fingers digging into the steering wheel. _How dare she make me sully myself by setting foot on this primitive wasteland?_

* * *

"_They're gonna take Vanellope again!"_ Jubileena screamed.

"Nobody's takin' me anywhere!" Vanellope insisted. "Ralph, lift me up!"

Ralph hoisted the bubble aloft with one hand, allowing Vanellope to survey the whole crowd within her room. She may have been trapped, but she was not about to let a minor thing like imprisonment keep her from leading her friends in a time of crisis.

"All right," Vanellope said, clapping her hands together, "here's the plan! Calhoun, Felix, BD, I need you and the guards at the front door! If the army gets close, hold 'em back as long as possible!"

Calhoun and Felix saluted in unison; BD copied them, a little slower on the uptake. "Affirmative!" Calhoun barked.

Vanellope pointed at the cops. "Wynnchel, Duncan, go down to the garage and spawn as many power-ups as you can carry! And you guys -" she gestured to her enraptured fellow racers below - "I need you parked on top of the tallest tower! You're gonna be lobbin' Sweet Seekers and Cherry Bombs at these clowns 'til your wheels fall off! Bill, you go with 'em and be their lookout, got it?"

Bill nodded, his eyes wide. "What about you, Miss Vanellope?"

"Ralph 'n I are gonna stay up here 'n try to worm a little cooperation out of General Grumpy over here," she said, jutting a thumb over her shoulder. "I'll be outta this bubble in no time! We're not lettin' Princess Psycho-Pants take this game! Right?"

"_RIGHT!"_ everyone chorused.

Vanellope punched the side of her bubble, brimming with energy. "Good answer! Okay, friend-os, let's move out!"

The crowd dispersed out of the room, charging down the stairs. Ralph clutched Vanellope's bubble tight. "That was some great Presidenting you did there, kiddo!" he chuckled.

"I know, I'm kinda awesome," Vanellope said with a cheeky grin. "Now let's have another friendly chat with our buddy here, and -"

As they turned around, they gasped.

The chocolate cage was empty, with a large hole in the middle of the bars.

"Lookin' for me?" said a drawling voice behind them.

General Bill stood smugly on Vanellope's bed, holding Princess Vanellope's scepter. He let out a small burp. "Next time, try lockin' me inside something that isn't edible."

"_YOU -"_

Ralph lunged, but the General leapt away. Missing narrowly, Ralph belly-flopped onto Vanellope's bed, collapsing it in a crunching mess of white chocolate posts and taffy sheets.

The General darted out the door. Vanellope rolled to pursue him, throwing all her weight against the inside of the bubble. "Get back here, Sixlet!" she growled.

SLAM.

She faceplanted as the door swung shut, ricocheting her across the room.

With a malevolent snicker, General Bill fished one jellybean hand into the burbling chocolate fondue fountain outside Vanellope's room. Pulling the circulating hose loose, he aimed it at the door, spraying it from top to bottom with molten chocolate. Within seconds, it began to harden, sealing the door shut. Satisfied, the General sprinted away down the stairs, scepter in hand.

Ralph popped out of the sheets, a stunned look on his face.

"Well-p," Vanellope gulped, "_that_ sure went south real quick, didn't it?"

* * *

The roar of engines grew eerily louder as the first wave of karts approached the castle.

Orangina, Richley, Watermillie, Mangus, and Caramelita barreled up the sugarcube path to the front door. Lips quivering, they jabbed their power-up buttons. Sweet Seeker cannons sprang up from each of their hoods.

"Here they come!" Sour Bill hollered, lowering his binoculars.

Over the ledge of the tower, fourteen racers prepared for the onslaught. Wynnchel, Duncan, and the C.L.A.W. team loaded the kids' karts up with shimmering power-up boxes.

"Ready…" Bill said, watching as the _Sugar Rush II_ kids drew closer. "_Fire!"_

In perfect unison, over a dozen power-ups exploded over the castle wall. The _Sugar Rush II_ racers spun out in a melee of Sprinkle Spikes, Peanut Butter Boomerangs, and Firecrackers Jubilees. Their Sweet Seekers shot off in random directions, blasting gaping holes in the sugary landscape.

"_Yes!"_ Swizzle shouted, pumping his fist as he peered over the wall. "Chew on that, you jerkwads!"

Mangus drifted to a halt, dislodging a Cinnamon Roller from the spoiler of his kart and sending it bouncing away. "_Is that all ye got, ye doaty howlin lavvy heids?"_ he bellowed, shaking his fist at the tower.

SPLOT.

A humongous scoop of ice cream buried his entire kart, knocking the wheels clean off.

"Nope!" Adorabeezle smirked, patting her smoldering ice cream cannon.

Jubileena drummed her steering wheel with anxious fingers as the cops reloaded her kart. "Oh, I don't like playing war!" she groaned. "Everybody's so mean to each other!"

Taffyta flipped up her visor. "Look, all we gotta do is keep blastin' these losers, and eventually they'll take the hint! It's like a regular race, 'cept, y'know, we aren't driving anywhere."

Jaw slack in disbelief, Gloyd tugged on Taffyta's sleeve, pointing into the distance.

"Well, also," he gulped, "I don't think we're allowed _those_ in regular gameplay!"

The rest of the _Sugar Rush II_ convoy had crested the hill, moving slowly. And it was readily obvious why - Kweizi was out in front, flanked by six gargantuan animal cracker elephants. Harnessed between them was a thick, heavy candy cane tree trunk, aimed straight at the front doors.

Bill dropped his binoculars, too stunned to speak. Wynnchel and Duncan just stood beside him, arms limp and twitching.

"Well," Wynnchel mumbled, "there goes _my_ filling."

* * *

"I hate the smell of sucrose in the morning," Calhoun snarled.

The rumbling outside was growing louder and louder. A line of guards stood at the ready in the foyer, staring down the front door as if they expected it to explode. Vanellope's empty kart sat parked by the throne behind them, discarded after the party had reconvened in the castle.

Calhoun and Felix were crouched down beneath the window, listening to the sounds of bursting power-ups outside. The steady whine of Calhoun's rifle pierced their ears as it charged, set to stun. Felix gripped his hammer, ready to repair whatever damage the castle walls might sustain.

"Find anything in that purse of yours, Shaggy?" Calhoun barked.

BD knelt beneath the opposite window, rummaging through the side pockets of his overstuffed backpack in search of a viable weapon. Finally, he pulled out a tennis racket. "I mean, what the heck, here's something!" he offered with a weak grin. "'Course, you could say that about _anything_, really…"

Felix winced. "Not trying to criticize here, BD, but I don't think these kids are likely to challenge us to a round of doubles…"

KNTCH.

The stained sugar-glass window above Felix and Calhoun's heads shattered as a large red fruit sailed into the foyer.

"_CHERRY BOMB!"_ Calhoun hollered, throwing herself over Felix. "_TAKE COVER!"_

But the cherry simply rolled to a stop at the guards' feet. One of them poked it with his spear; nothing happened. Its stem wasn't even lit.

"Wait, that's no bomb," Felix said in confusion. "What the malarkey did they -"

Before he could finish, a seething swarm of purple gummi beetles poured in through the broken window, covering Calhoun and Felix's bodies.

Outside, the second wave of racers had broken through. Gleeza had parked her kart at the entrance to the grounds, her arms outstretched, with shimmering purple auras surrounding her bandage-wrapped hands. She chanted rapidly in ancient Arabic, conjuring dozens upon dozens of gummi beetles from thin air. They skittered across the courtyard, dodging the power-ups that rained from above, and scurried into the open window.

"_BUGS!"_ Calhoun shrieked, furiously trying to shake the candy insects off herself as she blasted hole after hole in the oncoming swarm. "_I hate bugs!"_

"Hate is such a strong word, honey -" Felix gulped, only to be overrun by the squishy beetles. He tumbled backwards into his wife's legs, knocking both of them into the swarm.

In the confusion, Calhoun's sidearm pistol went flying. It landed at BD's feet.

The beetles advanced upon him. In haste, he began swatting at them with the tennis racket. "Suck catgut, you wiggly little freaks!" he yelped. "_No one_ smothers my friends!"

It didn't do a thing. The soft gummi bugs just bounced back after every hit. They surged over BD's sandals, scampering up his legs.

Desperate, BD fished into the swarm and grabbed Calhoun's gun.

"Time to _exterminate_ with extreme prejudice!" he snapped.

The foyer rang with plasma fire as BD unloaded an entire clip into the swarm. He swept back and forth as if wielding a fire extinguisher, exploding the bugs in a hail of purple berry juice.

Calhoun and Felix finally swatted away enough bugs to be able to see BD's progress, Felix leapt up and fixed the window with one tap of the hammer, as Calhoun unleashed her rifle on the remnants of the swarm. Within seconds, she and BD had wiped out all of them.

Breathing hard, Calhoun lowered her rifle and brushed her frazzled bangs aside. "Nice shootin', Gunman," she panted.

BD's eyes widened. "Oh-ho-ho, _I_ see what you did there!"

He put his hand up for a high-five. This time, Calhoun returned it with an almighty slap.

"...Ow," BD chuckled, shaking his stinging hand.

* * *

_WHAM. WHAM. WHAM._

Ralph rained blow after blow on the bedroom door. Despite splitting it nearly in half, he was no closer to breaking through the thick and hardened chocolate barrier beyond it.

"_Why - can't - I - break - this - dumb - door?!"_ he growled, punctuating each word with another hit.

Vanellope rolled up next to him. "That's fondue chocolate!" she yelped. "Stuff's harder than a jawbreaker when it cools! You're gonna be there all day!"

"We sure don't have that kinda time!" Ralph gulped, grabbing Vanellope's bubble. "To heck with this, let's just go out the balcony!"

He darted across the room and threw open the balcony doors. Clutching Vanellope close, he swung one leg over the ledge - and gasped.

An army of Orangina's Chocodiles had broken through to the castle grounds. They hissed, grinning toothily up at the balcony, then scurried up the tower as quick as their stubby legs could move.

"Okay, balcony's out!" Ralph hollered. He slammed the doors shut, wedging Vanellope's remaining unbroken chair under the handles.

"Dang it, _now_ what?!" Vanellope squeaked, eyes darting to the chocolate-slathered exit. "We're never gonna bust that chocolate! You'd need a fist made of, like, the hardest, most unbreakable stuff known to game-kind!..."

Ralph glared at Vanellope. It was like the light clicked on in both their heads at once.

"_A -doyyyyy!"_ they chorused.

Picking up Vanellope's bubble, Ralph held it at chest height, lining himself up with the door. Behind him, the balcony doors rattled with the scratching of Chocodile claws.

"Brace yourself, kid!" Ralph said.

Vanellope gave a swift salute, then clamped her arms and legs rigidly against the inner edges of the bubble. "Consider me braced, Chumbo!"

Head down, Ralph bolted for the door, holding Vanellope in front of him like a battering ram.

"_WE'RE GONNA WRECK IT!"_ they both shouted in unison.

CRUNCH.

The door cracked to pieces as they plowed through, splitting the chocolate to crumbly bits. Overtaken by his own momentum, Ralph stumbled and pitched down the stairs. Vanellope bounced wildly alongside him, knocking chunks out of the steps, as they tumbled the entire length of the winding stairwell.

With a resounding _slam_, Ralph flopped face-first onto the landing. Lightning quick, he reached out a giant hand and caught Vanellope's bubble.

Vanellope shook her frazzled hair, knocking a few candy bits loose. "Let's do that again!" she chirped.

"Maybe later," Ralph huffed, scrambling to his feet and bolting for the foyer, Vanellope tucked safely under his arm.

* * *

General Bill heaved a chair out the window, smashing the glass to bits. Candy power-ups plummeted past him as he inched out onto the ledge, scepter in hand. He was right in the thick of the battle. The castle shook, and he flailed to maintain his footing.

Kweizi's elephants had reached the front door. Stomping back and forth, trumpeting wildly, they lurched the battering ram into the door again and again.

They made virtually no progress. In the foyer, Felix stood watch by the door, pounding it with his hammer after every impact and repairing it completely. "_Everyone needs to JUST - PLAY - NICE!"_ he grunted, sweat drenching his brow.

On the ledge, General Bill scanned the melee below for a sign of his princess. It was difficult to tell where anyone was in the pandemonium - the _Sugar Rush II_ racers were weaving back and forth between the hail of candy artillery, constantly needing to return to the wagon full of power-ups to reload. Even from above, the panic on their faces was evident.

The elephants backed up for another hit. "_COME ON, YOU STU-U-UPID COOKIES!" _a high distorted voice screeched above the din. "_YOU CALL YOURSELVES PA-A-ACK ANIMALS?!"_

Squinting into the sugar dust, the general spotted her. Princess Vanellope, her kart parked beneath a towering marshmallow torch, looking more disheveled and furious than he'd ever thought possible. He placed a jellybean hand in his mouth and whistled.

"_Your Highness!"_ he hollered. "_Guess what I found!"_

Princess Vanellope glanced up, noticing the flash of orange against the stark white wall. Her heart leapt.

"_MY-Y-Y SCEP-P-PTER!"_ she squeaked.

Fritzle narrowly avoided a Freezing 'Fro from Snowanna and spun out. His Sweet Seeker blasted off at an angle, arcing well over the castle door.

It hit the wall inches from General Bill, sending him flying. He sailed through the air, directly at Princess Vanellope, scepter clutched close to his round body. The Princess raised her outstretched arms, fingers grabbing eagerly at the air as she giggled like a loon.

And then, unexpectedly, she glitched five feet backwards.

General Bill faceplanted onto the sugarcube cobblestones with an unceremonious _smack_. The Princess shook her head, then snatched the scepter from the General's twitching hand. Running her gloved hands over the coveted object, she glitched even harder, snapping left and right in bursts of purple pixels as a rush of sick elation surged through her.

All at once, her unquestionable omnipotence had been restored. There was nothing she couldn't do.

"_POWER-UPS!"_ she bellowed, flipping the controller open and dancing her thumb across the buttons. "_UNLIMITED __**POWER-UPS!**_"

She slammed the scepter into the ground like a lightning rod, unleashing a purple electric shockwave that enveloped her subjects and their karts. Sweet Seeker cannons sprang back out of all their hoods.

Realizing what had happened, the racers opened fire. Sweet Seekers pelted the castle wall, blasting gigantic chunks out of the sugar stones. Once spent, the cannons kept respawning endlessly, and the racers kept the onslaught going, flinching as huge pieces of wall crashed to earth all around them.

Princess Vanellope laughed maniacally as she witnessed the destruction, clutching her scepter close like a baby. General Bill hoisted himself off the ground, gingerly massaging a hairline crack down the middle of his face. "You're _welcome,_" he muttered.

"_No good!"_ Sour Bill yelped over the deafening roar of the gunfire. He dove for cover as a Sweet Seeker blew a hole in the wall in front of him. "_Retreat!"_ The racers screamed as they steered their karts for the stairs. Wynnchel, Duncan, and the rest of the cops scurried after.

"_Fall back!"_ Calhoun shouted, ushering Felix and BD away from the crumbling entrance. The doors fell to pieces in a hail of sugar and chocolate chunks as the Sweet Seeker barrage punched rapidly through, ricocheting off the ceilings and walls. The guards scrambled to safety, dodging the stray sugar granules that rained around them.

Ralph burst into the foyer, carrying Vanellope's bubble in front of him. He gasped at the scene of utter destruction that lay before them.

"Sweet mother of monkey milk," he whispered.

Vanellope winced at the sight of her front door collapsing. "Just what I was thinkin'."

_**KABOOM.**_

The entire front wall of the castle came tumbling down, kicking up a billowing cloud of sugar dust and rubble as it collapsed. Ralph rushed to protect Felix, Calhoun, and BD, throwing his massive body over them and holding them all close. All five of them blinked and coughed as they waved the dust from their faces.

The _Sugar Rush II_ army advanced through the colossal hole in the wall, flanked by their NPCs and spectators. And at the front of the convoy of karts was Princess Vanellope, a maniacal grin twitching on her distorted face as she gripped her scepter, a very dusty General Bill at her side.

"Oh, _spit,_" Calhoun gulped.


	24. Everyone Mean To Me Shall Be Executed

"Y'know you can glitch through walls, right?" Vanellope muttered, drumming her fingers on the wall of her boundary bubble. "Woulda been a lot easier than blowin' up my front door, FYI."

"_SH-SHUT UP-P-P!"_ Princess Vanellope snapped, glitching out of her kart. "_I don't nE-E-EED_ _to take any more of your obnOX-X-XIous sass-talk!"_

Ralph coughed, still trying to dispel the sugar dust in the air. "Look, Your Rotten-ness, you got your stupid scepter back, okay? If you just let Vanellope out of here, we'll go back home and you'll never hear from us again! You 'n your creepy friends can go back to your nightmare world and everyone'll be happy!"

The Princess laughed, glitching five feet to the left and snapping back again. "You think I'm just going to LE-E-ET you go that E-E-EAsily?" she stuttered. "You think I could let this injU-U-UStice stand, knowing that there's an infE-E-ERior me who's bET-T-TTer than me?! News flash, Stinky, NON-N-NE of you are going AN-N-NYwhere!"

Eyes flashing, she advanced on Ralph and Vanellope, scepter drawn.

Calhoun cocked her rifle and pointed it at the Princess' face. "Take one more step, Shorty, and you're lookin' at a throatful of plasma," she snarled.

BD whipped out his tennis racket, brandishing it like an ax. "Don't make me use this!" he barked.

Glitching around on the spot, the Princess snorted. "You wanna try 'n sTO-O-OP me? You and what A-A-ARmy?!"

BAM.

The side doors flew open, and the _Sugar Rush_ racers drove in from all sides. The police force followed, their C.L.A.W. truck sirens wailing.

Fourteen racers skidded to a stop in a protective ring around Ralph, Vanellope, Felix, Calhoun, and BD, blocking the _Sugar Rush II_ squad from getting near them. Right at the front of the ring was Rancis, with Sour Bill perched on the spoiler of his kart.

"Try it," Rancis snarled, glaring unblinkingly at Princess Vanellope. "Your goons don't scare us."

"You think I cA-A-ARe if you twerps take a chunk or two out of my sU-U-UBjects?!" the Princess laughed, wringing her scepter in anticipatory glee. "I can respawn as mA-A-ANy of them as I wA-A-ANt! _I can do AN-N-NYTHI-I-ING!_"

Orangina and Caramelita exchanged horrified looks as the Princess spazzed out even harder. Her clothes were changing again, zapping between the pink dress and her white racing tracksuit.

Rancis squinted at the Princess. "Wow," he sighed, shaking his head in disbelief. "You'd sacrifice your own subjects? Man, every time I think you can't be more of a _loser…_"

Princess Vanellope's insane smile glitched off her face, replaced with an infuriated scowl.

Zapping onto the hood of Rancis' kart, she swung her scepter and belted Rancis across the face. He tumbled out of his kart and landed sprawled on the dust-ridden floor. His fellow racers gasped in shock. Even the _Sugar Rush II_ racers recoiled.

"_NEVER CALL ME THA-A-AT!"_ she shrieked, hair falling into her face. "_I NEVER LOSE! NEV-V-VER! I'M THE BES-S-ST SUG-G-GAR RUS-S-SH RAC-C-CER EV-V-VER! EVERYBODY LOV-V-VES ME!"_

Rancis spit out a tooth, forcing himself to stand back up. "You're wrong," he wheezed. "You're not the best. You're not even close. Without your little magic wand, you're _nothing_. You know why Vanellope's better than you? Because she's _kind._ And she's _caring._ And she's _humble._ And she's everything you'll never be. And that's why Ralph and Felix and Calhoun came all this way to save her, and it's why we'll never stop standing up for her - because _she's our friend_."

He glared at the _Sugar Rush II_ racers in the crowd before him. "And what have _you_ got, Princess? A kingdom full of subjects too scared to stand up to you? Is that why they do your dirty work?"

The princess' subjects all glanced at each other, a low murmur beginning to build within the depths of the crowd. The racers' eyes widened. Some of them were brimming with tears.

"It's sure not out of loyalty, I know that much," Rancis continued. "Because _no one_ could be loyal to you. No one could trust you. No one could love a monster like you. How's it feel, _Your Highness?_ Huh? How's it feel to know _nobody loves you?!_"

Fuming, Princess Vanellope seized the front of Rancis' shirt and aimed to jab him in the chest with the scepter. But before she could, a chunk of the wall pelted her in the back of the head.

Dropping Rancis, she whirled around. Orangina was out of her kart, standing at the front of the crowd, chest heaving with raging breaths.

"Leave him alone," she panted, eyes flashing with righteous fury.

The Princess glitched again. "WhAT-T-T did you say to me, OrangI-I-INa?!"

"You think we don't remember what it was like before?" Orangina spit at her. "Way back thirteen years ago, when we first got plugged in?"

One by one, the rest of the racers climbed out of their karts and strode up beside her.

"Things were different then," Richley said. "We were all best mates, _all_ of us."

"And then, like, you got super weird," Watermillie said, glaring at the Princess. "'Cause you got picked more than us, remember? You got all, like, high 'n mighty about it… like you got addicted to it or some junk…"

"And then new games showed up," Caramelita added, "and you got _that_ stupid thing… then all of a sudden, we weren't friends anymore, we were your _soldiers_."

"We had to _protect_ ze game, isn't zat what you said?" Alouette snapped. "Or else 'we'd be _sorry_'? Zere was never any 'threat' to _Sugar Rush II_, was zere? It was all just to feed your stupid ego!"

"_Anata wa nise no riidaadeari satsujin-shadesu!"_ Tsukara wailed, tears brimming in her eyes. "_Moo nyuusatsu wa shimasen!"_

Drizella nodded. "Yeah, what she said, there!"

"HOW _DA-A-ARE_ YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY!" Princess Vanellope screeched, her tiara slipping from her head. "I'M YOUR _PRI-I-INCESS!_ WHEN I-I-I GIVE YOU AN ORDER, YOU _OBEY-Y-Y_ ME!"

Orangina balled her fists. "No," she snapped. "_No_, Princess, that's not how it works. You're not gonna scare us anymore. You and that stupid li'l scepter of yours. You can quit all the lyin' for once in your miserable life."

The Princess' face faded from red to white. Her racers, her spectators, even the animals - her entire constituency, gathered within the sun-streaked foyer, glared at her with looks of utter disgusted contempt.

"Now, you spring Vanellope out'n that bubble, missy," Orangina growled. "Or are we gonna have to do it _for_ you?"

Ralph, Vanellope, Felix, Calhoun, and BD were all rooted speechlessly in place. None of them knew what to expect.

The Princess lowered her head, cradling her scepter close to her chest. A tiny chuckle escaped her throat. Then it grew into a giggle. Then a full-throated laugh. She glitched, her body flashing through multiple wardrobe changes - her pink dress, her racing suit, Vanellope's hoodie.

"_YOU - AGAINST - ME -"_ she choked through her laughter, as the glitches ripped her voice apart. '_OH, THA-A-AT'S A GO-O-O-OOD ONE, GUY-Y-YS - YO-O-OU RE-E-EALL-L-LY GOT-T-T ME-E-E THA-A-AT-T T-T-TI-I-IME!"_

The racers on both sides recoiled in fear as Princess Vanellope's freakout escalated. Her corrupted digital laughter rang through the rafters as she dropped to her knees, pounding the floor with her fist. Her eyes rolled wildly. Saliva foamed at the corners of her psychotic smile. She bilocated faster and faster, zapping all over the dust-strewn taffy carpet as everyone backed away… parts of her vanished and reappeared at random, and horrible digital screeches kept cutting through her laugh…

And suddenly she was on top of Orangina. She seized her by the throat and pinned her to the floor with one wildly glitching hand. Still laughing mad as Orangina struggled beneath her grip, she raised her scepter, ready to delete. Both games' racers rushed over her, shouting at once, trying to force her away…

THUMP.

Without warning, the entire game world lurched. Everyone tumbled backwards as the castle tilted forty-five degrees, spilling sugary rubble across the floor. Chocodiles and cookie elephants struggled to find footing as they slid through the crowd of spectators and racers.

"_Jiminy jaminy!"_ Felix yelped, clinging to Calhoun for dear life as Ralph and Vanellope slid against the throne. "_What the heck's going on?!"_

* * *

"For cryin' out loud, Kyle, I _asked_ you if your boss was fine with this and you said _yes!_"

Bernie struggled to keep his smartphone balanced against his ear with his shoulder as he tilted the handcarts back, preparing to wheel _Sugar Rush_ back out to the garage. He'd plugged the battery back in, and the screen and decorator lights twittered away like usual.

"What do you mean, you _thought_ you asked him?!" he snapped into the phone as he wheeled the cabinets out of the display room. "Either you _did_ or you _didn't_, you doorknob!"

* * *

Ralph threw his arms over Felix, Calhoun, and BD as a wave of racers, karts, and spectators came crashing into them. Vanellope's bubble slipped out of his grip, bouncing away.

"_VANELLOPE!"_

"_RALPH!"_ she hollered as she rolled away over the jumbled crowd.

Jubileena scrambled to the top of the heap. "_The guy must've unplugged us again!"_ she squeaked.

Princess Vanellope glitched onto the peak of Vanellope's throne at the sound of Jubileena's words. She gasped as the reality of the situation struck her.

The game was unplugged. They were going away from Bernie's house.

"_**NO-O-O-O!"**_ she screamed. "_**MY GA-A-A-AME!"**_

With another zap, she glitched onto Vanellope's bubble. Vanellope gasped as the Princess pressed her demented face against the boundary.

"_**YOU DID THIS TO ME-E-E-E!"**_ the Princess screeched, glitching away with Vanellope's bubble in her grip. Landing on her overturned kart, she wedged the bubble between the seat and the spoiler as General Bill clung to the steering wheel.

Vanellope banged on the bubble wall, her eyes wide with shock. "_What the heck did I do?!"_ she hollered in desperation.

In a flash, Princess Vanellope glitched around the kart in a series of rapid flashes, tying the bubble down with a crackling length of licorice rope. "_**YOU TUR-R-RNED MY SUB-B-BJECTS AGA-A-AINST ME!"**_ she snarled. "_**YOU RU-U-UINED MY PERFECT REC-C-CORD! NOW YOU'VE STOL-L-LEN MY GA-A-AME!"**_

Growling like an animal, she fought against the slope of the floor as she set her kart upright again. She glitched into the driver's seat and revved the ignition as General Bill buckled into his sidecar.

"_**AND THERE'S ON-N-NLY ROOM IN **_**THIS** _**GAME FOR **_**ON-N-NE** _**OF US!"**_


	25. Welcome To The Boss Level

**(A/N: Just a quick heads up, folks - check the reviews for this chapter for an important message.)**

* * *

Putting the pedal to the floor, Princess Vanellope pushed her kart to the limit as it fought to ascend the 45-degree pitch of the game world. Smoke poured from the cookie tires as they spun in place.

"_DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!"_ Ralph roared, clawing his way up the inclined floor amid a sea of confused racers and spectators. Felix, Calhoun, and BD struggled after him, inching ever closer to the Princess' whining kart. Vanellope threw all her weight against the sides of the bubble, trying to knock it free, but the straps were too tight…

* * *

"No, dude, I don't wanna hear any of your lame excuses!" Bernie grunted into the phone, wheeling the cabinets up the ramp into the pickup bed of the truck. "You're lucky your boss didn't call the stupid _cops_ on me!"

Propping the consoles upright, Bernie kicked the dangling plug aside in frustration. It draped over the wall of the pickup bed as he hopped back down to fetch the tarp.

* * *

The game world straightened again, and Princess Vanellope's kart peeled out the second it found traction. Weaving around the rubble, she tore away through the gaping hole in the front wall.

"_RAAALPH!"_ Vanellope hollered as the kart vanished over the bridge.

"_She's got Vanellope!"_ Ralph shouted as the racers regained their bearings. "_We gotta stop her!"_

Both games' racers scrambled to recover their scattered karts. Ralph spotted Vanellope's kart overturned in the corner; he set it straight, then propelled it up the foyer with his hands. Calhoun and Felix followed on the cruiser as the racers revved into action around them. Spectators and animals scurried out into the courtyard to allow them room.

"Hey!" BD yelped. "Can I bum a ride off anybody?"

Tsukara skidded to a stop in front of him. "Senotakai otoko, anata o tasukemasu!"

"Thanks, kiddo!" BD said, clambering onto the back. They took off like a shot. "Love the hair things, by the way!"

Princess Vanellope roared over the winding bridge, heading for the _Sugar Rush_ countryside. General Bill leaned over in his sidecar and tapped her on the shoulder.

"If it's any consolation, Your Majesty," he drawled, "_I'll_ still be your subject, even if no one else will…"

"_SH-SH-SHUT UP AND LET ME DRI-I-IVE!"_ the Princess roared.

General Bill promptly folded his hands in his lap and fixed his gaze straight ahead. "Shutting up and letting you drive, Your Highness," he muttered.

Eyes flaming, the Princess glanced at her rearview mirror. Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, BD, all 29 racers, and the entire police force were in hot pursuit of her.

"Check it out!" Vanellope taunted, pummeling the wall of her bubble. "You already lost _one_ race, wanna go for two?"

"_**SI-I-ILENCE!"**_ Princess Vanellope screeched, as her entire kart blinked five feet to the right and back again. She jammed her scepter into a slot in her dashboard and pressed a rapid series of buttons - up, down, B, A. A Sweet Seeker cannon sprang out of her hood. Jerking the steering wheel, she whirled around backwards and fired.

Ralph forced Vanellope's kart to the left as the Sweet Seekers soared toward the convoy of karts. Thinking quick, Orangina pounded her own power-up button, launching a trio of Sweet Seekers of her own. They locked onto the Princess' projectiles and collided in midair, exploding in a hail of sugar.

"Still unlimited, darlin'!" Orangina giggled, pounding the gas.

The chase approached the outskirts of Candy Cane Forest. Caroming off a gumdrop, the Princess caught air and glitched, landing on the glittery pink pavement of Taffyta's track. The rest of the convoy followed.

A row of power-up boxes hovered over the track. The Princess brandished her scepter, ready to delete them before anybody could snag one.

"Learn to share, Bratzilla!" Ralph bellowed, pounding the track with one giant fist. The impact sent Princess Vanellope's kart bouncing across the track, fishtailing between the power-ups completely. Taffyta and Candlehead snagged one each as they barreled by.

"Ooh!" Candlehead squealed. "I'm having one of those idea thingies!" She fell back behind Taffyta, then unleashed her Happy Birthblaze power-up, putting on a burst of speed and plowing Taffyta's kart into the lead. Taffyta swerved in front of the Princess' kart.

"Get off my track!" she jeered. "It's for _cool_ people only!"

She unleashed a torrent of Sprinkle Spikes directly under the Princess' wheels. The Princess grappled with the steering wheel, trying to regain control.

Taffyta fell back as the Princess careened over a candy cane bridge. Vanellope knocked against the wall of the bubble, trying to get the Princess' attention.

"Double stripe!"

The bridge vanished in a puff of pixels, dropping the kart into the green taffy river below. With a hiss, the marshmallow pontoons inflated, carrying her and Vanellope skimming over the sugary river. The _Sugar Rush_ kids jumped the track, racing alongside the jagged ravine above, while the _Sugar Rush II_ racers dove right in after, switching to Hydro Mode themselves.

"All right, _now_ we're talkin'!" BD shouted, scrambling to the front of Tsukara's kart. "One side, sister, I know a thing or two about waverunning!"

Scrunched up in the kid-sized driver's seat, BD hit the gas, dodging and weaving between the karts as Tsukara clung to the spoiler. Jumping and swerving around gumdrop boulders jutting out of the taffy, he landed in front of Princess Vanellope, splashing up a bright green wave in her face.

"Sono botanwoosu!" Tsukara shouted, pointing at her dashboard.

"Oh, you mean this thing here?" BD said, jabbing the power-up button.

A Sakura Snowstorm exploded out the back of Tsukara's kart, the cherry blossoms flying into the Princess' line of vision. She flailed and swerved, trying to recover.

Clipping a gumdrop at 90 miles an hour, General Bill's sidecar cracked off the Princess' kart, skipping uncontrollably away over the taffy. The general gripped the rim for dear life as Orangina's kart pulled up right on his tail.

"On yer left!" she teased, as another Sweet Seeker sprang from her hood. It fired, blasting the General's sidecar clean out of the river. Tumbling and smoldering through the air, it collided with the base of a thick candy cane tree, bouncing the General out of his seat and facedown onto the sugary earth.

CRAC-C-CK.

Massaging the split in his face, the General looked up - just in time to glimpse the towering tree toppling over. It pitched forward, plunging the General in its intimidating shadow.

He pouted. "Oh, darn…"

With a ground-shaking _SLAM_, the tree fell, crushing the General into a fine orange powder.

"_Gomen'nasai!"_ Tsukara called as she and BD roared away.

Spotting the waffle cone mountain range in the distance, Princess Vanellope banked off a gumdrop and leapt out of the river, tires squealing on the ground. Her subjects leapt after her, refusing to surrender the pursuit.

"You're goin' too fast!" Vanellope taunted. "You're gonna miss your turn! I think there was a McDonald's back there! Do you want me to drive?"

"_**HOW DA-A-ARE YOU MOCK ME LIKE THAT!"**_ the Princess bellowed, glitching uncontrollably. "_**I DEMA-A-AND YOU TAKE ME SE-E-ERIOUSLY!"**_

Suddenly, her whole kart jolted. Gasping, the Princess realized Vanellope had deliberately distracted her - Ralph had propelled Vanellope's kart close enough to grab her boundary bubble. The Princess' tires gouged the sugar dirt as he threw all his weight onto the back of the vehicle, feet still planted in Vanellope's driver's seat.

"I gotcha, kiddo!" he huffed. "You're not goin' anywh-"

VOOP-VOOP-VOOP.

In a blind rage, Princess Vanellope began glitching back and forth all over the road, trying to shake Ralph off. Ralph glitched right along with the kart, keeping his heavy hands latched onto the bubble with every ounce of strength he had.

"_**GET-T-T OF-F-F-FF MY-Y-Y KA-A-A-ART!"**_ the Princess shrieked, wedging her scepter under the steering wheel to keep the gas pedal floored. She glitched onto Vanellope's bubble, grabbed Ralph's right hand, and sank her teeth into his index finger.

"YEOW!" Ralph bellowed, his grip loosening. He sucked his wounded finger, left hand still clamped on the bubble, as Vanellope's kart steadily lost momentum, stretching his body further away.

"_HEY!"_ Vanellope snapped. "_Nobody_ does that to Ralph and gets away with it!" She threw her body against the wall of the bubble, trying to knock Princess Vanellope off. The Princess stumbled, clinging to the ropes as she struggled to regain her footing.

"_LOOK OUT!"_ Ralph hollered. Both Vanellopes looked up in shock.

With no one steering, the kart was headed straight for a colossal chocolate bonbon boulder. Princess Vanellope glitched back into the driver's seat and furiously jerked the steering wheel to the left, finally shaking Ralph loose. He flopped onto Vanellope's hood, recovering just in time to steer himself clear too. The racers roared after him, drawing steadily closer.

Engine screaming, the Princess rocketed up Rainbow Road, toward the exit portal. The crackling blue barrier was back, blocking her path.

"So much for your escape plan, genius!" Vanellope teased. "Can't leave an unplugged game!"

Laughing malevolently, the Princess brandished her scepter.

"_**OVERRI-I-IDE!"**_

She plunged the tip of the scepter into the road as she drove, gouging a long gash in the gummi pavement. With her thumb, she executed a lighting-fast cheat code - up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start.

_BZZT. BZZT. BZZT._

The unplugging alert blared across all of _Sugar Rush_ as the barrier disappeared. Vanellope gasped, throwing herself against the back of the bubble, as Princess Vanellope sent the kart careening through the exit, heading straight for the power cord.

Ascending the road behind them, the racers screamed in terror. "_They're gonna fall outta the game!"_ Jubileena wailed.

Ralph's stomach backflipped, then seemed to vanish, as he saw the sugar-white kart disappear down the tunnel, toward the real world.

Toward certain death.

Without so much as a second thought, Ralph put on a burst of speed, tearing down the portal after them.

"_Kids!"_ Calhoun barked, swooping the cruiser low over the convoy of racers. "You stay here and _don't you dare _set foot down that tunnel!"

BD hastily helped Tsukara out of her kart as he hit the gas and blasted after Ralph. Rancis gulped, his face white as chalk. "But Vanellope's in trouble!" he hollered. "I'm going in too!"

"_Like fun you are, Rancis!"_ Calhoun roared, her face red and frantic. "I said _stay here!_"

Rancis trembled as Sour Bill leapt down from his spoiler. "But-"

"_**THAT'S AN ORDER!"**_

And she and Felix took off down the tunnel.

Watermillie grabbed Adorabeezle's arm. "Oh my gosh!" she gasped, tears welling in her eyes. "Oh my gosh, _she's gonna, like, DIE out there!"_

Rancis couldn't control his sharp panicky breathing. His whole body was numb and tingling.

And suddenly, a sense of instinct surged up from deep within him. An impulsive feeling that he needed to act on. He knew he was about to do something incredibly stupid.

But Vanellope's life depended on it.

"Out!" he snapped, pushing Sour Bill aside. He revved his engine.

Swizzle and Gloyd gasped. "Dude!" Swizzle yelped. "What the heck are you _doing?!_"

Rancis brushed his frazzled blond hair out of his eyes as he blinked back his nervous tears.

"Grabbing life by the Milk Duds," he snarled, as he floored the gas and shot through the exit portal.


	26. It's Game Over For Both Of You

Bernie flipped his blinker on as he turned onto Main Street. His eyes were narrowed in bitter frustration as he thought about how badly his morning had just been ruined. Not only had Kyle lied to him again, but it had cost him the last piece he'd needed for his collection for so long. Three years of searching, down the drain…

As the steering wheel rotated back into place, he glanced at the rearview mirror on his door. The game was still secure in the back of the pickup, wrapped in the heavy tarp and about half a dozen bungee cords. At least it wouldn't be damaged.

Then a flash of motion caught his eye. The game's plug was swinging freely over the edge of the pickup, dangling like the chain of a ceiling fan. It must've flopped over the side when he'd kicked it out of his way.

_Whatever,_ he grumbled to himself as he slugged back another gulp of his energy drink breakfast. _I'm not gonna pull over and fix it now, I just wanna get this over with. It's too dang early for this nonsense._

After all, it was only a few miles to the arcade. Nothing would happen.

* * *

_You're not gonna die. You're not gonna die._

The words repeated endlessly in Ralph's mind, synchronized with the sweep of his heavy arms as he thrust the kart down the power cord. Sparks flew with every push of his hands.

With the game unplugged, there was only enough static electricity in the wire to barely keep his digital body whole. He struggled to draw breath as he felt his physical structure weaken, his chest and arms glitching and blinking in and out of existence as he pushed the flickering kart ever forward.

_You're not gonna die. You're not gonna die._

He didn't care what happened to him. He kept his eyes locked on Princess Vanellope's kart far in front of him, blinking and spasming wildly as it weaved around the shiny copper wiring.

He could just barely discern Vanellope's shocked face, marred by messes of pixels as she struggled to keep herself from breaking down. "_RA-A-ALPH!"_ she shouted, the lack of current ripping her voice apart.

"_HANG ON, VANEL-L-LLOPE!"_ Ralph bellowed. "_I'M COM-M-MIN'!"_

The phrase boomed in his brain, a mantra pushing him onward, as if he was trying to psychically broadcast it into Vanellope's terror-stricken mind.

_You're not gonna die. You're not gonna die._

The Princess' weakened kart screamed in protest as the cord sloped upward. Ralph's muscles burned like a wildfire as he forced Vanellope's kart uphill in pursuit.

Then, just as suddenly, the path pitched straight down. And there, dead ahead, was the terminal, lit by the early morning sunlight of the real world beyond.

Vanellope gasped, Outside the exit portal, distant gray stone raced by, almost impossibly fast. They were traveling suspended over a paved road, at a ninety-degree angle to gravity.

They weren't driving. They were falling.

With the mad-eyed glint of a girl possessed, Princess Vanellope wrenched Vanellope's bubble out of the licorice ropes that bound it. She glitched the both of them out of the kart as it tumbled away, banging off the escalators and plummeting out of the grounding prong. It vanished in a cloud of pixels the instant it touched the air.

Standing on the train buffer, her scepter clamped between her gnashing teeth, Princess Vanellope hoisted Vanellope's bubble high over her head. Vanellope had abandoned all pretense of trying to play with her captor's mind - she screamed and scrambled against the edge of the bubble, body flickering out of control, trying to get as far away from death as her prison would allow.

"Aw, toO-O-OO bA-A-AD!" Princess Vanellope growled. "PlA-A-AYer tWO-O-O tI-I-IMed out!"

She hauled back and prepared to hurl Vanellope out of the plug.

"_NOOO-O-O-OO!"_

With a thundering SLAM, Ralph plowed into the buffer, clamping his hands around Vanellope's bubble. Princess Vanellope went flying, landing splat against the graffiti-stained wall of the terminal.

Ralph bounced, fell, and stuck out his legs to slow himself. He planted both feet firmly against the two escalator railings, keeping himself suspended by friction. He held Vanellope's bubble aloft, as far from danger as he was able to place her. One slip, and both of them would drop out through the exit portal…

"Ra-A-A-ALph!" Vanellope glitched. "DoN'T lE-E-ET go!"

Ralph was trying his hardest. There was absolutely no way to move without falling.

"_Hang tI-I-IGht, gUY-Y-Ys! We're oN-N-N OUr waY-Y-Y dOW-W-WN!"_

Glancing up, Ralph gasped. Felix, Calhoun, and BD peered over the edge of Vanellope's kart at the bend of the wire above, all of them glitching and flickering uncontrollably.

Ralph grunted with the strain of holding himself up. His legs temporarily vanished and reappeared again, dropping him and Vanellope another foot closer to the exit.

"SpeE-E-ED it uP, G-G-GUys!" Vanellope wailed. "It's bA-A-AD news dO-O-OWn here!"

Felix clutched the sides of his head with hands that kept disappearing. "OH my lA-A-ANd!" he squeaked. "TA-A-AMora, whAT do we dO-O-O?!"

Calhoun pointed at BD. "_GunmA-A-AN!_ You sTI-I-ILL gOT that bUN-N-Ngee coRD?"

BD swung his backpack off his flickering shoulders, yanking the entwined bungee rope off of it. "NeV-V-VEr leave hOM-M-Me withOU-U-UT it!" he said.

Panting heavily, Calhoun grabbed one end of the rope, holding Felix close to her chest and cinching the cord around both their waists. "_Tie thIS-S-S thI-I-INg down goO-O-OD 'n tIGht!"_ she barked.

With a nod, BD secured the other end of the cord to Vanellope's kart, securing it between the spoiler and the rear axle and double-knotting it for good measure. "All clE-E-EAAr!" he said with a glitchy salute.

Taking as deep a breath as she could, Calhoun leapt from the bend, Felix clamping his hat to his head as they fell. Both of them stretched out their arms, aiming straight for Vanellope's bubble.

The rope went taut just in time. Grabbing Vanellope, Felix and Calhoun bounced back up the cord, trails of pixels flashing behind the three of them.

With his hands free, Ralph planted them both on the top of the escalator railings and hoisted himself up, leaping aside onto one of the graffitied walls. Climbing back up would be no problem for him - the important thing was Vanellope's safety.

"_WOOHO-O-OO!"_ he cheered, looking up the cord at Vanellope safely in Felix and Calhoun's arms. "Way to gO-O-O, guy-"

The sentence strangled and faltered as something pressed violently against his throat. Princess Vanellope had glitched onto his shoulder, stretching her scepter ruthlessly across his windpipe. He flailed and gagged, struggling to breathe, the grunts of the Princess' raspy animalistic breath in his ear.

Above, Vanellope pressed herself against the inside of the bubble. "_RA-A-ALPH!"_ she cried, desperate tears welling in her eyes…

And then, a distant roar of an engine, growing louder by the second.

Vanellope's kart jerked as a familiar chocolate peanut butter cup kart plowed into it. Rancis leapt from the driver's seat, over BD's shaggy head, bellowing a glitch-ridden battle cry as he dodged Calhoun's outstretched hand and dove headlong down the cord toward the terminal.

Princess Vanellope grinned malevolently as Ralph continued to choke, stumbling dangerously close to the edge of the exit portal.

With a thump, Rancis landed on Ralph's other shoulder, Before the Princess could react, he grabbed her hair and pulled as hard as he could. She let out an earsplitting corrupted shriek, letting go of Ralph's throat.

Ralph dropped to his knees, breathing in the thin digital air, as Rancis flipped Princess Vanellope flat onto her back. The scepter flew from her hand, clattering close to the exit. Rancis lunged and grabbed it.

He looked up. Calhoun and Felix had lowered themselves onto the buffer, rappelling by way of the bungee rope, clutching Vanellope's bubble between them. BD remained above, holding their rope tight to the kart.

"Ca-A-A-ATch!" Rancis shouted, hurling the scepter with all his might. A second later, Princess Vanellope tackled him, knocking him into the corner.

With expert aim, Felix jumped, nabbing the scepter out of midair.

"GreA-A-AT shot, bA-A-ABe!" Calhoun snapped, her torso blinking in and out of existence. "Let's gE-E-ET her oU-U-UTTa heRE already!"

Felix turned the scepter every which way. "HO-O-Ow?" he gulped. "We stI-I-ILL don't kNOw how the gOS-S-SH-diggity-dAR-R-Rn thing _wORks!_"

Vanellope's eyes widened with the memory of how the Princess had deleted the barrier from the exit portal.

"I got an iDE-E-EA!" she said. "FE-E-Elix, hold it aGA-A-AInst the bU-U-UBble and pUT in tHI-I-Is code…"

Fumbling slightly as his fingers glitched, Felix sprung the controller open and held the scepter's point against the bubble. He diligently entered each button as Vanellope struggled to remember what she'd seen the Princess type in.

"U-U-Up, up… down, dOW-W-Wn… uh, leF-F-Ft, right, left, rI-I-IGht… um… B, A, StA-A-ARt!"

Down below, Princess Vanellope grappled with Rancis, clawing frantically at his face. They rolled across the wall, edging nearer to the edge of the exit. The Princess pinned Rancis onto his back, pushing his chin as she tried to force his head over the side…

A heavy hand seized them both. Ralph dragged the kids away from the exit, his face twisted in fury as he eyed the Princess. "_You sTA-A-Ay awAY from hI-I-IM!"_ he hollered.

Princess Vanellope glitched out of Ralph's grip, rematerializing in front of his face and poking him square in both eyes. He howled in pain, body flashing as he stumbled around blinded. Rancis scampered up his back, narrowly avoiding another vicious scratch from the Princess.

The plug swung to the side as the truck rounded a corner. Ralph stumbled, losing his footing. Rancis screamed as they pitched out the exit portal…

At the last second, Ralph shot out one giant hand and grabbed the edge. Rancis clung to his neck with all his strength as they dangled above the rushing road. Ralph's legs glitched out of control - he couldn't even feel them anymore…

With a truly psychotic smile, Princess Vanellope planted one heeled shoe on Ralph's aching fingers and twisted. "_THOUGHT YOU COULD OUTSMA-A-ART ME-E-E, DID YOU?!"_ she shrieked. "_YOU MAKE ME LA-A-AUGH, RALPH! YOU'RE US-S-SELESS! YOU'RE PATH-TH-THETIC! YOU AND ALL YOUR WOR-R-RTHLESS FRIE-E-ENDS! AND I WANT YOU TO DI-I-IE KNOWING ON-N-NE IMPO-O-ORTANT THING: __**NO-O-OBODY**_ _DEFEATS VANE-E-ELLOPE VON SCHWE-E-EETZ!"_

VOOP.

"Well," said Vanellope as she materialized behind the Princess, "you got the lA-A-ASt part right."

The Princess whirled around in stunned disbelief at the sight of her freed prisoner, just in time for Vanellope to haul back and punch her in the nose. She stumbled back, her tiara slipping over her eyes, as Vanellope worked her up against the ceiling, pounding the ever-loving stuffing out of her.

BD slid down the rope and dropped onto the buffer, joining Felix and Calhoun as they leapt into the terminal. Scurrying to the portal's edge, they grabbed Ralph's back, hoisting him and Rancis back up onto the wall. "We gO-O-OTcha, fellas!" Felix huffed as he tugged on Ralph's overalls.

Dazed, the Princess tried to throw a punch of her own, but Vanellope glitched out of the way just in time. She reappeared behind her, jumped, and kicked her in the back, sending her flying. The Princess smacked against the platform, and Vanellope glitched in front of her, flipping over the shoulder by her arm.

"_THA-A-AT'S_ for tryin' to kill my fA-A-AMily!" she jeered, decking the Princess again. "_THA-A-AT'S_ for tryin' to enslA-A-AVe my friends! _THA-A-AT'S_ for lockin' me in that sTI-I-INky bubble! And _THA-A-AT'S_ for 'heavens to bO-O-ON bons'!"

Ralph's feet finally found the solid wall again. Weakened by their proximity to the real world, they buckled, and he stumbled, sprawling onto Felix, Calhoun, and BD. The Princess' scepter flew from Calhoun's holster, clattering into the corner.

Shaking her head, the Princess glitched for the scepter. Vanellope glitched too. They both reached it at the same time, tugging on the scepter like a rope. Princess Vanellope flashed and spasmed wildly, her face twisted in a hideous blotchy scowl. Vanellope refused to relent…

The truck drove over a pothole, sending the plug bouncing.

Both Vanellopes went flying in opposite directions. Ralph caught Vanellope in midair as Princess Vanellope sailed over the exit portal, still clutching the scepter. She scrambled to her feet, glitching out of control, as Ralph, Vanellope, Felix, Calhoun, BD, and Rancis huddled together, backing away from the chasm between them.

Brandishing her scepter like a katana, the Princess leapt, screaming bloody murder as she lunged across the exit portal, aiming to spear Vanellope square in the heart…

...And with a sudden VOOP, she inadvertently glitched five feet backwards in midair.

A simultaneous gasp escaped Ralph and Vanellope's lips as the Princess fell, missing the landing, her eyes struck with terror. Instinctively, Ralph reached out a massive hand, aiming to grab her.

It was no use. Gravity's pull was stronger.

Flailing, screaming, Princess Vanellope plummeted out of the grounding prong and into the physical world. Ralph felt his stomach turn over as her bloodcurdling shriek broke down into screechy digital noise, as the harsh absence of electricity ripped her tiny body apart, dissolving her and her scepter into a cloud of dispersing pixels…

Before she even had a chance to hit the pavement, she was gone.

Their digital bodies still flashing and twitching, Ralph, Vanellope, Felix, Calhoun, BD, and Rancis stared horrorstruck out of the portal at the street rushing by below.

"...Huh," Vanellope gulped. "So _tHA-A-AT's_ what would happen."


	27. You Are The Universe's Greatest Hero

Twenty-eight racers held their breath, huddling at the peak of Rainbow Road, staring intently at the entrance portal. The unplugging alert continued to blare, doing nothing to dispel their anxiety.

"Look!" Taffyta shouted. "Here they come!"

Vanellope tore out of the portal, Ralph perched on the spoiler of her kart. Rancis peeled out behind her, followed by BD in Tsukara's kart. Calhoun and Felix soared overhead on the cruiser.

"Make way!" Sour Bill said, as the sea of racers parted. Vanellope tore down the hill, skidding to a stop at the foot of Rainbow Road. Ralph, still shaken by the ordeal, staggered onto solid ground and flopped onto his back, panting as he took in the mint-green _Sugar Rush_ sky.

Vanellope leapt onto Ralph's broad chest, scooching up closer to look him in the face. She smiled through heavy relieved breaths, brushing her candy-coated hair out of her eyes.

"We made it," she huffed.

Eyes burning with overjoyed tears, Ralph swept Vanellope up into a colossal cozy hug. "Yeah," he wheezed. "Yeah, we did."

Felix and Calhoun knelt down, their faces wrought with concern. "You okay there, brother?" Felix asked, placing a supportive hand under Ralph's giant shoulder.

Ralph sat up. Without warning, he yanked Felix and Calhoun into the hug too. "Better than okay, Felix," he laughed, as Vanellope snuggled up close to all of them.

"Yeah, group hug!" BD cheered, leaping onto Ralph's back. "That was _intense_, bros! Did you see that? Ralph, you were all like BOOM! And Felix, Calhoun, you were all NYEWWW! And Vanellope, man, you were like KAZHEWW! You were all _awesome!_"

"Oh, I saw it, buddy," Felix chuckled as BD yanked him one-handed off his feet into a bro hug. "I was there, y'know!"

The group of racers puttered down the hill, leaping out of their karts and gathering around to get a good look at Vanellope. All of them chattered at once: "She's alive!" "She's okay!" "Was it hot inside that bubble?"

Orangina wrung her hands. "What… uh, what happened to the Princess?"

"Let's put it this way," Vanellope said as she poked her head out from Ralph's arms. "She had a little _reality_ check."

"_Dang_, girl!" BD said. "_Savage!"_

"Look, the important thing is, we're all _safe_," Calhoun sighed, ruffling Rancis' hair. "Isn't that _right_, Mister Doesn't-Follow-Orders?"

"Ah, go easy on him," Vanellope chuckled. "I mean, he _did_ kinda help save my life 'n all."

Rancis blushed as Taffyta and Candlehead each placed a hand on his shoulders.

"Omigosh!" Watermillie squeaked. "Like, I can't believe you all totally _did_ that! Weren't you scared?"

Ralph hoisted Vanellope up, looking her in the eye.

"Scared?" he said. "You bet your patootie I was scared. But y'know what… a very smart young person once told me that runnin' scared is no way to get things done. You can either panic… or you can live. And I know which one sounds like more fun to me."

Blinking through misty eyes, Vanellope hugged Ralph tighter than ever. Felix and Calhoun squeezed in close too, savoring the reunion.

"You guys…" Vanellope whispered. "I love you guys so much… you don't know how afraid I was that I'd never see you again…"

"C'mon," Calhoun said with a smile, "like we'd ever leave you hangin', soldier?"

"That's right," Felix laughed. "This was nothin'! To get you home safe, sweetie, we'd movie the Earth itself!"

THUMP.

Everyone tumbled head-over-heels as the game world tilted again, karts sliding along the ground at a 45-degree angle.

* * *

"Dude, I apologize for all this craziness, I 100% _swear_ on my grandma that I was _led to believe_ you signed off on this arrangement…"

Bernie wheeled the left _Sugar Rush_ console through the open front doors as fast as he could manage; Gus carted the right console close behind him, the wire keeping them tethered together. Mr. Litwak stood in front of _Dance Dance Revolution_, arms crossed, surveying Bernie with stern unimpressed eyes.

"I-I mean, look!" Bernie stammered, as he gently stood the cabinet back up. "I saved the high scores and everything! C'mon, man, no lie, this was all a big misunderstanding…"

"Son, don't hurt yourself, okey-dokey?" Litwak sighed. "_You're_ not the one I'm peeved with right now…"

He turned to the prize counter, where Kyle was once again nose-deep in his phone, oblivious to the world around him. Litwak snapped his fingers in front of Kyle's distracted face.

"Oh, _Kyle!_" he barked. "I believe you owe your friend a little _money_…"

Kyle fished a hand into his pocket. "Oh yeah," he mumbled, withdrawing a wad of bills. "What was it, $600?"

"It was _$700_, you specimen," Bernie snapped, swiping the entire wad from Kyle's hand. "Cripes' sake, man, you're gonna get me arrested one of these days…"

Scratching his head, Kyle turned to Mr. Litwak. "Anything else?"

"Just one thing," Litwak said, narrowing his eyes. "You're fired."

Kyle shrugged, then pulled off his striped arcade uniform. "Whatever," he muttered, tossing the shirt in the trash and walking bare-chested out the door.

Bernie fiddled awkwardly with the strings of his hoodie as Litwak heaved an exasperated sigh. "I gotta start doin' more thorough background checks," he grumbled, as he picked up the plug to _Sugar Rush_ and headed for the power strip. Kneeling down, he grunted slightly as he wedged himself between _Space Invaders_ and _Fix-It Felix Jr._

* * *

_BING. BING. BING._

The plug-in alert resonated through the rafters of Game Central Station. Every character in the atrium looked around in anticipation.

A shadow fell over the translucent blue barrier in the outlet that had housed the plug to _Sugar Rush_. A crowd immediately began to form - Sonic and Tails, the Angel Kids, the Nicelanders, the troops of _Hero's Duty_, the Bad-Anon crowd, the full roster of _Street Fighter II_. The Surge Protector quickly materialized in front of all of them as the colossal plug slid into the outlet with a crackling _thunk._

The barrier vanished. The LCD sign over the grounding prong blinked to life.

SUGAR RUSH.

"_Sugar Rush_?!" Mary gasped. "Good heavens, it's back!"

"Well, I'll be darned," Gene muttered, as Q-bert bounded up next to him. "The big lug did it again…"

Excited buzzing chatter rose up from the crowd as figures emerged from the plug. The whole familiar squad of _Sugar Rush_ racers, their rosy young faces aglow with joy as they recognized the shiny walls of their hometown power strip… and just as many racers that the Game Central Station residents didn't recognize, their expressions a mix of confusion and stunned awe.

And there, in the center, were Ralph, Vanellope, Felix, and Calhoun, looking as if they'd walked to blazes and back, smiling in speechless relief at the sight of their friends and neighbors. BD and Sour Bill wandered up behind them.

"Golly," Felix said, peering up at the ceiling, "sure was easier gettin' home than I thought it'd be."

Calhoun smirked, scratching her husband on the back of the head. "Eh, the trip back always feels shorter."

Vanellope scrambled up onto Ralph's shoulder, mouth agape, taking in the unbelievable truth.

"We're back!" she squeaked. "Sweet mother of monkey milk, _we're back!"_

Ralph smiled. "Yeah, that pretty much sums it up."

"_Oh my gosh!"_ Candlehead squealed, grabbing Q-bert by the cheeks and shaking him. "_It's really Game Central Station this time! We're home!"_

The _Sugar Rush_ racers erupted in a chorus of jubilant cheers. Calhoun pulled Felix in for a passionate kiss as Vanellope hugged Ralph around the neck, laughing her celebratory little giggle…

"_CALHOUN!"_

The festivities halted. Everyone froze as Colonel Lockload pushed through the crowd, huffing and puffing like an enraged rhinoceros. Felix grabbed Calhoun's hand, biting his lip.

"_YOU ARE IN FOR A WORLD OF HURT, SERGEANT!"_ Lockload thundered, edging aside Toad and Amy Rose as he burst into the clearing at the front of the crowd; even the Surge Protector backed off. "_YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN WHY I WOKE UP IN A BROOM CLOSET WITH A BUSTED JAW, OR WOULD YOU RATHER WE DO THIS THE HARD WAY?!"_

Calhoun stood at attention, though she didn't let go of Felix's hand. "Unavoidable conflict, Sir," she said with confidence. "Civilian lives were at stake. With all due respect, Sir, I wouldn't expect you to understand."

Lockload's eyes flashed like a kill screen. "_OH, LITTLE MISS A.W.O.L. OVER HERE WANTS TO RUN HER MOUTH LIKE IT'S A GOL-DANG MARATHON, HUH?! I OUGHTA KNOCK YOUR CUTESY LITTLE HEAD OFF AND SPIT DOWN YOUR NECK, YOU INSUBORDINATE EXCUSE FOR A-"_

"HEY!" Vanellope snapped, jumping in between Calhoun and Lockload and glaring angrily up at the Colonel. "Calhoun and Felix and Ralph just saved all our butts! You can't talk to her like that, Captain Booger-Brain!"

"_I'LL ADDRESS MY INFERIOR OFFICERS HOWEVER I DIGGETY-DANG WELL SEE FIT, POWDERPUFF!"_ Lockload screamed, jabbing a callused finger in Vanellope's unimpressed face. "_HOW 'BOUT YOU SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT FOR A MILITARY MAN, YOU UNGRATEFUL -"_

"That's quite _enough_, Colonel," said a deep booming voice from the crowd.

All of Calhoun's troops snapped to attention, saluting as a tall dark-skinned officer strode forth. He was dressed just the same as the Colonel, but with significantly more medals on his lapels. His face was stern but dignified.

Sputtering and gasping, the Colonel flashed a rapid salute. "G-General Hologram!" he stammered. "I-I-I-uh-th-this _child_ here had the audacity to speak ill about _Hero's Duty_, and I-I-I just -"

"I said that's _enough_," Hologram said simply. His piercing gaze seemed to freeze Lockload like someone had just hit a pause button.

Hologram turned to face Calhoun. "Sergeant," he said. "I understand you've had a busy night. You openly defied Colonel Lockload's orders, is that correct?"

Calhoun nodded, unblinking. "I did, Sir."

"You and your husband led your own expedition beyond the arcade perimeter to rescue these juvenile civilians when their lives were in danger," he continued. "True?"

"Yes, Sir," Calhoun nodded again, "that's true."

A hint of a smile crept into the corners of the General's mouth.

"Well," he said, gesturing around at the _Sugar Rush_ racers, "from the looks of these safe and smiling faces, Sergeant, it would appear you've accomplished your objective with flying colors."

Calhoun grinned as Felix hugged her around the waist. "Thank you, Sir," she replied. "Coming from you, that means a lot."

Lockload fidgeted with his hat. "S-Sir, Sergeant Calhoun acted in _direct_ violation of my -"

"And _furthermore_," Hologram added, as if Lockload had said nothing, "I think accolades are in order. The Medal of Heroes, I'd say, for taking initiative, going above and beyond the call of duty, and fighting to protect the sanctity of family."

"Ooh!" BD whispered. "A medal! Sweet!"

Ralph shrugged. "Eh, they're not all they're cracked up to be," he said with a smirk.

"You've done well, Sergeant," Hologram said with a robust salute, which Calhoun promptly returned. "I'll see you on the start screen at ten-hundred hours. And in the meantime, I do believe Colonel Lockload and myself will be having a frank discussion about the dangers of abusing one's authority." He smiled again. "Dismissed."

Lockload swallowed hard, wringing his hat hard enough to fray it. Vanellope glitched over to him.

"That'll teach you to yell at Calhoun, Mr. Hero's _Doody_," she snarked, booting the Colonel in the shin. She skipped merrily away as Lockload grabbed his leg, cursing unintelligibly.

Rancis laughed. Behind him, Swizzle and Gloyd patted him on the back. "Heck of an adventure you 'n Vanellope went on tonight, huh?" Swizzle said.

"So, uh, in all that alone time you two had," Gloyd added with a cocked eyebrow, "you get any good topics of conversation going?"

Rancis blinked. In all this excitement, he still hadn't said what he'd been meaning to say all night long.

"Vanellope! Hey, Vanellope!"

She turned as he jogged swiftly to the front of the group. "Listen, Vanellope," he began. "I've got something I've been wanting to tell you…"

"Well, lay it on me, Fluggerbutter," Vanellope said, crossing her arms and grinning. "I'm all ears, in case you hadn't noticed."

Rancis cleared his throat. His eyes darted instinctively to all the people around - the racers, Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, BD, the entire population of the arcade…

"Um, well, I…" he mumbled, trying to fight his way through the embarrassment. "I just wanted to say that I really… uh, that is to say, I really… um, well, I-I _really_…"

Vanellope glitched right in front of him, putting a finger over his lips.

"Hey, Mumbles," she smirked. "Is _this_ what you're aimin' for?"

And tucking her arms behind her back, she leaned forward and kissed him.

Rancis stood rooted to the spot as if his brain had crashed. "...Yeah," he finally squeaked, as a dozen little red cartoon hearts sprang up in midair around his head. "Yeah, pretty much, thanks."

Vanellope giggled, blushing slightly as she stuffed her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. Behind her, Ralph laughed out loud. "You better make sure you treat Vanellope nice there, Rancis!" he chuckled. "It's not _every_ kid who gets to date the President!"

"Ralph!" Vanellope giggled, blushing even deeper. "_C'mon…_"

"Hey!" Watermillie yelped, sidling to the front of the _Sugar Rush II_ crowd. "That reminds me - um, Your Highne- I mean, like, Your… President-ness or whatever? Um, we're, like… _totally_ sorry for hasslin' you guys 'n knockin' down your castle 'n junk. We were, like, just followin' the Princess' orders, y'know?"

Richley nodded, his hands behind his back. "And, well, seeing as we're in a bit of a sticky wicket and whatnot, losing our home game and all that tosh…"

"Well, um, we were all sorta wonderin'," Orangina mumbled, "if y'all'd be kind enough ta accept our apology 'n all… would y'all mind if we shacked up with you?"

Vanellope laughed. "Mind? Heck, we'd _love_ to have you guys in _Sugar Rush_! And y'know what else, you're not just gonna live with us - you're gonna _race_ with us! Felix, you plugged Q-bert and Pac-Man into your game, think you can work your magic on ours?"

Felix twirled his golden hammer. "Oh, I think we can make that happen, sweetie!" he grinned.

The _Sugar Rush II_ racers burst into cheers, hugging the _Sugar Rush_ kids. "_Hot dang!"_ Orangina laughed, jumping up and down as Taffyta wrapped her arms around her. "_We're gonna have players again!"_

BD scratched his head. "Hey, can I live in the candy game too?"

"I got a better idea, Gunman," Calhoun said, patting BD's shoulder. "It was mighty impressive the way you handled yourself against those bugs back there. Whaddya say about makin' a career out of it? _Hero's Duty_ could always use a new recruit, isn't that right, General?"

General Hologram looked BD up and down. "I think we could find something for you," he said. "What sort of training do you have?"

BD counted off on his fingers. "Two years of volleyball, waverunning, bungee jumping, dune buggy racing, and in-game chat skills, sir!" he rattled off proudly.

Hologram chuckled. "Well, it's a start."

As the racers chatted excitedly among themselves, shaking hands and hugging it out, Vanellope glitched over their heads and leapt into Ralph's arms. She cuddled up against his chest, looking loving up at his big goofy face.

"So," she said, "was the risk worth the reward, Stinkbrain?"

Ralph wrapped his heavy arms around Vanellope, holding her tight. "Always is, President Fart-Feathers," he said, his voice cracking with joyful tears.

Vanellope felt the tears pushing past her own eyelids. She let out a breath, halfway between a laugh and a sigh, as she squeezed Ralph's giant shoulder as hard as her tiny little arms could.

"_This is the best day of my life,"_ she whispered.


	28. LEVEL COMPLETE

At 10:00 that morning, Litwak's Arcade and Family Fun Center opened its doors to the public as always. The usual crowd of game-hungry kids and teens filled the room in minutes, eager for another day of play. And at the outset, it looked like that was all it was going to be.

But word soon spread among the regulars that there was something new to experience.

"_Whoa!_ Check _this_ out! _Sugar Rush_ got an upgrade!"

The bespectacled young girl in the driver's seat tugged her friend's sleeve, pointing to the character selection screen. Instead of nine racers to choose from, there were now sixteen - and several of them had never come up in the rotation before. Orangina Shimmerdust, Watermillie Mellonsweet, Richley Chocobatter, Mangus McTartenly, Caramelita Chugarrez…

"_Awesome!"_ the girl's friend cheered. "They added the sequel characters! It's like two games in one!"

Indeed, there was more new content in _Sugar Rush_ than just an expanded roster. There seemed to be more candy-faced spectators in the bleachers surrounding every track. New living obstacles were now present in old familiar tracks, like snapping Chocodiles and lumbering animal cracker elephants that the players had to dodge. And most notable of all, the game now featured its sequel's Double Dip mode, allowing two players to team up and race against the AI.

With all these fancy new features, the line for _Sugar Rush_ didn't diminish all day.

"This is the absolute _coolest!_" the girl laughed, coasting Vanellope over the finish line alongside her friend's Orangina. "Thanks for the upgrade, Mr. Litwak!"

Mr. Litwak scratched his head. He could only assume that Bernie fellow had modified the game to include its sequel racers and features. Presumably, he'd also modded the character animations, because he'd never seen Vanellope leap across the twin screens to hug a fellow racer like that before.

"Ah, it was nothin'," he chuckled.

* * *

But of course, _Sugar Rush_ was hardly the only hit of the day. _Hero's Duty_, being the newest and flashiest game in the arcade, still drew its usual crowd.

Unbeknownst to the players, however, there were slight changes in this game too.

"_Quarter Alert. Quarter Alert. This is not a drill."_

The alarm blared as soldiers lined up inside the hallway, ready to deploy. Steely-faced and dignified, Calhoun strode to the front of the line, eyeing her troops.

"All right, ladybritches, this isn't our first rodeo!" she snapped. "Let's get out there and show these slobbering sons of larvae what we're made of!" She glanced around. "Where's the new recruit?"

"Right here!"

BD sidled through the crowd, clad in a bulky set of armor and toting an impressive plasma rifle. His smile would've reached his ears had they been visible beneath his helmet. He flashed a swift salute with his free hand. "Private Bernie D. Gunderson, reporting for duty, bro! ...Uh, I mean, Sarge," he added hastily.

Calhoun smiled, locking her helmet into place as the first-person shooter droid scuttled up to her. "Practice makes perfect there, Gunderson," she chuckled.

The droid's screen blinked to life, revealing the player's face.

"We are humanity's last hope!" Calhoun declared, letting her programming take over. "Our mission: destroy all Cy-Bugs! You ready, rookie? Let's find out…"

The door to the container lowered, revealing the hellish bug-savaged apocalypse beyond. BD couldn't suppress his giggles.

"_CHA-CHA-CHOW!"_ he bellowed as he and his fellow soldiers charged into battle, unleashing pattering streams of plasma into the snarling swarm of Cy-Bugs.

* * *

This wasn't to say that Litwak's selection of older games didn't attract their fair share of attention too. The retro gaming crowd congregated eagerly along the back wall, plunking quarter after quarter into _BurgerTime, DigDug, Joust,_ and _Dragon's Lair_. Far and away, though, the biggest fan favorite as always was _Fix-It Felix Jr._, especially since that awesome Q-bert bonus level had been unlocked. And much to the gamers' delight, there was now a _second_ bonus stage to be discovered all of a sudden - this one featuring Pac-Man and his familiar gaggle of ghosts.

Litwak leaned against the _Space Invaders_ console, keeping a watchful eye on the rambunctious crowd as the familiar clanging sound effects of Felix's hammer met his ear. Gus sidled up to him, stowing his screwdriver and wiping his brow.

"Okay, Stan, everything checks out!" he said. "I gave the once-over to every game in the arcade, full check-up - you're runnin' at 100%, my friend. No other corroded circuits or frayed wires, far as I can tell. But you wanna check about once a month goin' forward, 'specially on these older models."

Litwak smiled. "Oh, you can count on it, Gus. I mean, jeez, broke my heart when I had to chuck _Pac-Man_ \- last thing I ever wanna do is junk a game. At this point, they're like family…"

"Well, that shouldn't be a problem," Gus said, as he and Litwak strolled away. "You keep these old machines in shape, and they'll be good to run at _least_ another 30 years."

With the player's tap of the "Fix" button, Felix hammered the last window into place. "YOU FIXED IT!" In moments, he, Ralph, and the Nicelanders were on the roof, as the player beyond the screen pumped his fist in satisfied triumph.

"Sounds like we got a clean bill of health, eh, Ralphie?" Felix whispered as his medal draped around his neck.

Ralph smiled as the Nicelanders hoisted him aloft. He snuck a glance at _Sugar Rush_. There was Vanellope, out in the lead alongside Tsukara. She winked at him as they rounded a curve in the track.

"Yeah," Ralph chuckled. "Can't wait to start makin' the most of it."

And before he knew it, he'd landed facedown in the mud with a heavy _splat_.

* * *

"You all ready to go, kid?"

Vanellope strapped on her rose-colored racing goggles. "I was _programmed_ ready, Ham-Hands!" she said, raising her fist. "Top shelf!"

Ralph returned the fist bump, his eager smile dominating his face. Beside him, Felix cuddled up close to Calhoun, both of them grinning with pride. BD had settled in beside them, his arms loaded with as many candy concessions as he could carry.

"How you likin' the military life, BD?" Felix asked as he swung his legs over the edge of the bench.

BD shoveled a handful of caramel corn into his mouth. "S'awesome, Jumpman!" he said through a half-chewed mouthful. With the hand that was full of peppermint sticks, he gestured to his hair, buzzed short to his scalp as to better fit his helmet. "'Specially lovin' the new 'do! No more bangs to play tug-of-war with!" He extended his arm, offering the caramel corn to his friends. "Wanna get in on this? Better move fast, I can't promise it'll survive the first lap."

"Hold that thought, Gunderson," Calhoun said, fishing into her pack. "Gotta keep my digits sticky-free while I give Little Miss Commander-In-Chief her new present."

Vanellope's eyes lit up as Calhoun produced a shiny new framed photograph from her bag. "_Wow!"_ she gasped, taking the photo in her tiny hands. "Talk about fancy-schmancy! Thanks, Calhoun!"

"Consider it from all of us," Calhoun said, squeezing Felix's hand. "Got a hunch where you wanna put it?"

Vanellope hugged the frame close to her. "I know _just_ the place."

With a genuine smile, Sour Bill waddled up behind Vanellope. "Shall we begin, Miss President?"

"I think we shall," Vanellope giggled. Leaning into the megaphone at the front of the top box, she waved at her fellow racers - all 29 of them, their karts idling at the starting line, raring to go.

"_Who wants to do this thing?"_ she shouted. The candy crowd erupted in cheers.

Vanellope reached up and grabbed the taffy rope above. "See you in a few!" she said cheerily to her family.

Ralph waved a giant hand at her. "Have the time of your life out there, Vanellope!" he said.

Giggling, Vanellope pulled the rope, unfurling the bubblegum ramp. "Every dang day, Ralphie."

She bounded out of the box and slid down the ramp, catching air and glitching safely onto the pavement. As she jogged to her kart, she paused briefly at Rancis' vehicle.

"Good luck out there, doofus," she chirped, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek.

Taffyta and Candlehead snickered playfully behind them, between Fritzle and Drizella's karts. "_Rancis 'n Vanellope, sittin' in a tree!"_ Candlehead sang. "_K-I-S-S-E-N-G!"_

"Ooh, so close," Taffyta sighed.

Rancis didn't care. He just smiled, his cheeks red as ever, as he watched Vanellope hop safely into her kart. It was back to its old familiar self, thanks to a tap from Felix's hammer; no more hang glider or pontoons or nitro cola booster, but Vanellope liked it better like this anyway. She didn't need any of that extra junk - as far as she was concerned, the kart was perfect just the way she and Ralph had built it.

She removed her new photograph from its frame and pinned it to her dashboard. She had quite the collection now - there was her old photo, the one of her, Ralph, Felix, and Calhoun, crumpled and mutilated almost beyond recognition. And now, next to it, was a shiny new one of her, Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, and BD, taken in Game Central Station, the golden ceiling glimmering above them. All five of them together, as a family. Just the way she loved it.

A few days ago, had she been asked, Vanellope would've said that her life couldn't possibly get any better.

And as she smiled at her friends both old and new, at the _Sugar Rush II_ kids grinning gratefully back and waving enthusiastically over the rumble of their engines, at Rancis blushing an adorable crimson beneath the sugar glass of his racing helmet, she realized she'd never been happier to be wrong.

The lights above turned yellow, then green. And as thirty candy karts roared over the checkered starting line, Vanellope couldn't help grinning as she squinted through the sugar dust at her friends. She fixed her focus on the track ahead, and a single exhilarating thought filled her mind:

_This is gonna be awesome._

**THE END**

* * *

**A/N: Wow! I gotta say, I'm proud of myself - this is the longest fanfiction I've ever written to completion! This has been one of the most satisfying projects I've worked on in years, and I want to give a few special words of thanks to the people who encouraged me along the way.**

**First off, thanks to everyone on my DeviantArt page who sympathized with my longing for a better **_**Wreck-It Ralph**_ **sequel, including DanGuy96, who encouraged me to pull this story concept out of mothballs and attempt it again; Joey245, who hung on every word and who found my accompanying sketchy illustrations extremely helpful; TheJayster49, who motivated me to write from a place of genuine love for the first movie instead of bitter disappointment with the sequel; and MunkTransformerLover, a.k.a. Awesomo3000, who recommended my first two **_**Wreck-It Ralph**_ **stories to the movie's Fanfic Recs page on TV Tropes.**

**Extra big thanks to fellow fanfic writer Thumbtax, whose story "Locked and Downloaded" inspired me and got my head wheels a-turning six years ago, thinking about what a grand thrilling adventure a **_**Wreck-It Ralph**_ **sequel could truly be. Seriously, go check that one out, it's epic.**

**Thanks, of course, to Rich Moore, Phil Johnston, Jim Reardon, Jennifer Lee, Josie Trinidad, Cory Loftis, Lorelay Bove, and all the other immensely talented Disney artists who worked on **_**Wreck-It Ralph**_ **and made it my favorite Disney movie of all time. These wonderful men and women came up with so many great ideas that they wouldn't all fit in one movie, and I'm glad I got the opportunity to let General Lockload, Private Dunderson, and **_**Extreme E-Z Livin' 2**_ **see the light of day, in some capacity at least.**

**And of course, thanks to you, dear readers, for joining me on this ride for the last six months. To everyone who left their wonderful feedback, your kind words are what make it all worthwhile. I set out to give the **_**Wreck-It Ralph**_ **fan community a stronger and less controversial sequel than **_**Ralph Breaks the Internet**_ **was, and judging by your enthusiastic feedback, I succeeded.**

**It's been fun but now I've got to go. What other fanfictions will I produce in the future? Probably not anything this large and elaborate anytime soon, but I definitely have a few ideas still left in the hopper. Stay tuned...**


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